Written for the NFA Road rage challenge: two characters stuck together for an hour, speech only. Note "..." is a pause from the person whose turn it is next.

Warning season 5 spoilers

An hour to kill

"Now we just sit back and wait for an hour. So: what do you want to do?"

"Sleep?"

"Sleep! It's only been 19 hours! How can you possibly sleep?"

"I'm guessing your caffeine replenishment program's complete."

"Oh yeah; I've made up for lost time."

"Well I'm making up for lost sleep."

"One blink and I'll superglue you to the keyboard."

"Tony told you."

"No, I found a keyboard with a missing a row of keys in the trash."

"I thought this had all stopped: all the pranks at my expense."

"Just remember: they torture you because they care."

"They torture me for sport and personal gratification."

"That too. Oh, go easy on Tony. He's recovering from a broken heart."

"He's recovering from a surprise soaking at the Nelson's house. The guy is into domotics, the remote controls the watering. I told Tony the sprinkler system was connected to the security system and he bought it - twice. OW, what was that for?"

"For upsetting Tony, can't you see he's under a lot of stress? He just lost his soul mate."

"Well at least he had one."

"Timothy McGee!"

"What?"

"You're jealous."

"No I'm … well maybe just a little. Haven't you thought about it?"

"About what?"

"Finding your one true soul mate?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"I'm more of a giver. I like to spread the love around. I'm not so, ah, emotionally restrained."

"Not you too."

"What?"

"Ziva's convinced I'm a virgin, Tony thinks I never have sex with other humans."

"But that's silly, I can tell them about…"

"No don't."

"But I still have the pictures."

"Really don't. Please?"

"Why not?"

"I don't have to justify myself to them. If I choose to save myself…"

"Choose?"

"OK, even if I have that choice thrust upon me."

"If they were thrusting upon you…"

"The point is: it's no one else's business. Besides.."

"Besides what?"

"Forget it."

"No, no, no – this has MOAS written all over it."

"It's not a MOAS it's more a …"

"What?

"Well…why do you think the Director chose Tony rather than me for that undercover mission?"

"mmm"

"That's the same look Ziva gave me."

"Well, come ON McGee."

"What?"

"Tony is nothing like you: he's handsome, witty, charming, macho and quick on his feet."

"Thanks, I feel much better now."

"Face it, McGee. The big difference between you and Tony is that he can lie through his teeth without his ears undergoing spontaneous combustion."

"But she made him a Professor. I make a better Professor than Tony."

"She made him an expert on films, McGee. Not some ivory tower geek. Besides, that's just the cover. It doesn't mean that much. It's the same reason Tony got the undercover job with Ziva."

"What, you don't think I could have done that?"

"You really think you come across as a great lover – oh wait, that didn't sound right. Tony has more of a sex-machine air to him whereas you…"

"Would you like a shovel with a longer handle?"

"The point is, McGee: would have had sex with someone to protect your cover?"

"Um, sure. I think. Maybe."

"McGee…"

"OK, no probably not."

"And that's why the Director chose Tony."

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"Apart from the obvious?"

"I mean Ziva, Gibbs, probably the Director and now Tony have all slept with someone for information. I'm not sure I could do that."

"You're a guy, McGee, you'd suffer along somehow."

"I'm not so sure. Besides, I'm not sure I could get some complete stranger to like me."

"Look at the bright side McGee."

"Enlighten me."

"You soaked Tony with the sprinklers?"

"Yeah….and?"

"It proves you can still get someone wet."

"OW!"