If you have not yet watched the PV for the song Kagerou Days/Daze by Wannyanpu, you should or this might not make as much sense.
Kagerou is lost.
He was born into this world in complete darkness. He was dropped down, without a name or purpose.
His skin tingles with heat. He makes his way through the darkness, alone and confused. Voices drift in and out, but he can't filter the words. As he wanders endlessly, he soon becomes scared. What if he can't find his way out of the darkness?
But soon daylight breaks, grey and clear. His feet touch grass. He doesn't feel it. He just knows it's there.
Telephone poles and wires dot his vision far away. Somehow, he knows where he is, even though he's sure he's never seen anything but darkness before. This is where I belong, he thinks.
The town-because that's what it is-is empty, except for the crows that sometimes fly over head. The sky becomes blue as Kagerou dives deeper. Buildings stand tall but flimsy, almost counterfeit to what he thinks they should be. Bridges appear out of nowhere and streets are endless. Caution signs dot almost every empty space. It's strange, but to Kagerou it feels like home.
Soon the town gives way. He's standing on the edge and complete oblivion stretches out before him. It's not the darkness he's just escaped from, no; it's white and clear and almost burns his eyes.
Then suddenly she's there. He blinks and flinches back in surprise.
She stands out starkly against the white oblivion, her black and red coat touching the ground. Tendrils of black hair spill out from the red band holding it at the top and drop past her hips. White scales dot her cheeks. Her eyes are trained on him, but her gaze seems to be somewhere else and full of sadness.
Something about her just pulls him. Mother. The word flashes in his mind. He doesn't know what that is, but he feels that that is what she is.
"Mother-" He freezes. A cold presence enters the atmosphere and he shivers.
"Azami, you're here." A voice echoes through the empty space between them, bouncing off of nonexistent walls, sounding like several at once. "You did a wonderful job," it says, "Except for him."
Kagerou knows the voice is speaking of him. Azami finally seems to acknowledge his presence, but her expression is blank.
"But I guess even the most powerful beings make mistakes." The word cuts into Kagerou like a knife. A mistake? That can't be right. He belongs here, he belongs with her! He knows he does. "Maybe you should just erase him. Or I could do it."
The cold grip of dread hung onto Kagerou with amazing strength. He wants to scream, but nothing comes out.
"No." says Azami, "Let him be. I do not care. I wish to be alone." she says. Her voice is full of sadness, but Kagerou knows it's not for him.
"Of course, as you wish." The voice then is silent, not to be heard again.
Azami turns away from him, slowly making her way into the white abyss. Kagerou watches her go. He wants to call out to her, to tell her not to go. Please. Don't leave me. But he doesn't, and she disappears. Vanishing like the memory of a dream you try so hard to remember.
The truth was out now. Kagerou was a mistake, a blot on an otherwise blank sheet of paper. He didn't belong here in the perfect world. He was a glitch. A remnant of after thoughts. The essence of summer sun long since gone- dropped in darkness half-finished and abandoned. He must have been an abomination if his creator didn't even want him.
The sadness was great, but Kagerou didn't cry. He didn't even know if he could.
He was so undone he didn't even have an appearance. He didn't know what he looked like. He had hands, he knew. Feet to walk with. But that was all he knew for certain. Once he stared into the pools of water that collected in one part of the daze, but all he saw was a distorted dark mass, unclear and unfocused, rippling but never steady. And for all he knew, that's all he would ever be.
Even the name Kagerou, he gave to himself. For that's all he could call himself, a heat-haze. An oasis that showed so much promise, but the closer you got the more it escaped you, till it was realized that there was nothing there. He wasn't real.
He continued to wander. Hours, days, months, years- there was no concept of time. He never slept nor did he eat. He didn't need to. He wandered aimlessly through the daze and everything blended together, like a CD on repeat.
But sometimes there were people.
Kagerou couldn't remember when they first started appearing, but either way, they did. They came two at a time. Some were smaller. Children. And others were older, like Azami. One had even been a dog. They were always crying or weeping, some even were injured, scarlet blood seeping from their wounds.
It was then that Kagerou realized there was a world outside the one that he was trapped in.
Kagerou can't leave. But he wants to. He doesn't know when he realizes this, but one day, he just does.
But then again, even if he could, would he? All the people that came here were in turmoil. Just like him. Even if he left, there was nothing there for him. He wasn't flesh and blood like these humans that came and then disappeared. But at least they got to escape. Unlike him.
There is one though, who never leaves. She lingers near the pools and in the empty classroom that appeared out of nowhere. Kagerou doesn't know if it's by choice or if she's trapped here like him.
He doesn't know her name, but he wears a red scarf and always seems to be smiling. He knows she's human. He knows she can leave, so why doesn't she? Yet, she drifts in and out, like a ghost. Kagerou watches her for a time, but soon grows bored and leaves. She probably never even knew he was there.
But even so, he's jealous. She always seemed so happy even though she was here. Why? He hated it. He was miserable, so why wasn't she? He hated it.
If he was miserable then all humans should be too.
That's what he thought… until Hibiya.
He was wandering again, and that's when he saw him. Or rather heard him.
Hibiya was kneeling in the middle of the street when Kagerou first saw him. He was sobbing. A girl was cradled in his arms and pool of blood surrounding them both. As Kagerou stepped closer he could barely make out what Hibiya was crying. But he only made out one word, a name. Hiyori.
Kagerou didn't know why, but he tried the name out. "Hiyori…" he said.
And then they were gone.
Kagerou didn't linger too long after. He had seen many scenes like that. The humans always disappeared after, so he didn't think too much of it and left.
He walked until he came to a crosswalk, the one just across the street from the park. He'd been by this street many times before, but this time he stopped and leaned his back against the pole. There was this nagging feeling in his mind about the two humans he'd just seen. Mainly when humans were here they retained a sort of ghost like presence and disappeared, but these two hadn't. They'd been clearer and more focused
"Meow." a cat calls, and Kagerou nearly jumps ten feet in the air. He glares down at the black cat beside him. It looks up at him with eyes like liquid topaz. Why is it here? He's never seen it before. Then it blinks, it's eyes flicker and startling red irises replace the gold ones before switching back again.
"Azami…" he breathes, for he'd know those eyes anywhere.
She then leaves, padding silently across the crosswalk to where a small park lays. He blinks, thinking maybe he's dreaming, though that's never happened before, because he sees her. The girl. Hiyori.
She's sitting on a swing, next to the boy. Hibiya. He watches as Azami approaches the two and eventually makes her way into the girl's lap. Both Hibiya and Hiyori are laughing and swing back and forth on the playground's swings. They are happy.
Once again, Kagerou felt anger bubble up inside him. Humans were weak and they died easily, but at least they could escape through death. Kagerou didn't even know if he could die.
Then he realizes that Azami, in her cat form, is running towards him. And Hiyori is chasing her.
Everything happens so fast after that. Azami runs past him. The truck comes out of nowhere. Tires screech. The girl's body crumples in a broken, bloody heap. Then there's Hibiya. He's standing there wide eyed and trembling, a handing covering his mouth.
And Kagerou smirks. He can't help it, but he does. This is what becomes of those who are happy here; their dreams are shattered and crushed into obliteration. This is what this world has made him into, a small little mistake turned monster.
Hibiya's sobbing loudly now, and Kagerou finds it aggravating. He's screaming, this can't be real, he's dreaming. But it's not.
"This is all real." Kagerou says, but louder than he intended. Hibiya looks up at him, shock written on his face. Kagerou notices and he sneers at Hibiya, who is starting to wobble on the spot. Kagerou knows he doesn't have much time. He lifts his hand and waves as a biting gesture, "Serves you right." he says. And then they're gone, blood and all.
Kagerou is terrible. And he knows it. But he feels there's nothing he can do about it.
It's not till after they're gone that he notices Azami is still there, sitting by his feet. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he asks her. It's the first time he's ever spoken to her. There is no answer from her, but she gets up again and heads back across the street.
Kagerou stiffens. He sees at the park Hiyori and Hibiya on the swings, again. And just as last time, Azami hops into the girl's lap. What is going on here?
Eventually Azami hops off Hiyori's lap and runs across the street again. And just as before, Hiyori follows. Kagerou is confused. Why is it happening again?
But this time, before Hiyori can get very far, Hibiya grabs her wrist. Azami is back by his feet. Kagerou looks down at her, but she's staring at the other two. Hibiya then leads Hiyori away from the park.
"What's going on?" Kagerou asks Azami. Again, she doesn't reply, but takes off after the two. Kagerou decides to follow her. He wants to call for her to wait for him, but he knows she won't.
He arrives in the clearing of buildings just as there's a bloodcurdling, high-pitched scream. Kagerou looks and realizes he's next to the girl, Hiyori. Her boy's twisted in a rigid pose on the ground, a dozen metal poles sticking out of her back and her neck. She coughs and blood splatters on the pavement.
Then Hibiya screams the girl's name. Kagerou smiles again. It's useless, he thinks, he should know that. Hibiya runs passed him, trying to reach Hiyori, but then he sees Kagerou, and their eyes meet. Hibiya is frozen in terror, but Kagerou never loses his smile. Before he knows it, Hibiya is tripping, falling forward.
But Kagerou catches him, surprising them both, and pulls him back. It's clear that he hasn't got his footing. His gaze flickers back towards Hiyori's body before he falls again. He's gone before he even hit's the ground.
Kagerou looks to where Hiyori's body once was, but she's gone too. He then looks to Azami, who's been sitting there the entire time, soundless.
"Are you doing this?" he asks her. Azami, in her cat form, licks her paw as if it's the most casual thing in the world and then gets up. Even after all that's happened, she still wouldn't acknowledge him. It stings.
He follows her because, even though he resents her for leaving him, he wants to be around her as long as he can before she abandons him again. That, and he was curious about the children.
She leads him up flights and flights of stairs, all the way to an overpass over a road. He looks around and then leans against the railing, looking down at her. "Okay, I'm lost. What are we doing here?"
"Hiyori, please! Come on!"
Kagerou whips around. He sees Hibiya advancing up the steps with Hiyori in tow. He looks at Azami, whose position hasn't changed, then back at the two advancing. He sighs because he knows what's going to happen. Already this is getting old.
Hibiya makes it to the top of the stairs, but his triumph quickly turns to horror as he sees Kagerou there. It's in this terror that he let's go of Hiyori's hand. Kagerou sees her trip and fall backwards, and he knows before she even hit's the ground, before Hibiya realizes his mistake and screams her name, that she is dead.
How long this goes on Kagerou doesn't know, just as he doesn't know how long he's been here.
But slowly, his anger fades. When Hiyori dies, hearing Hibiya sobbing each and every time, something stirs inside him. He stopped taunting Hibiya. Instead, he felt pity for him. But then, also confusion. Why did he keep trying to save the girl? He must have realized by now there was no way he could save her. And why would Azami do something like this? Surely she wasn't this cruel.
Kagerou had begun to get sick watching this reoccurring loop. He began to cover his ears as Hibiya screamed. He flinched at Hiyori's gruesome deaths. He tried to run away from it, but it seemed to occur wherever he was, over and over again.
Why? Why is this happening? Please, make it stop!
He had tried and failed to escape it again. Instead he sat down at one of the park swings. His shoulders hunched. He wanted out, he wanted to leave. He had never wanted anything so badly before. Except maybe, just once, that Hiyori would live.
"You?" a voice says behind him.
Kagerou immediately gets up, turning to see Hibiya. The brown haired boy just stands there, almost hunched over. There are dark shadows under his eyes. He looks tired; exhausted.
Kagerou can't speak; he doesn't even know what he would say if he could. Hibiya just takes a seat on the swing parallel to him without a word. Kagerou just continues to stare at him.
"You're not the one doing this, are you?" Hibiya's not even looking at him as he asks. Kagerou just shakes his head. Hibiya let's out a tired sigh, "I didn't think so."
There's awkward silence for a few moments. Kagerou almost wonders if he should go, but there's a question burning in his mind that he desperately wants to ask. But it's Hibiya who speaks next. "Who are you anyway?" He looks at Kagerou. After no answer he says, "What? Can't you speak? I know you can, I've heard you before."
"I don't know…" Kagerou finally says, because it's true, "I've just always been here." He thinks maybe Hibiya gets it because all he replies is, "Oh."
Then he says, "I'm sorry about that. No one deserves to be here." Kagerou doesn't say anything. "I see the way you watch us now." Hibiya's tired eyes met his again.
But Kagerou can't bare it long and looks away. "I would get you out if I could." he mumbles quietly.
"Thank you." Hibiya says. The feelings Hibiya's words bring is almost exhilarating. It could be because Kagerou's never had a conversation with anyone before.
Then he asks the question. The question he's wanted to know for a while now. "Why do you do it? Why do you try to save her even after you fail?"
Hibiya's quiet for a moment, as if he's thinking. "Because she's my friend." he says, "She's my friend and I care about her. I love her."
Kagerou just stared at him. Love? He didn't quite understand Hibiya was talking about, but he accepted it.
Then Hibiya added, "And I'm going to get her out. I'll get you out too." Kagerou looks at him in surprise, but Hibiya is determined. "I'll get you out, I promise."
Kagerou never gets a chance to speak because Hibiya says, "She's coming. You better go. I know what I have to do."
He's across the street now, staring at the two like he's done so many times before. Get out? Kagerou is almost disbelieving. There is no way he can get out. And even if Hibiya did manage to, he's scared. He doesn't belong out there, even if he would like to. This is where he belongs, even if he was a mistake.
Azami doesn't even stop to stare at him, but she patters across the street to Hiyori and jumps in her lap. Kagerou tries, but he can't read Hibiya's face. "I know what I have to do." he'd said. What did that mean?
Then Hiyori was up and running, and Hibiya was right behind her. Azami ran passed him, but his eyes were still trained on the other two. The truck was coming, and Hiyori was already in the street. It's all over, Kagerou thought.
But he was wrong. So, so wrong.
There was a scream and then a sob, but it wasn't from Hibiya.
Kagerou's eyes widened as Hibiya collapsed in the street, a twisted bloody mess. Hiyori was standing where Hibiya usually did, but she soon sank to her knees, crying. Then they both disappeared. He looked for Azami, but she wasn't there.
And Kagerou cried.
He hadn't cried when Azami abandoned him. He hadn't when he realized he realized his entire existence was an accident. He hadn't when Hiyori died. But now, now he did. He couldn't help the tears that streamed down his face and didn't attempt to wipe them away,
"I'll get you out. I promise."
It had been an empty promise; one made in spur of the moment, Kagerou knew that. But he was glad Hibiya had talked to him. It had been like a drop of fresh water in the desert.
There was nothing else to do but wander. Kagerou wandered wherever his feet took him. Somehow he found himself at the pools. Out of habit he looked in the water.
A stifled gasp escaped him. There in the water was his reflection. He had short, dark hair. He was sort of small in height, but wore a black hoodie and shorts. He looked like Hibiya.
"Admiring yourself?"
Kagerou nearly fell into the pools as he heard the voice, but a hand grabbed his wrist and steadied him. When he turned he realized it was a girl.
Her expression was blank and she was startlingly pale. Her hair was a silver blonde, reaching just above her shoulders, and her dress was plain white and spotless. She also was the same height as him. He thought of Hiyori as he looked at her.
"Thanks." he said as she let go of his wrist.
She just nodded. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I… I thought I was the only one here." she said, "I've never seen you before."
"Me too…" he said. He tried to think back to the conversation he had with Hibiya. "I'm Kagerou."
The girl blinked and a small smile crossed her face, "I'm Shiro." Kagerou smiled back.
Then there was a scream. Kagerou froze and so did Shiro.
No, no it can't be! Kagerou was already off and running as Shiro called after him, but then she too was running.
It didn't take him long to get back to the street. "No, Hibiya, please…!" Hiyori was holding Hibiya in her arms, blood running from his forehead and scratches on his arms, as she kneeled in the middle of the crosswalk.
"Not again…" he heard Shiro whisper next to him.
No, no, no, no! This wasn't happening! Kagerou tried to tell himself, but he knew that as a lie. This was happening.
"This is all real."
Kagerou screams, voice raw and cutting his throat. He starts to sob and convulse and all but falls to the ground. He realizes how Hibiya and Hiyori must have felt. The thought of them just makes him cry harder, but then a pair of arms wrap around him and he hears indistinct words of comfort whispered softly to him.
But he continues to sob, even after Shiro tells him, "It's okay. They're gone."
So… I don't think this turned out like I wanted, but I think you get the gist of it.
When first came to the Kagerou Project, I watched the Kagerou Days PV a zillion times. I even had dreams where it was just the PV playing over and over again in a loop. But anyway, I really liked Kagerou (the heat-haze Hibiya), but I was really sad that he and Shiro (the heat-haze Hiyori) weren't actually part of the project at all. So, I made this for these two characters that will never be.
Thank you~
