A/N: I'm not sure if I'm one hundred percent satisfied with this one shot, but I thought I'd post it anyway. I think it's a little clichéd or cheesy at the end (I'm mostly happy with the beginning), but I'm gonna post it anyway. Read and review and let me know if you like. :)
-o0o-
"Hey."
Cameron froze at the word, her pen poised above the file she'd been filling out. She knew that her body had tensed at the sound of his voice, and she hated that she made it so easy for him to read her like an open book. She didn't want to seem like she was annoyed with him, and she certainly didn't want him to think she was angry at him. If that happened, he would shower her with apologies and kindness, and she would only feel even guiltier than she already did. So, swallowing the uneasiness that had settled in her stomach, she looked up into his warm eyes. He didn't suspect a thing. "Hey."
Chase was smiling at her happily. It was almost nice, how oblivious he was. Almost. "You almost done? I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner tonight, then maybe head back to my place." She returned the smile half heartedly as she heard the suggestion, feeling terrible at the fact that it no longer appealed to her. How long had it been since she'd lost interest in spending the night with him? "Actually, I think I'm going to have to stay late tonight. There's all this paperwork from the ER…" Her voice trailed off aimlessly, and she felt that pang of guilt hit her once again as she saw the flicker of disappointment cross over his face. She'd already used that excuse twice this week. "Ally…"
"I know, I know." She knew she was being unfair to him, but she also didn't want to be around him when she felt like this. It was easy to hide her guilt from him, but it didn't make the weight of it any easier to bear. "I promise I'll make it up to you. Tomorrow. We'll go to dinner tomorrow."
The corner of his mouth turned up in a defeated half grin, though it didn't reach his eyes. Probably because this had been happening more and more often nowadays. "All right." He leaned in to kiss her softy, and her lips moved along with his instinctually, but her mind was elsewhere, remembering what it was like when they'd first started dating. How happy and carefree she'd felt with him. But that only reminded her that she still felt that, only with someone else now. With a soft sigh, she separated their lips and looked into his eyes, longing to see what had attracted her to him in the first place. But no such luck was to be found. "I'll call you."
"I'll be waiting." And she knew he would. She knew that he would always be there waiting for her, so why didn't that comfort her?
Before he turned to walk away, he took her hand in his and gave her one last soft smile. "I love you."
I love you. At one time, those three little words could have fallen from her lips with ease. But now, now they felt like leaden weights in her lungs that took great force to pull out. He hesitated, waiting for the words she should have been able repeat to him. But her tongue remained hidden behind her lips, refusing to say the words that would only hurt more. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. She did. But it would have been just another lie to add to the ones she'd already told him.
So, instead, she squeezed his hand softly and gave a smile to reassure him with a love that she herself could no longer recall. "I know."
It hurt to watch him walk away with that lingering cloud of disappointment hanging over him, but Cameron knew that if she'd said anything else, if would have hurt even worse. And, strangely enough, she felt a wave of relief rush over her as she watched the glass doors close behind him. Giving a nod to the nurses around her, she gathered the files she'd been working on and dropped them off in her office. She didn't really need to work late, but it was only a little white lie, right?
-o0o-
Considering that she'd left House's office to pursue a career that felt more satisfying and enjoyable, Cameron found herself feeling somewhat strange to have a reason to look forward to heading towards her old office. Normally, she would have dreaded setting foot anywhere near House's office, but since it was so late in the day, she knew that there wouldn't be anyone still lingering there besides the one person whom she'd come to see. And that was comforting.
Her back was turned to Cameron as she opened the glass door to the conference room. Cameron took a moment to watch her slowly pull on her coat and toss her long brunette locks to the side. She felt a small smile spread across her lips as she watched Remy pull her bag over her shoulder, ready to head home for the day. Her cheeks reddened a bit as the brunette turned around, catching her watching from the doorway. A smile flitted across Remy's face as she saw Cameron standing there, and Cameron couldn't deny the small bit of happiness that washed over her at the act. "Hey."
For the second time that night, that word reached Cameron's ears. Only this time she didn't freeze or tense at the sound of it. Instead, she felt a happiness spread over her as she met Remy's gaze, admiring the warmth she found there. "Hey."
"I was just about to come looking for you. You want to go back to my place?" Cameron found herself nodding before she could allow the guilt to once again spread over her. She knew she should be spending the night with Chase, but it had been months since the idea of it had appealed to her. She sometimes caught herself thinking about meeting up with Remy after work, instead of with the man she should be thinking of, and part of her felt guilty and ashamed at the fact that she now spent her time with someone else. But another part of her, a tiny speck of her that would remain selfish, told her to forget about Chase and enjoy Remy's company. She still didn't know which part of her she would ultimately side with.
"Yeah. That sounds good." A questioning look spread over Remy's face as she took in the slight pause between her question and Cameron's answer. "Is everything okay? You seem a little… distracted."
Cameron shook her head, not wanting to bother Remy with the weight of her conflicting emotions. They were something Cameron wanted to deal with on her own, not wanting to burden Remy with them. "I'm fine. Just a long day."
Remy's eyebrow raised in suspicion, and Cameron knew that eventually she was going to crack. Remy just knew her too well, and she knew that pretty soon she'd be confessing all of the wants and needs and desires that she hadn't even been able to admit to herself. "Well, if there is anything bothering you, you know you can talk to me about it."
Cameron sighed and walked into the room, taking a seat in the chair that had once been designated as hers. Remy sat across from her, concern filling her beautiful features as she gently took Cameron's hand. And once again, Cameron felt guilt fill her as she took a deep breath. Remy shouldn't have to be bothered with this. "It's just… Chase."
"Did he find out about us?" Her voice was soft and gentle as she traced Cameron's knuckles with her fingertips. Instantly, Cameron felt herself start to relax at the fact that Remy was just trying to soothe her, instead of getting worried and concerned, as she'd feared. "No, he hasn't found out. I've just been feeling kind of, well, guilty lately."
"Guilty over what?"
Cameron sighed as she watched Remy's fingers glide over hers, hypnotized by their ministrations as she tried to sort out what she wanted to say. "I just, lately I haven't felt really anything towards him. I look forward to being with you so much more than I look forward to being with him, and I feel like I'm being unfair to him."
Remy nodded slowly as she tried to meet Cameron's gaze. But Cameron kept her eyes stubbornly glued to the table in front of her, feeling almost embarrassed at discussing her feelings. It wasn't something she particularly enjoyed doing, as it made her feel uncomfortably vulnerable, even though she knew she could trust Remy. "Do you still want to be with him?"
Cameron allowed her eyes to drift closed as she let out another long sigh. That really was the million dollar question. She knew she loved Chase, but she wasn't in love with him any more. Yet she knew that if she tried to talk to him about it, it would only hurt him. And that certainly didn't appeal to her. She felt like Chase had become a good friend after all this time, and she didn't want to cause him any pain out of respect for their friendship. But she was getting tired of living a lie and carrying the guilt around with her every day. The real question was what she was going to do about it. "I… I don't know… I just don't know…"
Remy nodded knowingly and gently raised Cameron's hand to her lips, softly kissing her fingertips in a tender gesture. "It's okay." Cameron felt herself melt at the love she felt from Remy in that moment, and she suddenly realized that the one little moment they'd shared right then and there had made her feel better than anything she'd felt with Chase in the past few weeks. Care, concern, and love surrounded Remy and Cameron when they were together, and suddenly Cameron realized that the thought of staying with Remy felt so much nicer than the thought of being with anyone else. There wouldn't be any more guilt or hiding or lying, just love and happiness that she could truly share and reciprocate. And that's what Cameron had wanted all along.
After taking a deep breath, a genuine smile filled Cameron's features and Remy cocked her head to the side in curiosity. "What is it?"
Cameron let out a soft laugh at the realization she'd just had, suddenly feeling free for the first time in a long while as she allowed herself to come to terms with the true feelings she'd kept buried until now. "I love you Remy." She let out a happy laugh as she let the words fall freely from her lips. "I love you. I couldn't say that to Chase without it being a lie. But I can say it to you. And I'm happy that I can."
Remy grinned and let a little chuckle escape her as she listened to Cameron's professions. "I love you too, Ally. You know that. Where did all this come from?"
Cameron shook her head, not quite understanding it herself. "House always says that everybody lies. But I'm tired of lying. It's time for me to just accept the truth. And the truth is that I feel so much more comfortable and in love with you than I ever did with Chase."
Remy's grin widened as she leaned across the table, placing a gentle kiss on Cameron's lips to show that she felt exactly the same way. Happiness washed over Cameron as she felt Remy's lips on hers, finally understanding that love was sometimes standing right in front of you when you were looking for it in any other place you could think of.
She knew she wasn't going to lie to herself, or anyone else, any more, and she sure as hell wasn't going to let go of the strongest love she'd felt in such a long time.
-End-
A/N2: I know, I know, it's a little "I love you" "I love you too" *sob on each other's shoulder* but I just couldn't resist. When a plot bunny comes along, you've just gotta write it! :)
