"Dear Diary,
It's been 5 months since he left. Just left. With no explanation. Without even saying goodbye.
I have a pretty good idea why he left, or at least with whom.
But it doesn't matter anymore because he's gone, and he's not coming back, at least not for a long time.
And I'm fine, honestly I am. I wasn't, I'll admit, I cried for weeks. But it's getting better. They say time heals all, but it isn't time thats healing me.
It's him.
Damon Salvatore, Stefan's brother. I've tried so hard to pretend I only care for him as a friend, and push aside my other feelings. But I can't, not anymore, and truthfully I don't want to!
I just want to be happy again, and he makes me happy. I didn't see him or go to the Boarding House for a month after Stefan left, it was too painful. But then one night I woke up
and realized the real reason I couldn't face him, because I'm in love with him. We've always had something between us, something I brushed off because I convinced myself that
Stefan was the only one for me. But the truth is he isn't, I know that now. Hell, I've known that ever since the day he left with her, after he promised he felt nothing for her, that it was all just compulsion and their love had been a lie. But I knew, from the second she came back to Mystic Falls, I knew. He pretended he hated her, but sometimes his mask would fall out of place, and I would see the love and hurt he really felt. Hurt because she had left him for so long thinking she was dead, thinking the only woman he had ever loved was dead, burned to a cinder. And when he found out about the tomb, and then found out she wasn't there, she had never been in there, she could've come to see him any time she liked, but she never did. Sure, he pretended he felt nothing, that only Damon had been pining over her for 145 years, but I saw right through him. I just thought if he would leave he would at least have the guts to tell me why, to at least say goodbye!" wrote Elena, a tear rolling down her cheek again.
"But he didn't, and it's fine. I hope he's as happy with her as he pretended to be with me. I always wondered if it was Katherine he saw everytime he touched me, kissed me, fucked me. And now I'm sure. Well screw him. Damon never thought of me as Katherine, he might've in the beginning but then we became friends and from then on I was nothing but Elena to him. He told me that, and I don't know why but I believe him. I probably shouldn't, but I trust him even though he's done so many bad things in his (long) life. But I think he truly believes everything he's done, every bad thing, every person he's killed, he did for love. So he could get her out of the tomb.
I'm going to the Boarding House tonight and I'm sleeping there, as I have most nights since Stefan left, aside from the time I was avoiding it. I just can't stand being alone. I want to tell Damon about my feelings, but I don't know how. It could ruin everything, and he's the only good thing I have going in my life right now... I don't want to be the sad girl anymore. I won't be." she sighed and put her diary back in it's place, and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
An hour later she was ready and out of the door, holding her car keys and texting Damon with the other.
*'Wake up lazybones, I'm coming over.' she sent.*
She was driving past The Grill when her phone started buzzing. She picked it up, smiled as she saw the caller ID and answered.
"You only saw me all of 12 hours ago, and now you're coming over again? I might have to start putting visiting times..." said Damon in a voice that made her sure he was smirking as always.
"What can I say, I can't resist you." said Elena flirtily, deciding to play along.
"We'll have to test that theory when you get here..." said Damon seductively, causing Elena to get butterflies deep in her stomach.
"I'll um, see you in a minute." said Elena getting a little flustered.
"How much of me do you want to see?" asked Damon.
"I'm hanging up now, goodbye." said Elena flipping her phone shut and groaning.
Why do I always let him get to me? she thought frustrated at herself.
When she arrived the door was closed, and she contemplated knocking but then decided on just walking in. 'I spend enough time here anyway', she thought.
"Ever heard of knocking? I could've been dancing around in my underwear for all you knew." said Damon appearing behind her.
"Knowing you, that's very likely." she said rolling her eyes.
"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence, Elena?" he said grabbing his glass of scotch and lazing on the couch.
"I don't know, I wanted to see you I guess." she said sitting next to him and putting her legs on his lap.
"Thats always a good reason. Is there anything in particular you want to do today?" he asked, his fingers slowly creeping up her leg.
"Mhm, you wish." she said, but didn't stop him.
"I'm not the only one.." he said reaching his hands behind her back and in one swift motion pulling her on top of him.
"Damon, don't." she said pulling away from him and getting off.
"Relax, kitten. I'm only playing." he said getting up too.
"It's hard to tell when you are and aren't kidding nowadays." she murmured.
"Hm, what was that?" he smirked, "Lighten up Elena, do you want a drink?" he asked.
"It's three oclock in the afternoon Damon." she said pointedly.
"Technicalities..." he said sauntering into the kitchen and coming back out with two beers in his hand.
"Oh fine, but just one." she said, rolling her eyes at him.
A few hours later there were 8 empty bottles lined up on the floor and Elena was most definitely drunk.
"Hey, we should play spin the bottle!" said Elena excitedly jumping up until she realized there was only two of them in the room. "Oh wait, theres only two of us..." she said pouting.
"Oh Elena, if you want to kiss me just ask." Damon asked smiling wickedly at her.
"Okay, kiss me." she said surprising him.
Did she actually just ask me to kiss her? thought Damon thrown off for a few seconds, before his usual smirk appeared again.
"Your wish is my command." he said leaning towards her but refusing to go any closer. If they were going to do this, Elena had to be sure she really wanted to.
Elena looked into his blue eyes for a few seconds, although they felt like hours, and eventually reached her hands up to palm the curve of his jaw, her fingers tracing the jut of the bone and the slight stubble on his chin, before leaning in completely and pressing her lips against his softly and gently. Her hands went to the back of his neck and her fingers tangled themselves in his hair as she deepened the kiss, running her tongue along his lips asking for entrance, which he gave to her. Their tongues fought for dominance for a few seconds before setting a comfortable pace. Finally Elena pulled away breathing hard.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that..." she breathed, her forehead against his.
"Really?" asked Damon putting his hands on her hips.
"Really. Thats what I came here to tell you, I figured something out last night. You know I care for you alot don't you?" she asked, not waiting for an answer, "Well, it's not just friendship Damon, it can't be. When I'm not with you I miss you so much, and I think about you even when I don't want to think about you. It's always been like this, even when I was with Stefan. I've always wanted you Damon. Damon..." she said, tears welling up in her eyes, "I love you. I really do." she said looking down.
Damon was speechless. Here she was, the woman he'd been fantasizing about ever since he'd first met her, telling him she loved him. Him! Not his brother, he thought.
"Elena, look at me." he said lifting her chin up gently, "I love you too. I have for a while now. It was killing me seeing you so sad after my brother left, I just wanted to rip his fucking head off for hurting you. But if you give me the chance, I'll never hurt you like he did, I swear." he said looking into her eyes.
As much as she tried, Elena couldn't speak. The lump in her throat was too big, and her tears welled over and spilled down her cheeks. Instead of talking, she pulled Damon towards her and kissed him passionately. It was the kind of kiss that made your toes furl over, and she loved every second of it.
Authors note - Sorry this is so short, I promise the next chapter will be longer. Hope you enjoy, and review! xo
