Chapter 1

Elizabeth Jane smoothed down her black dress once more in front of the mirror before she left. She hadn't never worn it other than when somebody had died, and the last time it had been worn was two years ago at her great-grandmother's memorial. Before she had jokingly called it the death dress, but now it didn't seem so funny. Now she was getting ready to leave for Zeke's funeral.

"Liz," her mother called to her from downstairs, "We're leaving now. And you have to come. This is more about you than it is about us." Her mother hesitated for a split-second. "Look, honey, I know you're sad, but you have to go."

Elizabeth walked down the stairs, stomping her feet in the white lacy ballet flats that she wore so that her mom would know she was coming down. Once on the bottom floor, she received looks of sympathy from her two brothers, Ricky and Alistair. Her older sister, Annika, was smacking her gum while texting on the couch in a mini-skirt and tank top. None of them were coming. Their dad was still asleep. Elizabeth Jane had trouble even convincing her mother to come.

That was because none of them liked Zeke Walters, but they wouldn't show it. They thought Elizabeth was happy with him, and so they had always put on a happy face when he came around. But they didn't fool Liz.

Truth be told, Elizabeth didn't like him much either. He was not a very nice guy. He had liked Elizabeth since she had moved to Heasinville three years ago, but that was common. All of the guys at Heasinville High liked Elizabeth instantly; she was tall, blonde, and beautiful. Only most of the guys there had gotten over their crushes soon enough, after she began to date Trevor McKellar. Trevor was the captain of the football team, and Elizabeth Jane was a cheerleader. Their relationship was one made in Heaven, and they were both quite happy.

But Zeke was different. Ignoring the fact that Liz wasn't available, he had become obsessed with her, and she received a note that forced her into breaking up with Trevor by threatening her and her family. Then they had gone on in an abusive relationship. I guess that's not really the truth. Zeke was always sweet and kind. It was almost as if he had completely forgotten about the note.

But that didn't mean Elizabeth had forgotten. Elizabeth Jane hated Zeke for threatening her family, but that didn't mean she wanted him to die. If she hadn't been dating Trevor then she might actually like Zeke. He was kind of cute if you liked the rugged, damaged-but-I-can-hold-it-together look. And maybe she and Trevor would have broken up anyways. But that note was just wrong.

And she was upset at him for being so clingy then brushing her off at the last minute to hang with his dad, but she was just angry. I know it is irrational for someone to die because she was angry, but she never wanted him dead.

She hadn't really meant to push the soda vending machine onto him. If she was being truthful, she knew that she had pushed the machine towards him not to kill him, but maybe to hurt him so that he would leave her alone. But things went wrong, and the Cola dispenser had fallen right on top of Elizabeth Jane. She would have been killed if Zeke hadn't pushed her out of the way, and then it had fallen on top of Zeke, leaving him hospitalized and on life support.

He had received internal injuries and, if he had survived, he would never have had use of his legs again, but his parent's didn't have enough money to pay the hospital bills. The nurse had taken him off of life support and his heart hadn't been strong enough to keep him alive.

Elizabeth felt tears sting her eyes, and she didn't hold them back this time. She just turned away and looked out the passenger window.

Her mother saw her turn and placed one of her hands on Liz's arm. "I'm so sorry" she mumbled softly. In response Liz just grabbed a tissue from the glove box and wiped her eyes. That was the three words that she heard the most this past week. People came to her house with flowers and teary eyes, even though she knew that none of them actually liked Zeke, but they wanted to pay their respects. Nobody knew where Zeke's house was, and the ones that did knew to stay away.

Or so she had heard. She hadn't ever been to his house. He said he didn't want her hurt, but Elizabeth never really knew what that meant. She always thought it was some excuse to cover something he was hiding something. That was another thing that bugged him about her, but every relationship had its problems. And it was only high school.

Her mother's car pulled into the church parking lot. Despite the fact that they were fifteen minutes early, they had a hard time finding a parking place. Everyone was popular through death, and it seemed as if the entire student body from small Heasinville High had shown up. Fresh tears sprang to Elizabeth's eyes and she tried to hold them back. None of them deserved to be here, she thought, remembering the all of the hateful looks and hushed whispers that were pointed at Zeke every time they walked down the halls.

As soon as she opened the doors of the church, she was greeted by Zeke's peppy, (obviously died) auburn-haired mother who had flown in all the way from Pennsylvania to try to make up for not being there when Zeke needed her most. She was wearing high heel pumps and a low cut black dress. Elizabeth felt that this was totally inappropriate for her son's funeral. Ms. Walters looked like she was more interested in getting a date than mourning. Even so, she looked relieved when Elizabeth walked in, happy to know somebody.

Liz had only met her once, and that was kind of an accident. It was a rainy night, and Zeke was dropping Liz off at her house. He had kissed her on her cheek shyly before she left the car, and she had looked down, blushing. Then she had gone inside, cheeks glowing. Just as she was in the house, she heard a screeching of tires and the wail of breaks. A black car had shuddered to a stop right before it had hit her mailbox. Then Zeke's mother had come out of the car. She looked like a train wreck. She had thick makeup around her eyes that was smudged into raccoon circles. Her hair lay limp and wet on her head. She looked dangerously thin in a way too short purple dress. The top was V-neck and showed way too much skin. She wore a silver necklace around her neck that Elizabeth could just barely see from the glint of the moon. Her lips were bright red with Marilyn Monroe lipstick, curled up into a snarl over her white teeth. Her skin was pale and looked dirty.

She came over to Zeke's car and knocked hard on his window. He came out and she began yelling at him. He looked down, obviously ashamed. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but I knew it was breaking him down. Then she slapped him. It was quick. Fast and brutal. Elizabeth wondered what to do. Zeke's large frame seemed to shrink and his shoulders bowed. His head was down. Liz almost felt like she saw a tear, but it might have been a trick of the light.

Then she gave him a tight hug and they both left in their separate cars.

Liz sent Zeke a text a moment later. "Wow" is what it said.

"What's a matter angel?" he replied. She was about to ask him about the woman outside, but then thought better of it. Elizabeth told him that I had a great night and thanked him.

The next morning I met his mother officially. She looked like she had taken a shower and she was wearing much more conservative clothing. I never brought up that I saw her that night. She just couldn't bring herself to it. Liz also had a feeling that she was already in over her head and that she couldn't handle it.

"Zeke had so many friends!" his mother exclaimed with face cheerfulness, ushering Liz to a seat in the front row. Liz looked back to her mom for help, but she was already gone, probably sitting in the pew in the very back.

Elizabeth shut her eyes and listened to the people gossiping behind her. It sounded like people were making up stories about what fun they had with Zeke when he was alive. Liz felt like she was going to cry again, but she blinked hard so that she wouldn't. Then she looked forward.

There were pictures of Zeke throughout his life. It started off with a picture of him as cute little baby, then it progressively showed him getting older. It showed a single family picture of him with his mom and dad when he looked about five, but after that there wasn't a single picture of him with his mom. It was obvious that she was not a big part of his life. As he got older, there were fewer and fewer photos, up to the point where there were no pictures. They looked like they stopped when he left elementary school. There were other pictures, but they were all pictures of him with Liz. It seemed like he jumped from a scrawny ten-year old boy to the broad-shouldered, confident man he was now. Or at least what he would be now. Liz looked over the photographs, realizing that he always had his arm around her or was holding her hand. He was also looking at her in every photograph. He was so happy.

The last picture was the one at the prom. Elizabeth wore a turquoise satin dress with black flowers on it. Her hair was curled into an intricate half bun, but the rest of her hair lay curly on her neck. He wore a black suit and matching turquoise tie. It was a candid shot of them slow dancing. Their eyes were locked in an intense stare. Liz's cheeks were slightly flushed and there was a slight smile on her face. Zeke was smiling too with the lopsided grin that Liz never told him she loved. They were a beautiful couple. Liz began to run her finger along the frame, and she felt her throat choke up. She pulled away.

Tears started to spill down Liz's cheeks and she sat down again. She was his whole life. She was all he wanted, she was all that made him happy, and she had gone off and killed him. What a terrible, terrible girlfriend she was.

"Lizzy Jane" was what he called her. Sobs raked through her body, and she clutched her thin stomach. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. Liz told herself, but she was not consoled. So she cried quietly throughout the service at what she had done.

At the end of the service she had finally pulled herself together enough to stop crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. As she left, it seemed like nobody was really crying. Only some girls who didn't really know him, but just wanted the attention. Liz was disgusted. How can you even fake that? It's not funny. Are you trying to be cute? Do you think your boyfriend will like that and smother you with affection until you get home and wipe off your makeup, not giving Zeke another thought? You don't care about him. You didn't even know him.

She almost started crying again, but she didn't. She saw Zeke's mother at the back of the church on the way out. Her candy-colored lips were perfectly stained and she looked as if she hadn't shed a tear. Liz looked away and marched out of the church.

She met her mom at her car and they drove home in silence. Elizabeth Jane stared out the window, wondering how the once beautiful roses in her backyard suddenly seemed so drained of color.

Elizabeth tried to leave the car, but her mom shut the door before she could come out. "I never knew he meant so much to you" she said, her eyes sad.

"I didn't either, Mom" Liz replied and walked into the house, "I didn't either".