THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT, SO PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ANY OF MY MISTAKES...Also, my punctuation didnt transfer, if you know how to fix this, itd be greatly appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NONE OF THE CHARACTER, I ONLY WISH TO FIND MYSELF A RANGER ONE DAY.
"What the fuck is going on here? Manoso why are you squatting behind Steph, and Cupcake why are you naked?" Thats Joe Morelli, my on again off again sometimes live-in boyfriend. Morelli and I grew up together, we were destined from the womb sort of. When I was 6 he convinced me to play choo choo in a garage, 16 he took my virginity behind the counter of the bakery where I had been working, at 18 I ran him over with a Buick. He had broken his leg and I had gotten a lecture from my mother about scaring off suitors. I still believe to this day he faired better than I. Present day though hes gone through a stint in the Navy, become a Vice Cop and has cleaned up pretty good. Hes known as the Italian Stallion here in the Burg, the Stallion currently has his hand on his service revolver and was reaching under his shirt for his Glock. "I want you to back away from the Cupcake." Were currently in the on again stage and my Vic Secrets are sitting next to his Fruit of the Looms. I can see where hes upset, Im naked and Rangers package is near my lack of VSs "I say again back away from my goodies."
"Shit! Joe its not that bad. Hes trying to help me, Im naked and in publ... Wait WHAT! Your goodies, fine then you run off the donuts and Mickey Ds since its your body, arrogant prick ASSHO ..." I was lucky to be abruptly cut off by Ranger quietly chuckling. I was pissed and fuming. Im handcuffed and duct taped doggystyle completely naked to the local neighborhood merry-go-round. My skip had left me here after hed managed to taser me, with my own damn gun. I needed to remember to kick Ranger in his dick for reminding me to grab it. As if it couldnt get any worse the blue and whites were approaching fast, and its near sun up. My Mother will be making the sign of the cross plus dipping into the whiskey before she makes my dads' pancakes. WHY ME!
"Morelli when shes with me she has no Secrets, we dont worry about such things, theyre always forgotten about in the rush to get to know one another more personally anyway." WOW, there were a few double entendres there. I knew that, Morelli had no clue. I could almost see steam rising from Morellis' ears. YIPES.
See, Ranger was Batman. He was dark, mysterious, sexy as hell, and Cuban. He was smoke and everyone knows where theres smoke theres fire. He used to be my advisor of sorts. When I was new to the bounty hunter gig he was my mentor, he showed me how to hunt an FTA and how to shoot my gun; which same as ever is sitting in my cookie jar, on my counter in the kitchen of my easily broken into apartment. Ranger and I have stolen kisses in the alley by my cousin Vinnies Bail Bonds office, where I was currently employed and contemplating blowing up. Weve shared a night together where Ranger sent me back to Morelli, and a few other varied and random moments. Joe hates Ranger and vice versa. Im the woman between these two in more ways than one, like currently.
In a flash Morelli and Ranger had their Glocks trained on one another. Ranger was pointing his between Morellis eyes and Morelli had his gun pointed between Rangers legs.
"Will somebody please get me outta here, leave the pissing contest to later." I was cold, tired, and smelled like vomit. I didnt know whose vomit, one could only guess. I was hoping it was a nice school teacher who got wasted and upchucked here where I just so happened to be duct taped. Atleast if it were the teacher I wouldnt feel as grossed out as if to say it were some random fall down drunk that probably vomited to make himself smell better. GAG!
"Not until that bastard leaves Cupcake, why is he here anyway? Why didnt you call me? Why is he always your number 1?"Joe is not much of a whiner, this moment scared me a little.
"Hes the only one I have on my voice dial Joe, Im lucky I got to call anyone and Joe youre lucky he called you!" I had just gotten the phone the night before because my old one along with my purse, Macys card, and car had blown up due to another FTA that decided my life was to boring and opted to liven it up some. I got even more pissed at the thought of my lost Macys card. I need to purge myself of the male ego by going shoe shopping, I filed that thought away for later.
"Where the helld you have your phone anyway, youre naked. It may just be me, but theres only a handful of places to tuck it away, whered you put it? With that he spun the Merry-go-round full force turned tail and stomped away bitching about good for nothings' and a long string of profanities that would have made even the most hardassed man gawk.
I screamed bloody murder, which caused many a house light to come on and many a housewife to come out."OH SHIT! Ranger get me outta here, Ill do anything!"
"Ill hold you to that Babe, and if you dont stick to it yourself Ill tell Morelli I found you here with that ball gag in your mouth." I hissed, he continued. "I guess my dicks lucky that Joe didnt arrive two minutes sooner." I could almost make out a smile. I hissed again and used a good string of profanities myself. This time I know I heard Ranger laugh out loud.
"Ranger please hurry!" I was begging now, he was rushing but I was praying Id be in the Turbo before the sun was completely up. The blue and whites were doing a great job of keeping the now growing crowd back, but I was a legend of sorts in the Burg. If the crowd found out it was me sitting here, with my dignity flapping in the breeze I would make the news again, and I didnt want that. My naked white ass splayed across the front page was not as flattering as one might think. YIKES! With my wrist free I tried to help Ranger. "Cover me with your windbreaker. Im naked and people can see me now, hurry before they recognize who I am." I was near tears with frustration and irate thinking I might be cut off from my Moms' pineapple upside down cake for the rest of my life if she heard about this.
He was grinning his 200 watt smile now, "Only if you tell me about the phone, and how the hell you ended up here"
"Call Tank and have him drive the SUV up here next to us and its a deal."Ranger took out his phone and hit a button, after mumbling a few uncoherent words he turned to me and said, "Speak."A smile firmly in place.
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TWO DAYS AGO..
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"Fuck! Christ, Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking fuckers! Dammit!" after letting out my line of explicits I looked towards Ranger to see his reaction. Passive, as always." Fuck" normally Im a little reluctant to tell Ranger about my major screw ups, but right now I was pure chicken shit. I told myself to breathe, finally I turned completely around to look at Ranger and let out the breathe."Its about the Mercedes!" He grimaced. I was wondering if it was to late for a last will and testament.
He gave me the car at breakfast, its just going on noon.
"Babe."
Im assuming this is him telling me to continue, "I may have lost it, along with Dungeon. Hes the FTA." Ranger had let me use the car on a whim which was purely out of character for Ranger. I assured him that the car would be fine, I really wanted to eat those words right about now. I explained to him last night that the Mercedes was more eye candy than anything else, it was just suppossed to draw Dungeon out of his house. The plan had been simple. Lula would drive the car down Keila st, where Dungeon lived shed park it right outside his house and walk into a girlfriends that lived next door. I lucked out with that one, so Lula had to be apart of it all. All the while Id be squatted down in the back seat and as soon as he opened the door and sat in Id pop up and taser him and BAM done. Hed been picked up on boosting a similar car, how easy would this be? An easy 5 grand to put towards a new car, my other had been stolen weeks prior on Stark picking up an FTA with Ranger. So I guilted him into letting me use his Mercedes, we had it all planned out. What could go wrong?
I take another breathe and hold it, hoping Ill black out and not have to explain. Whoosh, the air escapes my lungs. Dammit, it didnt work! I set my mouth in a line that my mom would be proud of and I continue to explain.
"So, it starts off as planned. Lula and I get to Keila st, we park and she gets out. So far so good, Im happy." Ranger settles himself against the desk and has yet to blink.
"Lula gets to her friends house and she knocks, and one of her old Johns' just so happens to walk out. Next thing I know they get into it. Lula starts screaming about him having a "flea dick" and the only thing he was able to satisfy was himself because "she doubted even the tightest ho could feel what he was packing". He then whips said flea dick out and all hell breaks loose.
Ranger nods, and I calm down. He hasnt started checking to see if his gun is loaded yet, so I assume Ill live to finish the story. Dammit, Rangers gun is always loaded, my hope hits the ground. Tank knocks and Ranger invites him to listen in. "Shit." Lulas not going to appreciate me making her look bad in front of Tank. She and he have a thing, and who am I to ruin a good thing.
See, Lula is well, shes a whole lot of woman, normally squeezed into next to nothing.. Shed been wearing a lime green spandex halter dress with a sequenced bodice and purple FMPs along with purple highlights in her very blond hair at breakfast this morning when we went to get Dungeon. As a big black woman in that outfit I say she was making a statement, I can maybe see where the John thought she was still in the business. In the past Lula was a Ho. She had been beaten and left for dead on my fire escape by Ramirez, a not so nice badass FTA, who thought beating women was fun and mutilating and humiliating them was like an orgasm in itself. She was supposed to be a reminder to me that I could end up the same way, apparently I mixed up the message somewhere because I still went after the asshole. Hed been taken down hard, and I doubt has forgotten about me. Lula had quit that life and had started working for Vinnie as a filing clerk and now assists me with take downs.
I continued "She was holding onto this mans tool and attempting to get into her purse, Im assuming to pull out her Glock to shoot off his member."
Tank let out a bark of laughter "Thats my girl." Ranger mightve blinked.
"She was dragging him around while he squealed in pain. The crowd was chanting a not so nice slogan of fleas and knees. I made a quick decision and had gotten out of the car to control the situation." OOPS! Ranger flinched. " Somewhere in the mayhem of me prying her hands off of him I heard an engine turn over."
"Fuck, Lula the car.' I said. We had tore ass up Keila after the Mercedes, her in her sequince and heels and me in my flannel and Doc Martens. We made it to the halfway point but he had already turned left onto Rt. 20 heading towards Stark st."'
"Please explain to me Babe, why you didnt call me." Tank was leaning forward listening intentlly not wanting to miss anything. Oh my God, I can picture him retelling this to the guys later, mental head slap, shit!
"I lost, I chose rock." The look on Tanks face was of pure awe. He was more than likely thinking I should have jumped out the window rather than tell Ranger that.
"What do you mean, 'you chose rock."He shifted, "What does that mean?" I forgot Batman was never a kid. "You know the game, 'Rock, Paper, Scissors." I preceded to explain the game to him. He gave me a look that said I should have jumped rather than told him that.
"So if Lula won, whod you call?" I shouldve jumped, I realized that now.
"Morelli." I sucked in breathe quicker than a drowing victim when rescued.
"Fuck." Id never heard Tank swear before, I then realized how big this was. I looked behind me to see whether or not the window option was still available.
"Dont think about it, Id meet you at the bottom just to throw your lil ass right back out it."Ranger then did the unthinkable, he smiled.
"Did I die, or are you really contemplating tossing me out? Why are you smiling?"I gripped the chair, I was not dressed right for suicide or murder, I wasnt even wearing sexy underwear.
"Shhh, Babe. "Im glad youre alive, Im not going to kill you, and Im smiling thinking about what Im going to do to the sonuvabitch that stole my car." With that he and Tank walked out the room and I checked to see if I had pissed my pants. Nope, still good and dry.
