Disclaimer: I own nothing of CSI or its affiliates.
The Hardest Mile
8 at night to 6 in the morning. Those are my hours.
It's 5:50 in the morning, and it's my last day.
And for some reason I just cannot walk out those doors. Not yet. Soon, but not yet.
People are walking around, doing their work, finding the evidence. Something I've done practically all my life. I look around at these glass walls. This place has been my home for so long. Can I actually leave it? I wonder. I know that I can't do it anymore. I feel the burnout. My soul and my mind are too tired. Too long I've dealt with the dark. Too long I've seen how evil people can actually be. I've seen too much heartache and too much pain.
But it hasn't all been bad. I've seen the perseverance of the human spirit. I've seen justice for the long overdue. I've seen the dedication of people to give others peace of mind. It hasn't all been bad.
I've created family. My team has been my family. Jim, Catherine, Warrick, Nick, Greg, and Sara, they are all my family. They are the people that love me, no matter what I do. They made the Tin Man have a heart. They made a ghost alive again.
5:55
I find Sara in the locker room. Sara. What more can I say about her? I love her. I do. I know she loves me as well. She is taking my leaving well. I told her about it 3 weeks ago. She was angry at first. She stormed out of my house in a fury and wouldn't speak to me for a week. We talked and she finally accepted it. I know she is still upset, but she loves me enough to let me go. I'll visit her, but I don't think we'll have an actual relationship. Not like the one she wanted. I wanted to give her that, I really did. But I don't think I can. Maybe we'll meet up again one day, maybe we won't. But she knows how I feel about her. She knows that she was loved. And for now, it is all I can give her.
I know someone else will love her again. Hopefully better than I could. But I don't regret what we had and she doesn't either. So it will be okay. We'll be okay.
"So you're leaving?" she asks me.
"Yeah. In a few. Soon." I reply.
"I'll miss you." I tell her.
She nods her head and turns to leave. She stops at the doorway and turns back to me.
"I guess this was never meant to be huh?"
"I don't know Sara. I really don't." It's the best answer that I can give her. I honestly don't know.
"Maybe in the next lifetime." She whispers.
"I'll see ya there." I tell her. I give her a hug and she leaves.
Suddenly these glass walls aren't trapping me, but setting me free. I walk out the door into the waking city. The sun is just barely rising now, and I feel this chapter of my life closing.
And with that, I walk away.
And all I can think is that the hardest mile I ever had to walk was the one away from here.
