Denial

It had been two weeks since the accident. Two weeks since I felt my world was torn upside down. I was sat here now on the bed I shared with him, our dog; who knew something was wrong was lying on his side of the bed. I was putting my black dress shoes, my mind blank as my hands naturally did the work to tie the laces. I looked down at my pale hands, rubbing my thumb on the gold ring he gave me. How was I supposed to get through this? The apartment bell rang.

"Coming," I whispered under my breath, knowing no one would here me as I stood up. I made my way to the door, picking up my keys and wallet on the way.

I reached the ground floor and was greeted by Yakov. He appointed himself as the driver to drive all the skaters to the service. My own family couldn't make it so I was facing this alone.

My mind was blank the whole service. Nothing entered my brain until I heard my name was being called. I promised him I would say a few words. I removed myself from the seat and made my way the stand at the front.

"I remember him telling me once 'even if I'm not here, I'll always be with you in spirit'. I didn't know his words would mean so much to me now. Victor Nikiforov was a great man; an idol to many, friends to a few and most importantly my husband. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for Victor, and I most definitely wouldn't be the person I am today without him by my side. He taught me what love is, and for that, I'm stronger for it," I took a breath, I couldn't hold them back anymore as the tears started to flow down my face. "Oh I'm- I'm so sorry." I couldn't help it. I just left the stand and left the service, crying my eyes out as I ran as fast as I could.

This can't be happening I thought to myself. How could this of happened? This shouldn't have happened!

I found myself still running with tears down my face; I don't know where I was headed but it felt like I was running from a secret past I was hiding. Ten minutes of my mind being a blur I ended up at a beach. Thankfully no one was there because as soon as my feet hit the sand all I could do was let out a scream. My knees gave in as collapsed to the sand with my head in my hands.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom, it's Yuri."

"Yuri, why aren't you at the funeral? Has it ended already?"

"No, I uh- I just left. I couldn't handle it. I'm- I'm sorry."

"Yuri, listen I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there with you. But remember, I'm so proud of you because not everyone would be able to handle what you're going through right now. Victor would be proud as well."

"Thanks, Mom *sniff* I'll let you get back, I know how busy things can get."

"Yuri, sweetie, don't be silly. I know you're going through a hard time right now. So call me whenever you want- I don't care what time or day, just call me. I love you."

"I love you too Mom." I hanged up the phone and sat there on the damp sand. It was getting quite chilly as the day was nearing an end, the sun was starting to set against the ocean. Viktor loved coming here. "I guess I should start making my way back."

I started to walk back to the grounds where Victor would be getting buried. Slowly, but eventually, I made it there.

When I arrived, only Yurio was left, standing next to the newly placed headstone.

"Hey pork cutlet," he quietly said to me as he saw me walking over. "You know, I wish I got to tell him how much I looked up to him. We'd been training at the same rink for so long together, I guess I never got to appreciate as much."

"I'm sure he knew Yuri, he may have acted a bit silly at times, but he understood," I was shocked at Yurio's response; he turned on heels and pulled me into a hug, his head buried in my chest. I instinctively wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer.

"It's OK Yuri."

I got back to our apartment around 10:30 pm after making sure Yurio got home OK. Even though Makkachin greeted me when I walked through the door; the apartment never felt so empty. Before now if I had come home, Victor was always there to greet me; with his big cheesy smile and sometimes messy hair, he would embrace me into a kiss before I had a chance to remove my coat. I was going to miss that.

I didn't bother eating that evening- a matter of fact I couldn't remember the last time I ate but I didn't really care either. I just got myself to bed, Makkachin following me around like a little-lost sheep. I couldn't blame him, he doesn't understand the Victor was never coming home; Makkachin and myself both think he's going to walk through the door any moment. I guess we're both just in denial.


A/N

I'm going to continue this whether people read it or not. If you're reading my fanfic Ice Memories I will be continuing that, but I'm at a bit of writers block so going to work on some other things for a bit.