Disclaimer: Digimon and all fairy tales used in this fic do not belong to me.
Author's Note: I decided to take a break from serious writing and do a little bit of humor. And hopefully, this will make you laugh. Also, my apologies to those who hate the Digimon dub. The story is AU, but I decided to use the English first names because they sounded more "European."
Knights of the Round Table
By: RaspberryGirl
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a king. His name was Cornelius and besides being a king and a bit of a drunkard, he wasn't much of anything else.
Now, King Cornelius had a beautiful—or so they said—daughter who was the heir to his fair kingdom. The princess was so beautiful that if any man saw her, he would instantly fall in love with her and do anything to win her hand in marriage.
Fearing for his daughter's well-being—or perhaps the king just wanted to make certain that the princess's future husband would be rich, handsome, and undoubtedly a prince— Cornelius shut his six year old daughter in a tower for ten years. A righteous and selfless decision, everyone thought, for wasn't that what kings always did to princesses?
Most certainly.
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"Daughter!" The sound of thundering feet on stairs shook the tower. "Daughter! Come out and show yourself to your old father!" The door to the tower chamber burst open, and in stumbled King Cornelius, red faced from drinking wine all morning. "Daughter!" The king scanned the room, swaying dangerously. The chamber was round and small, empty except for a simple bed, a full-length mirror, and a chair in which the princess sat. An old woman—the nurse—stood by the girl.
"Why, Father, how you've changed since I last saw you," said the princess, her back to the king.
"It's been ten years, girl!" the king roared. He hiccuped and staggered a bit. "Men age you know, unlike women. We don't have time to dally with our faces and apply...whatever it is that you apply to keep it pretty."
"I apologize if I have insulted you, my lord," said the princess demurely.
But King Cornelius did not seem to hear. "Turn around, turn around! Let me look at you, there's a good lass."
Obediently, the princess turned.
"My word!" cried the king. "How pretty you are! E-even under that veil. My eyesight fails...I cannot see you too clearly. It must be the radiance of your beauty blinding me."
"You flatter me, lord father," said the princess.
King Cornelius shook his head vigorously. "Of course I'm not. This is very good, indeed. Come, you must prepare for the wedding at once. The prince is going to be so pleased!" With another hiccup, the king left the room.
The princess turned to the old woman beside her, the stiff self- composure and the formality in her voice gone. "A wedding? What wedding?"
"Don't you know, my dear?" said the nurse. "The king plans to marry you to a wealthy prince this very day! It's been the talk of the kingdom for months!"
"Months?" The princess toyed nervously with her silk handkerchief. "Then why was I the last to know?" She sniffed daintily and dabbed at her eyes beneath the veil. "I don't want to marry a loathsome prince!" the princess burst out. "I don't want to!"
"There, there," the nurse chided. "A prince is not so bad. They're wealthy, they're powerful, and most of the time they're extremely handsome. So what's there not to like?"
The princess sighed. "You don't understand." She turned away from the old woman. "Leave me. I—I wish to be alone."
"As you wish." The nurse glanced at the girl for another moment before leaving the room and closing the door behind her firmly.
When the nurse was gone, the princess stood and walked to her full- length mirror. It was very beautiful; the surface shone like diamond and the frame was precious silver.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?"
There was a stir in the glass. The reflection of the princess contorted, and it showed the face of a girl with long brown hair. "She is...she is..." whispered the mirror. "She is the fairest of them all..."
The princess glared at the mirror from underneath her veil. "Tell me, what is her name?"
But the mirror only repeated those infuriating words again, mockingly, "She is...she is...she is the fairest of them all."
The princess shrieked, and the image in the mirror disappeared. "Worthless piece of glass!" She made to kick it, but then thought better. "Nurse!" she called instead, trying to calm herself. "I will do as my father wishes. Help me prepare for my wedding."
A young man made his way through the crowd of wedding guests. He was the very image of the perfect knight—young, tall, and handsome. He wore a long, green tunic over a white shirt and brown boots. His hair was the color of gold, and his eyes were the shade of the sky. His name was Matt, the eldest son of Lord Ishida. Although Matt was only eighteen, he was already a knight of King Cornelius's Table. The "Round Table," they called it, a group consisting of the most prestigious warriors in all the kingdom.
Ever since Matt had been a squire, he'd heard of and had longed to see the beautiful and mysterious princess of King Cornelius's castle. "She is the most beautiful creature in all the world," everyone claimed. "Brighter than the sun, fairer than the moon, and more glorious than heaven's stars."
Squeezing through, Matt managed to get a spot at the front of the crowd, close to the low, white podium with the flower-laced arch where the bride and groom were supposed to stand. Horns sounded, signifying the beginning of the wedding. Out of the corner of his eye, Matt caught sight of someone. This young man was just as young, tall, and handsome as Matt, except for the fact that his eyes and hair were dark chocolate brown.
It was someone Matt knew—and disliked.
"Well, well, well," Matt said, striding over. "If it isn't Tai."
The brown-haired young man saw Matt, and his expression turned sour. "And if it isn't Matt of Ishida. Still too good for yourself, I see."
The young man called "Tai" was also the eldest son of another noble family, the Yagamis. He was also a knight of the Round Table. It was rather peculiar that Matt and Tai were rivals when they had so much in common.
"Why are you here?" Tai asked flatly.
Matt snorted. "To attend the princess's wedding, of course." He glanced at the boy next to Tai. "I see you've brought your squire."
"At least I have one," Tai retorted.
"Good for you, but I don't need one," Matt replied. "I can take care of my own horse and weapons."
Tai glared. "You're just an old, overbearing, unsociable piece of flesh, that's all."
Matt clenched his fist. "I'm the same age as you," he managed through gritted teeth.
"But you're still overbearing and unsociable."
Forcefully, Matt made himself turn away before he was tempted to punch Tai in the face. He kept on walking and didn't stop until he was a safe distance from the other knight.
Tai smirked as he watched Matt's retreating back. He had won this round of verbal jousting. "Davis," he said to his squire, "what's with that stupid expression on your face?"
"Th-that man called 'Matt', " Davis stammered. "He looked ready to tear your eyes out."
"I'm sure he would if he had the chance."
"Yes," Davis agreed, "and I'm only glad that he was going for you, not me."
"You're a coward, Davis," Tai muttered. "You're supposed to stand up for your master."
"Master?" Davis asked innocently. "When a man like that wants your throat, I have no master. If he comes after you, I'm running in the opposite direction."
Tai was about to answer, but then shut his mouth because he realized the princess was about to make her entrance in the wedding ceremony. The king and the bridegroom had already made their way to the flower-laced arch. Tai leaned forward eagerly. He wanted to see just how beautiful King Cornelius's daughter was. And just because she was getting married didn't mean she was unavailable.
Horns blasted through the air a second time and a white-clad figure appeared at the end of the walkway to the left of Tai. A slim girl in a flowing white gown walked slowly towards the podium. Two young girls wearing wreaths of fresh flowers in their hair held the long train of the princess's dress. Two other girls walked ahead of the bride, showering the princess's path with flower petals.
Tai was sorely disappointed when he realized the princess wore a bridal veil.
"No one, except maybe the king, has seen the princess's face," Davis muttered. "So where'd the notion that the princess is 'fairer than all the world' come from?"
Tai shrugged. "There has to be some truth to it...I hope."
Just as the princess was about to ascend the podium steps, a loud noise like clapping thunder echoed through the air. Tai looked up at the sky, wondering if a storm had gathered. But no, the sky was perfectly clear. The noise sounded again and this time, the ground shook.
Someone screamed.
It was then that it occurred to Tai that something had gone terribly wrong.
"Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!" some idiot shrieked repeatedly, as if the first time wasn't enough.
More screams echoed through the crowd as the air rumbled again, louder.
The monster appeared in another moment, and the crowd finally began to scatter and run for their lives. The ogre was huge—as tall as ten grown men—and ugly. It had bushy eyebrows the color of coal and a shapeless nose. The creature's hair was coarse and tangled and the occasional zit dotted its dirty, flabby face.
As the ogre approached, you could almost hear the layers of skin and fat rolling and shifting. The creature wore a sleeveless shirt and breeches that only reached to its knees. How the thing had managed to get enough cloth to cover its body was beyond Tai.
"It's after me!" cried a voice, rising above the sea of noise. It was the bridegroom. "Keep it away! Keep it away!"
"Tai! Sir Tai!" It was Davis, shouting his name. He pointed frantically at the ogre. "Do something!"
"M-me?" Tai squeaked.
"You're a knight, darn it, so get rid of that thing! That's under your job description, isn't it?"
"It is?" Tai wondered where Matt was. Maybe Matt would do something about the monster before Tai was forced to take action. Knights, Tai had fought plenty; but creatures of magic, he had never encountered before.
As the crowd fled, including the king and the bridegroom prince, the princess was left alone on her podium. Being of royal blood and female, the only sensible thing she could think of to do was fall on her knees and clutch the floor, screaming uncontrollably. Her cries were sharp and piercing, the loudest Tai had ever heard. They could probably hear her over in the next kingdom.
Naturally, this drew the ogre's attention.
With a curious grunt, it reached out a large hand and grabbed the princess by the waist. As it lifted up its arms, you could see the dark hair that grew from its armpits. Tai was vaguely aware of one of the court ladies fainting. With one step, the ogre crushed the podium to bits. Its feet were huge and hairy and smelled of something rotten.
Stupidly, the ogre stared at the veiled princess, a bit of drool coming from its mouth. "P-princess," it said. Its voice was low and had a bit of a lisp. "P-p-pretty. Me like."
The princess screamed louder.
By this time, they could probably hear her in the next seven kingdoms.
The ogre began to grin like a fool. It turned to leave with the princess gripped in its hand.
"Wait, wait!" the girl cried. "Before you kidnap me, could you please fetch my mirror?"
The ogre looked slightly confused, as if it didn't understand her words. Finally, it said, "Where?"
"In the tower, over there," the princess said, pointing.
The ogre took a few steps and reached the tower in seconds. "Here?"
"Yes," said the princess. She seemed to have calmed down. "Now, if y—"
The ogre reached out and smashed through the tower wall. A wave of dust rose up and chunks of rock tumbled down from the wreckage. Sloppily, it reached inside the tower and drew out the gilded mirror. "This what pretty girl want?"
"Yes, yes, wonderful!" The princess clapped her hands together in delight. "Now you can resume kidnapping me."
"P-pretty," the ogre mumbled. "Me like."
It thundered off with the princess while everyone else looked on in shock.
"My daughter!" King Cornelius sputtered finally. His moustache and beard quivered. "It...it made off with my daughter!" His face began to take on a livid color.
"Thank goodness it was her and not me." The prince looked greatly relieved.
Quicker than expected, the king got to his feet and staggered over to the bridegroom. "Go and rescue my daughter," he said in a voice that was almost sober. "Now."
The prince looked startled. "Me? A prince. Fight that thing? You've got to be joking." He let out a strangled laugh. "I'm much too handsome."
"If you won't do it, then who will?" the king demanded. He glared. "Stop smirking, fool, or else I'll put a permanent dent in your face." The king held up a shaking finger. "Look, if my daughter isn't rescued, you have no wife. No princess means no wife, which means no kingdom."
"Eh?" The prince perked up. Looking cross, he said, "Fine, if you put it that way...I'll arrange for one of my knights to fetch her."
"But you're the prince!" King Cornelius burst out. A spray of spit hit the bridegroom in the face. "You're supposed to do the rescuing! The rules of chivalry..."
"The rules of chivalry also say that knights can do the rescuing," the prince objected. He wiped his cheek in a disgusted manner. "I never did like those stupid rules anyway." The prince smiled coyly. "Look at it this way, Father, if we never see the princess again, at least you've gained a son."
"I'm not your father," said the king.
The prince shrugged. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must be going. Look at what all the excitement has done to my hair." He patted his long glossy brown locks. "I have such fine hair, don't you think?"
"That isn't the point." The king glowered. "I might as well send one of my own knights after my daughter. They're probably better than your knights anyway, and who knows when you'll send one after the princess."
Tai heard this last comment. A chance to rescue the princess..."Your Majesty!" he cried excitedly. "I'd be happy to do it!"
Unfortunately, Matt had said the same thing at the same moment.
Author's Note: Haha, was it funny? And just for the record, the prince is extremely vain, and not...anything else. Please give me your thoughts and comments!
