A/N: I've been out of D Gray man for a really long time but just recently got back into it. The hard thing about being a D Gray man fan is even though I respect Hoshino and the breaks she needs, the breaks do tend to make me focus on other things and unfortunately it took me years to pick up the series again. Anyway, I'm really glad I did because I was amazed with the shift in the story and how much has changed, especially between Kanda and Allen. The most recent chapters really inspired me write this. This takes place almost a year after Chapter 218.

*Unbeta'd so if there is an error I apologize and don't hesitate to let me know! Thank you!


He never had much expectations for his life. His sole purpose was to find that person. After the situation with Alma that occurred over one year ago, he found that his childhood friend had been that person all along. His sole purpose for living had been completed at the cost of losing someone he dearly loved once again.

Kanda had no reason for existing, he should have had no reason for continuing to breathe the air of the harsh world. Yet a nagging feeling tore at his conscious. If he ceased to exist he would not die peacefully. His purpose in life had shifted to the cursed silver-haired teen. The irony of that fact didn't go unnoticed. Kanda hates people like Allen. People like Allen cry out some heroic speech and claim they will save everyone. Of course they never succeed in such things. Those type of people lose their lives before they ever do anything. They die young and their attempted efforts are never remembered. They die nameless.

Allen is naive and selfless but he will willingly throw himself in the line of fire for a complete stranger and despite this he continues to live. Kanda never planned to learn the teen's name, but not only did he learn his name but its been forever burned into his memory.

Now his sole existence revolves around Allen Walker.

There was a time when he would not have cared what happened to the idiot beansprout or this damned world they lived in. He lived in a world of black and white where the only thing that mattered was his goal, but things changed. If it wasn't for Allen he would have never achieved his goal. He would have never been able to find out Alma was that woman who haunted and yet soothed his cursed existence. Because of Allen Walker he has his closure and set Alma free.

For Kanda's happiness, the silver-haired teen threw away his own and he did it without hesitation. It was his fault the fourteenth Noah awakened in Allen and now its his duty to make sure the Noah will never see the light of day. For some reason, he can't help but feel a terrible weight on his chest knowing he ruined Walker's life. As much as he refuses to admit it, he doesn't hate the teen. It would have been better if he did because it is always easier to hate. Kanda isn't sure what he feels for Allen, but it doesn't sit well with him knowing that the boy is in despair because of him. It especially doesn't sit well with him knowing the Order is after him. Not to mention there's a Noah that's lurking in his mind, threatening to take over at any given moment. To make things even worse, there's also that damned Apocryphos who also wants the teen.

There is nothing he can do about the treason charges against the beansprout, but he could certainly be the one to destroy the Noah when he emerges and stop him from aiding in the destruction of mankind.

Kanda became a General after Tiedoll suggested. Being a General, he is no longer under Komui's command, but under the command of the Five Great Generals. A few days after Kanda's run-in with Tiedoll, he met with the Generals. They appointed him the mission of locating and detaining Allen Walker and Johnny Gill. Simple enough. He already found both of them, all he had to do was show up to Headquarters once a month, turn in his report and he was off again. His reports were always the same, though he provides the Order with some truthful information. It isn't exactly something he wants to do, but he has to make his reports appear believable. Moving up in command was never something he wanted, but it was the only way he could stay with the beansprout and Johnny. It also lessens the chance of him becoming a 'fallen one' since he is still working for the order and God. Truthfully, he can't really tell if theres a difference between the two anymore. To his confusion, however, despite lying to the church, his innocence never threatens to take over. It's something he wonders about often but can't seem to understand.

They were now at would could have been their twentieth hide out. It's a small motel in the outskirts of Sweden. They hadn't seen anyone from the Order in almost half a year. Though they did almost have a close run-in with three Exorcists when they were in Germany. It was the first time Kanda had actually felt "fear," if it could be called that. If the exorcists in Germany had reported to Headquarters that General Kanda Yu was in fact hiding and transporting Allen Walker and Johnny Gill, he was sure Headquarters would send all of their best exorcists after them. Ironically enough, he too, was on the run, though the Order didn't know of his crimes yet.

The samurai strips off his exorcist coat and hangs it over a chair. He then grabs his spare blanket from the closet and tosses it on the couch he sleeps on. Johnny and Allen are sitting cross-legged on the double bed, playing cards and chatting amiably among themselves.

Its been nearly a year since he and Allen first reunited. The beansprout is nothing like he remembered. He's become a shell of his former self but he at least doesn't try to run from them anymore. Now, Allen seems to accept their company, well Johnny's at least.

Kanda watches on as the pair continues to chat about various things. Usually Johnny shares new theories he comes up with while Allen exchanges stories about his childhood. Their friendship reminds him of he and Alma before everything went downhill. Its a bond he's somewhat longed for ever since he was reunited with Alma again. But his current goal doesn't involve making friends. He only has one motive for tagging along with Johnny and the beansprout and that is the Fourteenth. Like Alma, one day Allen, too, will die before him. Its something he knows he will have to face one day, and while he is prepared for their inevitable fate, he can't say he is ready for it.

Johnny hops off the bed and stretches his limbs. "I'm hungry!" He smiles brightly. Kanda has been so deep in thought that the sudden squeak of Johnny's voice surprises him. The man is a few years older than both he and the beansprout, but he has a childlike innocence that neither of them ever had. "Do you want to get dinner?" Johnny hums as he rocks from his toe to heel.

"I'm not really hungry," Allen smiles, but its that disgustingly fake smile he often feigns. Kanda hates that smile. Its so dishonest and so unlike the kid's former self. He has become nothing but fake smiles and it irritates him to no end.

The bespectacled man then asks him the same question, but he declines his offer. Truthfully, he isn't very hungry either. Unfortunately, they've been holed up in Sweden for two weeks. It isn't that the food in this country is bad, but it isn't something he likes to eat often. He partly thinks his loss of appetite has something to do with the stupid beansprout's fake smiles. There is nothing more sickening than people who play pretend.

Johnny throws his thick white coat on. The fur lining of his hood circles his face like the mane of a lion. "I'll pick something up for you both!" the man beams before he skipps out of the room. Kanda smiles to himself, Johnny's exuberance truly reminds him of Alma. Its probably one of the only reasons he hasn't lost his temper when it comes to Johnny. Though he still wonders how the man is able to remain so optimistic despite losing his own friend.

He and Allen are now alone in the small room. The air is quiet except for the faint voices of people in the hallways. There is something about being alone with Walker that Kanda can't stand. It isn't even because there is evil that lurks in his mind. He suspects it has something to do with Allen no longer being that kid he was in the past. The beansprout's personality used to get under his skin but hell, at least he acted like himself. When the hell did he become so damn pathetic?

The sudden sound of Allen clearing his throat breaks him out of his thoughts.

"Can you stop staring at me? I'm not the Fourteenth." Twin pools of silver bore into his with a glimmer of annoyance.

"Che. I'm not staring at you." Kanda growls.

"Except that you are," His silver brows furrow in frustration.

"Don't flatter yourself, moyashi. As if I'd be starting at you." The boy really knows how to work his nerves and since when did his voice not sound so high-pitched? It sounds like its in the transition of becoming masculine. It only serves as reminder of how much Allen has grown.

"And yet, you have been." Allen pulls the blanket over his stretched out legs and folds his mismatched hands over his lap. His gaze drifts to the ceiling as if hes deep in thought. "You've barely said a word to me since you and Johnny came here a year ago, yet you're always watching me."

Its true, the beansprout and him have barely spoken in the almost year they've traveled together. It isn't that he doesn't want to. No. Its just that he can't. Kandas never been big on conversation. Talking to someone is hard, thanking someone is even harder. Walker had thrown away his entire life just so he and Alma could have their final moments of peace and yet he asked for nothing in return. He was the only person who would have gone that far for Kanda's sake and they weren't even close.

With Johnny gone he finally has a chance to say what he always wanted to say. Kanda opens his mouth to say those words he'd been itching to say for almost a year. He knows he must look conflicted because Allen's irritated expression turns into one of confusion.

The words are on the tip of Kanda's tongue and yet he can't say them. His usual mask of annoyance settles back into place. "Shut up, moyashi."

Allen swears under his breath and turns on the double mattress he and Johnny shared, his back to Kanda.

The Japanese man lays out on the couch and stares at the ceiling. His long legs hang over the side. That went well. Not. Their way of living is cramped, but somehow he feels more alive than he has in a long time. The truth is he really enjoys being around the beansprout and Johnny. Somehow he feels a similar feeling with the two of them as he did with Alma. He wants to stay with them, even if that means going against a so-called God's will and risk becoming a 'fallen one'.

The sound of the rustling sheets and the creak of the mattress, alerts his senses. Allen sits into a sitting position and stares at him with an expression he hasn't seen in a long time. His silver eyes are full of determination but Kanda isn't sure why.

"Kanda," He pauses as if he is been carefully calculating something in his head. "Thank you."

The words catch him off guard. Why would Walker be thanking him? And how is it that the beansprout can so easily express whats on his mind despite all the demons that mess around in his brain? Yet, it has been over a year since Allen saved him and he can't say those few simple words.

"For what?" His expression hardens once again. It is so easy for him to be standoffish, it keeps people away from him. He can't let people get too close, he learned from the loss of Alma that letting people in led to disaster. For the first time in a long time, however, he doesn't want to keep some people away.

"For being here. I almost gave in but..." Allen trails off, looking like the child he was when they first met.

"You should be saying this to Johnny." He cuts in.

"I know you don't have to be here either."

The older of the two becomes silent. He can't say what he desperately wants to say. Kanda stares at Allen intently, trying to make him back off but the teen remains firm. His gaze doesn't falter. Instead, he looks as determined as he used to. For some reason, seeing the beansprout this way makes him feel some warmth in his chest he vaguely remembers feeling only once in his life.

"I know it must not be easy for you to be stuck with me. So thank you for staying around...you being here really helped me."

Allen's voice echoes in his mind. Those are the same words, he has thought of saying to Allen many times before. For some reason he feels defenseless. Its almost as if Allen had read his mind and picked out those exact words to taunt him.

"Che. Idiot." Kanda spat and turns away from Allen on the compact couch. It is always easier to push him away and never say what he wants to say.

One day he won't be able to say those words he wants to say. One day mugen will pierce through the kid's heart and crimson will stain his clothing.

Kanda grunts at the thought and curses under his breath. He feels frustrated with himself.

I'm the one who should be thanking you.


A/N: Just so you know, this story is taking place almost a year after chapter 218 and a little over a year after the Mystery of Kanda arc. Kanda has grown up a lot since the beginning of the series so I was really looking forward to playing around with the man he's become/becoming.

Thanks for reading! Sorry for the boring start! I'm not sure how long this will be but I don't anticipate it being too long. If you have the time, please review and let me know what you think. Thanks!

yeo!