Run away little girl!
Summary: Emily is no longer able to compartmentalize things like she use to, so she finds another way to handle with things. Warning: Self harm/cutting.
"Prentiss, show me your arms."
"No."
Three months ago:
It was too late. They were too late. They had caught the guy, but it was too late for them to save her. If they had just gotten their a few minutes earlier, then she would still have been alive.
Emily knelt by the little girl's body. It looked like she was just sleeping, but she was not. She was death because they were too late. The plastic bag was still around her neck and her face was light blue. Emily stroke the little girl's cheek. She was still warm. How could someone do a thing like this to a little girl? First he had kidnapped while she had been walking from her friend's house. Then he had raped her. He had raped that little, innocent girl. And then he had killed her. He had pulled a plastic bag over her head, so she could not breathe.
Emily felt her eyes burn. She stroked her cheek again and then she got up and walked away. Emily knew that she would never be able to get Annie's face out of her head.
When they got back to the hotel, Emily went straight to her room. She did not even hear that JJ had asked her if she would like to go out to get something to eat with her, Morgan and Reid.
When she reached her room she quickly ran in to the bathroom and closed the door.
"Dammit, Prentiss! I want to help you! Show me your arms."
"No! Just leave me alone."
Two months ago:
"Your handwriting has changed." Reid stated.
It has become a mess like my mind, Emily thought. "Yeah maybe a little," she said and smiled at him.
He looked closely at that she was writing. "It's messy." He looked at her. "Is something wrong?"
"No, I'm just a bit tired."
"But the handwriting…"
Emily cut him off. "I know, Reid. Your handwriting changes, when your mood changes. And like I said: I'm just tired, that is all."
"Okay," Reid said and walked back to his desk and Emily started writing again.
"Hey Em," Morgan called.
Emily turned towards Morgan, who was standing in front of Hotch's office. "What now?" she asked annoyed.
"Don't bid my head off, girl. Hotch just wants to see you." Morgan said and walked towards her. "Emily, are you…"
"If another person asks me if I'm okay, then I'm going to shoot somebody." Emily warned him.
"Okay, I get the picture."
"Good," she said and walked to Hotch's office and knocked on the door.
"Come in."
Emily walked in and said down in one of the chairs in front of his disk. At first she did not look at him and was just waiting for him to started talking, but he did not. Emily glanced up at him. He looked worried.
"Prentiss…"
She sighed and said, "Don't ask me if I'm okay."
"I was not going to," he answered.
"Oh. Sorry! Please go on when."
"I wanted to asked, why you are tired all the time."
Emily looked down at her hands. "I just… Mhm…"
"Have nightmares? He asked. She nodded her head. "We all have dose."
"I know, it just… I have them every night, the same one."
"Are they about Annie?" Hotch asked.
"I thought that we weren't supposed to be profiling each other."
"I wasn't profiling you, it was just a guess. I saw the way you reacted, when you got the flowers from her mother. You picked them into pieces and then throw them out."
"She thanked me. She thanked me for finding her little girl, like I had promised. But she was death. We found her and she was death. Why would she thank me?"
"She thanked you, because she got her back. If we hadn't found her, she would never have known where her daughter was."
"Yeah, can I go now?"
"Sure."
Emily got up and walked out of the office. When she reached her disk, she got her things and left without saying goodbye till any of the others.
"Prentiss, please. I'm worried."
"Don't be! There is nothing to be worried about, Hotch."
One month ago:
"Is there something wrong with Emily?" Morgan whispered to JJ.
"Not that I know off," she said and looked over at Emily, who was staring out the window of the plane. "But she has been acting weird lately." JJ got up and walked over to her and sad down beside her.
"Emily, are you okay?"
Emily looked at her and smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Okay," JJ said and got up, but just before she got back to her seat, she said, "Oh Em, you have something on your sleeve."
Emily looked down and saw a red spot on her left sleeve. She hit her arm under the table while she looked through her bag after another blouse to wear. She quickly went to the bathroom, when she found another. She sat down on the toilet and toke of her blouse. For a while she just sat there in her pants and bra and looked at the fine cut on her arm. It had started to bleed again.
Emily ran her right index finger over the cut. She pressed down on it a little, so the blood started to run down her arm. Her glance was on the blood and she kept staring at it, while the blood ran further down her arm.
Emily reached into her pocket and found the razor. She placed it on her arm and she sliced a long mark right next to the other one. She closed her eyes when the feeling of numbness filled her body.
/
"Emily, are you okay in there?" Morgan asked.
Emily's eyes popped open. "Mhm… I'm fine; I will be out in a second."
She quickly grabbed a paper towel and wiped the blood away. She packed the razor away and put on the clean blouse. Emily opened the door and saw Morgan standing in front of her. He looked worried.
"Morgan, I'm fine," she said and gave him her best smile.
"Are you sure?" He still looked worried.
"Yes," she said with a little laugh and walked back to her seat.
"Please."
A week ago:
Emily woke up in a cold sweat, but this time it was not by the dream, but the sound of someone pounding on her door.
"Hotch, that are you doing here? Do we have a case?"
"No."
"Okay, but then why are you here? It is 2 in the morning?"
He did not answer her question. "May I come in?"
"Sure." She stepped aside so Hotch could inter. Emily closed the door and walked over to her couch. She sat down on it and looked over at Hotch, who was standing by the kitchen table. He was looking at her, but he did not say a word. For a couple of minutes they both looked at each other without say anything. Finally Emily broke the silence. "Why are you here?"
"I'm worried about you."
"Why?"
"You are not acting like yourself. You do not make fun of Reid with Morgan. You work all the time and you are always tired."
"It sounds like you are describing yourself," she with a smirk.
"You do not smile anymore."
"Don't profile me!"
"I'm not."
"Fine, if that was all, then I would like to get back to bed again, if you do not mind?" Emily said getting off the couch and walked over and opened the door for him.
"Of cause," Hotch said and walked after her. He stopped by the door and looked her in the eyes, when he stroked her cheek softly. "See you in the morning," he said and left.
"I'm sorry."
Yesterday:
Emily, once again, woke up in cold sweat with her heavy breathing filling the room. She had had a nightmare again. And again it was about Annie. Emily kicked the sheets and comforter off and slide easily off the bed. She wanted to feel numb. She wanted to be in complete control. That's all she wanted, since she could not control nothing else. And it was a power she needed, she wanted.
Emily closed the bathroom door. Lying before her was a small razor. She was always careful with where she cut and she knew it was wrong to do, but it did not make her stop. She still cut, never too deep and only on her arms.
Emily toke the razor and placed it on her wrist. The blade slid across her flesh. She let out a sigh of relief when she felt the pain spreading from her arm into the rest of her body. But she didn't become numb; the pain from her nightmare wouldn't disappear. Emily started crying and slide down the wall onto floor. The pain wouldn't go away. Normally she only had to cut ones for the pain to disappear, but not tonight. She toke the blade to her wrist and cut again and again. She just kept on going. She did not even stop, when she started to feel light headed.
Emily didn't stop cutting until her sight became blurrily and she finally started to feel numb. She lay herself down on the floor and smiled when darkness was all she could see.
Darkness could sometimes be so beautiful.
/
Three hours later Emily woke up. She was still lying on the bathroom floor. Her left arm was covered in blood and the floor was a mess. She tried to get up, but her body was too weak, so she careful lay herself back down on the floor.
After about 30 minutes Emily tried to get up again. She grabbed the sink and slowly dragged herself to her feet. Her legs were shaking more and more with every step and her head was pounding. She walked slowly back to her bedroom and crawled into bed.
"Emily…"
Two hours ago:
Emily woke up, when her phone stared vibrating. She stumbled out of bed and grabbed it of her dresser.
"Prentiss."
"Emily, where are you?"
"Morgan?" Emily looked at her watch and saw that it was 09:47 a.m. "Oh crap!" Emily tossed her phone on the bed and ran to the bathroom to quickly take a shower. But she stopped in the door, when she saw the blood on the floor. Suddenly last night's events came back to her. She looked down at her arm. There was one big wound and a few smaller once.
/
When Emily finely got to work, it was almost 12 a.m. She tossed her things on her desk and sad down in her chair and closed her eyes. Morgan walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. Emily quickly turned her head around and looked at him.
"Oh, you look like crap."
"Thanks, that is so nice of you to say," she said sarcastic.
"Em, are you okay?" JJ asked as she walked towards them.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just over slept."
"You look pale," Reid commented.
"I'm always pale."
"When more when usually," JJ said worried.
"Maybe," Emily answered and smiled.
"Prentiss, can I see you for a minute?"
All of them looked at Hotch, who was standing by the door to his office. Emily nodded and got up of her chair and walked towards him.
"What do you think that is about?" Reid asked.
"I have no idea," both Morgan and JJ answered as Hotch closed the door to his office.
"Don't."
Present:
She traced the raindrops as they ran down the window. She was curled awkwardly into a chair by the window in Hotch's office. Hotch himself was standing next to her and trying to get her to listen to him.
"Emily, show me your arms."
"No." She could feel her eyes starting to burn.
"If you don't show me your arms, I will fire you."
"When fire me. I don't care." Emily said and got out of the chair and walked towards the door.
"Emily," he said, grabbing her wrist. She squirmed and pulled at his hand. With each tug he tightened his grip.
"Please show me your arms." He looked into her eyes like he was trying to read her. She was angered by this. You don't know me. She tugged harder.
"Let me go, Hotch." She said sternly. He didn't comply. And he wouldn't have if JJ hadn't come by.
"Hotch, I think," she was stopped. "What's going on here?"
Hotch let go off Emily and she hurried past JJ. Tears blinding, she went back to her desk and grabbed her things. Emily rushed to her car, jamming the keys into the ignition, and speeding off to her apartment.
