This is the first fic I've wanted to write in some time. It's very personal and there's lots of me in here. If you like it, it could be a two or three shot, but that's all, not a series :)
Enjoy!
Kurt laughed as Sebastian smirked and poured another glass of wine.
"Are you trying to get me drunk?" he teased.
"Yep," Sebastian smirked. "You're due for a good night of being trashed."
Kurt grinned at him; inhibitions lowered as he took in his green eyes and gave an inaudible sigh.
He was in love with him.
It was not a new revelation. In fact the only person in the world who hadn't guessed was Sebastian himself. They'd been friends for years. Ten years. And every second of every day of those ten years, Kurt had been in love with him.
He'd actually told him on his seventeenth birthday. Sebastian had been kind, but had basically brushed the whole thing off, telling Kurt he didn't believe in love and that Kurt just /thought/ he loved him.
Kurt kept the knowledge to himself from that moment on.
But it never went away.
One drunken night at a club a few years later, Kurt, fed up with a strange guy who'd attached himself to Sebastian's neck in the efforts of giving him a hickey, had moved to the other side of his throat and started to kiss him there, sucking hard. Sebastian's arm had wrapped around him in surprise and Kurt's lips had found their way to his mouth. The kiss lasted seconds, but to Kurt, it was the beginning of everything. They would date. They would fall in love properly. They'd get married…
The next day he got a text message. 'It was just a kiss. Kissing doesn't mean anything to me. Sorry.'
He felt like Sebastian had ripped his heart out, but it meant more to stay friends with him. To keep him, in whatever sense he could.
So, the next time they got drunk and made out, Kurt let it slide.
After a friend's birthday dinner, they went home together, and Kurt only meant to sleep in his bed beside him. Of course somehow they wanted to find out who had fresher breath… And how do you solve that?
Kissing.
Exactly.
For two and a half hours in the middle of the night, Kurt felt whole for the first time in his life. The kiss was playful and gentle. They played and laughed, and when Kurt's mouth sucked Sebastian's tongue, trapping him, Sebastian grinned and returned the favour when he was free. At some point, a bit of Kurt's hair (he was wearing it longer, then) had found its way between their lips and Kurt laughed, breaking apart to tug it free.
"I'm cutting it all off tomorrow," he breathed melodramatically.
Sebastian wound an arm around his neck and pulled him back.
"Don't you dare. I love your hair."
Kurt's hand lay on Sebastian's stomach, but he wasn't brave enough, wasn't experienced enough to slip his hand under his shirt, or down to his boxers.
Sebastian had eventually fallen asleep kissing him, and Kurt had curled up on his side and cried for the rest of the night, until sun shone through the window.
The next time they kissed was three years later. Drunk again, they were tucked on a couch in some corner of a pub, and Sebastian turned to Kurt, grinning madly.
"Let's make out," he said wickedly.
Who was Kurt to turn that down?
Sebastian had longer hair now, and Kurt laughed as it got caught between their lips.
"It's my hair doing it this time!" Sebastian laughed, crushing their lips together. "I love kissing you… It's so much fun…" he breathed, trapping Kurt's tongue and sucking it into his mouth.
Kurt tried to ignore his heart thumping madly, and not get his hopes up. They went back to Kurt's apartment not long after… and Sebastian spent the majority of the night throwing up in the bathroom, then the rest of it sleeping on the cool tiles.
Kurt didn't mention it.
Another two years went by and Kurt was seeing less of Sebastian, though they still called and texted constantly. He'd tried to distance himself a little. Flirted with other guys. Had even had a boyfriend, though that had ended because he was pressuring Kurt to have sex, and when he had, Kurt had called out the wrong name.
He'd grown up a little. Quite gradually, so he hadn't noticed at first. But when Sebastian and a few friends were going camping, Kurt said yes. He needed some fun.
He hadn't expected the pot.
Sebastian was laughing as they passed it around. "You want some?" he offered Kurt, with a lopsided grin that made his heart ache.
"No, thanks," Kurt smiled back. He'd be sensible. In case someone needed help. Of course that didn't stop him drinking. He'd finished a bottle of wine before Sebastian suggested going for a walk. They found a little bench to sit on, and lay down together, looking at the stars. Kurt had a sudden surge of courage and announced that he was bored. He leant over and kissed Sebastian firmly, who dissolved into giggles, kissing him back.
It had become a habit not to discuss it. So they didn't.
So when Sebastian had announced that Kurt needed to get drunk, Kurt's heart fluttered a little. They both knew what happened when they were drunk and alone.
Sebastian clinked his glass with Kurt's and there they stood, twenty-seven and getting drunk.
Kurt couldn't quite remember who kissed who, but he was pressed against the fridge and giggling as Sebastian plundered his mouth with his tongue. It had never seemed urgent with Sebastian. Like he had known kissing was his limit with Kurt.
So it was a shock when he pressed against his thigh, hard as a rock and moaned.
Kurt froze, not out of discomfort or unwillingness, but just out of disbelief.
"Is that a gun in your pocket?" he tried to joke, and Sebastian laughed.
"Shut up," he breathed, kissing him again, and making sure Kurt knew exactly what he was packing.
Kurt let out a soft whimper and wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck, burying his hands in his hair. Then they were moving. Sebastian grabbed his hips and steered him towards the couch, then seemed to think better of it and pressed him against the wall outside his bedroom.
"Tired?" he asked Kurt meaningfully.
"Exhausted," Kurt nodded eagerly, and Sebastian grinned, kicking the door open with his foot and pushing Kurt backwards on the bed.
It started out like it had all those years ago, but with an experience and a knowledge that hadn't been there then. Slow, playful kisses actually became wandering hands, then clothes were disappearing, and Kurt was gasping. He remembered one summer when they were seventeen that they'd gone to the beach and he'd stared at Sebastian's chest half the day. Seventeen year old Kurt was having an aneurism in his brain. Sebastian was gorgeous. He was a man now. Completely filled out and muscled, and actually, possibly, maybe going to ravish Kurt senseless.
Kurt whined and Sebastian laughed.
It seemed like hours, but a few minutes was all it took as they undressed, Sebastian kissing him intermittently as though he knew he needed the reassurance. Sebastian moved to lay over him, slotting between his legs and rocking slowly.
"You look different without clothes," he breathed, grinning.
"Good different?" Kurt bit his lip, panting softly.
"Very good different," Sebastian nodded, kissing him harder.
There was a fumbling of lube and fingers and suddenly there was a fingertip of Sebastian's inside him. God, how he didn't come right there and then was a miracle. Kurt rocked his hips and Sebastian slipped his finger deeper, kissing him slowly.
Soon, there were two, and then three, then Sebastian disappeared to get a condom from his wallet. Kurt lay with his legs spread, gazing at the ceiling blissfully. He returned and laughed, slipping it on, then lining up and pushing inside him firmly, burying himself to the hilt with a moan as Kurt gasped and wrapped his legs around him.
All Kurt could do was cling to him. He was trembling a little, and his mind was going crazy with the knowledge that it was Sebastian fucking- no… Making love with him.
His body was wrapped around Sebastian's and aside from his heartbeat pounding in his ears, and the sound of Sebastian's hips slapping against his thighs, Sebastian's panting breath was the only sound he cared about. He kissed his throat like he had the first time they'd kisses, all those goddamned wasted years ago, and Sebastian groaned, slipping a hand down to stroke his cock firmly.
Kurt arched beneath him, gasping and writhing as goosebumps overtook his skin and everything felt white-hot.
He gave a cry as he arched and spilt over Sebastian's hand. Sebastian chuckled, kissing him and fucking him deeper and faster until he came too, grunting and collapsing onto him lazily.
Kurt continued to tremble, completely blissed out. The scent of him was everywhere, like he'd claimed Kurt's bed as his own now.
Sebastian grinned and pulled out slowly, tossing the condom in the wastebasket by his bed.
"We should have fucked ages ago," he smirked.
Kurt's heart froze.
"Y-Yeah… Yeah, we should have," he said, giving him an unsure smile.
"I'll have to put your number in my little black book now," Sebastian teased. "Booty call Hummel."
Kurt was sure he had turned white. He trained his eyes on the ceiling and fought desperately against the lump in his throat and the burning tears in his eyes.
"Uh-huh…" he breathed, trying desperately not to panic.
"You okay?" Sebastian frowned and it was too much for Kurt. Tears were spilling down his cheeks and he gasped for breath.
Sebastian looked immediately worried and moved closer.
"Hey… Hey, what's wrong? Did I hurt you or something?" he asked in concern.
Kurt shook his head.
"I need you to go…" he whispered. "Please? I need you to leave right now…"
Sebastian frowned.
"Kurt, you're my best friend, I'm not going to leave you. Tell me what's wrong."
Kurt let out a sob. "I'm so stupid! I thought… I can't believe I actually thought… I can't do this anymore… I can't be your friend. It's too hard…"
Sebastian looked hurt.
"I didn't realise it was such a hardship to hang out with me."
Kurt covered his eyes with a shaky hand and sobbed.
"It's hard because I'm in love with you!" he let out. "I have been since we were seventeen, and I can't keep doing this to myself, so I need this to stop and I need you to leave!"
Sebastian stared at him.
"Why?" he asked slowly.
"Why what?"
"Why are you in love with me?" he shook his head slowly. "I'm an asshole."
"You don't get to pick it! It just happens! You think I'd choose to feel this way about you?! You think it's made my life easy?! Look where I am! Alone, never had a proper relationship, and I got three wedding invitations in the mail this week!"
"None of that is my fault," Sebastian said defensively. "I didn't tell you to fall in love with me."
"No. You didn't. Now, please leave…" Kurt rolled over, crying silently as he screwed up his eyes.
It was silent for a long time, until Kurt heard the sound of Sebastian's belt as he put his pants back on. A few minutes later he spoke.
"Can we still be friends?"
Kurt let out a broken sob.
"Why the hell do you think I've put myself through this? Yes… We can… We can be whatever you want..."
"I'll call you tomorrow, then…" he said quietly and closed the door.
He didn't.
