From deep in the depths of Skyrim Bill the Dragon returns from the surface after eating some sheep.

Bob (a befuddled Dragon looking like he is at the end of his rope. Mumbling to himself)

Bob: It's not right man! It's JUST NOT RIGHT!

Bill: Dude, anything wrong?

Bob: It's Skyrim MAN, It's Skyrim! That place, it's Dragon HELL.

Bill: Hey, just calm down and tell me what happened.

Bob: It's the Dragon breath..it DOESN"T WORK! I swear to Alduin man, I went after this village… For 5-minutes I was breathing fire at this hut - a flippin wooden hut. Did it burn..did it go up in flame...DID IT!

Bill: Dude, relax...relax. Just breath.

Bob: What do you mean relax..NOTHING BURNS...NOTHING. I tell ya, it's HELL. The hut didn't even smolder? I tried grass, people, nothing. I can't even get a blade of grass to burn...IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!. You would think people would run in terror from us RIGHT? NOPE, they ran at us...AT US. I even heard of a guy up there who can steal your soul. IT'S H.E.L.L!

Bill: Tell you what. Let me go out there and check it out. I'm sure everything will be fine.

-2 hours later .. Bill returns-

Bob: Well? What did I tell ya?

Bill (now looking confused and slightly scared): I don't get it? I attacked...and an old lady attacked me back! Dude, all she had was a SPOON. And she kept hitting me with it and trying to punch me? An OLD LADY. All I could do was stand there and stare dumbfounded. Then something hit me from behind. I turn and look and it's a crab...A TINY CRAB.

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That's it, I'm going vegan!