A Memory Among Dreams
Disclaimer: I still do not own anything Supernatural related.
Pairings: Slight Sam/Jessica
Summary:
Author's Note: Sort of AU. This is just a little one-shot that popped into my head while I was trying to finish the last chapter of "Caged."
I had a dream last night Dean, and when I woke up I knew the truth.
I dreamt of fire and blood and death. I dreamt of you Dean. Of everything that you could have been. Of everything that you should have been.
I remember that you smiled there. In my dream. You looked right at me and you gave me the biggest smile that I had never been given the chance to see. You smiled while a plane was crashing, and glass was breaking all around you. You even smiled as I shot you through the chest. You smiled and you laughed, and I finally felt happiness because we were happy.
I had a dream last night Dean.
I dreamt of the smell of leather and the sound of a car engine starting outside a rest stop near Vermont. I dreamt of the taste of diner food and loud, obnoxiously repetitive music. I dreamt of you. Of everything that you could have said, that you should have said.
Did I mention that you were alive Dean?
That I could see you breathing and hear you coughing and watch you bleeding. God, Dean I could see you bleed. Do you know what I would give just to see you bleed again?
I had a dream last night.
I dreamt of fire and blood and life. I dreamt of everything that you could have done, everything that you were meant to do.
So when I woke up sweating bullets and felt Jessica pull me into her arms I didn't tell her about what I had dreamt.
I didn't tell her that she was supposed to be dead. I didn't demand to know why she was alive and you weren't.
After all, why would I bother asking a question we both already know the answer to. Right, Dean?
It was all because of me. Because I didn't do what I was meant to do. But let's face it Dean, neither did you.
You were never supposed to just leave me. You were supposed to make me go with you, and I was supposed to agree. I see that now.
I see where it all went wrong because it keeps replaying over and over in my head every night when I close my eyes.
I had a dream last night Dean.
And in it you were alive and Jessica was dead, and we spent our lives saving the world from everything evil. From everything that I turned my back on when I let you walk out that door.
I had a dream.
Instead of ashes, you were flesh. Instead of court cases, there was hunting. And instead of death there was life.
There was you.
I had a dream last night Dean…
And you know what? I can't remember why I keep waking up each morning. Because here… here is just a Hell with pretty colors and blank faces.
But there….
There is a life filled with pain and fire…and you.
I had…
Everything.
We were unstoppable you know. We were Good. We were alive. Together. I had visions and you had a strength that rivaled Gods.
I have a secret to tell you Dean.
I still have visions. But even though I can see everything, I can't figure out where your strength went.
I can still see things Dean and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for helping to kill you.
I see everything now. I see everything that I should have seen all those years ago. The things that I should have done, places I should have gone. All of the things that I should have said.
I'm so sorry Dean.
I can still see everything.
That is the one constant that never changes between here and there. The one thing that I had hoped would change. I thought that if I sent you away then I could be normal.
I was wrong.
I had a dream last night Dean.
A dream that came with the realization that I didn't just cost you one life. I cost you the chance to live a million others.
I had a dream Dean…
A Dream that makes me pray for sleep every night…
…for blood stains in the morning…
…and for a fire every late afternoon.
I had a dream last night Dean, and when I awoke you were still gone, and I was still broken.
Author's note 2: I will probably edit this later on but I wanted some feedback on it so have at it please.
-Lily1186
