A/N: Oh my God… I just want to apologize in advance…. This thing is going to be so STUPID and INSANE that you really should just get the hell out while you still can. And I am NOT JOKING!

Summary: Harry Potter & Co. are sent to clown school by mistake. Don't ask. Just please don't ask. My friend thought of it, but she didn't want to do it. So I'm doing it. I have had TOO MUCH SODA today.


Harry Potter really wanted to go back to Hogwarts. It was the undefined summer between two unspecified years at Hogwarts, where most FanFictions seem to take place.

But anyway, Harry Potter really wanted to go back to Hogwarts.

Sadly, Harry Potter is not going to go back to Hogwarts. Because I am an insane writer who has had too much sugar. But that is beside the point. The point is, I'm skipping the rest of the summer. Because nothing amusing ever happens in the summer anyway, and I just wrote that for a little exposition. Let us rejoin our characters on the Hogwarts Express.

"Hey Ron!" Harry greeted.

"Hullo, Harry!" greeted Ron.

"Hello Harry! Hello Ronald!" Hermione said brightly. "Aren't you excited about school starting?"

"No!" yelled Ron.

Harry gave Ron a sideways glance. "Er… no. I'm not excited," he said.

Draco Malfoy sauntered into their compartment. "Hello Potty… Weasel… Mudblood…"

A clown appeared behind him, and dumped a vat of whipped cream on Malfoy's head. The clown then honked his nose, and ran down the corridor, spraying random students with motor oil.

"What- the- hell," the heroic trio said.

"Boys, I have a very bad feeling about this," Hermione said.

"Why?" asked Harry.

"Harry, can you honestly say that you've seen a clown on the Hogwarts Express before?" Hermione demanded.

"Erm… no…."

"I have!" Ron said.

Hermione sighed impatiently. "Besides the one we just saw, Ronald."

"Oh…" Ron said, looking abashed.

"Besides," Hermione continued briskly, "it clearly states in Hogwarts, A History that clowns are not allowed on school grounds or the Hogwarts Express."

Harry and Ron stared at her.

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Oh, for heaven's sakes Ron! Haven't you been paying attention in History of Magic?" she snapped.

"Come on, Hermione," Ron said. "When has anyone other than you paid attention in History of Magic?"

Hermione sighed with the air of a martyr. "The Clown Uprising of 1782! Clowns demanded entry into Hogwarts for the ability to make huge whipped cream pies and being able to pull flowerpots out of their arses. When they were refused, all hell broke loose."

Harry and Ron looked at each other, and burst out laughing. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, Hermione!" Ron gasped.

"Yeah, do you honestly think we're going to believe that?" Harry asked.

Hermione stamped her foot. "It's true!"

But Harry and Ron just kept laughing at her.

Those poor boys. They had no idea that at that precise moment, the scarlet Hogwarts Express turned banana yellow with cerulean and carnation pink polka dots and grew a large clown nose on the front.

The clowns had returned.

And all hell was, once again, about to break loose.


A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know it's short. I just am very orderly and wanted it to be neatly sectioned. Or something like that.