Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers: Big Cat Safari
Part 1
'Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!'
Dale, sporting an outsized safari hat and a miniature pair of binoculars (crafted from small pill bottles and an old pair of contact lenses), jumped down from his seat in the Ranger Plane almost before Chip had landed it.
'Finally!' he said, skidding to a halt and lifting his binoculars to his eyes. 'Let's get started! I wanna see the pygmy hippos!'
Chip, Gadget, Monterey Jack and Zipper all alighted from the Ranger Plane at a more sedate pace, and went to join their overeager companion.
'What do you want to see the pygmy hippos for?' asked Chip. 'They're just like regular hippos only not as big.'
'Exactly!' said Dale. 'They're really neat!'
'We're not here on vacation, Dale. A new safari park could mean all kinds of problems for the animals involved. We're here to make sure everything checks out and nobody's being mistreated.'
'You're just being jealous 'cos you don't have a hat.'
'But I do have a hat!'
'I meant a safari hat, dummy!'
'If you really want to go on safari, Dale,' Monterey Jack cut in, 'you should try the real thing. We'll have to take you to Africa sometime. A park like this is no substitute, when you get right down to it.'
'Maybe not,' said Gadget, 'but at least it's closer to home, and the animals are housed and fed, which makes them an awful lot safer for us.'
'Yeah, and there's Asian animals here too,' said Dale. 'We can't see those in Africa.'
'That's just what I mean,' said Monty. 'This isn't natural. Seeing a lion or a tiger in a safari park is like eating non-dairy cheese. It's just not the real thing.'
'Gadget's right, though,' said Chip. 'We're a lot safer here than we would be in the middle of the African plains.'
'Aww, phooey,' said Dale. 'Lions and tigers hunt deer and stuff. They're not interested in small fry like us. AAAAH!'
Everyone was struck dumb as Dale was suddenly pounced upon and pinned to the ground by some sort of big cat cub, the impact knocking his safari hat off his head and the binoculars out of his hand. No one recognised the animal immediately, but they didn't worry about that. There were more pressing problems to consider.
'DALE!' they yelled. Then the cub spoke.
'Hey, cool!' he said, in juvenile tones. 'What are you? Do you guys belong to the park? I've never seen any of you before! Well.' He looked at Zipper. 'Apart from you. You guys always come buzzing round at mealtimes and get on our ears.'
Zipper answered him with a shrug, not knowing what to say.
'We're just visiting,' said Chip. 'Monterey Jack and Gadget are mice. Dale and I are chipmunks.'
'Chipmunks!' said the cat. 'No, wait, I do know chipmunks. Well, I've seen them. You look a little different… but I guess you're a chipmunk. So what's your name?'
'I'm Chip. And the fly's name is Zipper.'
'Hi!' buzzed Zipper.
'And what are you?' asked Gadget, not stopping to think whether this was quite polite. After all, the cub had just addressed them with that same question.
'My name's Goliath,' said the cub. 'Do you guys want to play?'
'Golly, that doesn't really answer -'
'Never mind, Gadget, love,' said Monty, some instinct telling him it would be best not to let her continue. 'Sorry, Goliath, but I think Dale might want to get up.'
'What? Oh! Sorry.'
Goliath lifted his paws, but Dale did not get up straightaway. He lay there stunned for a moment, then began a laborious ascent onto his hands and knees.
'Gee, I'm sorry, mister,' said Goliath, bending down and bringing his muzzle close to Dale's battered little body. 'I didn't hurt you, did I?'
'Whatever gave you that idea?' said Dale, finally getting to his feet, with a little help from Chip and Monty, while Zipper buzzed anxiously around their heads. Gadget, meanwhile, was staring at the cub in fascination. He was a pale yellow-ish colour, and sporting a set of stripes so faint she hadn't noticed it at first. It occurred to her that he seemed somewhat disproportionate for a cat, with a long face, stubby legs and an almost semi-circular abdomen. Still, she thought, he was only young, and would probably grow into himself in time.
'You might be a little big for us to play with, lad,' said Monty. 'Don't you have any brothers or sisters?'
'Of course,' said Goliath, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. 'But they're back in the enclosure.'
'Why aren't you?' asked Dale, somewhat irritably.
'Because I have to get out sometimes,' said Goliath. 'You would too, if you had to live in an enclosure. But once I do get out, there's never anybody to play with. I try playing with the birds sometimes, but they just fly away. I don't think they like being pounced on.'
'Most small animals don't,' said Dale, his tone softening. 'But maybe you could try something else. I'll play with you, if you'd like to try some different games.'
Goliath looked puzzled. 'Different games?'
'Sure,' said Dale. 'Like hide-and-seek or something.'
'What's that?'
'Oh, it's fun! See, what happens is you hide, and then I try to find you.'
'And then what?' He did not sound convinced.
'Well,' said Dale, 'then I hide, and you find me.'
'Oh!' said Goliath, his expression clearing. 'You mean like hunting.'
'Um… kinda.'
'Great! Will you play that with me, Dale? Really?'
'Sure,' said Dale, picking up his safari hat and dusting it down. 'I can see the pygmy hippos any time. You guys go ahead without me, okay?'
'All right, Dale,' said Gadget. 'If that's really what you want.'
'Will you be all right, mate?' asked Monty.
'The kid just wants to play,' said Dale. 'Who am I to say no? I'll catch up with you later. Okay, Goliath, you hide first.'
The other four Rescue Rangers turned away from the bizarre play date and began their stroll through the park's grounds. Chip had landed the Ranger Plane close to an area of open grass, and they soon found themselves walking underneath picnic tables, with some kind of building in view on the horizon.
'Too bad we came before they started letting the humans in,' said Monty. 'In a few days, this place will be packed with people eating cheese sandwiches.'
'Then I'm very glad we got here when we did,' said Chip. 'We have a lot of animals to talk to, Monterey, and we don't need you holding us up with your cheese attacks.'
Gadget managed to stay quiet until she thought they were safely out of earshot of Goliath. Then she exploded into shrill and excited speech.
'You guys, what is he?' she asked. 'I mean, he's clearly some kind of cat, but not like any cat I've ever seen. How about you, Monty?'
'I've never seen one before, love.'
'Maybe the park bred him specially,' said Chip.
'What on earth for?' asked Monty. 'We all know humans do crazy things to con each other out of their money, but who'd want to come and see a weird looking thing like that? I mean, I don't want to sound rude, but…'
'I agree with you, Monty,' said Gadget. 'He seems like a nice kid, but he's a pretty funny looking cat. Well, I guess it's not important right now, and if we look around the park for long enough we'll probably find out all about him.'
Of course, Gadget was right about this. The Rangers made their way around the park at a leisurely pace, talking to any animals that seemed friendly, and satisfying themselves that there was no foul play afoot. After a couple of hours, they came to the park's main attraction: the big cats. Gadget, who had not forgotten her curiosity over Goliath, headed straight for a sign just outside the fence.
'Golly!' she said, once she had absorbed the first line of information. 'You guys, come and take a look at this!'
Monty, Zipper and Chip all responded to her summons immediately. Zipper hovered a little above the sign, while Chip jumped up to stand beside Gadget.
'This has to be what Goliath is!' she said.
Chip read the first few words of the sign, and blinked in surprise. 'A liger?'
'I can't believe it!' said Monty, frowning up at them from the ground. 'Gadget, love, are you saying what I think you're saying?'
Gadget began reading out loud. ' "A liger is the offspring of a male lion and a tigress. We currently have three ligers bred from our lion Simba, and our tigress Sherni. Goliath," - oh, I was right - "Rebecca and Ruth are all happy and active cubs. The pride mentality from their father, and the tiger's natural hostility being tempered in the mother, make them a sociable trio. The three cubs are very friendly with their keepers, and they enjoy touching and interactive play. The combination of lion and tigress also produces cubs much larger than their tigon cousins (offspring of a tiger and a lioness). A ligress can reach impressive proportions, while male ligers have been known to exceed both their parents in size, and there is every chance that our own Goliath will grow to be the largest cat in the world." Golly, that's interesting! "Please be aware…" Oh, this is just telling humans not to be stupid enough to get out of their cars and try to play with the liger cubs themselves.'
'Right,' said Chip. 'I'm sure Simba and Sherni would have something to say about that. Do you suppose they're all in there?'
'All except Goliath,' said Gadget, 'if he's still off playing with Dale. Let's go and take a look. Are you coming, Monty?'
'I don't know about that, love,' said Monty, who was looking distinctly perturbed by this point. 'It's not natural, breeding lions and tigers like that, and what good is it doing anyone? You were right, Chipper - Goliath was bred for the humans to come and gawk at. It's not right.'
'I can see what you mean, Monty,' said Gadget. 'It's a strange thing to do, breeding animals that are bound to be genetically unstable. Now we know why Goliath looked so strange. He and his sisters could develop all sorts of health problems, especially if he's really going to grow larger than a tiger. There's a reason why cats aren't that big naturally. They just aren't designed that way.'
'There you are, Chip,' said Monty. 'You wanted to know if there was any foul play going on in this park, and there is!'
'Well,' said Chip, jumping down from the sign, 'what would you suggest we do about it, Monterey? They've been born now, so they'll just have to make the best of it.'
'Chip's right, Monty,' said Gadget. 'You know I believe science should always be useful, and I personally wouldn't want to interbreed different species just to see what happened, but since somebody else did I'd kind of like to see the result. How about you, Zipper? You want to see the other ligers and their parents, don't you?'
She looked up at Zipper, who had yet to venture an opinion, and saw that he was pointing towards a clump of bushes not far off. She followed the direction of his arm, leaning forward and raising a paw to shield her eyes from the sun. Then she saw what Zipper was getting at.
'Oh!' she said. 'It's Dale. We'd better go get him - he's been playing with that liger long enough.'
They made their way over to the bushes, where they found Dale - his safari hat well and truly lost by now - crouching and taking shallow breaths, huddled up against a twisting branch. Chip approached him and tapped him on the shoulder.
'YAAAH!' cried Dale, jumping a foot in the air and then landing heavily. 'Oh! Hi, Chipper.' He was twitching nervously, his eyes wide and bloodshot.
'Golly, Dale, are you all right?' asked Gadget.
'You look like you're caught between two cats a rabid kangaroo,' added Monty.
'Just one cat,' gibbered Dale, with a mirthless laugh. 'We've been playing hide-and-seek for ages. He's a great kid, really. He just keeps forgetting not to - AAAAH!'
Once again, Goliath appeared out of nowhere and pinned Dale to the ground, this time yelling, 'Found you!' Then at once he withdrew his front paws, and said, 'Oh! Sorry, Dale. I forgot again.'
'No problem!' squeaked Dale.
'I wish you'd be more careful, Dale,' said Chip, helping his friend up. 'Ligers play too rough.'
'Oh.' Goliath looked suddenly downcast. 'So you know what I am.'
'We read your sign,' said Chip. 'There's no need to look like that about it. It doesn't matter to us. Well.' He glanced at Monty. 'No… really, it's not an issue.'
'What's a liger?' asked Dale.
'You could work it out if you thought about it a minute,' said Gadget.
'Now, Gadget,' said Chip. 'You know it's no good asking Dale to think.'
'I'm a liger, Dale,' said Goliath. 'My mom's a tigress and my dad's a lion.'
'Wow!' said Dale. 'Really? Well, that's kinda neat.'
'No it's not - not really. It's a lot of pressure. All the humans want me to grow up to be the biggest cat in the world. The keepers keep weighing me and listening to my heart and checking me for parasites and stuff. That's why I have to get away sometimes. I just want to be a normal kid.'
'Of course you do, Goliath,' said Gadget, patting his left forepaw sympathetically.
'I really enjoyed playing with you today, Dale,' Goliath went on, brightening a little, 'but I have to be getting home now. It's almost feeding time, and I can't let Jillian find me missing, or she'd find my escape route and get it fixed.'
'What are you going to do when the human visitors start arriving?' asked Chip. 'Some of them would be sure to see you around the park if you kept getting out.'
'I know all about the humans coming,' said Goliath, 'and I know I'll only be able to go out at night once they do. I'll need to get out, after a day of people staring at me and wondering how big I'm going to get. Still, some humans are nice. I like Jillian.'
'He and his sisters like touching and interactive play,' Gadget said to Dale.
'Well,' said Dale, 'don't we all?'
'You can meet my sisters if you like,' said Goliath. 'And my mom and dad. I'll take you into our enclosure.'
'We were planning to hop the fence,' said Chip, 'but maybe it would be better to go in as your guests.'
'Cool!' said Goliath. 'Jump on my back. You can ride me too, Zipper, if you promise not to tickle.'
Zipper made a noise of assent, and settled himself on Goliath's head. Chip, Dale Gadget and Monty jumped up onto his back, and were taken via a scenic route to the lion, tiger and liger enclosure. Goliath got in via a hole in the fence that was hidden amongst a lot of foliage, and then carried the Rangers along a dirt track.
'Golly, this is a big space,' said Gadget.
'Better than you'd get in a zoo,' added Chip.
'Yeah, well, it feels awful small when you have to live in it,' said Goliath.
The Rangers noticed a few lionesses around, and eventually they came upon one who had a litter of very young cubs. A male lion was near her, and some distance away was a tigress with two cubs of her own.
'That's my mom and sisters over there,' said Goliath, though all of the Rangers had managed to work this out for themselves. 'This is my dad and his other mate, Nala, and those are my half-brothers and -sister. Everyone, these are some friends of mine.'
'What on earth are they?' asked Nala. 'Well, I recognise a fly when I see one, but…'
'Oh, we're just rodents,' said Gadget, hoping to speed the conversation up, as she was keen to see Goliath's two sisters. 'You know, like porcupines and mole rats, or the African pygmy mouse.'
The male lion, who was surely Simba, and Nala both stared at her blankly.
'Bred in captivity, love,' Monty whispered in Gadget's ear.
'I don't like you carrying those things around on your back, Goliath,' said Simba. 'Remember who you are.'
'I don't want to remember who I am, Dad!' said Goliath. 'I'm just here to attract tourists, remember? I'd rather be a normal kid with normal friends.'
'Those don't look like normal friends to me, son.'
'Well, I like them. Come on, guys, I'll introduce you to my mom and sisters.'
