Hiyah everyone! I'm Fallen :D. This is my first Naruto fanfiction... one that randomly came into my head one stormy Tuesday afternoon while I was cowering in the corner for dear life as the thunder rang through the city of-

Sasuke: Fallen.

Me: Hm?

Sasuke: Shut up.

Me: ... -ignores- Anyway! I wanted to try something totally different, and by different I mean - I'm going to break the fourth wall! :D. It won't be constant breaking, but at least once or twice in a chapter... I will bring down the wall, or at least put a dent or crack in it. You're more than welcome to skip over that part if you want, but some of you might actually want to read it. So who am I to stop you?

Also... hm... characters ages? Well... I'll just mention the ages of whoever's mentioned in this chapter.

Naruto: 17

Sasuke: 18

Sakura: 17

Itachi: 25

Hidan: 25

Fangirls and Fanboys: Ranging from ages 13 to 64. Hahahaha (:.

NOW FOR THE DISCLAIMER! (WHICH I'M ONLY DOING ONCE SO YOU BETTER IMPRINT IT INTO YOUR SKULLS AND DRIVER'S LICENSES!): Seriously... do you think I really own Naruto? Do you see hot men making love on the streets of Konoha? Do you see little Naruto and Sasuke babies running amuck? If your answers to these questions are no, then good we're on the same page. If they're yes... then I'm torn between giving you a hug for even suggesting I own Naruto, and or sending you to a mental clinic (:

Let's stick to the hug.

Now then... Warnings... It's M so... that's warning enough.

And Pairings...

ItaixHidan

SasuNaru

And more to come when new characters come in... (:. (It's called leaving the reader in suspense! ;D)

I think that's all that needs to be said here... so enjoy chapter one! I'd love some feedback please (:. OH! And sorry if sometimes my humor lacks... it comes and goes like a bullet train, like the wind, like a good orgasm... like a... okay... I'm done.

Read, Review, and Enjoy -makes heart with hands-.


Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe

Chapter One: Wasted on a Backstory

"I love you," the man smiled crookedly, his lips twitching in a sad attempt at a smile.

"Relax your muscles," the other scolded.

He took a deep breath, calming the bundle of nerves that just felt like going haywire today, "I love you." he purred seductively.

The blonde shivered, "Oooh, that gave me the chills! Now say it in Japanese."

"Watashi wa anata o aishite," he ran a pale hand through his onyx black hair, brushing the bang away from his face in a way one might describe as sexy.

"Now in French!"

"Je t'aime."

The blonde snickered, obviously enjoying all the effort the raven was doing in saying such simple words. "Now Mandarin Chinese!"

"Dobe!" the raven snarled, giving the blonde a good smack to the head.

"Itai… Sasu, that freaking hurt, you bastard!" the blonde rubbed the back of his abused head, pouting at the slight dull pain that pounded against his skull.

"I don't need your childish attitude right now, Naru." Sasuke walked over to the mirror, eyeing himself, making sure not a hair was out a place, no stains, no shirt left not tucked in, and heaven forbid there be a button left unbuttoned!

Naru laughed, it was a beautiful and infectious laugh, and fell backwards on the raven's king sized mattress. "You're going to do fine, Sasuke, how could someone not hire you? You're hot!" Naru added in, erupting in a batch of giggles.

Sasuke smirked to himself, even though Naru could tell it was most definitely a smile. A warm fuzzy feeling started to form in his stomach, the feeling always appeared when he saw the raven smile. Maybe it was because the blonde knew only he could cause emotions to grace that perfectly defined face.

"Tch, Dobe, I don't need to hear things I already know." yet he smiled anyway as he examined himself in the full length mirror again. He had to make sure everything was perfect, that when he walked through those tinted doorways and stepped into the room where you're instantly attacked with the fresh smell of gingerbread, the workers there would take just one look at him and say, 'He's the one.'

Sasuke ran his hand down his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles. His outfit was okay, in his opinion anyways, Naru just thought it was sexy. His long sleeve, crew neck, black t-shirt, fit his frame perfectly, showing off his toned muscles underneath. The raven's dark jeans hung nicely against his hips, toning his butt in a way, that Naru so plainly described, would make all the women jealous and turn all the men in the Tokyo area gay. Really… Naru had a weird way of explaining things.

"Stare at the mirror any longer, Sasu, and it's going to break." the blonde joked, scoring points by getting the raven to scowl at him.

"You're one to talk, Naruto. You know how many times a day you gawk at yourself in the mirror?" he folded his arms across his chest, leaning against the cool glass of the mirror. "Ever heard of the word vain?"

"I resent that!" the blonde pouted, chucking a nicely fluffed pillow at the raven's head. The raven chuckled, fluffing up his hair so it stood up just right. Naruto shook his head, completely lost on why Sasuke was taking this thing way too seriously. In the beginning, he was the one that was complaining the most about going to this thing! Now he was acting like his life depending on this. It was just a job interview for heaven's sake! No need to be all fancy! Hell, Naruto was going to the exact same one, and he wasn't even as formally dressed as Sasuke.

'Must be an Uchiha thing…'

While Sasuke dressed nicely, Naruto decided to go on the laid back style, wearing a pair of black and orange Adidas flip-flops, light washed, destroyed skinny jeans and a nicely fitting orange and black plaid shirt. His hair was disheveled, like it was almost every day of the year, sticking up in all different directions. Different band bracelets ran up and down his arm, and he was wearing his lucky dog tag necklace that he received from his father before he left.

"Teme!" the blonde sang his name to the heavens, "You're trying too hard."

"You're not trying hard enough," the raven retorted, buttoning, then unbuttoning, the top button of his shirt.

Naruto scoffed, noticing the frown that appeared on the raven's face, walking over to the indecisive raven and choosing what to do with his dilemma for him. He grabbed the two pieces of fabric, and unbuttoned the first three buttons of the shirt, giving a nice view of Sasuke's chest. Then, he ruffled up the raven's hair, receiving a very nice growl from the raven, until it looked like the raven just got out of bed.

"Perfect," Naruto gave the raven an Uzumaki like grin.

"Tch." Sasuke examined himself in the mirror one final time. Yes, he just took at least fifteen minutes to get ready for the interview, making sure every single detail was perfect. No, he wasn't going to take another damn fifteen minutes to get everything perfect again.

"Fantastico!" Naruto giggled and winked.

"Are you sure you want to go to the interview looking like…," he gave Naruto a once over.

"Like a very hot blonde?" Naruto finished his sentence. "Yes, Sasuke, I do." and skipped out the room before anything more could be said.

"… Dobe."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Sasuke changed lanes, merging with the evening traffic. Naruto was fiddling with his dog tag, his mind somewhere off in the clouds, not really focusing on anything. The radio was playing some soft rock music, that quickly filled up the car with noise instead of the painstaking silence.

Now, Sasuke would never say no to a silent car drive, since the chances of it every happening were a slim chance, but this time the silence was killing him. Not even the radio could help ease his bundle of nerves. His face was a blank canvas, void of emotions, but on the inside he was literally freaking out!

His fingers tapped on the steering wheel, anxiously waiting for the stoplight to change from red to green.

"Someone's antsy," Naruto giggled at the slight frown on Sasuke's face. "Oh, c'mon! You act like it's the end of the world, or something."

"Well excuse me for actually taking this thing seriously," the raven sneered.

"You're excused!" the blonde smiled lazily.

"Aren't you the least bit nervous?" Sasuke asked as he drove through the downtown district of Tokyo.

"Didn't me being silent not tick you off?" Naruto countered with a question of his own, fiddling with the radio buttons.

"I'd like an actually answer for my question, Dobe."

"And you got one, Teme. What more are yah looking for?"

"I'm looking for a: 'Fuck yeah, I'm nervous!', not a damn cocky response." he smacked Naruto's hand away from the radio dial, any longer and the blonde would have put something atrocious on the radio. Atrocious meaning Lady GaGa of course.

"Fuck yeah, I'm nervous!" Naruto mimicked, breaking out into laughter that slowly died down from the intense death glare he was getting from the raven. "Okay, okay… I'm nervous. Happy now?"

The raven smirked for his answer.

"Teme…," Naruto mumbled, slumping in his seat as he watched the vibrant colors of the Tokyo buildings pass by.

"Oi, Dobe, are you prepared?"

Naruto gave him his sexiest smile, that proudly brought out his whiskers and made his cerulean blue eyes sparkle, "Of course, Sasu-chan!"

"Got a name picked out?"

"Nope!" the blonde replied cheerfully.

Sasuke sighed, "Naru, you know that's going to be one of the first questions they ask you, and you don't even have a name chosen yet?"

Naruto pouted, "Well… none of mine were any good." he mumbled.

Sasuke looked at him from the corner of his eye, "They couldn't be that bad?" Naruto nodded, dug into his front pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of notebook paper. The car had stopped at a red light, so Sasuke took the paper and read through the list of names. He raised an eyebrow at some of the names, "Really, Naruto? McShizzle Drizzle Fo Sho, really?"

"It was cool at the time!"

Sasuke just shook his head, rolling down the window and throwing the paper out. "How about Naru? That's cute, right?"

"No!" Naruto folded his arms across his chest, "You call me that so… no one else can."

Was that a blush on the adorable idiot's face?

Sasuke smiled despite himself, Naruto, his idiot of a friend, could truly be cute at times. Of course, he'd never say it to his face, in public…or in broad daylight. "Dobe, then what about Kit?"

Naruto ran a tanned hand across a whisker, out of many whiskers, on his face. He cringed slightly, shaking his head back and forth slowly. "Not going to happen."

"Tch… you're so stubborn," he pulled into the parking lot of where they were going to be taking the interview. The bright flashing sign on the café clearly stated: Akatsuki Café. Except the 'u' was in the form of a rose. 'That's… kind of tacky.' Sasuke cringed from the bright light the sign radiated.

"What's wrong, Teme? Scared of a little light?"

"Tch," was all he said before pulling the blonde towards the double doors of the café, "let's just get this over with-"

Fourth Wall is Now Broken (:D)!

Sasuke: Fallen!

Fallen: -turns around from desk in mid-type- What the fuck do you want, Duck-Butt? Ha! Duck and fuck rhyme… -giggles-

Sasuke: I would maim you right now if my character's development story wasn't in your hands…

Fallen: -Grins triumphantly- Now seriously, what do you want?

Naruto: Fallleeeeen! Don't you think the readers deserve a back story?

Fallen: Um…

Naruto: Give them a damn back story, Fallen!

Fallen: -Jumps up and wields light saber- What if I refuse to meet your demands, Naru-chan?

Naruto and Sasuke: Then we walk out.

Fallen: I could easily change the pairing to like… a SasorixDeidara fan fiction…

Sasuke: -Takes out cell phone- So you know that guy you like… what was his name again? -searches through contacts- What if I just… oh… I don't know, send him a little text message declaring your undying love for him?

Fallen: You wouldn't dare…

Naruto: Evil grin- Try us.

Fallen: ON WITH THE BACKSTORY! -sweat drops-

Ha… I Fixed the Fourth Wall… No Worries.

Naruto and Sasuke were sitting at their usual table underneath the sakura tree. It was just that time of the year when the petals of the tree were in full bloom. The light-pink petals falling everywhere and on everyone who wasn't lucky enough to escape their bombardment.

Ha… attack of the sakura petals… couldn't you just see the movie title now?

"You know… I've been having this weird feeling all day," Naruto stated, taking a bite out of his sandwich pretending that he wasn't getting stared down by millions of girls today.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "And that feeling would be…?"

"That's someone's been staring at us all day! But not just someone, a lot of someones!" Naruto exclaimed, all day for the past week and a half, every where he and the raven went eyes were always on them. Now yes, they were quite appealing to the eyes, but there was a line between admiration and done right… creepy stalker staring.

"What's makes you think that?" No, Sasuke wasn't oblivious to the stares, he just wanted to hear what type of reason Naruto would spring out.

"My spidey senses of course!" Ha… Spidey senses, that's just as crazy as being a ninja with the ability to make complete replicas of themselves…

"You have no spider senses, Dobe."

"Oh really!" Naruto challenged, ready to start a fight with Sasuke any moment.

"Yes, really, because if you did have such things you would have sensed that I was about to steal your sandwich."

"Wait, Wha-" but he couldn't finish his sentence because Sasuke was already leaning across the table, snatching up the damsel in distress!

"Sasuke! Let go of me sammich!" Naruto whined, reaching over the table to grab back his stolen food.

"Dobe, speak properly. You're never going to get any girls in your pants with that crude way of speaking." Sasuke chomped into the sandwich, munching on the contents loudly and rudely just to get the blonde's heart printed boxers in a knot.

Yes, Sasuke knew exactly what type of boxers Naruto had on today. And no, it's not because he spent the last few hours the previous night taking them off to have mind blowing sex. It was a Thursday… Naruto always wore his heart printed boxer collection on that day.

Naruto's whiny pout transformed into an evil smirk that could rival the raven's own. "I hope you enjoy that sandwich… it's your favorite. A BLT with all the works drowned with a hearty and healthy amount of mayo! Bon Appetite!"

Sasuke gagged, literally throwing up his sandwich, eyes bulging out, face turning red, blue, pink, indigo - to save time let's just say rainbow. Spitting out the contents of his sandwich, he let out a lethal, animalistic growl directed straight at the blonde. "You fucking moron!"

Naruto fell off the bench, doubled over in laughter. "See! This is why they teach us not to steal each other's food during kindergarten, Sasu-chan!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed to slit, the normal onyx irises bleeding into a scarlet red, "I'm going to tie you to the end of a Mac Truck and laugh as your body hits all those various cars, trees, stray puppies that just happen to be unfortunate enough to be in the way of your onslaught." he smirked maniacally at the paled expression from the blonde.

"… You're a monster…"

"A monster with great hair."

"Ha! Great hair my ass! You have a duck-butt, Duck-butt!"

"…" Sasuke snapped. Now, let's use our imaginations for this little bit. Say we're looking at the inside of Sasuke's head, where we get a nice view of that thick, large cranium stored all up in there. Then, we examine the image closer, only focusing on one part of the brain where the Uchiha's nerves are all stored and controlled. For this, imagine that they're all in a line, like guitar strings. Finally, we add in the Duck-Butt comment and one of those, very thin, strings snaps.

Thus, we have an angered Uchiha on the rampage.

"Ahh! No, stop! Not in public, Teme!"

"Fucking shut up, Dobe, and let me finish this!"

"Nooooo! Gah, don't fucking touch me there, Pervert!"

"Quit squirming. It's going to hurt even more if you don't relax."

"It's lunch time guys, don't you think you can keep a little bit of self-control?" the two looked up from their struggle, which from anyone else's viewpoint it would look like Sasuke was trying to rape Naruto. Not like he would ever do that…

Green eyes that contrasted well on fair skin and light pink hair danced with mischief as she eyed her two friends up and down, a knowing smirk proudly etched on her face. "Please, save it for the bedroom guys. Or even better! You two should fuck in an alleyway in the middle of a crowded city! That would be so hot."

Sasuke slowly arose from the whining and grumpy blonde, smirking at his handy work. The scuffle from earlier was just him trying to retrieve Naruto's sharpie from his front pocket, nothing so scandalous and lemon-induced as trying to make sweet love to our little idiot blonde. Sorry yaoi-fan girls and boys… not today. Naruto's black, very intoxicating, sharpie was needed so that our little snapped raven could draw all sorts of obscenities on the poor idiot's face.

For example… a monocle was drawn over Naruto's left eye, and a nicely shaded in goatee was located underneath his bottom lip.

"Sakura, go find someone else to live out your yaoi-induced fantasies on, alright?" he asked, brushing the dirt off his pants.

"It's not a fantasy, Sasuke! You're just too blind to see it right now, but there's definitely a love blossoming between you two. Naruto; the number one, hyperactive, knuckle-headed person in Konoha High! And Sasuke; Konoha High's resident heart throb!"

"What the fuck, why is Sasuke the heart throb?" Naruto screamed, glaring slits at his pink haired friend. Seriously, you'd think she'd have more compassion for him since they were best friends from diapers! 'Once you share graham crackers with someone, you'd think that things would change between us!'

"Oh shush, Naruto. That language will never get you anywhere with the ladies." Sakura scolded the blonde, choosing to sit across from the pair at the lunch table. She held her laughing to a minimum, wait… no… that was a lie, she fell off the bench laughing at what Sasuke had drawn on Naruto's face. "Y-You look so-!"

"-Say one more thing and you're going to feel a lot less top heavy than usual, Sakura-chan." Naruto threatened, the whiskers on his face become more defined and fierce.

Sakura gave Naruto a wary glance that clearly stated, 'I'd like to see you try', but she opted on the chance on not getting the blonde pissed off anymore then she had to. Besides, she only came to find the two so she could actually tell them something!

"Good news, guys! I'm getting you a job!"

The two looked at each other, then raised an eyebrow back at Sakura, then back to each other, then Sakura, then each other. This lasted for about forty seconds before Naruto broke out in laughter and Sasuke stuck to his ever-popular smirk.

"You can't be serious, can you, Sakura?" Naruto said through laughs, "Me… and… hahaha… job! Sasuke… and… hahahhaa… a job!"

"Dobe's got a point. He's too lazy to even reach for the remote that's less than a foot away from him." he turned his smirk into a pout, scrunching his face up the way Naruto would if he was about to whine. "Ahhh, Sasuke! Grab the remote for me! It's so far away!"

"Teme!" he punched Uchiha right on the arm, taking it to the man! "I don't sound anything like that! Besides, it's even more outrageous for you to get a job, since you're filthy, stinking rich!"

He had a good point…

Sakura's visit was becoming more and more of a waste of time.

"Hey, guys, mind doing me a huge favor and shutting the fuck up? Please? Thanks." she smiled wickedly when the two abruptly quieted. Over the course of high school, Sakura had gained this superhuman strength from God knows where. Everyone said it was steroids, not to her face of course, but it was more or less true since the pink-haired super woman didn't tell anyone how she acquired such strength.

"Okay, now that I have your undivided attention," she shifted through his messenger bag, pulling out a flyer then handing it to the two. "See! It's this awesome new café located in downtown Tokyo. It's called Akatsuki Cosplay Café, and all the people that work there are hot, GAY, men!"

"Sakura… how many times do we have to tell you; we're not gay!" Naruto screamed, causing a few heads to turn around.

"Tch," Sasuke leaned forward, moving a piece of hair that was covering the dobe's ear, and licked the tantalizing flesh, "I could prove you wrong on that…," he purred seductively into Naruto's ear.

Cue the nose bleeding fan girl…

"See!" Sakura exclaimed moments after plugging her nose up with tissues. It always came handy to carry a couple around with you in your pocket, you never know when two attractive men will start going at it (so if you learned something new today, it's to always carry absorbent tissues)! "This is exactly why you two should apply for the job, you'd both be perfect!"

"No thanks." Naruto sipped his drink while humming a happy tune.

"I'll pass myself," Sasuke pulled out a book, pretending to actually be interested by the words on the page.

"Jesus, you two are insufferable!" Sakura grabbed the paper again, reading over the poster from top to bottom. Her eyes landed on the small print at the bottom of the page. Scanning over the words, a Cheshire like grin spread across her face like wildfire. "If I can't change your minds… maybe this will." she pointed the idiot blonde and the brooding raven towards the small set of words.

Dear Otouto,

I have high hopes that you've found this flyer, since my last resort of contacting you seems to have failed. Really Sasuke, stop having a social life and check your email once in a while.

Anyway, if you're wondering why I'm indirectly addressing this to you then here's your answer: I need labor. Easy, manageable, cheap labor, hence the job flyers posted around city. Now I know, since Tokyo is such a huge city, the chances of you finding this flyer are very slim. However, since I've taken the liberty of posting a picture of what you look like, along with a 'Wanted' sign, on our Facebook page, I'm pretty sure someone crazed and deranged will bump into with this message sooner or later.

Hopefully you get off your lazy ass and come help your dear older brother out. And by help I mean, yet again, labor.

Itachi.

P.S. Bring that blonde idiot of yours too.

"That… fucking…," Sasuke started to say, grinding his teeth in anger at his brother's brash way of doing things. Seriously? Facebook, Itachi? Low blow… devious… smart… but low blow.

"Bastard!" Naruto ripped up the paper, the little pieces of its remains fluttering into the wind, only to get attached to the eyes of unfortunate civilians. "He hasn't seen me in years and he still has the damned nerve to call me an idiot!"

'Because it's true…,' the thought ran through both minds of Sakura and Sasuke.

"How the hell do you think I feel, Dobe." Sasuke crossed his arms in defiance, "Bastard… like hell I'm going to work at his damn café." he muttered.

"Um… guys, I really don't think you have an option." Sakura said, motioning to the looming shadow above them.

"Hola! Wie gehts?" the looming shadow boomed. Okay… so it wasn't a shadow, more of a confused man with no sense of where he was, or what language to use for that matter, gray hair that was slicked back and brushed his shoulders and really beautiful purple eyes. He leaned forward, eyeing the smaller raven up, before breaking out into a smirk. "Oh, so you're little raven! Nice to meet you Raven-san!" the man bowed, "The name's Hidan!"

'Druggie…,' Naruto thought.

'Hitman…,' Sakura thought.

'My damn brother…,' Sasuke clenched his fists.

"Please don't tell me my brother sent you…"

"Fine, then I won't tell yah!" Hidan chirped, plopping himself in-between Sasuke and Naruto. "So are you going to go work for yah brother then?"

"No." Sasuke replied emotionlessly.

"Bummerrr… because Weasel-san said if you don't compromise, I get to go straight to your bank account and take away all of your fortune. Oh, but what's even better is that I get to post all your personal information on our Facebook page for the whole world to see! Apparently, you're a fan favorite among the fan girls; so adding in stuff like, size, weight, favorite place to go, favorite brand of underwear, will just generate a bigger pool of customers! Isn't that great!"

Sasuke didn't know what was worse: Hidan's cheery smile at basically wiping out someone's fortune (even though half of it was Itachi's), or the fact that his brother would steep so low as to endanger his general welfare.

Money… was something Sasuke loved dearly. Touching his money was your one way ticket to a lifetime of hell.

Fan girls… should come with their own restraining order and straight jacket. Nuff said.

"When do the interviews start…" Sasuke asked, keeping his voice under control.

"In two days! Weasel-san will email you all the details. Au revoir!"

"Ohhhh… this should be fun." Naruto deadpanned, taking another long sip of his water.


Oh geez, what has Itachi gotten his brother into!

Sasuke: -Attempts to jump out window-.

Me: No, No Sasuke don't do it! -runs up and gives you a parachute-. Okay, good ahead. You're clear for takeoff!

Naruto: SERIOUSLY?

Me: No hatred towards Sasuke whatsoever! Anyway, This chapter was pretty long.. (8 to 9? pages..., well that's long for me anyway) and I'm pretty sure it was sort of humorous... -nervous laughter- Anyway, this story is going to be 47 chapters (:. I know this because I am magical. No... I kid... I know this because I spent thirty minutes to an hour using the Notes App on my Ipod to type out plots for the chapters (:. So here's a little sneak peek so you know what to expect ;).

Next Chapter: That Lucky Finger

Summary: It's interview time! And Itachi's questions turn a little... suggestive? Afterwards, our resident idiotic blonde and stoic raven act out a lovely romance scene to a regular costumer...

I suck at summaries, I know, but I hope you all find it somewhat exciting to read on (:. Reviews and feedback would be great! Tell me if you'd like this story to continue ;D.

~Peace and Love - Fallen.~