Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the master of all and he said it was okay that I write this as long as I issued a disclaimer saying I owned nothing.
A/N: This idea is something I've been wanting to do for a while but it never seemed to fit in any other fic. So I decided to just do it fresh and see what happened. Feed (back) me please and let me know what you think. Also this story is going to be Fuffy (Faith/Buffy) so if that is not your thing please exit stage left. This chapter is dedicated to my BFF, S.
Chapter One: Not Normal
The morning started with a loud crash and the death of Buffy Summers' alarm clock. It had dared to ring and was now lying in a crushed heap on the floor, barely able to tinker anymore. To be truthful it was the fourth she'd been through in a month and probably wouldn't be the last if she kept feeling like she did. Everyone was after her to go to a doctor but that would just be stupid, because doctors and hospitals were evil. She'd never had a good experience in one. Never. Besides if she went they would just end up giving her bad news anyway.
Miss. Summers you have cancer.
Miss. Summers you have diabetes.
Miss. Summers you have heart disease.
The list was endless and in her opinion no news was good news. Being dead twice really sobered a person up. If she were to go again at least this time she wouldn't see it coming. And yes she was aware that was a weird way of thinking, but she grew up on a Hellmouth where weird often turned out to be sensible. So in the end she'd be sensible Buffy and not worrying for no reason Buffy. That was Giles department after all.
"Buffy." The door opened and Willow Rosenburg peeped her head in, cringing at the sight of her best friend. "Wow you look like crap. I--I mean...how ya feeling?"
"Ugh...um better." She lied, slowly removing the pillow from over her head and sitting up. She knew without even checking that her hair was in another time zone of distress. "I--I think I'm curing up. Yep, everything is looking peachy keen."
The witch smirked, folding her arms over her flowy white dress. "Well that's great, Buff. I'm making breakfast and I was just curious if you wanted your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Ya know all runny and kinda slimy--like the way Dawn likes 'em. With that goo kinda shiftin' around...like...like little dancing Sumo wrestlers."
"Oh god." Slapping a hand over her mouth, the blonde lunged off the bed and into the bathroom. She proceeded to pray to the porcelain God, emptying the contents of her already empty stomach. "I hate you!"
"I'm sorry but you're not fine. Yo--you're so less than fine that you've circled god-awful twice and headed onto just plain gross." Pressing her lips together, the red head sighed. "I'm taking you to the doctor. You could have malaria or something."
"Nooo..." The Slayer whined. "It's just a bug. A stupid bug that has decided to infest my perfect body and turn it against me for a few days. No big."
A beat. "Months, not days. You've been puking your guts out for the last two months on and off. Everyone is worried about you, especially Dawn. Don't make me crack the magic whip missy!"
Defeated and pouting, the other girl slowly stood and splashed cold water on her face. "Wh--what if I get bad news? What if I have...what my mom had?"
Willow smiled thoughtfully. "You don't. It--it's just some stubborn little dust mite that's clinging to dear life while your white blood cells have it cornered. You just need some medicine to back them up. To kick its ass like we do the evil beasties."
Buffy reached for her tooth brush. "Okay okay I'll see the stupid doctor but if he gives me bad news, I'm telling!"
"Telling who?"
"...Giles."
"Ooh I'm shaking in my clogs."
"Quit it or I'll tell Kennedy how you were eying that girl with the big boobs."
A pause. "Heh, just put some clothes on so that we can go. I'll get the car." And then she was gone.
Moaning as another wave of dizziness washed through her, the Californian stared at her reflection. Her normally bright green eyes were dull and puffy, rimmed with dark circles. Her skin was clammy and pale; she looked like she had gone three rounds with Mike Tyson and actually lost. Least she'd kept her ears however. It was odd though, feeling like crap when she hadn't been sick in ages. Being a Slayer meant a little more immunity to the common cold, so there was a good chance that this sudden illness was mystic.
Since activating a whole slew of Slayers and sending them out in the world to fight evil, she'd ruffled a lot of feathers from giant fire breathing demons to demi Gods that held grudges forever. Why just last week a troop of vampires had stormed their compound and tried to wipe them out. Dummies; they'd gotten their asses dusted of course. It had been a good training exercise for the newer girls that ranged from 12 to 19.
Mumbling, Buffy finished up her morning routine and slipped into sweats and a t-shirt. She brushed her hair, stuck it in a loose pony tail and trudged downstairs into the living room. Dawn was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal with Andrew, discussing some cartoon that they were watching.
She looked up as her sister entered, slurping the milk off her spoon. "Willow finally get cha to go to the docs?"
"Yes." A pout. "She threatened me with magic. She just might be evil again."
"You're gonna be fine, Buffy." Baby Summers offered up a small grin. "It's probably just some icky virus or something."
"Or it could be a bio engineered Slayer defeating virus, sent by some evil Warlock to take you out of the picture. Because everyone knows when the Queen falls the rest of the kingdom will as well." Andrew piped up with his two cents. "And when we are left broken and leaderless, they will swoop in to deliver the final blow. Oh who will save us when you're gone?!"
Frowning, the petite female smacked him upside his head. "I could still kill you at anytime ya know."
"Noted." He shrunk down to the sofa cushions. "I hope you feel better soon. I could make you chicken soup with a hint of parsley when you get back. Most people just add salt but I find a little paprika gives it a certain spice."
The former Key lifted a brow. "Anyway you just focus on gettin' better. We have everything under control."
"Why don't I believe that?"
"Cause you're pre-programed to be really anal."
"Oh. If I felt better I'd argue that point."
"Of course. Hence the analiness."
"Why does it have to be so freaken cold in here?" Buffy grumbled from her spot on the small bed. The examining room was just like every other room in the office of Doctor Jonathan Beach. Sterile, white and uncomfortable with a table for the instruments and a chair near the door. The blinds at the window were closed and the ac felt like it was on full blast, making goosebumps break out on the girls' skin. "And why am I in this paper gown? Why do they make them outta paper anyway? Aren't we--we supposed to be saving trees and stuff? How does an entire dress made out of paper save trees?"
Willow tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Um, I think they are more sanitary. You can just toss 'em when you're done. Maybe it's recycled paper..."
"This is dumb. We're dumb for being here. And then I'm gonna get a big dumb bill in the mail for like a billion dollars, when all he is gonna say is that I need some Tylenol." Buffy shook her head with a sigh. "Couldn't you have just did a spell to poof me well?"
The witch snorted playfully. "And have you turn into a piglet? No thank you. Rona still won't let me live that down." Itching at her hand, she picked up two tongue depressors and began to play with them, making them dance. "I can't believe you are being such a Grumpy Gus when you're this fearless demon fighter. Next thing ya know you'll be runnin' at the sight of plaque."
"If it makes me feel like this I might."
"You're worse than when Xander got the funny syphilis."
"What made it funny?" Asked a deep voice.
Both girls looked up to see the doctor as he entered the room, all white coat and pen in his pocket. He was tall and handsome, with strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Flashing them both a toothy grin, he plopped down on the swivel chair and glanced over the chart.
"Um uh, hi." The Wicca quickly hid her hands behind her. "What's up doc? I--I mean what's--is she sick? Well of course she is sick since she is here bu--but I mean..."
"It's okay. I get that a lot actually." He chuckled. "Some people even have a carrot when they say it. Why they'd carry a carrot around with them in their pocket I dunno but hey, I just work here." A beat. "Alrightie so Miss. Summers your blood work came back and I was wrong, you don't have the flu. My bad."
She blinked at him. "My bad? Are you sure you're a real doctor? I'm suddenly noticing the lack of framed certificates..."
He smirked, folding his arms over his chest. "Eh I haven't put those up since I stopped selling pills out the trunk of my car. You kill one hobo and all of a sudden everyone is questioning your skills."
"Great. I had to get the funny doctor."
"Well I'm not a side splitter like say...syphilis but I do okay."
The blonde gave an exhausted huff. She didn't feel like exchanging quips at the moment. "Okay I don't have the flu. So what do I have?"
Adjusting his stripped tie, he smiled. "You are pregnant. I'm not sure exactly how far long you are but if I had to guess I'd say three months. To get the exact time I'd have to...you know...explore."
Silence followed his admission as both young women just stared at him like he had five heads or something. And then Buffy was laughing, even managing to release a little snort. "No really. What's wrong with me?"
Doctor Beach arched a brow. "Well I just told you that you are going to have a baby and you're laughing like a crazy person. Are you guys a family of clowns or something?"
The Slayer's best friend took this time to speak up. "You see it's just--well she can't be pregnant. She doesn't have a boyfriend." Her eyes cut to the blonde. "Right?"
"No." The Cali girl said with a deadpan expression. "I haven't been with anyone since we moved here. Your test is obviously wrong."
"Nope. Clear Blue Easy might bullshit you but a blood test doesn't. You're knocked up." Standing, he dug into a box of gloves, putting a pair on.
"That's impossible!" Buffy shouted, outraged by his flip manner. "The last guy that I was with couldn't even have kids, and besides that was like two years ago. I've dated yeah but--but nothing more than that." Then she gasped. "Oh my God. It--it must be some kinda bio engineered virus like Andrew said! So--some kinda wiggy alien thing that was implanted into me while I was asleep and is just waiting to bust through my chest and take over the world!"
Jonathan clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Miss. Summers are you on anti psychotics?" When she said no he nodded. "Sounds like you should be."
Clearing her throat, the red head snickered nervously. "Say what are the gloves for?" She patted her friends hand, trying to calm her down.
"I would like to perform a trans-vaginal ultrasound and get a look inside the uterus. Make sure things are going okay...and that no aliens are resting comfortably." He explained as the door opened and a nurse filed in. "If you would just wait out side Miss. Rosenburg..."
"No, I want her here." The Californian stated, and let herself be put in the cold stirrups. Anything to prove that this guy had a screw loose and didn't know what he was talking about.
He just shrugged. "Okie dokie." After his helper had prepared the long white probe shaped device with a condom and gel, he took it from her and went to work. "You might feel a bit of discomfort but it's normal." Reaching over, he turned on the monitor
She rolled her green eyes, making a face and taking a deep breath at the sensations she was now feeling. "Trust me. Nothin' about this is normal..."
The handsome young man hummed as images flashed onto the screen. "Ahh and there is your baby. Everything appears to be alright." He bit his bottom lip. "I only see one...and you appear to be nine weeks. You really should have came in before now so we could have started you on vitamins and such, but better late than never."
The Slayer was too scared to look because she didn't know what she was going to see. She knew it was impossible for her to be pregnant because she wasn't having sex. Not even a little bit of sex. Not even some fun under the shirt kinda stuff. However Willow's expressions were slowly confirming that her worst nightmare had came true. Not that having kids was her worst nightmare. Just having one when there was no sperm or penis involved what so ever kinda took the fun out of everything, and replaced it with ultimate fear.
"Oh. Wow. I--I see it, Buffy. I see a little...thingie." Her best friend gaped, completely shocked. "It's all peanut shaped. It's kinda cute."
"No thi--this isn't happening." The blonde blew the bangs out of her face, feeling her eyes tear up as she forced herself to glance at the flickering black and white image. "Th--this is a trick. I--I'm dreaming and...no. I wanna leave now."
"Miss. Summers..."
"No! Get that thing out of me! I--I have to go!"
Doctor Beach sighed but did as she requested. As the nurse cleaned her up and tried to hand her a few booklets on pregnancy as she dressed, he pulled Willow aside. "Look I don't know what's going on with you and your friend, but if it's drugs I suggest you get her the help she needs."
"It's not drugs. She--she's just in shock." Willow explained slowly. "This whole baby deal really comes outta nowhere. Are--are you sure it's not a tumor or something?"
"No. Not unless her tumor has a tiny heart beat, and is in fact a tape worm." A beat. "Just make sure she takes her vitamins and gets lots of rest before she decides her next move."
"Oh um, yeah. Okay." She rubbed her cheek, stepping back as her friend stormed past her. Well this was going to be fun.
There had never been a silence concerning the Scoobies as there were at that moment. Everyone just sat staring at their Slayer friend, mouths open and brains in over drive. When Willow had informed them of the doctor's findings, they'd figured she was joking and had a hearty laugh. However the sonogram picture cut that in the bud and they tried to put two and two together. Baffled wasn't a strong enough word to describe what they were all feeling. Majorly freaked out with a side of oh my god was on the right track.
"This uh--I..." Giles cleaned his glasses. "I..."
"We are for to be researching now, yes?" Xander inquired. "I mean if some demon thing has infected Buffy then we need to figure out what we are dealing with. Right?"
"Yes, right." The Watcher nodded slowly, clearly flabbergasted. "Research. Though I don't know where we should uh, even attempt to begin."
"Hey, maybe we should call Angel. I mean Cordelia was pregnant twice with some kinda oogie boogie. Maybe he can help us narrow down the field or something." Dawn suggested.
"No." Buffy whispered from her place on the window seat. "I don't want him to know about this."
Kennedy, who sat on the floor by her girlfriend's legs, pulled at her green shirt. "Why don't you try some kinda spell, baby?"
The carrot colored haired female smiled. "I could check out fertility rituals and see what I can find. Bu--but there are hundreds of ancient fertility goddesses; it's gonna be hard to pin point which one might have been called on." A beat. "And no--not to poop on the party but...well it didn't look like a creature feature kinda thing. It looked normal."
"But it can't be? Can it?" Asked the youngest Summers. "We'd be talking Immaculate Conception. Do--do you think the Powers That Be got Buffy pregnant?"
"Anything is possible." The ex librarian reasoned. "Though I do not see why they would do such a thing."
The Slayer cursed, tightening the blanket around her shoulders. "And they didn't even buy me dinner first. Bastards."
"Don't worry, Buffy. We are gonna get to the bottom of this." Xander stood. "Let's get to work."
As everyone milled out of the room to begin the study sessions, Dawn came over and kissed her sister on the top of her head. She didn't say anything 'cause it would have just been stupid or out of place, so that small bit of affection would have to do. Inhaling, she then turned and followed the path that they others had taken.
Buffy swallowed hard and pressed her forehead to the cool glass, letting the tears she had been desperately holding in finally fall. They rolled down her cheeks clear and warm, trickling over her chin to drop on her blouse. Why was this happening to her? Was she being punished? Was this the universe's way of telling her that empowering all of those Potentials had been the wrong way to go? Couldn't a letter or email have been just as effective?
There was some weird thing growing inside of her and there was nothing she could do about it. It could be poisoning her or doing God knows what, and all she could do was sit and wait. Wait for more questions. Wait for answers. Wait for it to chew its way through her rib cage and use her lungs as earmuffs! Stupid lungs.
And to think she'd been being good with the no sex for nothing. If she'd known some hell beastie was just gonna take up resident anyway, she'd have had a lot more fun with that guy from the parcel delivery place. Maybe. Okay probably not but she could pretend she would have, especially in this situation. It was times like this she missed the simple things in life; crazy robots trying to destroy the world, hell Gods with bad dye jobs, a non-corporal all powerful evil bent on taking over the planet. Ahh those were the good old days.
However the one small comfort that had her not going totally insane and breaking stuff was the fact that this was all a big mistake. Some monster was playing with her, and that she could deal with. She knew her friends would find out what was going on and then fix it. And then she would find whoever had did this to her and kill them. A lot.
