So this story is inspired by a song, and tell me if you guessed it after reading it c: It's a really great song, and if you hate it-fuck off. But I hope that all of you would like the story, Thanks.
Okay, so I'm here again to tell a simple story...or you can call it a tale XD And yeah, this is the first time I wrote a Jacob POV-which is really new to me-if some people are wondering. But I really like to challenge myself sometimes to write things I haven't written before.
Enjoy.
10:39 pm, Friday
"Stop trying to make this work!" she shouted at me from the dresser in our room where her duffel bag is, clothes spilling from it as I hardly hear her because of the ringing in my ear which causes me to be dizzy and grasp the door knob.
She took a deep breath while I waited for her to say something. She exhaled and then she whispered, "Because this isn't going to work anymore" she continued her earlier sentences, and the she paused for a moment, staring at the carpet beneath her feet. She composed herfself for a few seconds and then went back to collecting her things around our room-that will be soon called only my room the moment she leaves this apartment-, stuffing them in a bag.
"Bella..." I tried again, for I was hopeless. She flashed a look at me, but then she glared and I stopped speaking. After a moment, I didn't give up, though most half of my brain is telling me to give up already with pity for myself.
"Bella don't leave. I-I promise I would make this work. I would make it better. Just d-don't..." I inhaled suddenly for loss of breath "Please don't leave. I promise I'll be better-"
"Bullshit! How many times do you have to say that?" she jabbed a finger at me, and I did a mental picture of what I was looking right now through her eyes. "How many times did we try to make this work?" she placed a hand on her hip, her voice raising up an octave "I'm tired of making this work. You know, I believed you when you told me last time that you won't ever do it again. And believing you was-it was a mistake. I shouldn't have believed you." She huffed and zipped her bag, after that she pulled on her favorite shoes.
She was clearly focusing on leaving this place, and she wasn't paying any attenion to me. I hated that feeling.
"Please don't go" was all I had escaping from my lips, and that was all I could process within my jagged brain that myself couldn't understand. My eyes welled from tears.
It was a mistake when I did that, and I didn't really mean to do that...to cheat on her.
But I know that she was tired of me, and worn out from all my lies. And I was afraid that she will get over me and leave me feeling like shit.
And because I know that I don't trust myself anymore, I let my brain shut up.
She just sighed and pulled on the straps of her bag to her always fragile-looking shoulder-but not tonight.
She was a fighter tonight, and she was strong...but she was tired. She was strong enough to do this, and she was fighting every weakness she has.
She finally faced me.
"I don't want to leave...you" she whispered, but I heard her very clearly "But I feel like I don't really belong here anymore, Jacob...I don't belong with you. I'm just plain tired of putting up with all your crap. And that's enough for one year of you telling me that we would make it work again...but it's affecting everything that I do.
And I know that you understand me" she continued and Bella stared at me, waiting for my response. Any response...so that she could finally get out from this mess.
But...I really don't want her to leave. I don't want to be without her. I love her...she's my everything. I don't know what to do...where to go...without her...
My insides went cold again as I felt the hollow in my stomach.
I cheated on her. I made her cry. I hurt her. I make her lonely. I made her leave me. I made her give up. I made her carry a burden in her shoulders. And I can't take it all back.
"But, Bella...what will am I going to do without you?" I heard myself say as I sound like a child pleading for his mommy not to go, because he doesn't know what clothes to wear tomorrow, or what will he eat tonight at supper.
I felt so small. Smaller than a child. Smaller than anyone ever imagined, I'd bet.
She looked back at me, and all I can see was sadness and pity and thoughtfulness in her eyes. And then I thought she was going to hug me as she leaned towards me...
but she placed her hand on my jaw and kissed my cheek.
"You'll be fine." she pulled away. "You'll better be fine" she told me in a serious and firm voice, shaking a bit from her warm tears. "Maybe if you...just do everything right...straight...you'll find the right woman for you. Who will love you much more than I do" She told me, and then I watched her took a last look at our apartment after she walked out the door past through me, not waiting for a reply.
I didn't follow her.
And then she closed the door.
Leaving me with no strenght to run after her, with not enough witt on what I will do next, on what will I do without her...
But I don't blame her.
I hurt her.
I make her cry.
I did this.
I should be the one to be blamed.
It was all me.
All me.
I feel my world crumble as it falls towards me. Leaving me crumpled and ashen to the ground.
Alone.
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AN: End of chapter one. I shall be working on typing the second chapter which is already written in a notebook that I carry everywhere that I go. Just in case a new idea pops up :D
I want to say thanks to my friends who are always there for me and my crazy ideas.
Especially Aki, to whom I read everything in my journal on the phone whenever I feel lonely, desperate for girl talk or just plain bored.
To Alyssa for the undying support on every single thing that I do. Love you. And thanks for the support on my imaginary self customized world that I told you and wrote in our journal c:
To Gab, for everything, and for the style of shitty writing you taught me :D Thanks for the ideas.
And to Giann, for EVERYthing that you've done for me-especially that one thing when you taught me about making the words in my stories more colorful.
And a heaps of thanks to my readers, and the ones who are still adding me to their favorite authors. Merci Bien!
And please, don't forget to leave a review before you go...
Click that review button down there for me, will ya? :))
