Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, my pockets would contain something other than lint and the occasional small coin.

A/N: There's no specific timeline for this piece, but it probably occurs at some point before the end of Season 3. It's just a bit of silly, dialogue-centric fun without any plot, depth, or character development.


"Castle!"

"Yes, Beckett?"

"Would you please stop tapping that pencil?"

"Why?"

Through gritted teeth: "Because if you don't do it voluntarily, I will come over there and take it from you. Then I'll reinsert it up a certain area of your anatomy as painfully as possible."

"Oooh. Kinky."

Beat of silence.

"Ow! Apples, apples!"

Raised eyebrow.

"What did I tell you?"

Meekly: "Not to tap the pencil?"

"Right. And what have you learned?"

Hesitantly: "That you, my dear, are a queen among detectives, and highly capable of inflicting suffering?"

"Close enough."

(5 minutes later…)

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Castle?"

Silence.

Taptaptap.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"But I'm hungry."

"So go get food."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"Well I couldn't abandon you here all by yourself. In horror movies, it's always a bad idea to leave someone alone in the deserted office building at night."

"It's a good thing this isn't a horror movie then, isn't it."

Sigh.

Tap.

"Castle!"

"Sorry."

Pause.

"You know, since this isn't a horror movie, you and I could be having some very physically active fun right now. Just saying."

Snort.

"Nice try, Castle. I'm not having sex with you."

"Why, Detective, such a dirty mind you have. I was talking about playing 'Tag'."

"People play tag in horror movies?"

"Noooo. Hence why we could play it, since we aren't in one."

"We aren't playing tag at the office."

"Only because you're being a stick-in-the-mud."

Half-growled: "Castle…"

"Shutting up now."

Silence.

Tap. Tap.

"Ow!"

Sigh.

"Let's go, Castle."

Excitedly: "Really?"

"If I don't feed you, you won't stop tapping your foot. And if you don't stop tapping your foot, I'll eventually give in to the urge to insert it somewhere up your anatomy."

Gulp.

"Right. Chinese sound OK?"

"Castle, at this point I could eat elephant. Raw."

"Seriously?"

"No."

"Ah. Right. I'll pay."

"Wise decision."