Standard Disclaimer: not mine if you recognize it. JKR's characters, world, etc.
I plan on this being a multi-chapter story... eventually... whenever I find time to update it... hopefully every week or so...?
The Importance of Speaking Clearly
by Eh
"They're called Horcruxes."
Harry Potter stared at Dumbledore in confusion while the Headmaster looked at him expectantly, eyes twinkling at an almost blinding intensity.
"How many are there?" the boy asked in a hushed voice, squinting.
"Several, though I believe Tom had a liking to the number seven- magical, you understand." Harry's disgusted nod told the old man that the boy knew exactly how Dark that branch of magic was. Dumbledore was very proud of his level of maturity.
"We have to destroy Voldemort's whores?" Harry asked incredulously. Dumbledore nodded solemnly.
"Yes, my boy," was his reply, but then his eyes jerked open wide. "No, wait-"
"Ah, so where to start," Harry pondered excitedly, ignoring the spluttering old man before him. Who could possibly fit the bill? "Maybe we should start with the Death Eaters- Bellatrix for sure, she's gotta be crazy enough to swing that way. Narcissa Malfoy? No, she's too cold. On second thought..."
"Harry, my boy, I don't think you know what I-"
"Are there any other lady Death Eaters who would sleep with a snake?" Harry interrupted the Headmaster. Dumbledore went almost catatonic, but Harry was too caught up in a hysterical giggle to notice . "Sleep with a snake. Sleep with a slimy snake- ew, no."
Harry grimaced at where his thoughts had taken him, shaking his head to clear it. He looked over at the professor. Dumbledore's eye twitched, which the boy took to be a good sign that he was getting off track.
"Right." Harry fiddled with the edge of his sleeve. "Oh! I know!"
"Harry..." The student in question was oblivious to the tone Dumbledore used, the one he usually reserved for speaking to first years and certain emotionally-unstable teachers. Cough (Severus) Cough.
"Would Lucius count since he's such a bitch?" Harry asked without inflection. The Headmaster stared at the student for a very long moment before closing his eyes and putting his face in his hands. Then:
"Yes, my boy... I suppose he would."
