Do I hate my life? Maybe. A little. Ok I definitely don't love it anymore. Wanna know why?...Stupid Stupid…am I jealous? Possessive? Annoying? I hope not…well maybe annoying depends who…BUT DON'T WORRY IM NOT SUCICIDAL…yet…Life's short live it well…I can't live it well till they can't communicate in any way! I'm so stupid…I thought that maybe SHE would have enough sense to not talk to HIM anymore after the first day but Noo…it has gone to the level that its STRANGER DANGER! …maybe it is my fault…I refuse to believe that everything happens for a reason in this scenario…I don't want them to have a destiny together…I would rather die than to see them together…It would HURT KILL me to see them poor with no kids, no money, nothing, BUT HAPPY TO BE WITH EACH OTHER while I had everything …I PRAY TO GOD THAT I WILL TURN BLIND SO I WON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM TOGETHER! Is this what guys do to best friends? Pain strikes through me and refuses to leave…sadness unlike any kind…no time will heal this…alone, dark, crying, but this time with no best friend to lean on…forever I will be scared…but I refuse to let this bring me down all the way…everything will go back up at one point …have I lost all hope? Destined to PRETEND everything is fine? I hope not I have lost all hope…life will continue leaving me behind…dwelling in the past…will I ever get over it? Is it FML worthy? Where everyone can read this horrible, wrenched story? Hear my suffering and laugh like I have done one too many times? Eating dinner…acting happy…all fake…no one can see through the wall I have built…no cracks, completely brand new…never so depressed…help? Should I ask for help? They say telling someone helps…I have told you much…why do I feel no reassurance? Why only pain and confusion? Listening to pain piano music…lets me think in silence helping me when the music gets faster, more upbeat just silence…getting used to the loneliness, quiet, peace…is this depression? Do I feel hopeless? Helpless? Do I have negative thoughts? Do I block out all hope and positivity? Can I feel joy? Maybe…I…is my life ruined if I think like this? Such a long time to live…can I deal with this pain my whole life? One cut…that's all it takes…why can't I do it?...is there a reason I can't? A reason for me to live? Will this be a fairytale ending? Will HE come back to me? Loyally? Faithfully? Forgetting HER? Completely? Or partly? Questions! Too many…my head hurts…I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER! Will I learn to accept it? Positive Outlooks? Am I getting better? Only time will tell?
