I don't own these characters, I am merely borrowing them to populate this angsty little ficlet. Written for a challenge over on the USA board.
Captain Ross watches an interrogation by Bobby Goren and learns more about his detective than he knew was possible.
Born That Way
"When you grow up in an environment like you did, one that was abusive and violent, it's not surprising that," Goren waved his hand at the man opposite him, "some people can grow up to become killers. What's surprising is that it took so long for you to graduate to killing human beings."
"Some people? I am not 'some people'."
"What's that?"
"You said some people grow up to become killers."
"Yes, I believe that. Some people grow up to become killers and some people grow up to catch them."
"I don't believe that you are 'some people' either, detective."
It's the little hints that people miss, a word or reaction that can have the deepest meaning if you could notice it at the time.
Like when Charlie Hodge had attacked Detective Goren. Danny Ross knew that his detective, Robert Goren could easily have overpowered the other man, but it wasn't until later that he realized just why Goren hadn't fought back.
The guy was trying to kill him and Bobby hadn't even blinked, hadn't flinched. Goren had leaned in to take the beatings and not fight back, not to make things worse. Just like Charlie, Bobby had learned to smile through the pain, act like everything was normal and he wasn't living in a hell on earth.
Watching an interrogation from the observation room often triggered a twinge of voyeuristic shame in him, especially when someone is in real pain about what was happening. Even more so today, when he can see that the pain he is viewing belongs to one of his detectives. He begin to feel awkward when he realizes just how much Goren understands the man shackled across the table from him. He wondered if it was appropriate for him to stay, to intrude on Goren's pain.
Ross can see that Hodge has struck a nerve. Years of dealing with every aspect of law enforcement has taught Goren how to hide and control his feelings during an interrogation.
Goren's face doesn't give anything away but Ross notices the tension in his posture, how he fidgets. His hands, though clasped, are never still. Goren keeps flexing and clasping his fingers looking for a way to relieve the tension, to distract the man. Suddenly Ross realizes that is exactly what Goren is doing, creating a distraction, but not one meant for Hodge, but for himself. A distraction from the memories he had repressed for years and which were being thrown back in his face by a man who used his past to excuse murder.
The door opens and Danny Ross can see the relief in Goren's face.
"Detective, he was born that way, I guess."
"…Some people grow up to be killers."
"No Captain, he wasn't born that way, he chose that way."
"...And some people grow up to catch them."
There's something in Goren's eyes that disturbs him. It was more than understanding the pathology; it was the knowledge of what that life is like.
He knows it's the job of a profiler to understand and explain the incomprehensible, but this is different. It's almost like Goren knows that he could have been Hodge. If things had turned out differently, he could have been the one shackled to a chair about to be booked for the murders of six people.
Ross watches Goren walk slowly down the corridor. He no longer sees Goren the unemotional profiler, he sees Bobby, the frightened child who lived in fear of his father and had to learn to smile to survive, and had to choose between growing up to be a killer, or growing up to be the one to catch them.
Bobby presses his hand to his forehead, closing his eyes.
Captain Ross watches quietly, seeing his detective properly for the first time. Seeing him as a person instead of half or a successful detective team.
There's a long moment when neither of them move or speak.
Then Goren fixes his tie and continues down the hall, going back to the life he's familiar with, going back to his work.
And Ross can't even begin to understand the strength that takes. And now, for the first time, he understands why Deakins had always said he was in awe of the detective, in awe of the man.
Some people grow up to be killers.
Some people grow up to catch them.
And they're all damn lucky that Robert Goren chose the one he did.
