Fall

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Chapter One:

Pain

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Rico stood at attention in front of the desk of Commander Pixis. Cuts and bruises are all over her body, her leg ached from holding this position for so long. Her glasses had rubbed the bridge of her nose raw due to the constant shifting during combat. But she knew why she was here. She was just waiting for the chance to say no. So she could go to her room and cry, and lament the decisions she had made, just before she entered the room. Decisions so rash and impulsive that she would have swept the floor with any of her subordinates that made the same decision. Her squad was gone. She didn't have anyone to represent anymore.

"You did very well in Trost, Brzenska." Pixis smiled, taking a small sip from his flask, before passing it to her.

"No thank you." She waved her hand politely, "I don't drink before dinner."

Pixis smiled, putting the flask back in his jacket. He leaned back in his chair, almost like he was going to fall asleep, "I'm sure you know why you're here."

"Yes sir." She didn't look at him, she just kept her gaze out the window, watching a pair of doves on the rooftop across from them. How blissfully unaware they were. They didn't even know about the dozens of lives that just departed from this world. And yet, they were so free. They didn't even have to fight for it. So why did they stay here of all places? Of all the world, why stay here in this hellhole? Stupid birds.

"I would like you to command the entire first division." Pixis said. It was was a huge jump, from a squad in the division, to the entire group. He saw the look of shock register on her face, "Ah, so you didn't know why you were here."

She closed her eyes, pained by what she was about to do. Her dreams were coming true, and she was throwing them away. Because some brat had opened her eyes. A kid half her age had more guts than she did. She gave the most heart felt salute she had ever done, "I, Rico Brzenska, have come to offer my resignation."

"Oh?" Pixis picked up the file that she had placed on his desk when she walked in. He had thought nothing of it at the time, thinking it was just her mission report. "What will you be doing?"

She felt her hands start to shake, "I have a meeting with Darius Zackly this evening… Originally regarding this promotion… However… I'm sure that he can push the proper paperwork." She couldn't believe that she was doing this. In her mind, she knew that this was so stupid, so immature, so juvenile… So why was she here?

Pixis laughed, sensing her fear. There was no way she was afraid of titans, right? Unless she was developing some feelings after Trost. "And if I choose to deny your resignation?" He wanted to test her resolve. He wasn't going to just hand her over to be titan fodder. She was a good soldier.

"Darius Zackly will override it." She said, glaring at him, knowing exactly what he was trying to do. "Please do not try and stop me, Commander, my mind is set."

Pixis nodded, getting up to shake her hand, "I wish you the best of luck, Brzenska. Don't die out there. You're a pillar of humanity's strength."

"Thank you sir." With that, she headed out on her way. Step one was complete.


"I see…" Zackly said over the glass of wine and penne on his side of the table, looking over a copy of Rico's letter of resignation. "I was unaware that you were such an affluent writer." He was far more amazed at how it was written than the actual content. "You should consider writing legislation. Perhaps it would bring some art to our laws." He set the file down, folding his hands on top of the table. "You are sure about this?"

"Yes sir, I am." She spun her glass of wine, taking a gentle sniff of it. After a moment she set it down and sighed, looking up at him. "After seeing that battlefield… Seeing how quickly the battle was turned after the scouts arrived… I believe that I would be better suited there. We would have lost fewer lives if we all had the training and the work ethic of the scout regiment."

"None the less, you are scared. You have hardly touched your food. Eat, Rico." He smiled, watching her pick up the fork to do as told, "You'll have some time off to recuperate." He could tell by the way that she was holding the fork and bringing it to her mouth that her arm was in great pain as well. He had even noticed a slight limp earlier, "How did you get your injuries? Why are you not taking any painkillers?" He hated seeing soldiers this beaten up.

"Debris from the titans. I was momentarily trapped underneath them." She had gotten out of them quickly, but she had had difficulty fighting from that moment on. "We are having a medicine shortage due to the number of injuries. They've even stopped giving painkillers to those on their deathbeds, to save it for those who might live… I can go on without them. There are people who need it more."

Such a sense of duty. "Very well. Though the wine will help." He took a sip of his own, letting it mellow on his tongue. "Wine is like fine writing, like yours. It tells a story. Where it is from, how old it is, even who grew it." He reached into his briefcase, pulling out Brzenska's personnel file. He placed a new page in it, and began to write. Rico watched him carefully, doing her best to try and eat. Though every time she tried to move she felt like she was going to vomit from the pain.

She had been sitting here so long, the meeting had run on for hours. The staff of the restaurant were giving them dirty looks, and it made her terribly uncomfortable. "Um… Sir. If I may say, it's a Friday night, I'm sure the restaurant staff would like to get home to their families."

Zackly took out his pocket watch, "Ah would you look at that. It's almost two in the morning." He finished writing, handing her file. "Deliver this to Erwin Smith's residence immediately. He should be there rather than the barracks on the weekend."

"Immediately, sir?" She asked, getting up, "Like you said, it's the weekend, goodness knows what he's up to…" She blushed thinking about it, which showed up on her face as clear as day, given her pale features and complexion. "That's not a good way to start my relationship with a new superior."

"Well then pray he's behaving himself." He took another sip of the wine before getting up and shaking her hand, "He's very straight laced, I doubt he's up to that sort of thing."

He's a man, of course he's up to that sort of thing. She thought, but shook the Commander-in-Chief's hand with a smile, "Thank you again, sir. I appreciate this."

"It's no problem, Brzenska. All I had to do was write a little note, for the pleasure of your company and your wonderful penmanship." He headed up, leaving her with an even larger blush. She definitely reminded him of Erwin. Except she might even follow the book more strictly. Not to mention their eyebrows.

Rico sighed, clutching the file to her chest as she walked towards Erwin's house. It wasn't far from here, and she had been there before, they used to play chess on Sundays. Of course, he creamed her every time, but she expected that. Although they did have the most enthralling conversations. But one day… He just cancelled and said that they couldn't do that anymore. She had lost a great friend over night, and just never knew why.

She got to his door and her hand hesitated as she went to knock. She could see through the window that there was a candle lit, so someone was still awake. Perhaps he was catching up on some reading. She sighed, and knocked gently. When there was no response, she knocked a little harder, and heard rustling from inside.

"Levi, this better be important." He said as he answered the door, though the person on the other side was clearly a little short than Levi. "Ah, Brzenska… What are you doing here so late?" He was obviously very confused, and almost completely naked. He fixed his robe nervously, having not been expecting any guests. "Ah...Come in. It's cold outside." He let her through the door, still confused.

She couldn't help but wonder what the Captain would be doing here at two in the morning as well, but they were best friends. Perhaps Levi liked to talk after battles about what he had witnessed. She did that too, only she wrote it down in a journal. "I have new orders." She passed him the file, which he took carefully and open it. "Darius Zackly is transferring me to the scout regiment." She had asked him not to put anything in the letter about it being her request. She wanted to keep that bit a secret. She heard more rustling and a woman stepped out of Erwin's bedroom, leaning on the doorframe. Rico didn't recognise her, so she supposed the woman was a civilian.

"Erwin, who's this?" The woman asked, coming over to look at the file, though Erwin pulled it away, "Classified, huh?" She folded her arms across her chest. "It better be important. It's two in the morning." She glared at Rico, who glared back.

"It is, Stephanie." He sat down to read her file over. "Weren't you up for promotion? Darius even asked me for my recommendation."

"I turned it down." She admitted, sitting across from him at the chess table. It felt so familiar. Of course, normally they would have been alone, not with Erwin's new overprotective girlfriend glaring at them. Don't worry, he's going to dump you too. He doesn't settle down, has he told you that yet?

"Hm." Was all Erwin said. Most of the information in the file wasn't new. After all, they used to talk about all these things during their chess matches. "How's Zach?"

"Well. He's in the infirmary with injuries." She was surprised that Erwin knew her fiance's name, she didn't talk about him much at work. She tried to keep those two sides of her separate. Of course, Zach was in the garrison too. Though he didn't know about her decision yet, though she knew that he would support it. "The doctors say he's going to be fine. How's your back?"

"Still functioning, surprisingly." It was a common 3DMG injury to throw out one's back due to the sudden accelerations and stops. Whiplash as also fairly common. "You're injured though." He looked up from the file to her, it was hard to see in the light of a single candle, so he reached over to feel her face, and she winced, "Sorry. That must have hurt." This whole exchange was obviously making his temporary fling uncomfortable, so she just scoffed and headed back to bed. "Sorry… You kind of came at a bad time." He whispered.

She rubbed her own cheek, "I can tell. How long have you been with this one?"

"A month." He sighed, getting back to the file. "Everything here looks good, as expected. Levi and I will bring by your uniform Monday, to make sure it fits properly. You have a week's leave to get better." He stood up, and Rico gave her third handshake of the day, "Try not to die, Rico."

She smiled, heading for the door. This place dredged up so many old memories. "You too, Smith."


"Trent, I cannot watch the kids today." Rico said as five rugrats darted all over her apartment. "The Commander of the scout regiment will be over today to give me my new uniform." She argued, but she knew it would be in vain. Her brother and his wife bred like rabbits, and turns out, she was pregnant again! So they had to go to the doctor, "Can't you reschedule the appointment?"

"Sorry sis, I know they're crazy but… This is really important. I'm sure they'll shut up when your boss comes over. They want to meet Zach too, he's coming home today, right?" He had only met his sister's fiance once, they were both constantly busy with work. Though Trent was a civilian. He smiled at his kids, they all at the same white hair, there was a very strong family resemblance.

In the end, Rico ended up burdened with the little hellions completely destroying everything she owned. This was the problem with having too many kids, you couldn't discipline them all enough. To think that she thought she was going to be getting some alone time with Zach… There went that idea. She fiddled with the ring on her finger as she sat down, she still wasn't used to it being there. However she was used to her nieces and nephews slamming her with questions about the titans.

However when they heard the knock on the door, they all jumped up screaming for Uncle Zach. Auntie Rico was so awesome, that in their mind, of course she would be marrying someone awesome! And then they would have awesome cousins on the way!

Rico's eyes lit up as she headed to the door, "I'm so happy you're-" She froze, seeing two of her comrades on the door, holding Zach's uniform. They looked devastated. "This is a joke. Please tell me this is one of his pranks." Everyone knew that Zach was a prankster. He made her laugh so much, that was part of the reason that she fell in love with him, "Frank? Rodger?" She asked her comrades, and they shook their heads.

Frank placed the uniform in her arms, "He died this morning… Very suddenly. He went into cardiac arrest. We don't know what caused it… Rico…"

She had just seen him last night! He had been laughing, smiling, making all of his same old jokes… He promised her that he would be back today! She fell to her knees, hugging the uniform as tightly as she cold, and sat there completely frozen. "Thank you." She whispered softly, fingernails digging into the skin of her own arms, the pain bringing her back to life, "I know how hard making these house calls is." Pain.

Rodger knelt down in front of her, "You're right. It is hard. But it's not as hard as what you're going through right now. He loved you, Rico." Pain.

"I know. I loved him too." Pain.

"Rico-" Pain.

"Please leave." She stood up, regaining her composure. But there was no life in her eyes. She was empty. "I have a meeting with Commander Smith today." Pain. Pain was all she felt. Pain she inflicted on herself was the only thing keeping her from collapsing from the pain in her heart. She stood up, turning around and shutting the door on her former comrades. The kids all looked up at her, expecting to see their uncle, "That wasn't him. He won't be home today." She went into her room, and set Zach's uniform on top of her dresser, next to a picture that she had of them celebrating her birthday. He had rented a lodge at the top of a mountain in wall Rose, they had spent the week there, enjoying nature, dreaming of what the humans of the old world used to be able to see everyday.

It was different losing someone to the titans. There was that sense of hopelessness that came along with it. You could always justify their deaths. Talk about how their loss benefitted humanity. How there was nothing that could have been done.

Losing someone within the walls was so different. You had to ask why. What did they die for? Why… Why... Why?

"Auntie Rico." One of the kids chimed up, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She forced a smile for the kids, picking up the little one, "Let's go play for a little bit more. Your parents will be back in a couple of hours."

The kids had all fallen asleep after the sun went down. They always tired each other out like this.

Rico sat on her couch, staring at the ring on her finger. It was just a silver little band with a small diamond embedded in the middle. It meant so much to her. Zach had saved for it for months. Getting a wedding ring was very hard on a soldier's salary, let alone one with a diamond. But now she cursed it, blaming it for the pain it was causing her. As if the ring had killed Zach. She slid it off, putting it on the end table as she started to gently cry. Tears didn't roll down her cheeks, but she still sobbed. Her throat burned with the threat of tears as well, but they never came. Why. Why couldn't she even cry?

She got up when she heard the knock on the door, and answered, not even meeting the eyes of the men on the other side, "Please be quiet, the kids are sleeping."

Erwin raised a brow at the mention of kids, and stepped in with Levi, being sure to wipe their feet on the welcome mat. Levi saw all the white haired little brats, "I never knew you had kids."

"I don't, they're my brother's." She watched as Erwin picked up her engagement ring off of the nightstand, "He's dead."

"Rico, I'm so sorry… When did it happen?" He set it back down, looking at the woman. Her eyes were completely bloodshot. He went to hug her, but she pushed him away, "Sorry." He got out her uniform, passing it to her. She just took it and set it on the table.

"My measurements haven't changed, it fits." She couldn't even bring herself to look at them, "I'm sorry, but the kids might wake up-"

"Uncle Zach!" The oldest, who was nine, yelled, and tackled Erwin. She had a huge smile on her face, "I knew it! You're just like a prince! Auntie Rico said you wouldn't be home today!"

The other kids all woke up and swarmed Erwin like moths to a flame. Rico threw him a look that screamed 'You better play along and not break their precious little hearts.' Levi couldn't help but chuckle. This was comedy gold. Of course, it was comedy gold until the older brats recognised him, and began to swarm him too. "It's Captain Levi! He's a hero!"

Rico gave a faint smile seeing how happy all of the little ones were.

She was smiling until they started to chant "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

"YOU HAVE TO KISS THE PRINCE." Yelled the oldest one, who was devastated that they hadn't yet. It was true love! So they had to kiss!

"Oooooo!" The other kids started to chant as well, and whatever colour was in Rico's face completely drained. She looked to Erwin completely mortified, and he looked equally disturbed. He couldn't possibly kiss a woman the day that her fiance died!

Levi sighed and was about to argue with the kids as to why the princess should not kiss the prince (which were words that made him vomit in his mouth) When Rico sucked it up, grabbed Erwin's face and planted one on him. She practically had to pull him down because of how short she was, the height contrast was staggering. "Oh." Levi said, just dropping his sentence. "Well."

Rico stopped, letting go of Erwin rather brusquely. "Done. A prince and princess." She forced another smile, "One day Zach and I are going to get married, and we'll live happily ever after in a castle on top of the mountains. And you can come whenever you want to come play with your cousins." These words felt evil in her mouth, and saying them made her want to curl into a ball and cry.

The kids all laughed and started to play again. Rico looked up at Erwin, "Sorry… I don't want to crush any of their dreams." She was being sure to keep her voice down. Sooner or later she would have to tell them the truth. But she couldn't yet. It just didn't feel right. None of this felt right. "Tell Stephanie I'm sorry too."

"She broke up with me yesterday, actually. Called me a heretic." He sighed, looking at Rico, her gaze was so empty, "Turns out she was a member of the wall church and I never knew."

"Shows how much you know about women, Erwin." Levi scoffed. He didn't know Rico well enough to know what would make her happy again, or even smile for real, but he knew for him talking got his mind off of things. "Speaking of which Zach, I have to get going. My squad has a meeting." Truth be told, he had a date, but he wasn't going to say that in front of Rico right now.

"Goodbye Knight Levi!" The kids said, overhearing this. "Make sure to always protect the prince and the princess!"

Levi bowed with a smile to the kids, who cheered. Who would have ever known he was so good with them? Given that they were all messy, disease ridden, loud brats. Well, at least in his world they were. "Goodnight, Levi." Erwin said, patting him on the back, and Levi headed out.

It wasn't long after that that Rico's brother and sister-in-law turned up to pick up the kids. They would have questioned why Zach wasn't there had they not seen his uniform folded on top of her dresser. The kids calling Commander Smith 'Zach' only made it more obvious. And the ring on the table. It was clear that Rico was grieving, but she had her own special way of doing everything. When she was ready to talk, she would.

Rico relaxed as soon as the kids were gone, and set her mind on doing dishes. Erwin helped her clean up all the messes that the kids hand made, even though she asked him not to, and that he was a guest. "Erwin." She said, standing over him with a rag. "If you're going to clean against my wishes, please do it correctly." She threw the rag down at his hands, and he picked it up, watching her head off again.

He didn't blame her for being so snappy. She had just lost someone who meant the world to her. It only made sense that she would act out in some way. "Yes ma'am."

"For fuck's sake, you're my boss Erwin! Don't listen to my orders!"

"I'm technically not your boss for another week." He started to clean with the rag as she instructed. He wasn't Levi, Levi did all the cleaning.

"Oh well, in that case, fuck you." She pouted, getting water from the sink everywhere. "You and your… everything." She was completely soaked, "Fuck." Her sink was spewing water everywhere. The pipes in this place were always doing weird things like this. Zach had always fixed them when they acted up.

Erwin sighed, getting up to go help her, but she stopped him, "You're not Zach." She said as she crawled under the sink to fix it herself.

"I'm not Zach. But I'm here to help you." He knelt beside her, watching her work, she was doing it wrong. "Rico let me-"

"No!" She yelled, and as she did she went to turn around to face him, and she hit her head on the cabinet. "Scheisse…" She cursed, holding her head.

"What?" He asked, looking over her head, then it decided it wasn't important.

She sighed, letting him look her over. Tears were welling up in her eyes again from the pain, "He's really gone, Erwin, what do I do?"

"You grieve and you move on." He sighed, "It's just a little bump. It'll be sore for a bit." He took her place in fixing the plumbing, and she let him. He heard her start to cry, feeling awful. After he managed to fix the pipe, he went to help her up from the floor. But it was soaking wet, and tile, so they both ended up slipping and crashing to the ground.

Erwin spun so that she wouldn't hit the tile first, and she landed on top of him, startled. "You okay?" He asked, concerned. Her cheeks were extremely red, and she was glaring again. "Did you get hurt again?"

"I'm short, not a child, Erwin." But there were still tears in her eyes. "Erwin… I…" Tears were dripping onto him from where she was above him.

"Shh…" He reached up to stroke the tears out of his eyes, and pulled her into a hug, "Everything is going to be alright, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. " The cold from the water on the floor started to make them both shiver, but he held her, letting her cry her eyes out onto him. And he didn't move, and just laid there on that slippery kitchen floor.