Hello, long time no write! I know it's been awhile but I've recently gotten married and had a baby so life is amazing but crazy busy! As a result, my other stories are on temporary hiatus; I won't be able to update very often so please bear with me; however I do want to continue writing when I can because it's a passion of mine and I don't want to give it up altogether! Just please don't expect too many frequent updates right now.
She took one look at him and right away she knew something was different.
Something was wrong.
The first person she thought to ask was Kenshin. But he only gave her a small sad smile and told her. "What Sano is going through isn't mine to share, Miss Megumi that it is not."
She wasn't satisfied with this answer; it wasn't even an answer! So next, she went to Yahiko. But the young boy simply shook his head and frowned. "Aw, Megumi you know Sanouske would punch me in the head if he found out I told!"
Next, she went to Karou; at this rate, Megumi was becoming more and more frustrated and—dare she say it—worried. She approached Karou that evening in the kitchen as the younger woman prepared the evening meal. After a tiny bit of small talk, she attempted to make a casual passing comment about Sanouske's 'long face' and 'how he wasn't gonna get any taller no matter how long he stood on his feet like that.'
Karou only gave her a sympathetic look and replied. "I'm afraid what's bothering Sanouske goes beyond that, Miss Megumi but he won't talk to me either. But I think it has something to do with Shogo's younger sister, Lady Mogodalia…she passed away and I believe Sanouske was the last one with her when she died."
This startling revelation seemed to both enlighten and confuse Megumi all at once. Sanouske had seen much death and suffering in his life both during his time with the Sekihoutai and since then. There had to be something more to this that had him so disturbed. All he had done since their return from Kyoto was stand out on the porch by himself, hands shoved into his pockets, head down and eyes closed. He hadn't even bothered to come in when Karou called that dinner was ready; the rooster head not eating? Hell must have frozen over!
Halfway through dinner, Megumi cast another tentative look over her shoulder to where Sanouske stood leaning against the railing. The front Shoji was halfway closed but she could still make out enough of his tall, lean form to ascertain that he had not moved so much as a millimeter. At this, Megumi felt a tightening in the pit of her stomach. What's gotten into him? For heavens' sake he's not even aware that dinner is almost over! If he doesn't snap out of it, Yahiko's going to devour all the rest of the rice cakes! She shook her head, pushed back her half-eaten plate and stood to her feet. Kenshin eyed her and raised his hand to beckon her.
"Miss Megumi, I don't think…"
"Forgive me, Sir Ken but at this moment I really don't care what you think or don't think! Sanouske is acting strange; he hasn't moved since you all got back and what's worse is he hasn't even eaten a single thing! Someone has got to do something and I'm not about to just sit here and let one of my friends brood by themselves all blessed evening!" With that, she turned on her heel and marched out of the room.
"Kenshin, maybe Megumi is right." Karou's voice was low and gentle. "Maybe leaving Sano alone isn't the best thing for him right now; besides if anyone can get through to him, it's Megumi; they've always seemed to have a special bond."
"You may be right, Miss Karou that you may. I just hope that Sano doesn't push Miss Megumi away; that woman cares very much about him that she does."
Megumi paused at the half open entrance; she stared at Sanouske's back as his white jacket flapped briefly in the evening breeze. She nodded firmly to herself as if reaffirming that she was doing the right thing as she took a confident step towards him. She closed the shoji quietly behind her, suddenly wanting a moment of privacy with the rooster head. "You know if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're ill Rooster head; you haven't even thought to take any dinner. And after Miss Karou took painstaking time to make beef stew and rice cakes!" She tsked playfully but received no immediate response from Sano. After several long moments of silence she moved to stand beside him and she looked up at the twinkling night sky; the stars were so brilliant they nearly took her breath away. She suddenly wished she had more leisure moments like this. "It's so clear and beautiful tonight, don't you think?"
"No different than any other summer night."
She gave him a sidelong glance; thankful that he at least had the presence of mind to respond—as indifferent as it may be. "Oh but every night is different, unique! Especially with a sky like this…I don't think I've ever seen a sky like this since-"
"What do you want, Fox—we both know it's never been idle chat between us so just come out with it already, would ya?"
Megumi suddenly felt somewhat small and she hesitated to answer him. Perhaps if he would just look at her and not be so standoffish, she'd feel more at ease; they'd always been straightforward and direct with each other. His sudden closed off coldness did something to Megumi and she felt something akin to fear and worry bubbling up in her stomach. "Sanouske."
He opened his eyes then and turned to look at her. It was very rare that Megumi used his name and something about the smooth, sincere tone of her voice brought him out of his gloomy thoughts.
"I'm—ok I can't believe I'm saying this out loud but I'm worried about you."
At that, Sano couldn't help but crack a small smile. "Aww shucks, Kitsune, never thought I'd see the day where you would trouble yourself to worry 'bout little 'ole me; I'm touched." He snickered as he pulled out a piece of straw from his inside pocket and chewed on it absently. "Don't worry your pretty little foxy head, I'm fine, never better actually; considering everything we've gone through in the past year and yet we're all still in one piece."
Megumi snickered to herself and shook her head. "Yes, I mean other than a certain Rooster head coming into my clinic every other day because he can't seem to go a full 24 hours without breaking his hand in a fight!" She eyed him accusingly but there was a hint of good natured teasing sparkling in her eyes.
"Yeah well, someone's gotta keep things safe around here—it's not like this crappy world is getting any better."
Silence once again befell the two; the sparkly eyed, raven haired woman eyeing her tall, dark and handsome companion with traces of growing concern lingering in her brown eyes. At length, Megumi took a deep breath, folding her hands daintily in front of her. "Karou told me about your time in Kyoto…she said it was a particularly difficult journey—that there were a lot of things none of you were expecting. She said that Lord Shogo was merely a broken misguided grieving man that was misused and that he had a sister who-"
"Yeah. Lady Mogodalia, she died." Sanouske bit out in a harsh tone.
Megumi winced at the coldness in his voice. "I'm so sorry. You knew her and she was a friend of yours…"
"She was more than a friend to me."
This sudden admission caused a slight gasp from Megumi. Sanouske? Actually had met someone who meant more than just a friend? That's…well that's something I didn't see coming. And with these musings came a very unfamiliar feeling that crept into her heart; a feeling that unsettled and discomfited her all at once. Could it be that I'm—jealous? Oh that's just absurd! How on earth could I of all people be jealous? And of all the things to be jealous because of Sanouske?! No, that is completely impossible! There's no way that I would ever consider feelings for someone like him! Or…or maybe it's because I know he would never think of having feelings for someone like…me? At this, her eyes lowered to the floor and she felt a sudden lump in her throat. Despite everything that Sanouske had done for her in the past, she just couldn't shake the fact that her opium cooking had caused a young man his life and that young man was one of Sanouske's friends. Sanouske would never forget that, despite the fact that the two had slowly become friends over the last year, he would never be able to completely erase what she had done. And he would never look at her as a woman worthy of anyone's love especially not his own!
So foolish of me to even think that he ever could…ugh! Not that I would ever want him to!
…and yet…
"Hey…hey Fox you hear me?"
"Uh what?"
Sanouske waved his hand in front of Megumi's face. "Hey are you feelin' alright? It's like you suddenly just weren't here—like you spaced out or something."
"Oh I…I suppose I'm a bit tired and it's starting to catch up to me." She gave a half-hearted giggle tucking a few strands of raven hair behind her ear.
"Huh. Well ya know you bein' a doctor and all makes for long hour days I guess…but you really should try and take it easy ya know? We don't want you passing out on the floor in the middle of surgery or else who would there be to patch up my busted hand whenever I needed it?"
At this, Sanouske clasped both hands behind his head in a playful stance and tossed Megumi a playful wink to which she only scowled in return. "Oh you ruffian! You're not supposed to take my services for granted you know! I might just decide one day to leave you to fend for yourself with a broken hand, did you ever think about that?" She huffed turning her nose up in the air only stealing a glance at him from the corner of her eye.
"Yeah you could…but I know you won't."
"Ha! And why is that, pray tell?"
Suddenly, Sanouske turned his body fully towards her and his expression grew serious though his brown eyes still sparkled playfully. "Because you're an angel of mercy, Kitsune…it's what you do. It's what you feel you were called to do your whole life and there's no way you could turn away any injured soul in need…even if that injured soul happens to be mine." A soft lopsided grin spread across his face and suddenly Megumi felt like he was peering into her very soul.
She took a step back, feeling the sudden need to put some space between them and she muttered to herself. "Well I suppose there are worse things; you could have a twin brother who would be just as much trouble as you and then I'd have you both to contend with."
Sanouske chortled, pulling the lone piece of straw from between his lips. "Ha! Twin brother, huh I guess that'd really be something now wouldn't it."
"Well it's good to see that I've at least pulled you out of your stupor; if there's one thing I can't handle more than a loud smart-mouth rooster head, it's a gloomy sullen one!"
"And here I thought you always hated my smart comments and—how did she put it?—brute behavior." He winked at her and she laughed openly.
"Oh brute now is it? I assume the good Lady Mogodalia called you that? Well hell, I would've loved to have met her, she sounds like a woman right after my own heart—although I'm sure she wasn't nearly as pretty or charming like myself!" at this, she let out another bell-like laugh, flipping her hair over her shoulder with a flirtatious flourish.
Sano only gave her a side-long glance and shook his head, replacing the piece of straw between his teeth. "Ya know there's a hell of a lot more to a woman than just looks and charm, Fox. In my own experience I haven't met very many…but trust me, she was one of the few; she had it all, the whole damn package. Sayo wasn't just another pretty face."
Megumi sobered at this. It seemed that Sano saw her as nothing more than 'another pretty face.' Sure he acknowledged her experience as a good doctor and had many a time sent countless people her way who were in need with the words, "don't worry, we've a damn good doctor; she'll fix you up" but nonetheless, nothing more than a 'damn good doctor.' Somehow this realization dissatisfied her to the core and she only managed a weak smile and nod before turning her face away before he could see the disappointment in her eyes. After a long moment of silence, Megumi cleared her throat softly and wrapped her arms around herself. "did—does it still hurt? I mean her being gone? I don't mean to sound insensitive but…I know you didn't know her for long but I'm sure it—that is I can only imagine what it must have been like when—" She halted, sighing to herself as she watched him carefully from behind the curtain of her bangs.
"To be honest it was but now…nah, it doesn't. Besides she wouldn't have wanted me to go around moping the rest of my life; Sayo wasn't like that; she always looked at the beautiful side of things and I figure she'd want me to do the same." His trademark lopsided grin re-appeared as he looked over at Megumi but she only offered a barely audible 'hm' and continued to keep her eyes averted.
"Well I should be going, I have to close up the clinic and Lord knows I have patients that will need looking after tomorrow. Have a good night, Rooster head."
"Well it's gotta be close to midnight, I'll walk you."
"There's no need, Sanouske."
At the uncharacteristic use of his name, Sano halted and gave her a startled look. Well that's funny; she's never used my name before…at least not since we first met and she's never brushed me off from walkin' her home. "Well that's a first, Kitsune." He commented lightly but he noticed a subtle change in the fox's stance and in her eyes.
She had her back to him and her arms wrapped around herself like she was cold…or protecting herself from something. And though her face was turned towards him and held her classic arrogant smile, it didn't reach her eyes which were communicating something completely different. "I appreciate it but honestly how many times have we walked this short path together and nothing's ever happened! I'm certain I can make it home tonight on my own and I'll be fine." She tossed her hair over her shoulder carelessly as she turned and started to walk away.
"Now wait just a minute, the only reason why nothing's ever happened is cause any scrum wondering the streets at this time of night have gotten a glimpse of me and gotten scared half to death! Now seein' you walkin' home all by yourself and they won't think twice about trying anything!" Sano's voice had a twinge of arrogance to it as he campaigned for the benefits of her having his company; it was so typical of him but for some reason, she was suddenly not in the mood for any of his self-serving banter and she stopped suddenly and whirled around to face him.
"Look Sanouske, I know it just thrills your ego to think that a poor, pathetic kitsune like me would actually want your gallant company in escorting me home but in all honesty I never asked for your charity so do us both a favor and stop trying to patronize me; we both know you only do it so you can get a pat on the back." She tried to keep her voice somewhat leveled in the tone of their typical banter but unfortunately, her feathers had been ruffled far too much for one night and maybe her own ego had been a bit bruised.
Sanouske halted his advancing steps and just stared at her. He could immediately tell that she was suddenly in no mood for his smarting comments and he spotted something akin to hurt in her eyes; it confused the hell out of him. "Okay easy, Fox! I didn't mean anything by it and I certainly wasn't trying to patronize you! Don't you think I know that you can't take care of yourself? Hell you've been stuck up and arrogant from the first moment we met so it's really not surprising to me."
"I don't give myself airs!" She clenched her fists and glared at him.
"Oh please, you've been riding on that high horse since day one, you've always thought yourself so high and mighty especially with me, you always think you're better than me when we both know you're nothing more than an opium-cooking self-righteous tease!" He spat out the words fast and hot, his dark eyes blazed. What the hell was with her? She had the nerve to call his attempts at being a gentleman, self-serving and arrogant; like he needed an excuse to stroke his ego!? She doesn't know anything about me!
Sanouske's words struck her like an icy slap in the face and her eyes widened in anger. "How—h-how dare you! I have never thought myself better than anyone and you know it! You of all people should know how I feel about myself. You're just throwing a fit because you can't handle it when someone calls you out for being a spoiled, egotistical, narcissistic, free-loading, selfish brute!"
Sanouske was suddenly within arm's reach of her, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were white and his jaw taught with tension. "Oh yeah?! Well at least I admit and own up to what I am; you don't ever hear me denying it when Karou or Yahiko call me a free-loader, I'm fine with it! I couldn't give a damn what you think about me, why should I care? You're just bitching and whining because Kenshin never told you goodbye that day he left for Kyoto; you're so hung up on the fact that he picked Karou over you to say goodbye to and that's what's got you so wound up, not me. And you know what? I don't blame him! Because you've done nothing but pine after the guy, making a complete idiot of yourself and acting like a spoiled child, no wonder Kenshin doesn't notice you; you're nothing more than a spoiled, sexually frustrated cat—!"
*Smack!*
The night air cracked with the sound of Megumi's hand as it connected with Sanouske's cheek in an angry slap.
The former mercenary was caught completely off-guard—blinded by his angry rant—and stumbled back as he held his now sharply smarting cheek that already sported a tiny read hand print. It stung too—bad and Sanouske could only grimace as he stared aghast at the heaving, raven haired woman.
Megumi was breathing so heavily that puffs of air could be seen as the floated on the cold evening breeze. She hadn't moved an inch from where she'd taken two strong steps forward and smacked Sanouske soundly across the face; she hadn't really been surprised by any of the things he'd accused her of in the beginning but this—using her unrequited feelings for Kenshin against her and how hurt she still felt at him not giving her a goodbye—that was several steps too far. "That—was too far, Sanouske. Of all the nerve…you—you're despicable!—I might have been able to handle the other things you said—I'm a big girl and I don't go around sniveling to anyone!—but I won't have my right to feel hurt or disregarded, thrown back in my face especially not by you."
Sanouske just stared at her. As the heat of their argument began to settle, his own anger ebbed away and he slowly came to the realization that she was right—he'd way over-stepped his bounds with her and he knew it.
Damn it! He thought harshly to himself. Why was it that she always brought out the worst in him at moments like this?! No matter how hard he tried to prove to Megumi that he wasn't the brazen ruffian she believed him to be—that he had changed—she always managed to say or do something that just got under his skin! The woman infuriated him!
Yet he could never bring himself to get enough of her—he always found himself coming back for more and this pissed him off even more. Regardless of whether or not he was willing to admit it, this fiery dynamic that he and Megumi had, enticed him and he couldn't get enough. He loved the spunk in her stance and the fire in her eyes whenever they had a verbal bout or when she would stand up to him; it was there the day he'd first laid eyes on her. She was stupid for wanting to end her life and he'd stopped her from making the biggest most selfish mistake, but there had still been that fire in her eyes—the defiance that drove her to want to end her life had both infuriated and intrigued him. That same fire still lived inside of her to this day and he couldn't deny every chance and opportunity he got to get a taste of it. But looking at her now, there was more than fire burning in her eyes, there was also shock, betrayal and hurt. It felt like a sword to his heart when he realized once again that he'd let his anger get the best of him and pushed her too far. He only hoped that he'd somehow be able to fix it; although he didn't know why, the thought of Megumi hating him for the rest of her life, was something he couldn't bear.
"Ah damn it, Meg!"
Megumi let out a small gasp as he uttered a nickname he'd never called her by before. Her eyes widened slightly when it hit her how both frustrated and gentle his voice sounded when he said it.
"We've always bickered back and forth with an understanding between us but for kami's sake you push my buttons and then I just—" He rubbed the back of his neck wordlessly and then simply hung his head muttering, "Damn it all."
Megumi waited without a word; she was still furious with him but a small part of her wanted to hear what he had to say—despite herself she was curious and when it came to Megumi, curiosity always won out.
"Look, I don't even know what the hell we're arguing about to be honest. Everything was fine until you had to go and say I'm just feeding my ego; you know if I don't wanna do something, there's nothing and no one in hell that can make me so why the hell would you go and say something like that?"
She sighed heavily and shook her head. "Look honestly, I'm very tired and—I don't think clearly when I'm exhausted like this and my mouth has a mind of its own so…can we please just forget that I ever said anything. Ok? Just—let's just go back; I left the dojo and you met me at the gate and walked me home like you always do."
"But you won't let me walk you home; that's what started this whole hot mess in the first place."
"I just…need some space right now; I'm going through some things. Just, if anyone asks that's what you'll tell them; that you walked me home."
"Ohhhh…I see what's going on you've got a huge secret that you're keepin' from everyone, don't ya?" He pointed his index finger at her and winked playfully. "I'll bet it something that's six feet, tall dark and handsome! Maybe you're tryin' to catch a little night cap eh, before—"
*Smack*
This time it was a hard blow to the head he received from a swing of Megumi's lantern.
"Ow! Hey what the hell was that for? I'm tryin to be a good friend by keeping your secret and this is how you repay me?!"
Megumi scowled at him, gritting her teeth together. "You always have your mind in the gutter don't you?! Typical Rooster head; I open up to you for just a moment of honesty and you have the audacity to assume—the nerve!"
At this point, Sanouske knew the best thing to do was to turn tail and run if he wanted to survive so he did just that. "Easy now, Foxy let's not be too hasty, I was just joshin' ya!"
"Come back here you no-good, egotistical pervert! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!" and off the two went, one chasing wildly after the other, back to their good-natured banter, all anger and hurtful words forgotten.
