A/N: Before you start, a bit of advice. The order in which characters are listed (i.e. 'Jade and Beck' as opposed to 'Beck and Jade') indicates who speaks first. First name is the first to speak. Keep that in mind as you read (and hopefully enjoy) this fic.
Jade and Beck
"Hey."
"Gah!"
"…"
"I mean, uh… hey."
"You're hiding something."
"What? No. You just startled me. Who just barges into someone else's RV like that, really?"
"Your girlfriend. What's on the laptop?"
"Nothing. It's not on."
"The light's on."
"…Damn."
"Open it."
"No, you see… I was watching, um, porn. You wouldn't want to see that."
"What kind of porn?"
"Uh, lesbian. Yep. Only girls. Really pretty ones."
"Nice. Open it."
"…You're not jealous?"
"Not unless you meet them in person. Open it."
"And… 'nice', you said?"
"We're not inviting Cat."
"I wasn't suggesting that!"
"You were about t– oh, clever. Not gonna work. Open it."
"Promise you won't judge me."
"No."
"…"
"…Beck? Are you fucking serious?"
"I know what it looks like, but it's actually really good–"
"Ponies?"
"I just watched one episode!"
"No you didn't! That episode is second season. You never watch anything out of order!"
"…"
"…Fuck."
"Ja-a-ade…"
"Shut up."
"So which one is your favourite?"
"I said shut up!"
"You wanna sing a song with me?"
"Fuck you."
"Winter wrap up, winter wrap up…"
"It's a secret to everybody."
"Sure thing, babe."
"…Twilight Sparkle. She's my favourite."
"Really? I'd have thought you were a Fluttershy kind of gal…"
"I'm never fucking you again."
"I used to wonder what friendship could be…"
"Ever."
Tori and Beck
Why, greetings, sir Beckley Jonathan Oliver!"
"That's not my name."
"Is now."
"If you say so, babe. So what're you here for?"
"Well… I was feeling a little mood coming up…"
"Oh?"
"Mmmhmmm. And I was hoping…"
"That your brand new boyfriend would help you with that?"
"You read me like a book."
"Baby, I'll turn your every page."
"…"
"Too corny?"
"Yeah. Kinda killed the mood."
"Curse my poet's mind."
"Yeah, your mind's what I'm here for."
"In that case, did you know that Monaco is a principality?"
"Your mind, and your amazing ability to detect sarcasm."
"Yeah, I'm pretty good at that, aren't I?"
"And there's the killing blow. Mood buried."
"Are you gonna update The Slap about it?"
"Yep. Everyone's gonna know how good you are at turning me off."
"Really? How about if I take this off…?"
"…Mmh, that might help."
"Might?"
"That's what I said."
"Well then, what if I just kiss you here…"
"Ngggh…! That's cheat-t-ti…"
"Like a book."
"Less talk, more kissing."
Cat and Beck
"Beck! Beck! Beck-beck-beck-beck-beck!"
"You hailed?"
"Beck!"
"Yes?"
"Hi."
"Hey."
"Guess what I bought?"
"What'd you buy?"
"That's not a guess, silly!"
"Heh, alright… do I get any hints?"
"It's something that'll make you very happy…"
"…It's not a pet, is it?"
"Meet your new kitty!"
"…"
"Ta-da!"
"Cat… I appreciate the thought, really, but…"
"And look! She can do tricks! Spin, Twister!"
"…Twister?"
"Look! She's spinning! Heehee… heeheehee…"
"Cat… I can't take another animal…"
"But if I didn't rescue her, she'd be put down!"
"Can't someone else take care of it?"
"I tried Jade, but she said she was going to eat her…"
"Well, what about Tori or Robbie or… anyone else?"
"Tori's mom is allergic to cats, and Robbie isn't allowed a pet. Please take her?"
"I can't."
"Please?"
"Cat…"
"Pleeeeeeaaaaaase?"
"…I'll find it a home. Is that OK?"
"Yay!"
"So… Twister, huh? You come up with that name?"
"Mmhmm! It fits her, right?"
"I suppose. She is cute…"
"I know. Please find a nice home?"
"Of course."
"Yay…"
Beck and Robbie
"Think fast!"
"Ow!"
"…Sorry Rob."
"That's OK… it'll heal."
"…"
"So what is it?"
"Open it! Go on."
"OK… Oh. Wow."
"Two tickets to the Annual Los Angeles Magic the Gathering Tournament! In a special Help-Robbie-Learn-To-Catch-Things box! Do you like it?"
"This is… I don't know what to say…"
"Just say you like it."
"I do! But… I thought they sold out?"
"They did. But you'd be amazed what some sweet talk and a smile can do to a girl with tickets."
"…You got these from a girl? There are girls there?"
"Guess so. But you're with me now, so no hitting on them, got it?"
"Yeah, like that could happen…"
"Oh, chin up. I bet if you showed them your deck, they'd be all over you."
"…"
"If she has a blue deck, you could put your mountain in her island."
"…"
"And by 'island' I mean her…"
"I got it."
"Better steer clear of black decks, though."
"I'm getting uncomfortable…"
"Although… I bet black is pretty kinky…"
"I'm not!"
"You didn't complain when I–"
"Meep."
"…Alright, alright. I'll stop."
"Thank you."
"You wanna do that again, though? I liked it."
"…"
"Robbie?"
"…Sure okay yeah I guess that's cool."
"Cool. Lay down."
"…Meep."
Beck and André
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's André."
"Oh, hey. We all set for tonight?"
"Yeah, almost. I just gotta ask, 'cause I'm not entirely sure… was it anchovies you were allergic to or capers?"
"Capers."
"Then I'mma use anchovies."
"Lucky to have you."
"But while I got you on the phone…"
"Mmmhmm?"
"What're you wearing?"
"…Really, dude?"
"Let me have some fun?"
"You're in a supermarket."
"It's cool. There's nobody in this aisle."
"You're sure?"
"Just do it already, man!"
"Alright… um, I'm wearing a t-shirt and some jeans."
"…"
"…"
"This ain't much of a turn-on."
"Never saw the appeal myself."
"Alright then. What are you planning for when I get home?"
"Oh, that's a much better question."
"Uh huh. And you better make it good, or I'm bringing capers."
"Threatening."
"I know. Do your best."
"Let's see… I guess I'd kiss you when you come in. And if you want to, we could go to the couch, still kissing. And then I'd give you what you want."
"…"
"…I think you're supposed to say something now."
"Dude, that was awful."
"Oh."
"You gotta work on that."
"But for now…?"
"I'm going home. Can't believe I'm still gonna cook for you after that sad display."
"Sorry."
"Eh, it's cool. You got other talents. I'll see you at mine."
"Till then."
"See ya."
Beck and Trina
"Hey babe, look what I found!"
"What… is that?"
"It's my old NES!"
"Oh."
"…You don't even care, do you?"
"Not really, no."
"C'mon, I'll hook it up and we can play some Mario Bros."
"On that pathetic thing?"
"Pathetic?"
"Yeah. It's all old and outdated…"
"It's retro!"
"Yeah, I'm not."
"You know retro's hip, right?"
"Sure. If you're a loser who plays video games."
"Girl gamers are hip too."
"…Really?"
"Look it up."
"Hmmm…"
(…)
"Alright, pretty boy, hand me a controller."
"Here."
"Alright, so what're we supposed to do?"
"Save the princess."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"That's kind of a lame plot…"
"You're a lame plot."
"Why do I even date you…"
"Likewise."
"OK, so we just have to get to the end?"
"Yeah. Press that button to jump, and those to walk."
"I get it."
(…)
"This game sucks."
"You're just grouchy 'cause you kept dying to the Goom–"
"Because the game sucks!"
"…OK then."
"You got anything else?"
"I have Tetris."
"I know that one!"
"…Oh."
"Don't look so surprised! I'm a gamer chick, y'know?"
"…Sure."
Tori and Jade
"Hey~ey!"
"What."
"Well gee, don't get too enthusiastic…"
"What is it?"
"I'm just not feeling the love…"
"Ugh."
"Fine… I'll cuddle you when we're alone, you prude."
"No you won't."
"But…"
"No, you won't."
"…What are you pointing– You're worried about Cat hearing? Oh please, she already knows…"
"What."
"I told her."
"What."
"Hey, you try keeping a secret from her! She's persistent."
"Really? 'Cause I never have any problem with it."
"You don't even tell me your secrets…"
"Quit pouting."
"…Sorry?"
"Yeah."
"…So, janitor's closet?"
"You're not gonna leave me alone until you get your cuddle on, are you?"
"Nope."
"And you can't get it from Cat or something?"
"I want it from you. You're a good cuddler."
"…"
"…OK, you're awful. But you're my girlfriend, so."
"Can I use nails?"
"I don't know…"
"Take it or leave it."
"…Alright."
"Hold out your wrist."
"Ow! Not so hard…"
"Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet…"
Cat and Jade
"Jade?"
"What?"
"Why is the sky blue?"
"…You've asked me that before."
"I forgot."
"Then what's the point of telling you? You'll just forget again."
"But…"
"No."
"…"
"…"
"Jade, why is snow white?"
"Because otherwise, the fairytale wouldn't make sense."
"Oh yeah… heehee…"
"Any more questions?"
"Nope!"
"Good."
"…"
"…"
"Jade?"
"Oh for fuck's sake…"
"Why do babies–"
"No."
"But I really want to–"
"I don't care."
"But–"
"Cat!"
"Yes?"
"Be. Quiet. Or leave."
"…"
"Oh no, don't you make those eyes at me."
"J-j-j-j-jade…"
"No. Not gonna work this time."
"W-why do you hate me?"
"I'm not listening."
"I… I thought you liked talking to me…"
"…Oh for fuck's sake. Why do babies what?"
"Why do they cry so much?"
"Because they can't talk and they need some way to communicate 'full diaper'. "
"Teehee…"
"Anything else?"
"I love you!"
"…Okay. I, uh, love you too."
Jade and Robbie
"Eugh! What the hell is this drek?"
"I'm sorry! I'll re-do it! Don't hit me…!"
"I wasn't going to hit you, you wimp. But seriously, this is disgusting."
"I just thought I'd try something a little different…"
"Yeah, stick to the recipe. Whoever wrote it is a better cook than you."
"But Jamie Oliver always says to do what feels right…"
"You're not cooking for Jamie Oliver."
"Right. So um… I'll go re-do it now."
"Yeah, you do that."
(…)
"Jade? What are you–"
"I'm helping."
"…Really?"
"Don't get sappy. I'm just making sure we get something edible this time."
"I said I'd follow the recipe…"
"Yeah, that's no guarantee. Hand me the lemon press."
"Here you go."
"…"
"…You're welcome."
(…)
"Mmmh… I gotta say, Rob, this is really good."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah. Nice job."
"Well… you helped…"
"Just accept the compliment!"
"Oh. Um, OK. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Jade and André
"…but no matter what she tried, the clock wouldn't change. She unplugged it from the wall, but the numbers stayed. She tried setting the time manually, but as soon as she released the button, the display would revert to 3:33."
"You sure this is a ghost story?"
"Yes! Now shut up. I'm telling it."
"Alright, alright…"
"At first, she didn't think much of it. Just a malfunction, if a curious one. She returned to her work and didn't pay it any more attention. Until the clock started ticking."
"Um… digital clocks don't tick."
"That's the point, genius."
"Oh. Sorry."
"With every tick, the numbers changed. Three thirty-two… Three thirty-one… Three thirty…"
"…That's creepy."
"…"
"Sorry."
"When her clock displayed two ninety-nine, she fled the room. She hurried down the stairs, but at the bottom, a man awaited her. Dressed in all black, and pale as–"
"You? Heh, hehehe…"
"Pale as snow, you ass. The man began walking toward her. He wasn't large by any means, but he still seemed to take up the entire staircase. She could find no way around him; the only way away from him was up. And so up she went, past her room to the attic. She glanced at the clock in passing, which was still ticking, and still counting down. The man followed, but he did not hurry. He still had two twenty-eight, after all."
"…Mmm-hmm."
"As the man set foot on the second flight of stairs, she realised her mistake. She was trapped. And so, with flight no longer an option, she began to fight. Anything she could lift, she tossed down the staircase. The man tried not to dodge. The man took everything right to the chest, but kept walking. Kept coming."
"…Mh."
"The ticking grew louder now. Her panic grew. But having run out of things to throw, she could do nothing but crawl away from him. He simply continued to follow."
"…"
"And then, when he caught her shirt, the ticking stopped. The last thing she felt were his fingers on her neck."
"…That's messed up."
"Yep. Your turn."
"Right. Um… It was a dark, cloudy night. Not a sound was made, but that of an owl crying."
"Owls don't cry. They hoot."
"Who's telling the story?"
"Fine, tell it wrong…"
"Jade…"
"…Sorry."
Jade and Trina
"Fuck you."
"You offering?"
"…Sure."
Tori and Cat
"Hello, Slappers!"
"Hi!"
"My name's Tori…"
"…and mine isn't…"
"…and this is another edition of, drum roll…"
"The Funky Nugget Show! Yaaaaay!"
"So you wanna give 'em the news?"
"What news?"
"The big news."
"The big news?"
"The big news."
"Heehee… get ready for this!"
"It'll blow your minds."
"My girlfriend Tori here won the Kisser of the Year award! Ta-ta-da-ta-da!"
"Am I better than Paul?"
"Yes!"
"Am I better than Damian?"
"Yes!"
"Am I better than Danny?"
"Yes…! Wait, no."
"…Yeah, he was pretty good."
"Sorry folks! I gotta give the award to someone else!"
"But do I get a consolation prize?"
"Heehee… heh, heh…"
"What?"
"'Consolation' sounds like 'constellation'…"
"…"
"Heeheehee…"
"It… totally does!"
"Here's your constellation prize! Mwah!"
"Aw, isn't she sweet?"
"I'm Leo!"
"…Yes."
"Bye…!"
Tori and Robbie
"So… how do you use it?"
"I'm… not sure. Let me check the instructions again."
"And what does it even do?"
"Its gentle vibrations will ease the tension resting in your muscles, using the patented SonicTremble technology."
"…"
"Maybe we put the batteries in wrong."
"Dude."
"I know, I know. But they have a no-return policy at Sky Store, and I couldn't tell Cat that it was… um…"
"Useless?"
"…Yeah."
"So is it the batteries, or…?"
"Not that either. And I've tried everything… I'm calling Cat."
"Heh. Cat as tech support…"
"Hey, Cat? It's Robbie. Um, that massage machine you gave us… we can't get it to work. Yeah, the purple one. Uh-huh. Yeah-huh. Oh… um, OK. Thanks. See you tomorrow."
"Well?"
"It, uh… it activates when it comes into contact with water."
"…What."
"Apparently you're supposed to use it in the shower."
"…"
"So…"
"So?"
"Do you want to… try… it?"
"Sure."
"…With me?"
"Yeah, with you! Come on!"
"Right behind you. Thank you, Cat…"
Tori and André
"OK, how about after 'You and me, against them all' we rhyme it with 'fall'?"
"In a sentence?"
"…I dunno. You're the songwriter here."
"What about 'We never stopped believing, we jumped at the call'?"
"Yeah, that works."
"OK, and then we have Darren's drum solo… wanna sing what we've got so far?"
"Sure. Record me?"
"Recording."
"…Actually…"
"Hm?"
"Well… I don't know if this is really a love song… It sounds more like an action series theme song."
"Fits us then, doesn't it?"
"Hah! One is a dreadlocked songwriter. The other is a busty singer. Together, they fight crime!"
"But you're not–"
"Dude…"
"Shutting up now."
"Good choice."
"You might be right, though. It's way too fierce to be a love song."
"…What if we make it a rock ballad?"
"Rock ballad? You sure you're up to that?"
"I'm willing to try. If you are, anyway."
"Well, I never have. But hey, first time for everything, right?"
"So… we doing this?"
"I'll have to call the guys and ask them, but if it's up to me, we're doing this."
"Cool."
"OK, so after the drum solo…"
Trina and Tori
"Tori!"
"No! We're not doing it again. Period."
"You said that last time, too."
"I meant it last time, too."
"Yeah, I could tell from the way you sucked on my–"
"Trina!"
"Oh, don't be such a prude. I enjoyed it, really."
"That is not the point!"
"Whatever. C'mere."
"Trina! It's wrong to… to… oooooooh."
"Still wrong, little sis?"
"…Damnit, Trina."
"Just relax."
"This is the last time we do this."
"Sure."
"I mean it this time."
"Uh-huh."
"And nobody finds out about it."
"Yeah, how shocked they would be if they found out you like the ladies."
"That's not what I'm worried about!"
"You worry too much. Here, let me…"
"…Oh."
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Last time. I mean it."
"Of course."
Robbie and Cat
"C-cat… please, can we rest?"
"What? Why? Are you tired already?"
"I'm not tired! Just… uh… exhausted."
"Push through it! I bet your calves are burning, too?"
"Among other things…"
"Good! Feel the burn!"
"Cat…"
"Come on, slowpoke! Try and keep up!"
"What do you even know about fitness?"
"I know you need it."
"But…"
"Come on! If you catch me, you can give me a kiss~"
"…And the lesson will be over?"
"Heehee. Of course not, silly!"
"Figures…"
"One, two, one, two, one, two!"
"Can we at least slow down?"
"Slow down? That's negative progress!"
"…"
"One, two, one, two!"
André and Cat
"Ah, there's my favourite little redhead… been lookin' all over for you."
"Hey~"
"Ooooh, someone's in a good mood."
"My brother made waffles for breakfast."
"Oh?"
"And he burned his hand really badly."
"Oh…?"
"So he tried to amputate it."
"Uh…"
"And my mom had to hold him down while I took the knife away."
"Right… so…"
"But he'd already made a cut, so we had to call an ambulance, because there was a lot of blood."
"Uh-huh…"
"And I got to ride on the ambulance!"
"…Ah. I, uh, I guess that is pretty exciting."
"Mmmhmm!"
"My grandma made waffles once. But they weren't burnt."
"…That's not very interesting."
"It got interesting when they started talking to her."
"Did they?"
"No, I just asked her a question. But she was convinced the waffles were possessed."
"Oh!"
"They probably weren't."
"Probably?"
"Well, anything's possible, right?"
"…Do you think we're weird to them?"
"To my grandma? She thinks everybody's weird."
"My brother sometimes sees things. Maybe they're really there and we're just blind."
"Maybe…"
"I love him, though."
"I love her too."
"…Now you say it to me!"
"Love you, baby."
"Heehee…"
Trina and Cat
"Hai-ya!"
"Ow."
"Hooah!"
"Ow…"
"Cha!"
"Owwie."
"Kiiii-ya!"
"Trina…?"
"Yeah, what up?"
"My arms are starting to hurt…"
"Oh, m'kay. Enough punching for today, then. I'm sure you'll be healed back up tomorrow."
"…Yay?"
"You know, you last a lot longer than Tori. I swear, that girl bruises so easily…"
"I think I might have a bruise too…"
"Hm? Nah, you're fine."
"Are you sure? It really hurts when I press it…"
"So don't press it."
"Right…! I think."
"Leave the thinking to me, babe. I'm the Brain here."
"And the Brawn… heehee."
"Oooh, good one. Now grab those pillows. I need to practice my kicks."
"…Aren't these a little thin?"
"Just catch the kick in the middle. You'll be fine. Ready?"
"I… guess?"
"Hi-ya!"
"Ow."
André and Robbie
"Right, how does this work?"
"Um, well, first we roll the die to determine who goes first."
"Four."
"One. OK, now you put down one of those houses and a street."
"Does it matter where I put it?"
"You want to be by the numbers that get rolled the most. So 6 or 8 would be ideal. You should also take expansion opportunity and ports into account, and the relative value of resources in the early-game."
"Dude…"
"…Put it here."
"Thanks."
"Alright, now I get to place two houses and two streets…"
"How come you get two?"
"You get two too. Now you place your second ones."
"A'ight. Um… is here good?"
"Yeah, it's not bad."
"So now what?"
"Here, you get these… and now you roll the dice."
"Eleven."
"Oh, two wheat for me."
"…I can't build anything."
"Great. My turn."
"Yeah, I see where this is going…"
(…)
"And now I build two streets and a settlement, interrupting your Longest Road – I'll take that please – and that gives me 10 victory points."
"You're looking awful smug there, Rob."
"Yeah, well, I did just beat you. Hard."
"It's my first time playing!"
"Ah, the excuses of the loser…"
"I'm never playing this game with you again. Jerk."
Trina and Robbie
"Hey, how do these look?"
"Uh…"
"Honest answer."
"They're… very…"
"Honest answer!"
"I don't like them."
"Robbie!"
"Ow! What was that for?"
"I said 'honest answer'!"
"But I…"
"Ugh, forget it."
"Baby…"
"And don't call me 'baby'!"
"Right. Um. But goddess…"
"Yes?"
"I really, honestly think that you would look, uh, even better… in something else."
"You mean, they don't bring out my full potential?"
"Yes! Exactly!"
"Hm… you might be right."
"For instance, I think you'd look much better if you wore nothing…"
"Yeah, not happening."
"But Cat said that if I…"
"Cat ain't in charge here, boy."
"But when she…"
"You can hug me when we're done. And maybe I'll kiss your cheek."
"…Deal."
"Glad we worked that out. So how are these?"
André and Trina
"A-are you sure about this?"
"Quit fidgeting. Nobody's home, and the door's locked anyway. Nobody's going to catch us."
"Yeah, but… what if Tori gets suspicious? I don't think I can lie to her."
"Then you better make sure she doesn't get suspicious. Don't worry. I've done this with lots of her boyfriends, and she never caught on even once."
"And she never even suspected it?"
"Never. Won't leave this room. Now are we doing this or not?"
"…Alright."
"Good choice. I know Tori's nice and all, but she can't meet all your needs…"
"I feel a bit guilty…"
"Don't. Just lie down."
"Here?"
"Yeah, that works. Wait while I get everything ready."
"…"
"And lie still! She's not gonna catch us! Jeez…"
"Sorry."
"OK, you ready?"
"I'm ready."
"Great. So, which one do you want to watch?"
"Beck said Winter Wrap Up is really good…"
"Yeah, it is. Hang on…"
"…So Tori's exes liked this show too?"
"Yeah. She actually broke up with some of them 'cause they came out of the… stable."
"So don't do that?"
"Pretty much. Now shut up, it's starting."
"I used to wonder what friendship could be…"
A/N: The main problem I have with dialogue-style fics is that you can't use speech tags. When it goes on too long, it becomes hard to keep track. However, for short snippets like the above, I feel like they can work.
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