Pearls are dedicated. Pearls are submissive. Pearls do not build or pilot. Pearls are meant to be a comfort to their masters – docile, eager, and easily put away. This Pearl has had quite enough of that thank you. As Bismuth was forever telling her, she belongs to herself and therefore Rose can stuff it.

'Oh Pearl I love you just the same, but you know how I feel about others. Please understand.' Yes, of course – please protect my little pets. Please stand in the corner while they smear their fluid and secretions all over me. Please be there for me to cry on when they inevitably die because their inefficient bodies are forever teetering on the edge of collapse.

Pearls are meant to be dolls with no more awareness than one of the human's dogs. However, a Renegade Pearl is something else entirely – and that is why she is going on a trip. Not anything too long, just long enough that every second of every day isn't like sandpaper against her gem. Just long enough that the vastness of space can squeeze her… her… Well, not rage but perhaps frustration. Yes that her frustration can be properly put into perspective.

Long enough that Rose might possibly miss her as much as Pearl is forever missing her… So she might actually be leaving forever. It's not like it matters really. Amethyst is self-sufficient enough to make human friends. Garnet is her own cosmos, a conversation that's both a song and the silence of completion. And Rose has humans to fuck and train to worship her.

Screaming the tall, whippet thin creature hurls her tool into the undergrowth. "Fuck." Now, of course, she'll have to go look for it, and that will delay everything. She wants to be gone before Garnet comes up with some "great" idea or another.

Wants to be gone before one of the quartzes wonders where their servant has wandered off to. It's fine – she on the other side of this miserable little planet, and she dismantled all the nearby warp pads. It's fine. Looking into the half-finished engine it'll only be another day or two before she can leave anyway. It's fine.

It's not fine. Rose is crying and that isn't fair. Amethyst is screaming with tears running down her face. Garnet is radiating fury, but so help her – if she manifests her gauntlets… "I just need a break. I have always loved the stars, and it's been such a long time. It won't be forever. Not even a very long time – not for beings like us. I just need a break. You understand don't you?" And it's not a lie. It really isn't – just a quick little trip. No more than fifty or sixty years, maybe not even that long.

And she's not being fair because she knows how big her eyes can get. And she knows they're glistening with tears barely held back. And she knows the weight of her misery has gathered in the curve of her lips, the point of her chin, her beckoning cheekbones. Knows that it bows her spine the way neither sword nor command ever will. Knows that Rose can't bear to see that, and what Rose wants is what the others will want. (Because Rose is ALWAYS right. Because Rose has, time and again, saved their miserable, pointless lives. )

"Promise me you'll come back." And it's that easy, and it's that hard. "Of course Rose, why would I ever want to be where you aren't?" And if she were honest she has wanted to be a million miles away for millennia. (And if she were honest she'd admit she's glad she hasn't been.)

But Rose is smiling that insipid smile that makes her seem beatific and mild. The same little lie that let her (I will never forgive you) murder Pink Diamond. (And her feet tread upon the edges of stars, a galaxy of pink light and dust. Will it ever wash out? Will the screaming stop?)

And Rose kisses her gem in benefaction, but she is not a goddess and Pearl is so tired of kneeling. And the little purple quartz is confused, so she runs away like the feral little mongrel she is. And Garnet is the one who stays. Garnet is the one who watches her patch together her tiny escape. Garnet is the one who wraps her arms around her and says, "You are going to come back too late. You'll regret it."

Because she doesn't understand – every second is another regret earned. Because Pearl is the Renegade, but she is still a Pearl. And so she spends all her time regretting that she hasn't been perfect, that she hasn't made Rose perfectly content, or made sure Amethyst is perfectly secure or helped Garnet be the perfect being she appears.

And she regrets that Pink Diamond is dust and a final confused look of heartbroken betrayal. And she regrets leaving her people behind for a bunch of idiot monkeys. And she regrets that she can't love this world because it disgusts her on an irreparable level. And she regrets begrudging Rose the small happiness she can find past all the guilt and self-disgust.

And she regrets surviving when much better people died or were altered. Why isn't Bismuth here instead? Why not Champagne Pearl or her Aqua Royal? And Pearl regrets most of all that her pride in her journey outweighs the guilt of its cost. She really is a monster. But she refuses to stay bubbled so – "I regret many things. What's one more?"

When will she ever learn better?

It's raining when she leaves. She likes that – likes that she is going to disappear through it. Like a spirit leaving its rotting shell. Because Space is so clean and so big – that's why she's going. For perspective, and if she hasn't told the others she's leaving tonight… Well, it probably just slipped her mind. If it really mattered then Garnet would be here with the Quartzes. It's fine. Everything is just fine.

[It's not fine. If it were fine she wouldn't have moved the ship to an island far away from where they found her. If it were fine she wouldn't have made sure to piss off Ruby enough to defuse. If it were fine she wouldn't be racing to get away. ] Everything is perfectly fine.

There is a purple owl, and the engines are engaging. (A whip just misses.) And powerful as she is Rose can't jump that high. And maybe the Fusion raises its fists, but indecision sees two little bodies fall to the ground weeping. And it doesn't matter – she's not leaving forever. She just wants to see it. Just wants to show herself how small she is. Just wants to bow her head and rest.

(She never wanted to fight. She just wants the space to breathe. Just wants to dance to the wail ringing through her crystalline bones. Will the dust of pointless loss ever wash away?) They will never forgive her. And she doesn't want them to. And she's almost there – stars shining in her eyes like tears. "I just want to see. Only 50 years… that's not long. I'll be back before it can matter. Promise."

'My Diamond, what could it hurt to see the Quartz? I promise she is gentle and mild.'

'I will never leave your side, Rose. I promise.'

'I promise it'll get better. We're in this for the long haul Garnet.'

'And one day we'll see the other side of this war Bismuth. I promise.'

'I will always be here for you Amethyst. Promise.'

When will she ever learn better?

"I can't believe it. She's really gone, but she promised."

They will never forgive her.