Basically, an award show for all the Doctors! And I'm the emcee. Sorry if you don't know what the Valeyard is; might I suggest reading up on some classic Who?

If you have a suggestion for a Doctor award, leave a comment. And enjoy! ;)


Ladies, gentlemen, and variations there of, I am Catie The Awesome, and I welcome you to this millennium's "Doctor Awards"!, where yours truly will assign honor and glory to the myriad of Doctors over the centuries.

Our first award of the evening goes to the Tenth Doctor for "Best Catchphrase"! His infamous cries of "Allons-y!" have inspired his companions and struck terror into the hearts of his enemies across the cosmos. Would you mind gracing us with one now, Doctor?

The Tenth Doctor stands up, smiles coyly, and shouts out proudly, "ALLONS-Y!" The audience applauds wildly.

Next, we have the award for "Best Nose", going to…Jon Pertwee, the action-hero Third Doctor! Christopher Eccleston was a close contender for this title, but no Doctor could ever beat those satellite dishes on the sides of his head, which is why the Ninth Doctor is awarded "Best Ears"!

The Third and Ninth Doctors take their respective awards gracefully, albeit, a little disgruntled. The other Doctors are trying not to laugh.

The award for "Most Stylish Neckwear", of course, goes to the Fourth Doctor's famous scarf! And second prize goes to the Eleventh Doctor's bowtie. Because bowties are cool.

The Fourth Doctor stands up merrily to receive his award, waving the ends of his scarf at the audience. They clap and whistle appreciatively. The Eleventh Doctor smiles too, straightening his tie.

"Best Hair" (and this was a tough decision) goes to the elegant Paul McGann, the Eighth Doctor! Some other applicants for this honor were Peter Davison, David Tennant…well, let's face it. Pretty much all the Doctors had great hair.

The Eighth Doctor blushes and kisses the beautiful mistress of ceremonies on the cheek while taking his award. The other Doctors all grin smugly and run a hand through their frankly wonderful hairstyles.

The prize for "Best Sportsman" goes to the athletic Fifth Doctor. A master at cricket, and also an excellent swordsman! However, he lacked the dexterity of the Seventh Doctor, which is why we pronounce Sylvester McCoy "Best Juggler".

The Fifth Doctor rises and grandly bows to the crowd with a flourish of his hand. The Seventh Doctor also stands, smiles, pulls three silver balls out of his pocket, and expertly juggles them to the sound of cheers.

And the award for "Most Musical" naturally goes to the Second Doctor! The King of the Recorder!

The Second Doctor, grinning impishly, plays a little tune on his recorder.

Since Tom Baker took home the gold for best neckwear, it seems only fair that we award Matt Smith the title "Best Hats"! Whether it be the rustic Stetson, the classy top hat, or the good old trusty fez, the Eleventh Doctor often sported an interesting and rather unorthodox hat. And he always made it look cool.

The Eleventh Doctor whips out a fez and jauntily places it on his head. The audience applauds. The Ninth Doctor rolls his eyes and mutters, "Oh, brother."

And we lovingly give the Sixth Doctor the award for "Worst Fashion Sense".

The Doctors crack up at this as the Sixth Doctor, scowling, takes his award.

The award for "Outstanding Character" goes to the War Doctor, for being the Doctor more than anybody else; for being the Doctor on the day it wasn't possible to get it right. For that, we thank you.

The other Doctors salute, nod heads, applaud, etc. The War Doctor looks deeply humbled as he receives his trophy.

And finally, to our last two Doctors, the original and the latest, the old and the new…we give the "Forever" award. To the First Doctor, the man who stole a magical blue box, and began a journey that would carry on past the end of time itself. And to the Twelfth Doctor, who like his predecessors, will take that blue box and continue the story. The never ending story of the Doctor.

The crowd goes wild as the two Doctors stand. They grasp the award together and raise it high, evoking more applause. They look at each other and nod respectfully.

And that, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else, concludes our ceremony. You may all return to your own timelines, and-

Suddenly, a red headed woman bursts in. "What about me?" she says. "Don't I get an award?"

Who are you?!

The woman smirks. "I'm the Doctor…or at least, I was. Now I'm called the Valeyard."

The audience gasps. The Doctors look at each other, shocked.

"Well, that was…unexpected," says the Fifth Doctor, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Typical," says the Ninth Doctor grumpily. "I finally become ginger, and I turn out a girl."

"Well, at least we're attractive," says the Eighth Doctor, smiling pleasantly.

"Oh, don't you start with all that!" snaps the Sixth Doctor.

"I would have never thought something like this could happen," says the First Doctor.

"A bit unlikely, I agree," affirms the Seventh Doctor.

"Regeneration…it's wibbley wobbley sometimes," reasons the Eleventh.

"'Wibbley wobbley'?" says the War Doctor incredulously.

"I have no idea where he picks that stuff up from," says the Tenth Doctor innocently.

"Perhaps if we reverse the polarity of the neutron flow," suggests the Third Doctor.

"Oh, that's your answer for everything, isn't it?" needles the Second Doctor.

"Oh, come on, fellows, let's not quarrel with ourselves. Here, have a jellybaby," offers the Fourth Doctor.

"That's going to be me?!" says the Twelfth Doctor, looking distraught. "Well…I hope the kidneys at least came out a better color this time."

Sigh. Good night, everyone.