Notes from Lopez.
Chapter 1:
Introduction.
It's never easy to lose somebody you love. Honestly, it's never easy to lose somebody, period. Whether it's love or hate, whether it be admiration or just that feeling you have about someone, it's the single fact alone that there's apart of your life being ripped from you. Unwillingly. Forcefully. Plain harshly.
It's not a matter of size or significance. Even if you can't see the hole, it's still there. It hangs in your being, it plays through subconscious and it comes out right when you least expect it, exactly like the act of it being taken from you.
Unexpectedly. It was something you couldn't predict. The likelihood of my father's death had not been printed into a newsletter and posted out for me to collect and read, it was something that caught me completely off-guard. It's not something you can prepare for.
Some may say it's easier being aware of the person and the feelings you're about to lose, but how is that possible? In the end it's all the same.
You cannot make a plan that'll hold you stably.
There's no process to go about after it happens either.
It is what it is, and it's going to be different no matter what.
It's an alteration of your life.
Sometimes the level of hurt is just different.
And on a scale of 1 to 10. It hurts like hell.
"She's not normal mum, I don't know why we've got to do this for her."
I glanced up from my paper and straight at her. She was at it again, those perfectly styled curls that fell just before her collarbones bounced around as she tossed her head around while complaining about my presence. I'm sure she wouldn't say things like that if she knew I was listening. But it was the honesty that I appreciated.
"Careful, she can read lips you know.."
My focus snapped straight back to my journal as their gaze shot over at me, I scribbled a few more lines to seem convincing enough. I didn't need it to come cross like I was noting out what they were saying, they'd done enough for me already and I wasn't about to let that slip up.
"You know how much this means to your Dad, don't you think you could at least try Quinn?" Mrs. Fabray's hands moved to her daughter's head where she began to slowly push her hair back, she placed a kiss on her forehead. "I know you'll get along eventually. I'm out for tonight so there's dinner in the freezer, just heat it up and spend a bit of time trying to get to know her okay?"
Quinn's lips attempted to open but there was no point, Mrs. Fabray had already grabbed her suitcase and was half-way out the door.
This was only my third night here and it was already the second time she'd had to work night shift. Mrs. Fabray was a surgeon which meant she was on-call a lot of the time and it didn't take a miracle to figure out just how much it irritated Quinn.
"Not sure what time your Dad will be back tonight Quinny, try call him if you want but I'll be back before lunch tomorrow."
There was a loud bang heard as the front door slammed shut, I didn't even flinch which wasn't something that I'd mastered overnight.
Quinn strolled past me and straight towards the fridge, my guess was for our dinner but instead she pulled out a box of liquor.
"I'm having a few people over tonight, but don't tell anyone." I heard her voice as she sorted through the fridge for some other things.
My head stayed down until a container was thrown on the bench in front of me.
"Heat this up." Quinn moved down to meet my stare, her lips moved slowly enough to ensure that I understood what she meant. I just nodded and moved the container to the side.
This was also the second night that she'd had people over. The first night was okay, her attempt to keep her friends from trying to figure me out wasn't anything less than I expected. I got where she was coming from, a deaf girl with no parents who you suddenly have to make family. Who wants that?
"So look," Quinn started as she moved the chair opposite me out from under the table. "I don't want you to tell my mum and dad about this, okay? You're lucky enough to be here as it is, so just stay quiet."
I gazed up at her, those eyes, there was something about them that I could never quite figure out. It was as if hidden behind all the aggression was an innocence about her, which flashed out at you in gold flecks that mixed together with her green eyes. I hate that I liked that so much about her.
She stayed for another minute or so until she got tired of no response, I watched as she moved from her seat to around the table. At the exactly right moment I grabbed her wrist softly, pulling her back closer to the table. The expression written across her face didn't seem pleasant. Hurriedly I grabbed a note from inside my journal and scribbled a few words across it and handed it to the unenthused blonde that stood impatient beside me.
"I get it." She read my note aloud before she scoffed and tossed it back on the table. "As if."
It was then that I realized just how much it was going to take to live comfortably in this house.
"Sorry." I murmured under my breath so quietly nobody but myself would ever hear me. Sometimes I wished I'd never started this act, but then sometimes I just missed my father.
