AN: I haven't written anything for this fandom in a while and I kinda miss it. A lot of H&A was pretty ordinary last year, but they've brought in some fun new characters this season and I'm starting to feel inspired again. This fic is pretty crappy, but it's a start. Enjoy!

Colby in that uniform, Dean couldn't let it go.
He pulled out his phone. The number he had for Colby was a couple of years old. The last text he'd sent him was still there.

R u coming back?

Colby had never replied.

Dean was still angry but he needed answers. He punched in a message and hit send.

Still wanna get that drink?

xxx

Why the hell was Dean in Summer Bay? Colby had taken this post to be close to him, but out of sight. He hadn't wanted Dean to know he was back, it made things too complicated.

He swallowed another mouthful of rum as he thought about what to do. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Dean but he thought it would be better for the River Boy if he kept his distance.

The message alert sounded on his phone, he picked it up to find a message from Dean.

He had a bad feeling about this, but the cat was out of the bag now, he might as well try to get a handle on the situation.

He texted back.

Yeah.

xxx

Colby had replied with a yes and an address. Dean didn't know if he was ready for this but he wasn't gonna let Colby get away again. He took a deep breath and knocked on the apartment door.

xxx

This was it. After years apart he was going to spend time with Dean again. He'd worked so hard to put distance between them, for both their sake's, but seeing him again, looking into his eyes, he honestly didn't know how he'd ever managed to walk away.

He opened the door to find Dean there, and it was like a knot in his chest released, he could breath again.

After a lifetime of Dean's presence being as vital as oxygen, he'd been holding his breathe since he left Mangrove River. Now he felt alive again.

"Come in," he offered, the formality an intruder between them. In the past they'd practically been able to read each others minds, though there was one thing he'd managed to keep a secret.

"Nice place," Dean commented.

"That's what a regular paycheck will do."

Indignation flashed across Dean's face, Colby hadn't meant to insult him.

"I'm not judging," he clarified. "Let's just have a drink."

xxx

Dean took a seat at the table, and accepted the glass of Bundy.

He wanted to be mad at Colby, running off like he had was a dog act, but it was hard to be when he saw how well he'd done for himself. He'd always talked about getting out. Dean hadn't thought getting out was a real option, not after seeing how it had turned out for Casey Braxton.

"I ran into Willow," Colby said.

"Oh yeah," Dean returned, smiling a little. He could imagine how that went.

"Yeah. Didn't say a word, just wound it up and smacked me right across the face. Didn't care that I was in uniform."

"That's because she knows you know you deserved it. She had to get something back after dealing with the fallout."

Colby dropped his eyes, running his finger pensively around the top of his glass.

"Was it bad?"

"What do you reckon? One day my best mate was there, the next he was gone without a backward glance. Yeah, you could say it wasn't my finest hour."

Colby looked back up at him, his guilt and remorse plain to see.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"You got a funny way of showing it."

"You and Willow still together?"

"Na. She got sick of my shit. And fair enough."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't really cut it."

xxx

He'd messed up. Not before, he hadn't had a choice then. But now, he shouldn't have let Dean back in. It was going to be impossible to walk away a second time. Not looking back was the only way he'd managed it.

"I don't need you to forgive or like me. I just need for you to be okay."

"Why? How does walking away and becoming a bloody cop help me?"

"I know you'll never understand it, but it's the truth. There was no way I could stay."

"Were you in trouble? I could've helped you. We could've sorted anything if we'd stuck together."

God, he couldn't handle Dean looking at him like that. Like he honestly believed that all they needed was each other. Life wasn't that simple.

"Let it go, Dean. What's done is done. You don't need to understand."

"Stuff you. I deserve more than that. We've been best mates since we were kids."

"I know." And they both knew that growing up was tough, and how strong their bond had been because of that. Colby loved Dean more than anyone and therein lie the problem. He wasn't allowed to love Dean like this. Not in Mangrove River. Not as a River Boy.

"Give me an answer then. Don't make me leave here still wondering what I did wrong."

"What?" Dean thought this was his fault? "It wasn't you."

"Then why? I would've done anything for you."

"I was the same. And I did."

"I don't know what that means. Talk to me, Col. I miss how we used to be."

God, this was too hard. Colby got up and crossed the room, he had to put some distance between them. Why wouldn't these feelings just go away? How could he still be this in love with Dean after all this time?

xxx

It was driving Dean crazy. All he wanted was for Colby to talk to him, like they used to. So many times they'd been there for each other. To patch up wounds, to listen when shit was too hard at home, to take care of each others problems. Colby was obviously struggling big time with something. It was like he hadn't wanted to leave, but thought he had no choice.

Dean got up and went after him, he was going to make Colby talk, then they could sort out whatever it was and get on with their lives. He didn't wanna lose Colby again.
He wrapped his fingers around Colby's arm, forcing him to turn and look at him. They weren't gonna hide anymore.

"Talk to me, Col. What are you so scared of?"

Colby stared at him, obviously struggling with the admission, with whether or not he should tell.

"You," he eventually said. "And me."

"Me? You said it wasn't about me."

"It's nothing you've done. It's not your fault. It's me. And I can't help it. I tried to fix it. To get as far away from you as possible. Do something with my life that might mean I could still be there for you if you ever really needed me."

"You ran off and became a cop for me?"

"If you ever got in trouble, I might be able to get you out of it."

"Why the hell would you do all this? It doesn't make any sense. All I ever wanted was for you to be there."

"I'm doing that the best way I know how."

Dean couldn't take much more of this. Colby had never been this evasive in the past.

"Just stop it. Stop with the riddles. Tell me what this is really about."

"You're not gonna like it."

"I didn't like it when you ran off."

"This is worse."

"Just say it, Col. I can't take anymore. You already broke me. It can't get any worse."

"Yes it can."

Dean had never seen Colby quite like this, he was always so tough and cool and in control. Nothing scared him, not since they were kids, but he looked terrified now. He did the only thing he could think of. He pulled Colby into a hug.

"It's alright mate. I forgive you. And whatever it is, we'll sort it out."

Colby was slow to return the hug, but when he did, it was fierce. He held on so tight, Dean could feel the truth, that he hadn't ever wanted to leave.

"I've missed you. So much," Colby whispered. Dean knew the feeling, he tightened his grip.

"Say it, Col. It never leaves this room if you don't want it to."

They used to trust each other with everything, Dean hoped Colby still trusted him like that.

"I love you."

It should have been shocking. He should've been disgusted, but somehow Dean had already known it. And it was okay.

Colby pulled back to gauge his reaction. He looked better now he'd admitted it, like a weight had been lifted.

"I love you and I know I shouldn't. I couldn't handle not having you anymore so I left. I didn't want the boys to find out. I didn't want them to think it was you. I didn't want to ruin your life."

Dean didn't know exactly what to say, he knew Colby was right about needing to keep it a secret. In the end he went with honesty.

"You did the opposite."

"I didn't know what else to do."

But they were alone now.

"You coulda tried this..."

xxx

Dean being okay with this was more than Colby had ever dared hope for. They'd had it drilled into them their whole lives that homosexuality was disgusting and wrong. Dean knew that as well as he did, that's why it was so incredible, so totally unbelievable when Dean kissed him.

What he felt with Dean's lips on his wasn't some operatic ode to love, what he felt most in that moment was relief. Pure and simple. He had his best friend back. The wall between them was gone. Everything that had ever made life worth living was within reach again. He slid his hand behind Dean's head, keeping their mouths together, he never wanted this to end.

Three years of trying to let Dean go had taught him that he never could.

xxx

Colby could be such an idiot sometimes. Up until he'd shot through, they'd shared everything. There was nothing they hadn't done together, nothing they didn't tell each other.

Except for this apparently. Why the hell hadn't just said something? If he'd been scared of losing Dean, by running off he'd ended up doing that anyway.

Dean couldn't bring himself to be too pissed off about it all just now though, not when he knew that Colby didn't hate him. In fact, Colby the opposite of hated him, and he was making that loud and clear with these hungry kisses.

"Tell me you want this..." Colby pleaded, working a line of kisses down Dean's neck.

He'd never really entertained it as a possibility but now that he had Colby back, and they were here like this, with the hole in his chest closing up again, he knew he never wanted it any other way.

"It's always been you," he said, tilting his head back for Colby. "It's always been you."

They didn't worry about words after that.

xxx

He let Dean take him, fast and messy, before either of them had too much time to think about anything other than how good it felt.

Flat on his back, legs wrapped around Dean's waist, Dean inside him, he felt the closest thing to complete that he ever had.

After they both finished, both landed back in their bodies, they looked each other in the eye and laughed. All of it was just so unbelievable.

xxx

Well that was unexpected, not that he was complaining. Dean looked over at Colby in the bed beside him. In his uniform he looked so different but like this, he hadn't changed so much. He could almost see the grommet from here. He reached over and brushed the sticky strands of hair off Colby's forehead.

"You cut your hair," he said a little wistfully. He'd liked Colby's hair when it was long, but this look suited him too.

Colby gave him a little smile.

"Had to for the job."

It was still hard to believe that Colby had gone dark side and joined the police. It was like switching sides to fight for the enemy.

"Are you really a straight-laced copper now?"

"Try to be. It's better you know, I can switch off at the end of the day. Everything I have, I've earned."

Dean was never gonna exist on the right side of the law. He wasn't sure what that meant for their relationship if Colby was set on to playing it straight.

"Where does that leave me?"

Colby leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.

"You've always been the exception."

This time it was Dean that instigated the kiss. He was enjoying this new twist in their story, and wanted time explore what it could be without any pressure.

"We keep this quiet. Yeah?"

"For now I think that's best."

Dean laid his head against Colby's chest and wrapped an arm around him.

"Don't leave me again, Col. Not without talking about it first."

xxx

Colby had no intention of going anywhere.

"Na," he said, leaning down to press a kiss to Dean's hair. "Think I learned my lesson there."