I don't want you."
"What? You don't want me?"
"No."
I woke up screaming, as usual. Charlie has stopped coming to check on me the 7th time I woke up like this. It's been 5 months since Ed-he left me. And I was still hurting from it. I was still having the same nightmare ever since he left me I've never been the same
I stumbled out of my bed and mindlessly got ready for school. Today would be the same as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. I would go to English then Math then I would have lunch with the same people who had given up on talking to me. Then I would go to biology. All the while I would have the aching pain in my chest as if someone had stabbed my heart. And I guess you could say that they did.
I arrived at school went to my class sat in my seat and rested my head on my desk. I was early I hated being early it ment to much time to think which I also hated. It wasn't long before Mike showed up and started talking ot me. He only talked to me in this class but I was okay with it.
"Hey Bella how's it going?"
"Same old" we went through the same conversation everyday.
English went by as a blur. Teachers no longer asked me questions, they knew I wouldn't answer them. I did the work that was assigned and that was all.
By the time the lunch bell rang I was ready to go home but administration said that if I skipped one more class it would mean suspension. I just hated biology its where we met. The knife depend in my chest from thinking about him.
After 10 minutes of sitting at our usual table Lauren looked at me and said
"if you are going to sit there and say nothing then you might as well leave"
She said this to me everyday and everyday I ignored her. They continued their conversation
"Did you hear? We have and assembly next period."
"There is? I asked. Everyone looked at me in shock. They had reason to I hadn't spoken at lucn in 5 months.
"Yeah umm.. we do" Angela replied still a little shocked.
"Do you know what its about?" I didn't really like assemblies but if it got me out of class I didn't mind going. We first spoke in biology I can't believe he got over my blood
I could feel the knife twist in my heard. I guess the pain appeared on my face because Mike looked up at me and said
"Bella are you okay?"
I nodded my heard in response to afraid to speak in case my voice broke then they would surely know that something was wrong. After lunch we headed to the auditorium. I sat by myself. I didn't want any more abuse from Lauren.
As I waited for the assembly to start I counted the seats. Anything to keep my mind from wandering. If I thought about him again I knew I would cry. After counting all 694 seats twice the assembly finally started.
"Good afternoon students I'm here to talk about teen issues" the speaker said.
At that point I just tuned her out. I knew someone would mention something that would remind me of him.
20 minutes had passed and I counted the number of students who went to the assembly 4 times. When I heard something that made me focus on what the speaker was saying
Escape The Pain
Escape the pain? Really?
"The 2 main things teens do to "escape the pain" "is throwing up and cutting.
Well those things weren't for me. Throwing up? I didn't thinik that I needed to lose weight and cutting I'm not suicidal. But the speaker put on a video and I decided to watch. It was 2 girls about 16 talking
"I never thought I was fat. But when I threw up it gave me a sense of control that my life was going back to the way it use to me"
It switched to the other girl
"I never wanted to die but when I ran the blade across my wrists it was like all the emotional pain was leaving through that cut and I numbness took over my body"
What those girls said made sense. The feelings they said happened were the same feelings that I had been craving for 5 long months.
