Featuring the condensed, slightly proofread version of The Curious Moves!

The Curious Moves
In which Stan becomes jealous of Kenny's bold advances.
A KyleKenny, StanKyle fanfic.
Written by Zakuyoe

1: You're gay in a very homophobic manner

Friday afternoon. There couldn't possibly be anything more relieving for Stanley Marsh as he opened his locker door. There would be no school for a whole two days, which would strike as haven for any high school student who hated the schooling system. That especially held true for the raven-haired boy, his lips already twisted into an excited smile, blue eyes holding a mysterious glint behind them, and his mind in the mood of doing anything other than the piles of homework he had been assigned.

Of course, Stan would ignore such piles, which left the weekend to be quite the enjoyable one. But where to start?—that had been the only question of uncertainty in his mind as he absentmindedly exchanged books at his locker. Somewhere nearby the school a bowling alley had opened up, and so heading there didn't seem all that bad of an idea. Or, perhaps, he could check out the super-sweet discount Shakey's Pizza held every Friday (two personal pan pizzas for half the price of one), but doing that would require him being decently hungry.

Whatever he ended up doing, Stan knew he'd probably be spending that Friday night with his best friend, Kyle Broflovski.

"Hey, Stan," the aforementioned boy had said from behind, completely taking the boy by surprise. Kyle examined the taller boy quickly with his emerald eyes, running a hand through his thick, curly, crimson hair before opening his mouth to speak once more. "You can take me home today, right?"

"Yep," had been the response, coming not too long after the slamming of a locker. "I told you that this morning, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but—"

"So why'd you have to ask again?" Stan smiled as Kyle swayed his head from side to side. Typical Stan to say something like that, but by then Kyle had been quite used to it.

"Dunno. Just making sure, I guess." Stan stood up from his crouching position (for someone Stan's height bottom lockers shouldn't even have been an option) and patted his Jewish friend lightly on the back. "Hey Kyle, might you be interested in going somewhere later today?"

"Huh?"

"You know," rephrased Stan, laughing as he shook his head. "Like, going… somewhere… after school...?"

"Sure?" Kyle responded, though it most definitely sounded more of a question than an answer to one. "My parents are out of town, and I think Ike's staying over at Fillmore's. I could probably come with you guys."

"Then I'll call Cartman and Kenny and see if they're up for anything," said Stan, whipping out his cell phone. The news Kyle had given him shouldn't have hit anything funny in his mind, being as he was already expecting Kyle to sleep over at his house all that weekend. Still, hearing the lack of his parents at his house only ran dirty thoughts through his mind, thoughts that would not soon disappear when Kenny's voice rang in his ears from the phone.

"Hey Stan, great to see you've finally taken up my offer!"

Stan's first instinct had been to peel the cell phone from his ears, just to make sure if he had gotten the number dialed right. Once he found out it really had been Kenny on the other end he placed it back on his ear and spoke. "What offer?"

"You don't remember?" Kenny said with a laugh. "I gave a slip of paper to Kyle the other day with my number. It kinda said how if you ever wanted to try phone sex sometime to dial the number. Seems like you're interested?" Stan glared at Kyle, who only shrugged in the midst of his hysterical laughter; Kenny was talking way too loud for his own good.

"In all seriousness," Stan said, clearing his throat, "do you wanna go somewhere with Kyle and I tonight? We were planning to go hang out and stuff…."

"You mean a threesome?" Kenny asked almost innocently. Or rather, innocently-sounding, because Stan knew well the blonde boy was being anything but that.

"No, goddamnit," Stan sputtered into his phone, turning a deep shade of red. "In a second I'm gonna call Cartman—"

"Foursome, then?" interrupted Kenny, only causing Stan to growl once more.

"Just… bah, Kenny!—you seriously think too much about sex. It's just gonna be the four of us, dude. You know, like going to the bowling alley, as friends." Stan shot a piercing glance at the boy next to him, who was practically breaking down in a fit of laughter; whether or not he was laughing at Kenny's perverseness or Stan's irritation Stan wasn't sure, but what had been clear was that Stan was quite done with putting up with Kenny on a phone. "So, you're coming?"

"Sure," said Kenny. "I'll just buy some condoms and I'll meet you there."

"Fucking asshole," Stan muttered before shutting the line on the blonde. He remained silent for several seconds, wordlessly insisting that the Jewish boy stop laughing, but it had taken much longer than that before he had truly stopped.

"You know," said Kyle, "you'd think Kenny would already have condoms…."

"Don't fucking start with me," Stan snapped, blue eyes barely visible in his snake-like glare. "I really hope Cartman won't be anything like that."

XX

It wasn't that Stan disliked Kenny's humor. In a way, at times, he did find Kenny's sexual innuendos to be quite entertaining, especially when they were quite original and not merely being reused once more. Rather, he only disliked them for two reasons:

1 – Kenny would often reference one of the boys to his sexual innuendos, and though he frequented Kyle, whenever Stan was the subject of the perverseness he felt quite uncomfortable. And,

2 – Stan, in an oh-so-non-gay way, had a small crush on Kyle, and tended to become quite jealous whenever Kenny seemed to be hitting on the object of his desire, who also happened to be his best friend.

XX

At ten o' clock that evening the four boys entered the newly-opened bowling alley. First Cartman had entered, barely fitting through the sliding doors as he proudly walked in with his hands clasped together; and following him had been the three others, walking side by side with ample room. At the counter ahead of them was a tall woman wearing some sort of striped, red and white uniform, and she smiled politely as the four approached.

"One lane's fine," said Stan, reaching into his back pocket for a wallet. "And I think we'll need four pairs of shoes, too."

"Three," corrected Cartman, waving a leather bag in front of his face. "I've got mine custom-made."

"Not that any of the rentals would fit you anyway," muttered Kyle, earning a yelp of protest from the fatter boy.

"Twelfth lane," the woman said monotonously, completely ignoring the feuds between the boys. "Buzz or come by if you need assistance."

"Thanks." Not long afterward the four found themselves at their given lane, and as three boys began placing their shoes on Cartman began typing names into the system.

"What do we have over mynah…?" mused Cartman, punching in letters. "Cartman… Stan… Poor boy… and Jew boy…. Yep, that looks right."

"Fuck you, Cartman!" two boys uttered at the same time.

"Fine, fine, I'll change it," said Cartman. Within seconds four more-proper names displayed themselves upon the screen above them, and though Kyle wasn't quite satisfied with the name "Kahl" he let it go nonetheless.

"We need bowling balls," Kenny muttered. "I'll be back."

"I don't!" Cartman exclaimed, walking up toward the lanes (since, obviously, he had entered his own name first). "I got meh own ball!"

"Custom-made?" Kyle asked curiously.

"How'd you know?"

"You wouldn't be able to play otherwise," Kyle retorted. "Your fat fingers wouldn't fit in the damn holes."

"Ai, Jewboy!" but Kyle merely left after Kenny, leaving the pudgy boy hanging in his own statement. "Stan, don't you—"

"Just bowl the damn ball," Stan replied lazily. Cartman paused for several moments, giving the boy a questioning glance, but eventually he found himself bowling his two turns—both gutters, of course. He whined, as Stan had quite expected, and as he sat back down he looked once more at Stan.

"It's your turn, Stan," Cartman reminded him, but Stan only nodded.

"I'm waiting for Kyle to come back," said Stan. "I'm gonna borrow his ball." Yet a few seconds passed, then minutes, and soon Stan had been forced to use Cartman's ball. The significantly larger holes had probably caused him to earn a score he didn't want, but the raven-haired boy didn't quite think about that as he looked around for Kyle. "Where the hell is he?"

"Where's who?—Kenneh? I think he's fuckin' Kahl right about now."

"No, Kyle," said Stan bitterly.

"Oh, Kahl!" replied Cartman. "I dunno he's probably gettin' fucked right about now." Stan growled something nasty as he turned his head to the display screen above them. Cartman hadn't gotten any points, Stan noted, which at least gave him a seven point lead….

"My turn now?" asked a familiar voice, and Stan almost strained his neck turning his head to the source of the voice.

"About fucking time," Stan spat. "Where the hell did the two of you go?"

"Kyle had to go," informed Kenny. "Like, go pee. But after that we went into one of the stalls and—"

"Shut the fuck up," snapped the raven-haired boy.

"Jealous?" asked Kenny, smirking. "If you wanted a threesome you could've told us."

"Fucking fags," muttered Cartman somewhere in the distance. "I don't wanna hear about your poor boy and Jew Stanwiches, thanks."

"We didn't really do that stall thing," Kyle said to Stan with a smug smile, ignoring Cartman's crude comment. "Though I did have to pee."

"Whatever," Stan said. "Just bowl already." But before Kenny could let go of his bowling ball the lights had all dimmed, making it impossible for Kenny to even have his turn.

"It's that time!" boomed a female voice, seemingly the voice of the woman at the front counter. "It's time for Extreme Bowling!"

"Extreme…?" Stan asked himself, but before he could properly ask disco lights blinded the scene, techno-like music blaring over the speakers. Somewhere away from him Kenny gave a cheer, having had a strike, and immediately returned to the four.

"Strike, baby!" exclaimed Kenny, though not many could hear him. Yet even though he could barely hear Kenny's cheer, he did hear what the blonde boy had whispered into Kyle's ear before letting him take his turn. Sometimes, Stan wondered how Kyle even put up with remarks like that.

For the remainder of the night Stan did his very best to keep a mental picture of peaceful skies and crashing waterfalls in his mind. Or anything really, anything except the picture of Kenny fucking his best friend on the bowling lanes, as the blonde had so generously suggested moments before.

XX

"Stick the goddamn thing in and start already!" Kenny exclaimed, mouth slightly open in anticipation.

Stan crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head vigorously. "No way in hell I'm gonna do that, dude."

"But Stan!" the boy whined, glancing around him. "The others are gonna come back soon! We should do it while no one's around!"

"No," replied Stan. "I'm not gonna start the car and leave without them." Kenny pouted, sinking into his seat as he glanced back at the bowling alley's entrance. Where were the other two boys?—they were all almost out the building when Cartman declared the sudden urge to pee, and somehow Kyle had gone missing in the process….

"They're taking too long," said Kenny, though Stan was sure he probably could've figured that out on his own. "Poor Kyle… Cartman's probably raping him right about now."

"Why the hell would you say something like that?" asked Stan in disbelief. Then, on a completely different note, he mused, "Though I do wonder where Kyle went off to…."

The two of them spent their next moments in silence, anxiously waiting for the remainder of their party to reach the car. Indeed Stan did have some sort of curfew in terms of driving, and even though in their small town of South Park it was seldom enforced Stan still wanted to leave as quickly as they could. Yet with Kyle mysteriously gone and with Cartman still out on his super-long pee-break, Stan wasn't so sure how long it would be until they were finally able to go home.

"There they are!" exclaimed Kenny, giving Stan the unexpected answer to his musings. Sure enough, the slightly smaller Jewish boy (in height, of course) was walking quite briskly toward Stan's car, followed after by a much slower moving Cartman. Much not to Stan's surprise the two looked anything but suspicious, even though Cartman's pee break was a tad too long for him to have actually done just that…. In the end, Stan had decided, thinking about things like that too much was a bad thing, especially this late at night; and with his tapping on the wheel he let the issue go.

"Sorry about that," said Kyle, clearing his throat as he took the passenger seat.

"It's cool, dude," said Stan, twisting the key in the ignition. "Shall we go, then?" With a slight rumble and the car was off, making quite the short journey to each of their houses. Admittedly, aside from Kenny's constant perverse comments throughout the outing, going bowling that night had been rather fun and would no doubt be an option once more for a future lieu.

First to be dropped off was Cartman, who happened to live closest to the alley. They all politely said their farewells to him as he stepped out of the car, though once they were safe out of his earshot they snickered at how much lighter the car had significantly felt.

Next was Kenny, who lived in somewhat of a ghetto. Not to say he was poor (though he was), but the area around him was quite different than how the rest of South Park looked, not to mention the state and condition of his… house. Normally he would be dropped off last, considering his house was farther away from the other three's houses; but that night Kyle was staying over at Stan's house.

"See you guys on Monday?" asked Kenny as he stepped out of the car. "Well, except for Kyle…"

Kyle chuckled slightly at the remark; Stan chose to remain silent.

"Later, Ken," muttered Kyle from the passenger seat, and with that Stan drove away from the area—aggressively. Quite noticeably, too; but it was only when Stan made a turn to his street too quickly did Kyle actually mention anything about it. "That was… most unlike you, dude. Anger problems?"

Stan had no intention of responding.

XX

Stan awoke in the middle of the night with a warm sensation around his stomach. He knew immediately what it was, especially since there would really be only one possibility; there was only one other thing—person—boy—sleeping next to him to begin with. Yet the raven-haired boy spent a good five minutes (though, in the nighttime it was quite hard to actually determine how much time's really passed) trying to figure out if he should actually do something about it.

In the end, though, Stan let it pass. The warm hand around his waist felt quite nice, anyway.

XX

That Saturday morning Stan awoke to an empty bed, not to mention the piercingly bright sunlight through the windows and the unpleasant sounds of an alarm he'd forgotten to switch off.

"Where'd Kyle go?" Stan muttered aloud, but the faint sounds of running water seemed to answer his question. "Kyle wakes up early, man…." Shielding his eyes he did his best to wiggle his way out of the bed and into his pants, exchanging his white shirt for a more proper one. When he was finished changing he left the room and went downstairs.

"Good morning, Stan," said a voice Stan would've least expected to hear.

"What, you aren't gonna punch my guts out?" Stan asked, quite surprised as he winced slightly in case his rather violent sister changed her mind. "Those sessions really helping you?"

Shelley only glared at her brother quite threateningly, gulping down a large serving of sibling-anger before getting herself to speak. "Those sessions are the only reason I'm being nice to you, turd. Otherwise your head would be creamed"—Shelley pounded her fist into her open hand as a demonstration—"into that wall."

Stan didn't even bother turning to see what wall she was referring to.

"I told your friend Kyle he could take a shower if he needed one," continued Shelley in a much more relaxed voice. "But seriously, the two of you are such homos."

"I'm not gay!" Stan exclaimed a little too quickly. "What makes you say that?"

"Well," Shelley began, even pulling out her fingers to count—and by the time she was finished her list Stan very much wanted to bury his head in a bucket of sand.

1 – No two guys slept in the same room at such an old age unless they were sleeping in the same dorm.
2 – No two guys would ever sleep in the same bed—the floor was a much better option for the odd one out.
3 – No two guys slept with only one pillow on the bed.
4 – No two guys slept under the same blanket.
5 – No two guys slept while being anywhere close to each other
6 – No guy buried his face in another guy's neck, in or out of bed.
7 – No two guys even remotely spooned each other in the rare case of sleeping together.

And that list went on. Shelley listed more justifications of her homosexual accusation, and with each accusation Stan found himself turning redder and redder. Naturally, being the sadistic sister she was, Shelley only smirked wider with each shade Stan turned, and it wouldn't be long before an entirely new name would have to be given to the color Stan's face truly was.

Although, as Shelley spat out her twenty-seventh accusation Stan's mind was still stuck on the sixth one. Had Kyle… no, of course not.

"Boyfriend's here," Shelley said quickly, waving some sort of a girly-yet-still-Shelley-like goodbye before leaving. But it wasn't her boyfriend she had been returning to.

"Hey, dude."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Stan exclaimed as she shut the door behind him. Though, if it was Kyle she was referring to, where was she going…?

"I know I'm not, dude," Kyle muttered, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "Though I wasn't sure if you knew that or not." Eyeing the raven-haired boy's brow-raised expression carefully Kyle chose to explain. "The way you were sleeping last night, dude. You were pressing yourself up all on me, dude!"

"Excuse me?" Stan said, taken aback. "It was you that had your arm around my stomach last night!"

"And that explains how you were practically kissing my neck this morning?" Kyle said with a laugh, finding Stan's expression to be quite priceless. "Not that I care really, since sleeping in the same bed kinda called for this to happen. But dude, seriously…."

"I didn't mean to do any of that!" Stan said, turning away. So those twenty-seven things Shelley had described were focused specifically at him? "I'm not gay dude, I swear."

"I know," Kyle replied. "You yelled it out for the whole world to hear while I was in the shower." He watched Stan as he took a seat in front of him at the table, his face quite blown away. "Though really, dude, I've been noticing a lot about you lately…."

Stan laughed mockingly. "Ha, ha, very funny, dude."

"No, seriously!" Kyle exclaimed. "Like last night with Kenny you tensed up and stuff…."

"So?"

"So… it's like every time Kenny makes a sexual innuendo toward a guy you freak out." Stan sighed; how perceptive the Jewish boy was… though now Stan was quite afraid he'd gone as far as figuring him out…. "You aren't… homo—"

"I'm not!" Stan interjected, face turning red. "Really, I'm not!"

"Dude, chill out," said Kyle with a bemused expression. "I wasn't calling you gay or anything like that."

"You… weren't…?"

"No, dude. I was gonna say if you were homophobic." In an instant Stan found himself laughing at his hastiness and his idiocy, slamming his hand on the table once while shaking his head.

"No… 'Course not, dude…." Yet the lightheartedness in his voice and the laughter was quick to die out; it wouldn't be long, Stan knew, before Kyle would find out exactly how he really was anything except that.

XX

As Stan eventually found out, Shelley had no such boyfriend to go outside with. Yet she still insisted she had gone to buy a porno DVD to watch with her ever-so-existent boyfriend.

Stan thought of ripping on her for it, especially since she was refraining from violence; but he knew it'd only get him in the back later.