One kiss unraveled her, one look set her a blaze.
One word broke her heart, one more put her back together again.
That was them, give, and take. Back, forth. Love, hate. Fire, ice. Stable, broken. Whole, and severed.
Nothing changed that, nothing.
They have been through it all. Been to hell and back, and then again.
Nothing wavered them, nothing threatened to break them.
Hell burned, and reality burned even more.
He wasn't hers, he was spoken for.
That fact broke her more than hell, because that was reality... And reality was a bitch.
Karma may be a bitch, but reality is her faithful and horrifying companion. Never one without the other, much like them.
A decade of this dance changes someone, but in the end they are still who they always were. Partners, for better or for worse. Always faithful to the bond they have built.
Calling upon each other whenever needed, and counting on the sturdy shoulder to cry on they got in return.
Life broke people, especially the life they witnessed in this job.
But they never broke, they stayed steady. Walked through the fire, and came out on the other side. Bruised and burned, but there and together, because that's who they were...
Love can kill, that for them rang frighteningly true. They've seen it too many times. But, she thinks, not loving can be so much worse.
She loves him, of course she does, but she can't love him. It's not right.
It wasn't supposed to happen. But it did, and after today, she knows he loves her too. But he can't. It's not right.
He has a wife, five beautiful children, and another life that she had no relation to and was no part of.
It was almost like two different lives, to different worlds.
The one she had with him, chasing perps, breaking the bad, and risking their own lives day in and day out.
And the one he had with his family, dinners around the table with light chat on the happenings of their days, tucking in at night, bed time story reading, and Love.
Love that was appropriate, and expected. Unlike their love, wrong and raw. His with his family, light and happy, free and willing. His with her, dark and heavy, hesitant and held back.
But to despite it all, that doesn't matter, it never has. They still ended up here in bed, post love making.
She knows now, she can call it that. There was absolutely no possibility in the world that it could have been just sex... It was Elliot, nothing was that simple, that black and white, that string less with him.
And he did love her, that counted for something.
12 years takes it's toll... but at this moment, that was alright. Alright and maybe even slightly welcomed.
All those years, all that hell, and all that reality, brought them here. And this, no matter how wrong, is exactly where she wants to be, she knows that now. For certain.
