Rules For My Precious
Author's Note: Writing my first LOTR story. This one is for laughs not to be taken too seriously. I don't own The Lord of the Rings or it's characters. Please read and review. Enjoy!
1. Do not play Monopoly with Gandalf.
2. Do not shave off Gandalf's beard.
3. Do not steal Gandalf's hat.
4. Do not propose with the One Ring.
5. Do not take Gollum to the dentist.
6. Do not try to tame Smaug.
7. Do not plant an Ent.
8. Do not introduce an Ent to a Groot.
9. Do not shove a pie in a hobbit's face.
10. Do not steal a hobbit's foot hair.
11. Do not call a hobbit fat.
12. Do not dance naked in the Shire.
13. Do not eat an orc.
14. Just stop with the eagles!
15. Do not sing with Tom Bombadil.
16. Do not bring guns to middle earth.
17. Do not take Denethor to a psychiatrist.
18. Do not buy a Chinese finger trap for Frodo.
19. Do not force Aragorn or Boromir to cut their hair.
20. Do not feed the hobbits.
21. Do not challenge Gollum to a dance off.
22. Do not force Pippin to take an intelligence quiz.
23. Do not spill coffee on Saruman.
24. Do not hit Aragorn with a wooden sword.
25. Do not race horses with Shadowfax.
26. Do not give The Lonely Mountain a friend.
27. Do not eat the giant spiders.
28. Do not force Sam to leave Frodo.
29. Do not force a magic battle between Gandalf and Dumbledor.
30. You shall not pass!
31. Do not give Gimli a growing potion.
32. Do not steal Legolas's ears.
33. Do not spill water on a Balrog.
34. Do not guess Elrond's age.
35. Do not dye Aragorn's hair pink.
36. Do not put a dress on Boromir.
37. Do not give a hobbit liposuction.
38. Do not ghost ride the sword.
39. Do not ride the Balrog.
40. Do not challenge Merry and Pippin to a mud bath.
41. Do not drive to Mordor.
42. Do not steal Sauron's contact.
43. Do not put glasses on Sauron.
44. Do not tell Eowyn to dress like a lady.
45. Do not send an orc to Dr. House.
46. Do not change Gollum back into a hobbit.
47. Do not be afraid of going on an adventure.
48. Do not get Legolas drunk.
49. Do not force Aragorn and Boromir to sword fight each other.
50. Do not poop on a hobbit's lawn.
51. Do not get high with Radagast.
52. Do not introduce video games to middle earth.
53. Do not have Gandalf teach a high school science class.
54. Do not force a hobbit to wear shoes.
55. Do not kidnap an orc.
56. Do not have Gandalf play Santa Claus.
57. Do not replace Gandalf's staff with a cane.
58. Do not force Gimli and Legolas to a dancing competition.
59. Do not bitch slap Aragorn and blame it on Legolas.
60. Do not steal all the weapons from middle earth and replace them with sex toys.
61. Do not get tired from walking.
62. Do not make Sam a girl.
63. Do not have Frodo and Boromir switch bodies.
64. Do not race against Legolas.
65. Do not marry a dwarf chick.
66. Do not step on the spiders.
67. And always go on a journey!
Author's Note: Hope you liked it! I will be tempted to add more if you ask in a review. Please no flames and remember this was purely for fun and laughs!
