You are nothing but a suit
"You are nothing but a suit," said Kathleen in harsh voice.
Everything just got quiet then. Time seemed to slow down as Joe just stared back at her and blinked. Kathleen leaned back in her chair looking him up and down quickly trying to gauge his reaction. He took a slow breath and arched up his eyebrows as if to say, well that was nice. Slowly he put his hand into his pocket pulling out some change. He looked down shyly as he tossed the money on the table.
"That's my queue," he said very softly.
He was still looking down Kathleen noticed. He then looked into her eyes for a brief second. They were moist and she could see pain in them for a brief moment. Then they flashed back down as he said, "Well goodnight," in a sarcastic and bitter tone. Kathleen stood there. Her mouth was dry and her heart pounding as she watched him walk brusquely out the door. Her brain was saying wait, come back, and I'm sorry, but nothing came out. She felt her eyes tear up as she just watched him go out the door. She leaned back and shook her head trying to convince herself that he deserved all her battery. I mean he is a jerk who doesn't care about books and is trying to put me out of business. But at the same time he is a person, a person I just hurt. Great, now I'm going to feel bad about being stood up and about being mean. She glanced down and saw Joe had left enough to cover her tab as well.
She grabbed her book and rose as she slowly got up. She went into the street and noticed how cold of a night it actually was. Before she was so nervous about meeting this guy she barely knew that she didn't feel the cold. Now that her night was ruined in every way, her defenses felt the lonely cold wind hug her skin. She walked toward a trash can and dropped the rose in. She didn't even watch it drop in as she marched toward her apartment. He probably left a message; it's probably a legitimate excuse, nothing to worry about.
She kept marching through the cold, hearing nothing but her footsteps tap on the wet sidewalks of New York. The trip home seemed to take a lot longer then usual, as her mind kept jumping back and forth from thinking that it is going to be alright to everything is going wrong. She tried to prepare herself if there was no message, but at the same time thought there is no need because he left one; he wouldn't do something like that.
Before she opened her front door she thought of Joe Fox for a weird reason. Joe Fox, what an asshole she thought. But he was actually trying to be nice for a little while. But I just kept attacking him, was it because he didn't show? I don't know, all I want to do is check my mail. She walked into her warm apartment but she didn't even notice the warmth. She went straight for her computer. Scenes of New York's beautiful nightscape showed on her screen saver. She loved watching these images fade in and out as she realized that it was right outside her window. Now she just wanted them to hurry up and disappear. She signed in and waited for what seemed forever. At the same time she hoped that it wouldn't load and she would not know whether or not the message was there. But she knew that she wanted to know either way, hoping that it was there.
Finally it signed on, she noticed the mail box's red tag was down but thought that it might just be a fluke. She scrolled the mouse to the button and opened her mail box to see two words flash like beacons on the screen. NO MAIL. Below it, it said ok in a gray box. She thought, no this is not okay. She looked down at the screen feeling like she was going to cry right there. Her eyes welled up with water and were about to overflow. But she suddenly forced a sly smile as if someone was watching her and she didn't want to lose her composure. Her eyebrow arched up and she thought, whatever I don't care. She closed her laptop quickly and walked immediately to bed.
She flopped down and didn't even take her clothes off. She kicked her shoes off and turned off the light hoping she could just go into a coma right there. She pulled the blankets over her as she grew cold from loneliness. The last thing she thought was I'm tired and she hoped she could not think and go to bed. It was her defense mechanism to shut down before she felt her heart break. That would have to wait until the morning.
