Yess, first Twilight story. Was inspired after seeing '28 days' with Sandra Bullock. Hope you like it. Please R&R! Love, NeyumiLena
This was it. This was the absolut last straw. This was absolutely without even a flick of doubt the last comment he would ever make about me.
I was about to kill him, I literally was. However, killing was -and still is- illegal so I had to settle with something milder. Hitting wouldn't be an option too, though. You also got kicked out and sent to jail when you did that.
So I yelled. I just yelled. Loudly.
And with the complete amount of energy and rage my fragile and tortured body possessed I screamed every single profanity that I could think of at him. Again, loudly. Very loudly.
"Fuck you! Just fuck you! You insolent and incapable excuse of a man! You must be the most self-absorbed and self-centered dickwad here on the goddamn entire planet! I really wish you'd just drop dead right now! Right at this this exact moment and on the goddamn spot! Slowly though, and painfully! So I can see you squirm like the little bitch that you are! Just.. just - AAH! Just fuck you!"
I paced, back and forth. Thinking of other things I could spit at him, even though I couldn't think of anything. My mind was jumbled, and I was blinded by all the rage and frustration and every-goddamn-thing!
"You think.. you think that you're alone on this godforsaken awful planet! But you're not! And you think you're better than me! And you're not! You're just as goddamn addicted as I am! Maybe even worse! You think it's just a sex-addiction, you think that there's an easy solution for that. But there's not!"
I was flailing my arms, still pacing. Unaware of all the attention I got from everyone. Unaware of him staring at me. But somehow aware of this goddamn smirk on his face. And that fact alone was just even more aggrivating than all of the insults combined.
I was in front of him in less than a second, my adrenaline completely contributing to my anger, and shutting down the rational and preservative part of my brain.
"You're taking this as a joke, don't you? I wouldn't take this lightly if I were you. Consider this a warning. If you keep up like this, I will crawl to you at night and kill you with a goddamn shovel, or any other thing that I'll find on the way. And it will be slowly. And believe me, you won't be able to scream.."
I spun around, finally noticing the crowd. Patients, nurses, doctors. All staring at me. Some passively, some with disgust, some with disdain. But mostly with shock. I didn't care. I never cared. So this time wasn't any different. The only thing I cared for was a fix. A fix of anything, I really didn't care what it was. Alcohol, cocaine, XTC, a good fuck..
Hell, even if it was a bad fuck I'd go for it. Because right now, I was desperate.
"What the fuck are you all staring at?" I snapped at everyone. Some flinched, some kept staring. Some nurses already reached for the 'calm-the-fuck-down' syringe. And that was maybe the well-deserved rest I needed.
"You know what? Gimme that goddamn syringe. Come on! You all saw me going all apeshit on his ass, and now I need to calm down, so give me that fucking thing!"
"You know what I think you need?" a velvet, but oh-so-familiar voice asked behind me.
My jaw tensed. You know what? Everything tensed.
Not now. Please not now! Not another snarky comment! I can barely restrain myself as it is. I know this will end very badly if he makes a comment about my state of mind at the moment.
"What!" I spat at him. "What is it now Cullen?"
I couldn't turn around. If I'd turn around right now, I would see that horrendous smirk again and I would lose it. Completely and utterly lose it and someone could - no would get killed.
"You sure you want to know..?" He was teasing me. He was toying with his own life. I just wasn't sure if he was really aware of that.
"Say it, goddamnit!"
"Wow. Okay, okay. I'll tell you. I think you need.."
Why was he pausing? Maybe he was aware of my mental state and his endangered life and he just wanted to postpone his demise. I sighed, heavily. Loudly enough for him to hear it, to urge him to continue. When he didn't I just lashed out.
"Need what?"
"Me."
..
Excuse me..?
I was dumbfounded. For the first time in my life I had no witty comeback. No snarky retort. I was silenced and I didn't like it for one bit.
The only thing I could manage to bring out was a short and breathy "What?".
I really hoped I had misheard that comment. But all my hope flew out the window when he said: "You heard me. I know you did."
Crap..
I whirled around, facing him again. And somehow he wasn't smirking.
I, on the other hand, felt hysteria bubble up. And fast. And before I could control it, the room was filled with my hysterical laughter bouncing off the walls, deafening everyone. Mr. Cullen didn't look very pleased.
"You find it funny?" He snapped.
"I only not find it funny, I find this utterly hilarious! Where in your right mind did you come up with that?" I was still laughing. And hard. Damn you moodswings.
"You don't see it? You don't see that whenever you need to vent your anger, you come to me?" He still wasn't looking incredibly happy. Thank goodness. I just couldn't bare it to see his awful smirk now.
"No, I don't. And it is you who keeps coming back to me! I didn't ask you to. If I recall correctly, I asked you to stay the fuck away from me. But you didn't." I huffed, crossing my arms.
"You weren't complaining."
"Cullen, I'm always complaining! You just didn't notice the fact that I don't like you!"
"Oh you like me." There it was. That smirk. That horrible crooked excuse for an attempted smile. He couldn't smile, his smiles were never sincere. It was always a meaner substitute. He was lucky I'd cooled down somewhat, due to my moment of absolute madness.
I facepalmed myself in frustration. He was impossible to talk to. He was incredible handsome, that was a fact, and that was also the big contribute to his sex-addiction. I, however, wasn't attracted to him. I never was attracted to anybody. I hated everyone too much.
"No Cullen, that's where you're wrong. I don't." I sighed. Then started tangling my hair in search for words to make that statement absolutely chrystal clear for him.
"Remember what a said a few minutes ago? About wanting you dead?" I asked him, raising my head, looking him in the eye again.
He was still smirking. Message not recieved then. "Mm?"
"I meant that. I still do. I still wish you didn't excist. Because I know it would be better for mankind if you didn't excist."
The smirk had disappeared. And he looked.. hurt? I couldn't care less. He can cry if he wanted to, just not near me. That was to only thing I needed to make clear now.
"Good to see that you recieved my message. Now leave me the fuck alone." I spun around for the last time and started walking away from him. Forcefully shoving aside everyone who stood in my way.
"And when I said 'Leave me alone', I meant all of you!" I shouted. Making sure I'd be alone for the rest of the evening.
When I finally arrived at my room, my safe haven, I was absolutely exhausted.
How the hell had it gotten this far and how the hell did I end up here..? And more importantly, how do I get out of here? This place will either be my ticket to jail, or my ticket to hell. If this isn't hell already..
I grinned, this was hell allright. Then started rubbing my forehead with both of my hands. I was still frustrated. This was ridiculous. How did I end up here..? Stupid question, I knew damn well how and why I got here. I just guess it all started with that one night..
That one awful night.
That one awful night ending inside a hospital..
That was a Saturday night, right..?
Next chapter will start 'from the beginning'. Hope you're ready for some clearance!
So, whad'ya think?
