AN:
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. A little dark.
CHAPTER 1
The fluttering of a black robe and familiar brown hair disappearing into the nearby hallway caught Ginny's eye as she reclined on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. The young red head sat cross legged, her silky red hair falling to her shoulders absentmindedly rubbing the soft material of her new robes between her thumb and her index finger. If anything was amiss, it was that Ginny's countenance had seen better days. She had a forlorn look about her that was uncharacteristic of the young Chaser. She nervously adjusted her red and gold tie glancing periodically at the magical clock hanging over the portrait exit for no reason other than to calculate how long she had been here, sitting idly as time passed her by. She had spent at least an hour in the girls bathroom this morning making sure she looked nice and covering up bruises from the night before but Ginny could not help fidgeting with her clothes and worrying about her next encounter with Harry Potter.
School had resumed after Hogwarts had been restored some what near to its former glory after Voldemorts defeat at the hands of her very own Harry Potter. It had been several months but the student body was invited back and many had returned to take their exams under an accelerated schedule. There was noticeably less people though, not only because of the war but because many students in their 6th of 7th year had been hired straight into the ministry. It was a sad difficult time but not for job hunting.
Harry and Ron had both been offered Auror trainee positions by the Minister himself but after much coaxing from Hermione and herself, they had agreed to at least finish their N.E.W.T.S. in the appropriate categories. Harry, mostly because of his pride and dislike of receiving special treatment and Ron after much threatening from Molly Weasley. She was not a force to be reckoned with, especially not during this horrible mourning period for Fred.
"She's gone mental again hasn't she?" shouted Ron from somewhere behind her, throwing a book across the room. Ginny's eyes lit up as she detected her brother's voice in the otherwise silent common room.
"Absolutely mental! She thinks I'd just let this go?" The sound of Ron's voice and his footsteps grew gradually dimmer until the sound of a small scuffle was heard along with a grunt of pain from Ron.
So they're having relationship troubles too, mused Ginny dryly. That must be why the brightest witch of our age stormed right past me without so much as a hello, Ginny thought to herself. She had barely slept an hour last night and was too exhausted to feel much more concern for her brother Ron and Hermione's well being.
"You're going to lose her for good if you don't stop blowing up on her without thinking." Harry's voice rang out, frustration creeping into his voice. "Go after her…Go on, you bloody git…"
Ginny's heart started racing as soon as she heard Harry's voice and she groaned in apprehension, sinking into her seat and covering her face with the notebook she had been idly scribbling nonsense in. It didn't come as a surprise that the golden trio were in near proximity to each other however.
You've been waiting here for three hours waiting to see him and now you're hiding like a child? What's wrong with you? Ginny berated herself.
The sound of two sets of feet approaching her caused her heartbeat to quicken.
"Ginny!" Harry exclaimed surprise evident in his voice, "What are you doing here? I thought you went back to the Burrow…Well, erm…Go on without me Ron. I'll catch up later yea?"
Ron nodded slightly, the angry expression on his face softening slightly when he saw his younger and only sister. He was about to say something but thought better of it, shooting a sympathetic glance at Ginny before disappearing into the corridor after Hermione.
"I'm so sorry Ginny. I-I've been meaning to talk to you…about last night…" said Harry awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and suddenly seeming very interested in the way his shoe laces were tied. "Would it be alright if I sat down for a minute?"
"Y-yea, okay." Ginny responded, finally finding her voice. A part of her wanted to avoid the upcoming conflict but she had patiently been waiting here all this time to talk to him…
Don't wring your hands together…she berated herself.
Ginny bit her lip as she fought back what she knew was false hope and desperation.
She had cried herself to sleep last night and knew she was a mess…and finally after hours of waiting she had a chance, maybe her last chance to convince him to stay with her.
She remembered his cold expression from last night, the smell of alcohol on his lips…
Harry looked into the red head's brown eyes and felt his resolve start to waver, seeing the emotion starting to build up there.
Ginerva Weasley had become so radiant and beautiful that looking into her eyes now made his heart feel like it was burning and how it burned.
"You've told Ron already have you?" Ginny asked quietly, brushing her hair aside.
"Only that we've recently broken up," responded Harry quietly, his brows beginning to furrow slightly.
"It's just that-" Harry began, "I can't forgive myself Ginny. Even one time was difficult enough but twice now? It's not safe for me to be with anyone. I've become so damaged…You understand don't you? I could have killed you for Merlin sake!"
Ginny tightened her lips and looked down, her eyes beginning to tear up.
"I still have, Merlin knows how many people are after my life … and I just couldn't live with myself if you got killed because of me…"
Harry continued, "And I can't do what I have to do knowing and worrying about your safety. I hurt you Ginny."
Harry's voice cracked, the pain evident in his eyes as he recalled the previous night. "I'm not sure how to make you understand that I can't let myself be with you anymore,"
Ginny stood up abruptly, her eyes flashing angrily at Harry.
"Harry…H-how dare you! You're a bloody coward! How dare you throw away what we have again because you're afraid! You're better than that."
Ginny froze, surprised at the bitterness and anger in her voice and realized that she was feeling uncharacteristically weak
I promised myself I wouldn't be this pathetic…
"Please…" she began again slowly, her voice quivering with emotion. She nearly faltered but reminding herself that she was a Gryffindor, she grit her teeth and committed to seeing it through to the end.
"I love you Harry …I don't care if I die because some nutter comes after me for loving you," said Ginny passionately. "You can hit me all you like, I wouldn't regret it Harry! You shouldn't have to be alone after all you've done for everyone. You deserve to have someone there for you…to love you and help you get better… We can still make this work!"
Harry smiled bitterly, looking at Ginny's neck. He drew his wand and waved it, thinking an incantation in his head. He drew in a sharp breath and clenched his jaw as a dark bruise appeared around Ginny's neck, feeling his resolve start to strengthen again.
"You're right Ginny…I am a coward. I've lost too much…I can't… I won't do this to either of us." Harry paused, his voice failing him momentarily."I need time to recover-to heal-and I need to do it alone. Please forgive me," he continued.
"I do forgive you, Harry…why won't you just say that you'll at least try to make this work a little longer? Lay off the fire whiskey? You shouldn't be gobbling down heaps of that stuff anyways. We can be happy I know we can!" Ginny cried, her hands trembling.
Harry only shook his head, his hands tightly clenched.
"I don't know myself anymore Ginny. The nightmares, my anger, nothing is getting better. It's no time for me to be in a relationship. I love you Ginny. I really do from the bottom of my heart. That's why I can't let myself be with you."
Ginny closed her eyes, tears escaping and trailing down her burning cheeks.
"Bugger off then, you miserable sod!"
She almost recoiled when she saw the hurt in his eyes but she clenched her fists and stood her ground, the anger in her heart burning furiously.
"How many times are you going to leave me for the same bloody reason? And then come back to me giving me hope…and then BLOODY LEAVE AGAIN?" She grit her teeth, trying to pull together all the resolve and strength she had within her to let this end cleanly but it was too late, she was too far gone, too damaged and the anger was consuming what little there was left of her reason.
"I should hex you to hell for what you've done to me Harry," sobbed Ginny, tears now freely streaming down her face "You don't know what you've done to me…How could you play with me like this? I'm not a bloody toy…Show some bloody backbone! How can you leave me like this?"
Harry's eyes widened, his own tears starting to blur his vision as he held Ginny's hands in his own.
"Ginny…" he choked out, emotion strangling his voice.
"I've loved you since I met you Harry. I've always thought…thought you were too good for me," admitted Ginny, her eyes staring into Harry's pleading. "I was so happy when you got back together with me, you know, and you helped me so much with losing Fr-Fred…"
A few months had passed since Fred's funeral and Ginny felt more emotions hammering into her at the mention of her dearly departed brother. "So many years I've done nothing but love you…even when I was Michael and Dean, I couldn't help wishing I was with you.
I can forgive you if it's not perfect, you know I'm a tough girl and that I can take a hit or two. And we've been through so much together. Being with you, it's the best thing that's ever happened in my life, please just don't say-"
"You should hate me," whispered Harry softly cutting Ginny off cold. The young red headed woman stared at him blankly in the silence that followed. "I honestly hate myself right now. I honestly wish I could have just died before I let myself become someone who could do that to you."
Ginny's mind flashed to Harry grabbing her neck, pushing her against the wall, his fist drawing back.
She had been so scared but she had closed her eyes, holding on to all the love she had for the broken man in front of her.
"We're done Ginny. I'm done. I need my space and you need to find someone that won't hurt you like I do."
The boy-or man now who lived sighed. "Ginny…you have to want better for yourself. Don't you see what an amazing woman you are? It's me that doesn't deserve you. I'm a miserable sod alright," Harry chuckled miserably. "I'm leaving tonight Ginny. I love you but I am no better than the monsters that haunt my dreams."
"Harry no…please…don't leave me! We can start again…"
Ginny saw the hurt in Harry's face and felt her heart compress painfully with the need to comfort him.
She bravely leaned forward, wrapping her arms tightly around Harry's middle. She looked up into his eyes and leaned forward bringing her lips to his.
"Stop it, Ginny. I don't deserve this," Harry turned his face away and gently eased himself from Ginny's tight grasp.
"We're done," he said firmly.
"No…" Ginny felt panic rise up inside of her. "I love you."
She tried to close the gap between them again but Harry drew his wand like a whip, throwing up a powerful invisible shield in front of him. Ginny jumped back, shock registering in her features.
"Good bye Ginny," Harry said sadly.
Ginny nodded numbly, tears streaming down her face. She sank into the couch, the anger and frustration in her chest slowly turning into a black emptiness that devoured all of her senses.
She stopped counting the hours that had passed sitting immobile on that couch -lost in her grief.
A few days had gone by since Harry had left her there in the common room. Ginny had avoided Harry and subsequently the rest of the golden trio like the plague and tried to focus on her classes but periodic fits of depression would strike and she found herself unable to focus most of the time. The athletic red head often spent several extra hours a day practicing quidditch and throwing the quaffle around but even that couldn't undampen her spirits for long.
"Hey Gin," rang out a familiar voice.
Ginny turned to see Hermione.
"Hey...nice to see you," said Ginny shortly.
"A-Are you...What I mean to say is have you been okay Ginny? I've noticed that you haven't looked too well," said Hermione.
"Just fine, did Harry put you up to this?" asked Ginny glumly.
"I've just been worried," added Hermione, wincing slightly at Ginny's stare.
"You know, I was watching you flying out there and wanted to say that you looked great," Hermione said.
"Have you now?" Ginny asked, "That's good-Well, thanks."
Hermione sighed, noticing Ginny's unfriendly disposition. "You don't have to talk to me Ginny, but...I just want you to know that if you do want to talk, I'm here for you and I'll do everything in my utmost power to make sure you're okay. You're a very dear friend to me," Hermione said wistfully, thinking back to the days of the quidditch world cup where they shared a room and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Other happy memories of spending time with Ginny came to mind, including spending time together in the 'DA' and baking a cake with her for Harry before Bill and Fleur's wedding.
The older brunette turned to leave and was surprised to feel Ginny's hand tentatively reaching out to touch her shoulder.
"Ah...Wait, Hermione. I think I'll take you up on that offer," said Ginny, stepping back as Hermione turned around to beam at the taller red haired girl.
"That's great Ginny, do you want to go anywhere in particular to talk?" asked Hermione.
"Uh, how about the lake?" suggested Ginny, gesturing to the nearby hallway. "Its just through here and I reckon it should be nice and quiet at this hour."
The two girls found themselves sitting side by side near the lake. Hermione watched the ripples on the water as Ginny masterfully skipped stones across the water and focused on giving the younger girl positive feedback when she threw them particularly well. "That's great Ginny, You're so skillful at that I've never known there was much room for progress for this particular activity."
Ginny laughed. "Well, if you grew up with six older brothers you'd know a thing or two about so called friendly competition." The red haired girl sighed to herself and sat down next to the witch prodigy, an apprehensive expression on her countenance.
"I dunno Hermione, its rather personal this business with Harry," Ginny admitted, feeling miserable inside. "I feel like...I dunno, like a fire went out in my chest and now all that's left inside me is- well, nothing."
Ginny stared across the lake and brought her knees to her chin, hugging her legs to her body.
"It's up to you to tell me what's going on or not but for both your sakes, I'd like to know and help. Can't help if I don't know anything," said Hermione matter of factly. She wrapped an arm around Ginny and brought her close.
Ginny gave in to Hermione's friendly display of affection and rested her head gently on the older girl's shoulder. She didn't particularly want to share what had been going on but she couldn't help but trust her when she looked into the brunette's warm brown eyes.
Ginny hadn't told anyone but Hermione had become some what of a hero figure to her. Sure, Harry and Ron were brave as well but there was something undeniably awe-striking in the raw talent and potential of Hermione Jean Granger.
The youngest Weasley found Hermione to be the ideal witch, brilliant, kind and beautiful as well.
"Hermione, I trust you to keep this to yourself and I don't know how to say this exactly but, I could show you?" asked Ginny softly.
Hermione Granger nodded in the affirmative, squeezing Ginny's arm and looking into her eyes sincerely. "You can trust me Ginny, what is it?"
Ginny tentatively drew her wand from her jeans pocket and tapped her body with it, whispering the incantation under her breath.
Hermione gasped as dark bruises started to appear over Ginny's neck and arms. "Ginny...Oh m-my God," she stammered, unsure of what she could possibly say.
Ginny recast the illusion spell and the bruises instantly disappeared.
"Bloody hell," Hermione uncharacteristically swore. "I'm gonna kill that seething idiot."
Hermione stared into Ginny's eyes, and felt her heart break at the sadness in them.
"I didn't mind or care," admitted Ginny. "Its not like I haven't taken my fair share of bruises before and I have magic to heal my injuries faster b-but...I didn't want to show anyone so I've just been covering them up."
Hermione could only stare at the younger girl, her insides wrenching horribly.
"Oh God, Ginny. How could you -How long have you let this been going on?" Hermione snapped. She made a mental note to dial it back a notch when Ginny jumped, hurt showing in her eyes.
"I-It was only the second time and i-it wasn't so bad the first time." said Ginny quickly, edging away from the older girl as she leaned towards her.
"Oh Ginny." Hermione whispered, heartbroken. "You poor thing." Hermione hugged Ginny gently, being careful not to squeeze too hard and sighed heavily. Ginny couldn't help but shiver as Hermione's warm breath traveled down her neck. The close proximity and feeling the older girls breath so close to her sensitive skin caused a familiar heat in the red head's cheeks.
"Hermione its fine...I told you I'm a tough girl," said Ginny matter of factly. "I wanted him to stay and work it out you know? I really love him."
"I don't know though, I think hes more shocked about it than I am and he won't come to his senses anytime soon. I don't know. I'm kind of out of options here," said Ginny sadly, hugging her knees closer and burying her face against them.
"A-Absolutely No!" cried on Hermione incredulously. "You...You don't deserv-what I mean to say is. Harry needs a proper sorting out before you can even think about getting back together with him." She felt a righteous fury boiling inside of her. "How could you even think of letting this kind of thing go on?" moaned Hermione clenching her fists in frustration. "I ought to sock him one proper."
Ginny shook her head violently.
"No Hermione, you can't," she pleaded. "You said I could trust you please."
Hermione closed her eyes in deep thought for a few moments, clearly annoyed by Ginny's response. "Oh, do you think you could trust Ron? I think between the two of us we could figure out the right thing to do. He is our best friend after all."
Ginny gulped, feeling apprehensive about it but finally nodded in assent.
"Bloody hell, I'll kill him!" exclaimed Ron angrily.
"I can't believe he hit you!" Ron exploded again, "How DARE HE HIT MY SISTER?!"
"Shove off it Ron, he didn't mean to," murmured Ginny quietly.
"I don't care if he's my best mate, I'll curse the bloody hell out of him I will!" snapped back Ron, pacing back and forth angrily. "Merlin… Ginny, that on your neck. Don't tell me that was him?"
"I'll bloody kill him!" exploded Ron again without waiting for Ginny to answer.
"I'm so sorry," whispered Hermione gently, squeezing Ginny's hand. "I can't even imagine…Harry. It's so hard to believe. I can't wrap my head around it honestly," she admitted. The older woman's brows furrowed in frustration.
"Wait till George, Bill, and Charlie hear about this! No never mind that, wait until Mum hears about this!"
"Ron!" shouted Ginny angrily. "Don't you dare tell them anything!"
Hermione sighed loudly and stood up, wrapping Ron tightly into her embrace. "Come on now, this is Harry we're talking about. It can't be easy for either of them."
"And you're saying this is okay with you, are you?" spat Ron, pointing a trembling finger at Ginny's neck. Ginny covered her neck with her hands and looked away, her eyes void of emotion.
"No, of course it isn't okay!" exclaimed Hermione, her eyes flashing angrily. "I have half a mind to hex him myself but would you calm down a little bit first? We hardly know what's going on and its Harry we're talking about."
Ron abruptly tore himself away from Hermione and wrapped up Ginny in a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry baby sis…I'm here for you."
Ginny felt some warmth in her chest but mostly she could only feel defeated and broken. "Thanks Ron, and yeah, believe me, I'm glad I have your ugly mug around," she muttered.
Ron sighed deeply and grabbed his head in frustration.
"Alright then, I'm going to take a shower but afterwards we're getting some bloody food. Everything's bound to be a hundred times worse on an empty stomach." Ginny nodded numbly and Ron stormed off to use the showers in the boy's bathroom.
"You two aren't snogging and shagging are you?" Ginny managed after a few moments of silence between the two girls.
Hermione gasped and slapped Ginny arm, "Ginny!" she hissed, a red tinge starting to spread over her features.
Ginny couldn't help but chuckle a little at Hermione's reaction. "You are too cute Mione."
"Well, I won't say it's easy but we're going at it at our own pace," said Hermione, the beginnings of a smile forming on her face.
"You mean the shagging?" quipped Ginny without missing a beat.
Hermione laughed out loud, her face becoming flushed again and groaned loudly.
"Ginny, Mercy please…and no, I can't quite imagine shagging your brother just yet. I'm going to explode from too much blood rushing to my face at this rate! Lay off it will you?"
"Can't believe anyone can find the ugly git attractive," muttered Ginny, sounding quite sincere.
"Hey! He has his own charm. You just can't see it because he's your brother." Hermione retorted, a small grin appearing on her face.
"Merlin, Ron sure got lucky alright," mused Ginny, admiring Hermione's delicate features.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, smiling brightly. "I'm nothing special honestly."
Ginny smiled weakly back, "I figured you'd be the one to end up with Harry in the end, not me," she admitted. "Then I realized a while back you were only into ugly gits."
"Hey you, stop complimenting and then insulting me and Ron already will you?" Hermione snapped playfully.
Ginny smiled weakly at the brunette witch sitting next to her.
"Well Miss Cheeky, what about you then? Have you and Harry been able to manage some mischief?" Hermione asked. She immediately regretted her question as visible pain entered Ginny's features.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Ginny. I am such an insensitive idiot,"
Hermione murmured. She had gotten carried away with Ginny's cheeky façade and unintentionally hurt her.
Seeing Ginny's mask drop and the true pain shining through, the brunette witch cursed at herself in her head reprimanding herself for being so insensitive. Brightest witch of my age my arse.
"Just once," said Ginny quietly but she couldn't mask the heavy emotion from her voice.
She involuntarily touched the bruises on her neck and Hermione quickly put one and one together.
Hermione felt her heart break for the poor girl in front of her, only barely able to imagine how horrible it had truly been for the young Weasley.
"He didn't…He didn't!?" Hermione grabbed Ginny's hand tears forming in her own eyes. "Oh Ginny…what have you been through?"
Ginny looked away, tears starting to stream down her cheeks.
"Please…don't look at me that way Hermione." Ginny whispered, she paused for a while before asking quietly "Could you obliviate me you think? It'd be nice if I could make this all go away."
"Ginny…" Hermione closed her eyes in pain at the sincerity of Ginny's requests. She hugged Ginny tightly and Ginny felt the older girls tears against her cheek. "Please don't say that…I-me and Ron, we're here for you."
Hermione held the young red head close like a child despite Ginny having a few inches of height on her.
Ginny closed her weary eyes.
"It will be okay, believe me," whispered Hermione gently and Ginny wanted nothing more than to believe.
Harry Potter collapsed onto his bed staring at the ceiling.
What in the hell is wrong with me? He groaned, thinking about what he had just lost. Waves of anguish pummeled Harry as he tossed and turned in his bed at 12 Grimmaulds place.
Ginny...The image of the beautiful redhead filled Harry with desperation.
I have to go back...I have to go apologize and beg on my knees and...
He knew he couldn't do it. All too clear the images would come back to him.
Anger, frustration, pain of the deepest kind for having lost so many loved ones and being responsible for so many deaths.
He had been unable to shoulder the burden and had turned to alcohol like a fool for comfort... and he had hit Ginny...
Sweet, innocent, loving Ginny.
Harry felt tears come to his eyes as he recalled her fearful face.
The way she tried not to scream in pain as he swung his fist into her over and over.
And then what he had done afterwards. Harry nearly vomited then and there recalling it.
And then...Her warm soft hands wrapping around him in the aftermath of his shame and her soft gentle lips pressing against his cheek.
Her reassurances that everything was going to be okay.
His knuckles had hurt but the sweet angel was kissing and comforting him.
Harry thought he was going to be sick.
Neither can live while the other survives
Harry clenched his head, fearful that his scar might start hurting again but nothing happened.
Something is wrong with me
Something dark within him was rising and it scared the hell out of him. He burst out laughing. "Oh Merlin, I am going completely nutters."
Something about the way he laughed gave Harry the chills and he sat up, once again fearful. He was no stranger to the influences of the dark arts and he couldn't shake the suspicion that something was wrong. After all, he would never dream of it, hurting his sweet angel Ginny in the way that he had.
"What the hell is going on," Harry muttered, sitting up abruptly and staring in shock at his hands through the dim lighting of his bedroom.
Hadn't I been through enough shit. Was it not enough after everything that I couldn't just have a happy life and some god damn rest?
Harry helplessly grinned, wondering why it was he couldn't stop smiling.
Closing notes: Hope you guys enjoyed, Reviews/criticism are appreciated as always.
lolsama
