Jude sat at the table, clicking his nails against the wood

Jude sat at the table, clicking his nails against the wood.

He closed his eyes in deep thought, wondering what was going on.

It couldn't be happening, it shouldn't be happening, it was impossible to be happening.

But it was happening.

When had it all started? He thought, his head beginning to form a massive headache. He knew that thinking about the subject made him feel sick all over and inside out, but he wanted to figure this out… He needed to figure this out.

Because the impossible had happened, and Jude couldn't remember where it started.

Was it the engagement? No… Even though that might have been where it started to show. That Jude and Lucy were falling apart.

He remembered slipping on her ring, which was a bit loose, but not too much. She looked up at him, with a complete look of horror spread upon her usually bright face.

"What?" He had asked quietly. "What's wrong?"

But it wasn't the engagement. Jude had been told, apparently, that him and Lucy were falling apart long before the engagement.

He picked up a wine glass that was sitting on the table and took a long drink. He looked at the sketch pad in front of him and thought if he should draw, but closed his eyes at the thought.

The wine felt warm, slithering down his throat. It was horrible to drink, but the only alcohol accessible at the moment, and Jude needed it to keep him awake. He looked over at the clock hanging on the wall, one of Lucy's lasts touches to the house before she left, and then sighed as he realized it was the dead of night.

Jude stood up in the room and paced, his mind racing through all of the times and memories he had in the past years.

Then he looked at the blank paper on the table, and the pen sitting next to it.

Was it better for him to realize and piece it together? Or was it better for him to just forget?

He looked at the paper one last time before storming over to the table and collapsing in the chairs.

He picked up the pen, and wrote.

This is a story about a girl I once loved… Now I need to know if she loved me back. For years we were inseperable, nothing could tear us apart. We were in love. Sweet, revolutionary, peaceful, and beautiful love. The woman I loved is

Jude looked at the paper, his hand shaking furiously. His head was racing. His eyes started filling up with tears.

He couldn't seem to write down the little word, the little word that would sum up the entire introduction, that would pretty much piece together Jude's story. The one word, dead, he couldn't write. He couldn't.

Before he could even drop the pen, he dropped his head on the table in his arms and wept.