Chapter 1: Once more, from the top!

Well, there's definitely something to be said about investigating the strange, floating, inter dimensional portal that just appears right in front of you one day. DON'T DO IT. Well, don't do it unless you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. Take me for example. I saw the green portal, I just had to investigate it, consequences be damned! I should have at least grabbed some supplies or something just in case. I mean all I had when the portal appeared was the clothes on my back, namely my sneakers, jeans, my t-shirt and my white hooded jacket. That's not exactly apocalypse levels of preparedness, which is definitely what you should be expecting when a portal appears out of nowhere.

Anyway, like I said, the portal just appeared out of nowhere in my room, and I stupidly decided to investigate it. I mean, after all, what harm could possibly come forth from an ominous looking portal that could possibly lead to what could very well be hell? So I poked it a few times and then it ate me. Right. What was that about what could possibly happen?

Well if the portal did lead to hell, then hell sure was black. All I could see was whatever the light from the portal illuminated.

"I should have brought a flashlight or something," I mutter to myself.

Then the portal shut behind me, leaving me in pitch black conditions in an unfamiliar dimension. This may not have been the greatest idea I've ever come up with. Luckily for me, at that moment I heard a voice shout out from somewhere in the darkness.

"Come forth my Familiar spirt!" The voice yelled. It was definitely a female voice, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from.

Then, as if someone suddenly hit the light switch, the darkness just kind of disappeared and I was lying face down in some kind of grassy field that was covered in smoke. I could hear all sorts of chatter, but I couldn't see anyone past the thick layer of smoke that was kind of starting to fill my lungs. Thank god I'm not an asthmatic, I think to myself as I roll over and sit up.

Eventually the smoke clears, and I can get a good look at the crowd that's in attendance. I must have walked in on some big fancy event or something, because there was at least 100 people standing around. They all looked like they couldn't have been any older then 17, 18 at the very most. Everyone looks at me for about a minute, then they all start laughing like I'm the most hilarious thing they've ever seen. I don't get it. Is the sight of a 16 year old with short black hair and brown eyes sitting in the middle of a grassy plain really such an amusing sight? I wonder to myself in an oddly descriptive thought process.

"The zero Louise summoned a commoner!" They all cry out in between fits of laughter.

"Shut up! It's just a mistake!" I hear someone cry out. In a sudden flash, I realize that the voice is the same one that spoke when I was in that weird darkness world.

I look to see who said that, and I see a girl with pink hair and she seemed very angry. She looked around 12 or 13, but was probably around the same age as everyone here, 16 or 17 years old. Judging by the fact that this pink haired girl looks absolutely pissed, I'd say she's probably the one they're all mocking, which would make her Louise.

Louise turns to some old guy and starts arguing with him, but I don't really pay attention. I take this moment to look around and take in the scenery. It looks like I'm in the courtyard of some kind of castle judging by the giant towers around. How the hell did I get here? Is my first question to myself before I remember the portal that ate me. Oh yeah. Investigating that was kind of stupid. How the hell did that thing take me here? Magic. Yeah, that's it. Let's go with that while I search for the actual and more plausible reason.

Eventually Louise stops arguing with the old guy and turns to me with a blush on her face.

"Who are you?" She asks in a tone as cold as steel.

"Me? My name's Joshua Springfield," I tell her.

I take that moment to size her up. If I had to take one word to describe Louise, it would probably be something along the lines of "cute." Actually, strike that, I'd use two words, "very cute." I don't know, she just seemed to emanate various levels of moe, and things like that. Maybe it was the pink hair. I always did find oddly colored hair, especially pink, really attractive for one reason or another.

Louise sighs. "Well you better consider yourself luck, you commoner."

"Commoner? What?" She ignores me.

Louise closes her eyes and begins waving what looks like a wand around in the air.

"My name is Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière. Bless this humble being and make him my familiar," She says while touching the wand to my forehead.

"That's a pretty long name," I remark. "And what's this about a fam-"

I'm cut off when Louise kneels down and kisses me right on the lips. What the hell?

She separates and stands up. "It's done," she says.

Before I can ask what she means by that, a burning pain hits my left hand. I grab my left hand and roll around on the ground, doing my best to suppress a scream of absolute agony.

"I am in great pain right now!" I didn't do a good job.

"Just shut up," Louise tells me. "It's only the familiar runes being carved in."

Eventually the pain subsides and I look at my left hand and, sure enough, there's some type of foreign writing on my left hand.

Okay, I don't remember getting a tattoo, and I'm pretty sure even if I ever did get one it wouldn't be in some weird unintelligible scribbles, which leaves only one option: I got way more drunk then I should have last night and this is some of my friends playing a prank on me. Except I don't drink. Which leaves me with only one other option: Aliens... who don't usually abduct people just to kiss them and cause some weird writing to spontaneously appear on their hand, which leaves me with only one option: ... I don't know, I'll figure it out as I go along.

The old guy congratulates Louise on succeeding with the spell on her first try then dismisses the entire group, all of whom then proceed to float away, prompting my jaw to drop.

"What the hell? Those people just flew away!" I cry out. "That's freaking awesome!"

Louise, who had stayed behind, turns and glares at me. "Of course they're flying! How else would mages get around?" Jetpacks?

I blink. "Mages? As in, people who use magic?"

"Of course! Why else would we be at the Tristain Academy of magic?" Louise asks me in an annoyed tone.

"Come again? Academy of Magic? You're screwing with me, right?"

Loiuse sighs in frustration then hangs her head. "Why did my familiar have to be some backwoods commoner who acts like they've never seen magic before?" She asks while shaking her head sadly.

My head tilts to the side. "I'm afraid I don't follow. You're telling me that I'm supposed to be your familiar? As in, you're a mage, and I'm your familiar. You're trying to convince me that that's what is currently happening right now."

Louise glares at me again and looks like she's ready to hit me. "Of course! Are you stupid or something?"

"Not as far as I'm aware."

Louise huffs in anger and walks off. I briefly entertain the thought that this is a dream, but I disregard that notion immediately. I've seen Inception, you're never aware you're in a dream until an outside force draws your attention to it, and then everyone starts acting weird and violent, so that's out of the question.

Seeing no other choice in the matter, I follow Louise back to her room. Let's hope this all goes well.

*Scene Break*

So it was currently around nighttime, and the bright blue and pink moons were currently out and illuminating the night. Key words being moons. Plural. As in, there were two of them. Earth does not have two moons, and even if it did, they never looked bright blue and pink, as awesome as that would be. This fact brought me to my brilliant deduction: I was not on Earth, and I was instead on a planet where instead of technology, humans developed magic instead. A fair trade off, in my opinion. I decided I should probably bring this up with Louise, which prompted the following conversation.

"You seriously expect me to believe such a ridiculous story?" She asked me angrily.

"Honestly? No, I didn't," I tell her. "Whether or not you believe it doesn't make it any less true.

"And where's your proof?" she asks me as she flops down on her bed. "Do you expect me to believe such a lie without any proof to support it?"

"Right, of course I have proof. After all, it's common knowledge on Earth that green portals take you to another world, so of course I'd know the bring my laptop or camera or something to prove my claim," I say.

"So you don't have your proof?" Louise asks calmly.

"Well, I had so much time to prepare," I hope sarcasm isn't a foreign concept in this world.

"Then as far as I'm concerned, you're lying, and as your master, I have every right to punish you," Louise tells me.

I raise an eyebrow. "Punish? Master? I don't know, that sounds oddly S&M."

Now it's her turn to look at me with a curious expression. "What's S&M?"

I immediately blush a deep shade of red. "Let's not go into that. Anyway, so what exactly is this whole familiar thing about? I know the term, but what exactly is my job, per se?" I ask, eager to get away from the previous topic as fast as possible.

"Well a familiar isn't just some job you can pick up off of the streets. A familiar can only be summoned using the summoning spell, and the summoning spell only brings forth whatever creature is most compatible with it's master," at that statement Louise sighs. "Why did it have to be someone like you? I wanted a dragon. I would have been fine with even a griffon. Anything but a commoner!"

Okay, dragons and griffons exist, even more proof that I'm not on earth anymore. That's always nice to know.

"So, if it summons the being most suited to the summoner, why me? I'm not exactly a god among beasts or anything," I ask.

Louise completely ignores me and continues with her speech. "Most importantly, a familiar exists solely to protect it's master! And since by your own admission you probably couldn't fight off a crow-"

"I could totally beat a crow! If I had a gun, and the crow had it's wings clipped or tied together so it couldn't fly away," I tell her.

Louise goes to a corner of the room, picks somethings up and tosses them at me. Upon closer inspection, they appear to be various clothes and undergarments.

"Since you cannot fulfill the basic needs of a familiar, I will have you take care of the chores like laundry," Louise tells me with a completely straight face.

I stare at her blankly. "You're telling me that you kidnap me from my home, trap me in another world with possibly no way back, and you're making me you butler?"

She nods. "That's what a familiar is for."

Then she goes over to her closet and starts unbuttoning her shirt, and I feel my face blush a nice shade of red again.

"Um... I know I'm not really in a place to complain for various reasons, but what are you doing?" I ask.

She looks at me over her shoulder. "Isn't it obvious? It's late so I'm changing into my night clothes," She tells me as she shrugs off her shirt.

"Well at least do it where I can't see you! At least have some shame," That last part was said pretty much under my breath. Again, I know I probably shouldn't be complaining, most people would die if a girl as cute as Louise started undressing in front of them, but I don't do good in these situations. I could feel the awkward levels rising to dangerous levels.

"What's your problem?" Louise asks me as she drops her skirt, causing me to avert my gaze even further. "You're a familiar. You're on the same level as a tree, or a dog."

Great, now she's comparing me to a dog. Next she'll be treating me like one as well

"Do I get to sleep on the floor as well?" I ask. "We have to complete the package somehow."

"Well since you asked so nicely, yes, you do get to sleep on the floor," Louise says in a tone that implies I would be sleeping on the floor no matter what I said.

I sigh in defeat and curl up on the floor next to the bed, when I see something fall in front of me. Closer inspection reveals that it's Louise's panties. Wha-

"Make sure you wash those too," I hear Louise call out from the bed.

I'm at a complete loss for words, so I decide to check the tally for the day. Summoned to another world and forced into servitude? Check. Magic exists in this world instead of technology? Check Forced to wash my "master's" laundry, including her underwear? Also check. Giving the current statistics, I'm either the luckiest man in the universe, or screwed to the point where words do not exist to properly explain it. Meh, I'll think about it tomorrow. I'm tired.

*Scene Break*

So when I woke up I was asleep on the floor next to the bed, and Louise was asleep in the bed, providing even more evidence that I wasn't dreaming. Not the best news I've ever woken up to. Well, time to start my Familiar duties!

"Hey, master! Time to wake up!" I yell as I pull the covers off of Louise.

She drowsily sits up and looks at me. "Who're you?" She asks in a voice that clearly shows she hasn't woken up yet.

"Your father, now wake up, we're going to find you a husband," I remark in my best attempt at a deadpan voice. I personally don't think it works well.

That wakes Louise up, and she bolts upright and her eyes fly open. "F-father! I'm not ready!"

I laugh. "Sorry, I was just messing with you. It's just me, Joshua."

She glares at me, her annoyance obvious. "Oh, the familiar I summoned."

I smile and nod. "Damn straight! Now get up. You have classes to get ready for, and I have laundry to do."

She stretches and swings her legs over the side of the bed. "At least you're enthusiastic. Get me my clothes and dress me."

"Did you never learn to dress yourself, or is that also part of the job description?"

"A noble will never dress themselves when a servant is present," Louise tells me in a very authoritative voice.

I sigh in defeat. I probably should try and put up more of a fight, but she's a mage, and I shudder to think of what type of punishment she could conjure up with whatever magic she might have access too.

"Fine, but can you at least put on your underwear by yourself? Please? I don't feel comfortable putting your panties on for you. I mean, after all... You know, never mind me. I'm just going to shut up now," I say.

"I appreciate that," I quick glance shows that Louise does appear to have a blush on her face. Success! Louise has gained at least a little bit of shame!

I head over to the closet and grab a set of underwear for Louise. I toss them over my shoulder and they land on the bed. While Louise does that, I start fishing around for her uniform, which is comprised of a black skirt, a white button up shirt, stockings and... Wow, I feel oddly perverted talking about what I have to dress Louise up in. Can we skip this part?

Anyway, after I got Louise ready, she went to class and I hung around in the courtyard to start doing the laundry and scope out some of the other familiars, one of which I was currently involved in a staring contest with. It was this sort of floating tentacled eyeball thing, and it really kind of scared me.

"... I give up. What the hell are you?" I ask the eyeball thing.

"That, my friend, is a bug bear," I hear someone say off to my right.

I turn in that direction and see a girl with black hair tied in two pig tails that come down to her shoulders. Or maybe they were twin tails. Is there a difference between the two? Anyway, she had her black hair tied in two tails coming out of the of the top of her head that reached down to her shoulders and she also had bright brownish-yellow eyes. She was wearing a black sleeveless dress that came down to about her knees, and one of those head band things that maids usually wear.

I turn away from her and look at the bugbear thing again. "Nope. I don't see it. Not a single part of the thing resembles a bear or a bug."

The girl walks up to me and looks at the bugbear as well. "Well, it's got those antenna, right? Don't bugs usually have those?"

"That's an antenna? I could have sworn that was a tentacle," I say more to myself then her.

She laughs. "Now that you mention it, I guess it could be a tentacle, I just work here, I don't get paid to know the anatomy of all the creatures here."

"You work here?" I ask. "What do you do?"

She bows and smiles at me. "My name's Emily. My friends call me Emi so I expect you to do the same. I'm the best maid this academy's ever had!"

"You're a maid?" I ask. "That isn't a very maid-like outfit."

"I'm aware, as is the rest of the staff. I used to wear one of the big, fancy maid outfits they have all the maids wear, but I hated it so one day I just came into work dressed like this, casual wear. They were upset sure, but like I told you, I'm the best maid they got. They wouldn't dare fire me, so they let me be," Emily tells me. "Anyway, aren't you that guy that Louise- sorry, Ms. Valliere, summoned?"

I nod. "Yep, I'm Joshua Springfield. Nice to meet you Emi. By the way, what do you mean you're the best maid here?"

"About 90% of everything related to the work force here, recipes, work ethic, attitude, was all done or handled by me at some point or another," Emily says while winking. "The reason we're known as the best batch of maids and kitchen officials in Halkegnia is all because of the reforms I made when I, unofficially of course, became head maid here."

"That's... pretty impressive," I tell her. "Anyway, I should finish up this laundry and head back to Louise's room."

"Before you do that, I have a question for you."

"And that would be?"

"You're Louise's familiar, right?"

"Right."

"So doesn't that mean you'll need to spend practically every minute of every day with each other for the rest of both of your lives?" Emily asks me.

I freeze in place as I realize what she just said. I am a slave for life with no way out. This... is going to suck.

"It was just a question. I mean, after all, Louise has been a bit of a hard one to tame. You're going to need to work hard if you want to get to that girl's heart," Emily tells me.

"What? Why would I want Louise's heart?"

Emily holds up her hands in surrender. "Hey, if I had to spend the rest of my life with someone, I'd at least like for the two of us to be on good terms, wouldn't you?"

"Those terms don't need to be romantic, you know," I tell her.

Emily shrugs. "You're probably right, but if what I've read in those books is correct, and they always are, no matter how much abuse goes on between two people, especially those who need to spend inordinate amounts of time with each other, a little bit of romance always lightens the mood a bit."

"What books talk about things like that?"

Emily looks away briefly. "Y-you know, romance novels and things like that."

Not wanting to continue this conversation, I said goodbye to Emily, finished the laundry and headed back to Louise's room. It might have been my imagination, but I think I heard Emily sigh in relief when I left. I'll have to press her on the details eventually. However on my back to Louise's room, I spied a conversation I can't help but listen in on.

This guy, I think his name was Guiche or something like that, was flirting with this other girl named Katie, and it was just plain hilarious. The guy kept spouting lines from a bad Hallmark card (further inspection reveals that Hallmark cards hold more credibility then Guiche), and Katie just kept eating it up. Eventually they started talking about soufflés and Katie promised to bake one for Guiche. It killed me, it really did. I had to leave quickly or I'd just burst out laughing, and I'd hate to ruin their little moment.

*Scene Break*

At my insistence, Louise let me attend one of her classes so I could learn a bit about this world and how it handles magic. I managed to pick up the basic gist of it, four elements, earth, water, wind, and fire with a lost fifth sadly not known as heart, and it all functioned based on a person's own willpower capacity. I even learned why people call Louise a zero all the time! Her explosions hurt.

Anyway, it had been a few days and was just taking a walk around the academy and taking in the sights and things like that. I saw that Guiche guy talking with a group of people, and I decided to see what they were saying. After all, the last conversation Guiche had with someone was the greatest thing I've ever heard, so this should be even better, right?

Since I'm probably the only person on the face of any earth who could possibly find those things entertaining, I won't bore you with the details. The gist of it was that the guys were trying to find out who Guiche was currently dating, but he wouldn't tell them because he's an asshole like that. Anyway, the conversation played itself out and I just listened in and tried to not burst out laughing at what everyone was saying. Eventually I noticed a small bottle filled with a suspicious purple liquid fall out of Guiche's pocket. What the hell's that? I should probably let him know. After all, it would suck if it turns out to be poison and he tries to poison someone and reaches into his pocket only to find out it's not there. That would suck for him.

"Hey what's-your-name! I think something fell out of your pocket," I tell him as I pick up the bottle and show it to him.

Guiche throws a quick glance in my direction. "You must be mistaken. Nothing fell from my pockets."

"Yeah, nice try. I clearly saw this fall from your pockets," I tell him.

"Hey," begins one of the random guys near Guiche. "Isn't that some of Montmorency's perfume?"

"So you are dating Montmorency!" Says another.

My head tilts to the side. "Montmorency? Weren't you talking to some chick named Katie a day or two ago?"

Guiche's face contorts into something along the lines of a cross between "SHIT!" and "You damn idiot!"

Guiche opens his mouth to say something but before he can, I point at something behind him.

"Just a question, would that girl with the blonde hair happen to be this Montmorency person you're cheating on?" I ask.

He whirls around in a panic just in time for Montmorency to slap him senseless. She yelled something about it being "over" before slapping him one last time for good measure and storming off.

Guiche sighed. "It seems she does no understand the meaning of a rose's existence."

At that, I burst out laughing. "Right, most women love the fact that they're being cheated on. Women likes roses, not men who think they're roses."

Guiche stands up and glares at me. "Aren't you that commoner Louise summoned?"

I nod. "Yep. Joshua Springfield. Nice to meet you," I say as I offer a handshake. Guiche responds by slapping my hand away.

"Hey! Aren't nobles supposed to be paragons of manners? Or something like that?" I ask.

"You dare think I would have friendly chatter with someone of such a low class?" He replies back.

"Compared to most conversations I have this is actually pretty friendly."

Guiche doesn't seem to like my answer and points a rose at me. "Furthermore! What were you thinking? Because of your incompetence the reputation of two girls has been smeared!"

"Didn't you cause that by cheating? If anything I think your reputation is the one most likely to be smeared."

Guiche sighs in frustration. "Judging by your behavior, I assume you have no idea how to properly address nobles. As a result, I am willing to let you go if you apologize."

"Apologize for what? Ruining your plans to form your own harem? If anything you should be the one apologizing to those two girls," I tell him.

Guiche really seems to be getting upset now. "Since you refuse to apologize, I have no choice but to challenge you to a duel. If you don't wish to apologize, then come to Vestri Court."

Then he walks off.

"That went well," I say. "Anyone know where Vestri Court is?"

A few student point in one direction. I thank them and head off. I make about two steps before I'm stopped.

"What were you thinking familiar?" I hear a voice shout from behind me.

I turn around and come face to face with a VERY upset looking Louise. "Hey, he's the one who wanted to fight. Besides, he was cheating on two girls. Don't you think he deserves a bit of a beat down?"

Louise stares at me like she can't believe how calm I am about the situation. "Yes, but you can't win. A commoner like you has no chance against a noble."

I shrug. "I've been told things similar to that before. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it."

"Hey, Joshua!" I hear someone call off to my right.

Me and Louise turn towards the sound and see Emily walking up to us.

"We're starting to build a crowd here aren't we?" I mutter to myself.

"Joshua, what were you thinking?" Emily asks me. "Do you really think you can win this? Nobles are way out of your league. In both senses of the phrase," She says as she gives Louise a once over for some reason.

"Does everyone here really have such little faith in me? I'm not completely helpless you know. Besides, I already said yes. I really have no choice but to go fight," I say to both Louise and Emily.

"Of course you have a choice!" Louise yells at me. "You can choose to go apologize and stop this stupid duel!"

"But then I'm just running away. If I can help it, I'm never running away."

Emily sighs. "Okay. Since you're going through with this, let me give you some tips."

"Maid! How can you be encouraging this?" Louise yells at Emily.

"Oh, so you do want me to tell the rest of the staff what you told me about your familiar?" Emily says with a wry smile.

Louise blushes slightly and I feel confused.

"What'd she say?" I ask.

Emily throws a glance over to Louise, who returns a glare. Then there's silence for a minute.

"Fine. Do whatever you two want," Louise tells us. "But don't expect me to feel sorry for you when you die."

"Harsh," Emily observes. "So anyway, when you fight Guiche, he's probably going to 'fight' you by summoning his bronze golems."

"Do I at least get a weapon?"

"No."

"Isn't that cheating? What am I supposed to do, punch bronze to pieces? My knuckles aren't strong enough to deal with that."

"Exactly, which is why you need to convince Guiche to give you a sword," Emily tells me.

"Okay, now since we're already getting loads of tips, please tell me how I do that."

"Simple. Guiche is a show-off."

"That's kind of easy to see."

"Exactly, so play to that side of him," Emily tells me. "Convince him that he'd impress more people if he gave the commoner a chance to not die instantly."

"That sounds oddly easy."

"Exactly. Now go out there and don't die!"

Nice words of encouragement.

*Scene Break*

"Ah, you showed up," Guiche notices when I walk into Vestri Court.

"I still think this is a terrible idea," Louise says behind me.

"And yet you still showed up to support me," I reply.

"I showed up to try and make sure it doesn't end in your funeral!" Louise yells at me.

"Either way, you decided to show up," Guiche interrupts. "I will give you one last chance to back down. All you need to do is get down and apologize."

"But where's the fun in that?" I ask. "Considering the fact that people showed up, I feel we'd be giving everyone a disservice if we just stopped the duel right now. That and I'm not one to run away, so there's that too."

"So you will not back down?"

"Stupid question. If I didn't intend to fight, I wouldn't have shown up," I point out.

"Very well then."

Guiche waves his rose, and a single petal flies off. The petal lands, there's a small light, and then a bronze valkyrie rises from the ground. What do you know, Emily was right.

"My runic name-"

"Look, I don't care what you call yourself to impress people," I tell him. "All I know is that unless you give me a sword of some kind, this is going to be a completely one-sided battle."

"Are you admitting defeat?" Guiche asks.

"Were you even listening? I'm saying that unless you give me a sword, this isn't going to be a fight, it's you using me as a punching bag. Are you nobles really so high and mighty that you challenge people at a clear disadvantage to a duel? At least make the fight fair."

There, I've said my piece. Let's hope it worked.

"In the interest of shutting you up." Bastard. "I will give you a sword."

Guiche waves his rose again, and another petal flies off, and lands in front of me. This time, the light spawns what looks like a plain broadsword stuck in the ground. I would have liked something shinier, but you never get awesome equipment right off the bat. NPCs always see fit to give you the lowest tier item that could ever possibly be in your inventory, and you have to work and kill all sorts of things before you get enough money to buy anything remotely useful. That or a really long and tedious side quest. Either way, I probably shouldn't complain.

"Is that better for you?" Guiche asks in what I detect to be an attempt at sarcasm. It's pretty terrible.

"Much. Now we can all feel better knowing it's a fair fight," I say as I grab the sword.

As soon as I grab the sword, my left hand starts glowing but I only have about three seconds to ponder, because Guiche's golem moves to punch me in the face. I parry the golem's arm with my sword, step forward and stab the golem in the throat with my sword, severing the helmet from the rest of it's body. The head and the body fall to the ground before disintegrating and melting into the ground. That incident was over in around 3 seconds.

"Holy hell, did everyone else see that!" I ask the audience while a giant grin plasters itself across my face. "I didn't expect that to happen!"

"Pay attention!" Louise yells at me.

I turn around just in time to another golem, this time armed with a sword, about to separate my left arm from the rest of my body. I rotate so the blade is parallel with my body and only ends up cutting air, and maybe a few bits of hair from my bangs. I've been meaning to get those cut anyway, it looks stupid. I respond by cutting the golem's arm off, elbowing it in the face causing it to stagger backwards, then slicing it in half at the waist.

"I know this is a duel but that could have seriously hurt me!" I yell at Guiche, just now noticing that he has five other golems that seem ready to kill me.

Hey wait a minute, I just noticed something. Why is everything blue? Everything in my vision is blue, with some exceptions. The golems are highlighted in red, and Guiche is highlighted in yellow. And my left hand is still glowing! What's going on? I'll worry about this weird battle mode once I'm all done with this.

Instead of responding to my previous complaint, Guiche sends another golem, this time armed with an axe, charging at me. It tries to swipe at me with a horizontal slice, but I duck under it, slice off the knees of the golem causing it to fall to onto the ground. I stand back up and then stab the thing in the head while it's on the ground.

"Guiche, that could have killed me! Duel or not, isn't that a bit much?" Third golem tries a left diagonal dodge which I sidestep. "I mean, this is a bit harsh, isn't it?" I ask as I dodge another slice. "Shouldn't you be pulling your punches a bit?" I catch this golem's blade with my own, give a quick twirl of my blade to forcibly remove the sword from the golem's hand and send it much higher up in the air than I thought it would. Seriously, it went like 50 feet in the air! I take this opportunity to slice off the golem's head, arms and torso, causing it to disintegrate and dissolve into the ground.

"Seriously, we might need to stop this soon," I remark. "Something like this is bound to happen."

As I finish that statement I grab the sword that was just about to collide with the earth in my free right hand. I toss both swords, which go turning end over end and collided with the helmets of two of Guiche's remaining Valkyries, leaving one left.

"Damn, I didn't expect that right one to hit. Thank god for ambidexterity," I remark.

"B-but now you are without a weapon!" Guiche yells at me.

"Oh hey, my left hand stopped glowing," I observe. Weird, everything still seems blue. Maybe the two are unrelated?

"Joshua!" I hear someone, probably Louise, call out.

I get called back to reality upon hearing that and realize that Guiche's last valkyrie is approaching me, swinging it's sword wildly. I probably should have noticed that, shouldn't I?

The golem tries a horizontal slice. After all, it worked so well for it's friends. I jump up, land on the blade somehow, put my hands on the valkyrie's helmet and flip over the valkyrie landing behind it. It whirls around and tries a one handed slash at me with it's sword, but I catch it's arm with my hands, stopping it dead in it's tracks. Good thing too, because that would have cut off half of my head if it's path continued.

...

"SHIT that stings!" I yell as I let go and start rubbing my hands to start trying to get some feeling back in them. "Damn it Guiche, now you see why I wanted a sword for this freaking fight!"

"Joshua stop getting distracted!" Louise cries out again.

Good thing too, because that Golem was trying to vertically cut my head in half. I jump backwards in a half flip, plant my hands firmly on the ground, push off and complete the back flip. A move that has put about 11 feet between me and the golem, which now has it's sword implanted in the ground. Awesome! New record!

The golem dislodges it's weapon from the ground and start advancing towards me.

"Wait a minute..."

I turn and notice I'm right next to Guiche, who looks like he just saw the most terrifying thing in his life. I take this opportunity to punch him in the face so hard that he goes flying back a foot and then lands on the ground with a thud. Apparently you really need to keep your concentration when you're doing magic, because the second he hits the floor, the golem dissolves into the ground.

I walk up to him, kneel down and shake him a bit.

"Hey, you alright?" I ask. He doesn't respond. "Crap, I think I knocked him unconscious. When he wakes up would anyone mind telling him I'm sorry?"

Louise walks up to me, her mouth agape.

"J-Joshua, how did you do that?" she asks me.

"Well, my dad was a swordsman of sorts, so I picked up a few things from him, though I didn't know I could actually use a sword that well."

"And that last part when you didn't have a weapon at all?" Emily asks, apparently having shown up sometime during the fight.

"Oh, that part's easy. That was just some of my parkour practice coming into play. I never thought it'd be useful in a fight."

"Parkour?" Louise asks while tilting her head to the side. I wonder if she does that on purpose, or if it's a reflex.

"The act of getting from point A to point B in as little time as possible by climbing on or around all obstacles to keep your travel path in as close to a straight line as possible," I explain. "Or something like that. It's a great way to keep fit, and it's fun."

"Interesting," Emily notes. "Well, I think we're about done here. Let's go before the teacher find out and think of punishing us."

Author Notes:

Uncreative: Today we're trying something different. Normally my author notes are placed at the top of each chapter, but I feel they're better suited to be down here. Also, due to my own desire to talk to someone who isn't the audience during the author notes, this story we have a special guest. Please welcome OC, Ariana Evangeline Sakura.

Ariana: Hi all!

Uncreative: You're fine with me labeling you an OC?

Ariana: That's what I am, aren't I? For those who don't know who I am, go check out that guy's last story "The Crimson Familiar" for an explanation.

Uncreative: I appreciate the plug, but we're here to talk about this story, not my previous stories.

Ariana: You're right. This isn't "The Legendary Familiars!" You lied! Where's the story where I play a nice, sizable role?

Uncreative: ... On hiatus while I get this story out the door. Since this story is taking way longer then I intended, that story was in turn delayed. My apologies. Though in a way it worked out in the end.

Ariana: But let's not dwell on the past. I did some research into this particular timeline-

Uncreative: We're in a non-canon environment, you don't have to talk like that.

Ariana: Oh, that makes things so much easier! So I did a background check on you considering you're the equivalent of god and control the lives of those in this story, and I found something interesting. Josh and Emily happen to share the first names of people you know very well. Is this a sel-

Uncreative: NO. Never at any point will I ever write anything even resembling an SI story. I have my doubts that there are many universes and situations that require the help of someone in my position.

Ariana: Give me 30 minutes and I bet $50 I could find a universe that needs someone like that.

Uncreative: I appreciate the thought, but I'm fine. Anyway, the name Joshua Springfield came from a few factors. His last name was always Springfield, due to me having just started reading the Negima series again and liking the name. Joshua was meant to be a placeholder first name until I thought of something better, but it stuck. I couldn't think of anything that sounded better to me.

Ariana: I'll accept that. Now who's this Emily chick? Where's Siesta?

Uncreative: She's not in this story. I wanted to try something different and see how the story would be affected if Siesta wasn't present.

Ariana: Liar. You admitted to hating her in a previous author's note, did you not?

Uncreative: I don't hate her, she grew on me. The novel version, not the anime version whom I still hate just as much as before, but that's JC staff's fault.

Ariana: I get the feeling you're the person who'd blame the apocalypse on JC staff if given the opportunity. So any other author notes, considering this is the place for them?

Uncreative: Originally this was a complete rewrite of my first story "The Familiar Times."

Ariana: Thus explaining the fact that you are ripping off the light novels for the third time in a row.

Uncreative: In my defense-

Ariana: Nope. No defense for that. I take over from here, this is my story now. This idea behind this story originally spawned from a list of ideas this guy had for if he were to redo his story to make it something worth reading. However, the list of ideas grew until he said "Screw it, this is going to be it's own thing completely unrelated to either of my past stories." Thus, this story was written into existence. This should be interesting. Now here's my question which you must answer since I own this story now.

Uncreative: What might that be?

Ariana: Why did you not go with the standard author notes of your last story which got much more information out in less time, and instead went with a conversation with an imaginary character that is sure to annoy more people then it entertains?

Uncreative: ... We're done here. See you next week.