I Cannot Forgive Myself

Hey! So, this is purely a one shot. I think that since I'm the type of writer that enjoys getting inside the character's heads that this is appropriate. If you like this, Review and check out my Hotch fic- My Love is Forever.

Love, Fiona

Emily woke up with a start. She had reserved this day off every year because she knew exactly what it would do to her. She knew what she'd be like.

It was fifteen years ago that she had aborted her unborn child.

She stepped out of bed and padded off to the bathroom. She stripped of her clothes and started the shower. Adjusting it to the desired mix of hot and cold, she stepped inside.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure."

"There is no going back."

Tears began to fall. Emily felt the water press like needles into her back. She wished the needles were real.

Once her shower was over, she stepped out and wrapped herself in a blue towel. She dried off, and decided on loungewear for the day.

She pulled her hair into a messy bun walked back towards her bedroom. She pulled a box from the shelf on the wall and sat down on her bed. She opened the box and emptied the contents. The five photographs were taken sixteen years ago. She was fourteen, but of course, she was the youngest one featured in the photographs. She smiled in all of them except one.

The next set of photographs she pulled was taken on J.J.'s last day with the BAU. Emily realized she treasured these more than she treasured the last set, even though she and J.J. had lunch every Tuesday.

The last item she pulled was her sonogram. She had gotten it when she believed she had the courage to keep the child. Instead, she did not, and chose to kill it instead. The baby was sixteen weeks old, and after this picture, only lived to be another two weeks old. She grazed the photograph with her hand and pressed a kiss to her fingertips and pressed the fingertips to the paper.

She put everything away, and picked up the phone.

"It's me, Emily."