It was a cold September morning when Pansy Parkinson woke up in an unfamiliar room. She got up and turned around to stare at the love of her life, who was lying next to her. The sight of him jogged her memory, and suddenly all of last night came flooding back to her. She remembered playing naked twister and pole dancing with her boyfriend of three years, Albus Dumbledore.

Their relationship had to be kept a secret for legal reasons but they were madly in love and such petty things as the law didn't get in the way of true love. Albus knew he was playing a dangerous game when he decided to ask Pansy out that sweltering hot Winter day, when he spied her skinny dipping in the Black Lake. Albus had been immediately attracted to her "thunder thighs" and three breasts. Pansy simply just loved his long tickly beard and long flowing silver locks.

She looked around and took in her surroundings, finally she recognized the room. It was in fact her transfiguration classroom. She remembered the romp that they had had on Professor McGonagall desk in the earlier hours of the morning.

"Hello darling, we better get up before someone finds us" whispered Pansy.

"Yes, yes," mumbled Albus "quickly, quickly get changed." They dressed silently and snuck out of the room. They had only gone a few steps before they ran into Severus Snape, the Potions masters.

Pansy quickly averted her gaze, and her palms became sweaty and her breathing became laboured. Unbeknownst to Albus, Pansy and Snape were having a steamy affair. "What's going on?" asked Snape, "why were you in the transfiguration classroom together?"

"My personal life is none of your concern Serverus" said Albus quietly.

"Oh I think it is when you're spending alone time in an empty classroom with my girlfriend!" spat Severus.

"Your girlfriend? Pansy is MY girlfriend and has been for three years." said Albus, his voice becoming shaky.

"Perhaps Pansy can shed some light on this situation." sneered Snape as they both rounded on her. Pansy started to cry and burst out

"I CANT HELP BEING A SLUT, IT'S IN MY NATURE!

I have been having an affair with Severus for some time now Albus, I'm so sorry. I never stoped loving you but to be honest you are not as agile as you used to be and Severus with his chiselled abbs and meaty behind makes be go weak at the knees and I couldn't resist him."

"There is only one way to settle this, you will have to choose one of us." said Severus.

"I agree, cos I know I have nothing to loose. Pansy has always loved me and I know she always will." said Albus confidently, "So Pansy, who do you love the most?"

Pansy thought for a minute with quivering lips but then her decision was made "I choose RUBEUS HAGRID!"

Both Severus and Albus gasped. "What?" asked a stunned Severus, "what has that great oaf got to do with this?"

"I've not only had an affair with Severus, I have also been seeing Reubie for three months now and I have fallen in love." She said, "I'm sorry, but I have made my choice, I'll never forget either of you." And with that she turned on her heal and ran down the stairs into the arms of her hairy lover.

A stunned Albus turned to Severus and said, "Was it you who gave me syphilis?"

"Yes, I caught it off Professor Flitwick." He said looking rather embarrassed as his sallow cheeks turned Barbie pink, "you may also want to be checked for genital herpes."