cut like a knife

.

am i the epitome

of everything you hate

and you desire?

'love is a suicde' -natalia kills

.

why?

why is she sleeping with him?

that's actually a very good question.

one she will not answer.

there is no reason. sebastian is sebastian, horny, smirky, bitchy little meerkat sebastian. and she is santana, the female version. minus the meerkat face.

she's pretty sure the others would kill her if he found out, as sebastian's the bad guy, from the rival show choir. oh, and the whole-cheating-on-brittany part. but how can she cheat on someone she's only possibly in a relationship with?

the truth is, she hates sebastian. she hates his smile. she hates the way he sings. she hates the way he talks. she hates his fucking blazer. she hates that his dad pretty much paid for him to be captain of the warblers while her dad is too busy to even pretend he gives a fuck.

she also hates the way he turns her on, makes her want to smash a window, punch through a wall, scream at the top of her lungs because she wants him.

so much.

but she hates him.

she'll just have these, these urges sometimes - every night - and she'll drive over to his place and climb into his window and jump his fucking bones. yeah, there's no better word for it.

and while other couples whisper i love you during those late, hot nights, no ,she growls i hate you, i hate you, i hate you into his ear. of course, he neglects to tell her it's the fucking hottest thing he's ever heard.

afterwards she will gather her clothing and climb back out the window and fall into an exhausted sleep, because being with him, being near him, anything that has to do with him, it all just makes her feel so fucking drained.

and she will nevereverever fall in love with him.

or at least that's what she tells herself.