„Are we there yet?" Merlin asked, looking miserable on his horse.
"Merlin, we haven't even crossed the border. It can't be more than two hours since we left Caerleon castle." Gwen informed him and started to laughed when he looked even more miserable than before. "You know, sometimes I can hardly believe that you are supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk on this earth. Alator has to have made a mistake with that." She gave him a broad smile and winked conspiratorially.
Merlin pretended to be hurt for a second but couldn't stop himself from grinning. "It's not my fault these horses are so uncomfortable. Why couldn't you marry someone who lived closer? What about Gwaine, he seemed to like you!"
Gwen let out another crystal clear laugh. "It's still PRINCE Gwaine, Merlin. And you of all people should know that he was not the least bit interested in marrying me, shouldn't you?" She asked sweetly.
Merlin blushed at the thought of what he and Gwaine – PRINCE Gwaine – had done after the party held to his honour. "Ok, ok, you're right. I rest my case. But still, why did it have to be the king of Camelot?"
"You know why. Camelot is strong and we need an ally like that. And King Arthur has yet to choose a wife, so why not use that to our advantage?" Gwen explained.
Merlin cocked his head to the right. "Gwen, you don't need to recite what your mother told you. I know too well that you're not happy with this."
A shadow crept across her beautiful face. "Oh well, I don't really have a saying in this, have I? And if it's the best for Caerleon than I will gladly do whatever it takes."
Merlin gave his best friend an admiring smile. "You are going to be a wonderful queen one day, Gwen. And I will be proud to be at your side."
"Stop getting sentimental. Let's just see what this trip brings us and then we can muse about what will happen in the future." Gwen laughed, but the smile didn't quiet reach her eyes.
xxxxx
'Gwen's a lucky girl' Merlin thought when they finally rode onto the courtyard of Camelot. King Arthur stood at the foot of a set of wide stairs, surrounded by a dozen of really good looking knights. But none of them stood any chance against him. "He's gorgeous – I win!" he whispered. Gwen just shot him a look, but she seemed genuinely relieved the king was good looking.
"Welcome to Camelot, Princess Guinevere! It's an honour to have you here." The King greeted them. He had a dark and soothing voice and Merlin wondered if a man could be more perfect than that. "Excuse me being so blunt, my lady, but you are stunningly beautiful." King Arthur took Gwen's hand and brought it to his lips and Merlin couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy.
"Thank you my Lord. It was most kind of you to invite us here. This is my personal adviser and future court sorcerer Merlin" Gwen introduced him. Not looking into the kings eyes would have been rude but Merlin wished he didn't have to. The piercing blue eyes held him captive and for a moment he forgot to breath.
"Welcome to Camelot to you as well Merlin." The king broke the spell and Merlin wondered if he had only imagined the moment.
xxxxx
The great hall was beautifully decorated mainly occupied by 3 long banquet-tables. Merlin was seated between Gwen, and King Arthur's court physician Gaius. The old man was easy to talk with and asked a lot of questions about Merlin's magic. Apparently he had a history of magic himself and soon he asked Merlin to have a look at some books he had in his chambers.
Merlin gladly took the chance to leave the hall. More than once he had the feeling the king was watching him, but whenever Merlin turned to look, he was all over Gwen, talking and making her laugh. Merlin couldn't quiet keep his jealousy at bay. He should be happy for Gwen. The two of them seemed to get along really well. But Merlin was still jealous.
xxxxx
"Gaius?" There was a short knock on the door before it opened and King Arthur entered the room where Gaius was showing different potions and herbs to Merlin.
"Sire, is something wrong?" Gaius asked.
"I, uh, uhm, no, no, everything is fine. I, I just, Morgana asked me to come here." Gaius looked at the king expectantly, but the latter didn't seem to know what to say next.
"Sire? What is it the lady Morgana needs? Does she need another vial of the sleeping draft?" Gaius asked.
"Oh, uh, yes, yes. That's it. She asked me to get another vial. Do you have one?" Gaius looked at his king with confusion but went to the back of the room to search for the vial in question.
Left alone to stare at each other, an awkward silence formed between Merlin and the king. Merlin fidgeted with his shirt, failing to conceal his nervousness. His heart was beating a lot faster than it was supposed to and when he looked up he saw that the king was looking straight at him. For the second time that day Merlin couldn't help but be spellbound by the depth of the other man's eyes. Breathing became harder the longer the stared at each other and it felt to Merlin as if time had stopped.
"Here it is Sire, is there anything else you need?" Merlin nearly jumped when Gaius was suddenly standing beside him. The older man was either oblivious to the tension between the younger men or he was pointedly ignoring them.
The king cleared his throat. "Thank you Gaius, that will be all." And with that he was gone.
xxxxx
Later that night, when he was sitting in Gwen's chambers, listening to her going on about the evening, Merlin sill was confused as to what he should make of King Arthur's behaviour. Had he felt that strange pull between them as well? Or had Merlin only imagined the longing question in the king's eyes? Why would the king take interest in a clumsy, too-skinny foreign sorcerer of all people? They were to build an alliance between Caerleon and Camelot and Gwen was to marry him. He had to get the whole thing out of his system.
Gwen was still excitedly telling him about the king: "He was so kind Merlin. I've never met a man who made me feel like that. He made me feel special, but not because I'm a princess, but for the woman I am. He told me he had never seen a woman more beautiful than me – and he meant it. I could see it in his eyes. He's not just one of those who talk sweetly. He really IS sweet. And his voice, I could listen to him for hours." Merlin smiled at her, but he felt dead inside. Gwen was obviously in love with King Arthur – and apparently he was fond of her as well. He HAD to forget the stupid crush he was developing.
"Mother will not be happy about this. But I can't marry the king. Not now, when my heart is taken by another man." Merlin suddenly listened up.
"Wait, what? But didn't you just tell me how wonderful King Arthur is? How sweet his voice is and that you could listen to it for hours?"
Gwen laughed. "Merlin, were you even listening? I was talking about Sir Lancelot, one of King Arthur's knights."
"Oh" was all Merlin could say.
"Is something wrong? You don't seem to be quiet yourself. You seem distracted." Gwen asked worriedly.
"No, it's fine. I'm just still tired from the journey. I think I will go to bed now. I'll see you in the morning." He hugged her and quickly left the room.
xxxxx
Merlin really was tired from the journey, but he couldn't sleep, as his mind was racing. After a while he got up and wandered around the sleeping castle. He eventually found a door that led to a small grassy area overlooking the courtyard. It was a beautiful night and the cold air helped him clear his mind.
He didn't know how long he had stood there, when suddenly someone was walking towards him.
"It's beautiful, isn't it? I often come here to think." King Arthur spoke quietly when he joined Merlin. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't the kind and I could just do whatever I wanted to do. But then, we can't escape destiny, can we?" He looked at Merlin.
"No we can't my Lord." Merlin swallowed. Suddenly the night wasn't cold enough anymore and he thought that he would pass out any second.
"There's something about you Merlin…" the king sighed and moved closer. Merlin didn't dare to move. The king was so close, he could see the stubble on his chin even though it was dark. If he moved his little finger just a little bit, he would touch the king's hands. Merlin was shivering although he was anything else but cold. He couldn't hold the king's gaze anymore and looked away, fearing he wouldn't be able to stop himself from just leaning in and kissing the soft looking mouth in front of him.
The king moved away again and cleared his throat. "So, you're a sorcerer." Merlin nodded. "We," he hesitated "we haven't had many sorcerers here. My father didn't approve of magic and people are still afraid to use it openly." Merlin had heard of this. "Why don't you give us a little demonstration of magic at tomorrow's dance? A little fire show or some tricks or something like that."
Merlin was taken aback. So that's what this was all about. The king was curious about his magic. Nothing more. How could he even be so stupid to believe the king might feel the same as he did? "I'm not a jester, sire, I'm a court-sorcerer." He said angrily, not able to hide the hurt in his voice. "Excuse me, I will retire now." He nodded his head in the general direction of the other man and fled the balustrade.
xxxxx
"Merlin, I know you. I know when something is going on." The dance was in full blow, but Merlin couldn't enjoy it. He had felt the king's eyes on him the whole evening even though he had tried to keep to the back of the great hall. "Merlin, what's wrong? I can see that you're close to tears!" Gwen had stopped dancing and was standing in front of him.
"It's nothing Gwen." He pressed out. He knew he couldn't fool his best friend but he had to at least try. "I'm just, I, look, it seems like Sir Lancelot wants to have another dance with you." Gwen didn't turn around but kept looking him straight in the face.
"He can wait. I'm not going to have you moping around here the whole evening. Either you tell me as a friend or I'll demand you to tell me as your future queen!" Merlin knew she didn't mean it. It only meant she was genuinely worried about him.
He took a deep breath. "Really Gwen. It's fine. Please, enjoy your evening. Go spend time with Sir Lancelot. You'll have me around for the next two days again." He was trying to keep a straight face, but then he saw that the king was approaching them. "I need to go Gwen. I'll come back later, but I want to be alone right now."
xxxxx
As soon as he entered his chambers, the tears came flowing down. He threw himself on the big four-poster bed and let all the feelings he had tried to burry take over. No matter how much he tried to, he couldn't hate the prat that was Camelot's king. He just couldn't. It was obvious the king wasn't interested in him, but in his powers. No wonders no one wanted to practice magic around here. He was glad to leave Camelot again tomorrow. Only he wasn't. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be close to King Arthur. A lot closer than he was allowed to even think about. He felt like his heart had been ripped out. All he wanted was to curl up and forget everything.
"Merlin?" There was a knock on the door. Merlin held his breath. "Merlin?" There was another knock before King Arthur entered his room. "You, I wanted to talk to you, but you just left…" He looked lost, standing in the middle of the room, apparently not knowing what to say or do next.
Merlin cleared his throat and wiped his face. There was no way he could hide the fact that he had been crying, but he wouldn't let it show in front of the man that was responsible for them. He sat up and crossed his arms in front of him. "I didn't feel well, Sire. What did you want to talk about? I take it Gwen, I mean, Princess Guinevere, has told you?" He tried to put as much hostility in his voice as was still appropriate.
"Yes, yes, Guinevere had told me. Lancelot is a good and loyal man. I hope they will work something out. The two hardly left each other's side today." A small smile crossed his face before his eyes turned sad again when he looked at Merlin. "Merlin, I don't know what I've done to earn your hatred, but that I apparently have. Is it because of what I said last night?" He took a few steps and was now standing on the edge of Merlin's bed. "I, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't want to be disrespectful. I just –" He seemed to be at loss of words once again. Merlin just looked at him. There was sadness in the king's eyes. And confusion and fear. Merlin's heart began to melt instantly. He wanted to take him into his arms and tell him that everything would be ok. He wanted to hold him and speak softly to him and assure him that he was alright. His heart was pounding again and his hands were shaking, when the king continued: "I, I don't know what to do right now." He sat down heavily on Merlin's bed, his shoulders hanging, running his fingers through is hair. Merlin imagined how soft the blond hair must feel and his heart skipped a beat once again. "I haven't been able to take my eyes of you since the moment you rode onto the courtyard the other day. I've, I've never felt anything like this before. I can't stop thinking of you. I thought that you might have felt it too, but then, then you pulled away last night. And I thought, I thought what a fool I was."
Just as he thought it wasn't possible to beat even faster, his heart did. The king had felt it too! He hadn't imagined it. There really was something between them. He gathered all his courage and put a shaky hand on the other man's arm. "I, I felt it too." he stammered, his voice shaking with excitement. Slowly the king turned around to look at him. Now their hands were touching and Merlin felt like he would explode any second. The king's hand was rougher than he had expected, but it felt wonderful. He slowly started to caress it with trembling fingers. The king visibly seemed to relax, although Merlin could feel the other man's heartbeat pounding as much as his own did.
"This visit of yours is definitely not what I had planned it to be…" The king whispered, while he slowly leaned forward, closer to Merlin. "… but I'm happy about how it turned out." He was now only inches away from Merlin, their foreheads nearly touching and Merlin could feel the king's breath against his face. His gaze flickered to the king's lips and he knew if he leaned forward just a little bit, he could kiss them. The king brought his other hand up and lightly touched Merlin's cheeks. "You are so beautiful!" he whispered, and then he kissed him.
