A/N: This is the story I wrote for the September 29th Saturday Night Writing Challenge at the Fox House Forum. I only used one of the prompts, which is so unlike me, but it had been a while since I did a good parody...

Wilson Sows a Seed

Pairing: Wilson/Cuddy
Rating: PG-13
Parody: Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss
Prompt: Quixotic
Warnings: My standard warning about the utter depravity of twisting Dr. Seuss into anything even remotely sexual applies.
Disclaimer: The men in the little white coats wanted some more proof of my insanity.

Sighed Cuddy, a gal with unfertilized eggs:
"I'm sick and I'm tired
And I've kinks in my legs
From sitting and working here day after day.
This job! How I hate it!
I'd much rather play!
I'd take a vacation, fly off for a rest
Maybe find someone to share some great sex!
If I could find someone, I'd fly away soon …"
Then Wilson, Boy Wonder, left an exam room.

"Hello!" called Doc Cuddy, smiling her best,
"You've nothing to do and I really need sex.
Would you like to help me fill my empty nest?"

The oncologist blushed.
"Why, of all crazy things!
We haven't dated, I haven't a ring.
My guys and your eggs? I though we were just friends…
I'm flattered but worried about how this will end!"

"Tut, tut," whispered Cuddy. "It soon will be fall.
Let's sneak away now. No worries at all.
You're just what I'm needing. You're gentle and kind.
Come, be a good fellow. I know you won't mind."

"I can't," argued Wilson.

"PL-E-E-ASE!" begged the girl.
"It won't take that long, sir. I give you my word.
We'll hurry right back. Why, we'll never be missed …"

"Very well," agreed Wilson, "since you insist…
You want copulation. We'll sneak off and have it.
We'll work on your eggs then do tests with a rabbit.
I'll try to be faithful. I mean what I say."
"Whoop-di-doo!" sang out Cuddy and they snuck away.

"H-m-m-m … the first thing to do," murmured Wilson,
"Let's think …
The first thing to do is fix us a drink
And make it a strong one. That has to be done
Before we get started at having some fun."

Then carefully
Tenderly,
Gently he kissed
Up her neck, cross her ear till he reached her lips.

Then Wilson, oncologist, smiled "Now that's lust …"
And he thrust
And he thrust
And he thrust
And he thrust …

And he thrust all that day
Against Cuddy's lithe form…
And he thrust all that night
Through an orgasm storm.
She roared and she shuddered!
Together they tumbled.
"This should be more fun,"
Poor Wilson grumbled.
"It's killing my back
She's still ready and wet.
I hope that this favor isn't one I'll regret."

But Cuddy, by this time, was far beyond thought,
Basking in afterglow from Wilson's onslaught,
And feeling so good, from such wonderful sex,
Decided she'd NEVER make Wilson her ex!

So Wilson kept doing her, day after day.
And soon it was Autumn. The leaves blew away.
And then came the Winter … the snow and the sleet!
And Wilson did not
Sleep between Cuddy's sheets.
But Wilson kept screwing and said with a yawn,
"I'll get to her eggs no matter how long.
I meant what I said
And I said what I meant….
A Wilson is faithful
One hundred percent!"

So dear Wilson screwed her
All winter he pleased…
And then came the springtime
And with greatest of ease
House figured it out and teased him like mad.
"Look, Wilson Boy Wonder is trying to play dad.
Trust Cuddy to ask you, Captain QUIXOTIC
Enjoying your play time with Madame Erotic?"
House winked at the nurses walking away
And Wilson was tempted, he wanted to play.
But he shook his head no and then heard House say:
"He meant what he said
And he said what he meant…
But a Wilson is faithful
Maybe ninety percent."

"No matter what happens
I will not be tempted!"

But poor Wilson's troubles
Were far, far from ended.
For while Wilson waited
To blow Cuddy's mind,
Three lab techs came sneaking
Up softly behind!
He heard their heels clicking!
He turned with a start!
Six breasts were aiming
Right straight at his …pants!

Did he cave?
He did not.
Wilson liked Cuddy best!
He hung his head low
And he looked at the lab techs
And managed to say:
"You know how this pains me
Please go away!
I meant what I said
And I said what I meant….
I will remain faithful
One hundred percent!"

But the techs didn't leave!
Much to Wilson's surprise,
The pushed out their breasts
He averted his eyes!
"Look," Cuddy shouted,
"I think he likes me.
A faithful Wilson I never thought I'd see…"

"It's strange! It's amazing! It's wonderful! New!
Don't tease him! I'll love him! That's just what I'll do!
I'll take him away! Somewhere perfectly sunny!
I'll love him so fiercely I'll make him my honey!"

And the first thing he knew, she had packed him a suitcase
And drove to the airport to find a relaxed place.
As she boarded the plane, Wilson by her side
Cuddy leaned back in her seat and she sighed.
"We're off," Wilson said. And away the plane went
With both of them grinning, one hundred percent.

Up out of the city! Up into the sky!
Up over the mountains ten thousand feet high!
Beyond the tall mountains
And down to the beach
Where email and cell phones
And beepers can't reach…

There by the sea shore
With the sounds of the surf
Did Wilson and Cuddy
Make love that moved earth.
Rolling and writhing and splashed with the spray!
And Wilson said, day after day after day,
"I meant what I said
And I said what I meant …
I'll make you a mommy
One hundred percent!"

After playing and sunning two weeks by the sea
Wilson and Cuddy returned to New Jersey.
"We're back," Cuddy stated
To her assistant
And Wilson checked to see
If House had missed him.
Checking her calendar for items forgotten,
"Damn!"
Cuddy shouted!
Conventions! How rotten!

Dratted conventions, day after day
Cuddy missed Wilson so far away.
She visited Boston and Kalamazoo,
Chicago, Weehawken and Washington, too;
And Dayton, Ohio; St. Paul, Minnesota;
And Wichita, Kansas and Drake, North Dakota.
And every day phone calls and emails and texts
Helped Cuddy and Wilson get by without sex.
Poor Wilson grew sadder the farther she went,
Despite all the nurses that House his way sent.
"I meant what I said
And I said what I meant…
Stop taunting me House, I will not relent!"

Then … ONE DAY
The convention happened to reach
A town way down south, not so far from the beach
Where Wilson Cuddy had played and relaxed
Far from their offices, without even a fax.
Cuddy sighed thinking how she wished to see Wilson
She looked in her book and said "I don't have to miss him."
She whipped out her cell and the airline she phoned
Then her dear Wilson with "I'll soon be home."

As she flew through the clouds
She again checked her book
"Oh my …" Cuddy breathed
And her hands and heart shook.

Poor Wilson was worried, Cuddy's face white as chalk
He started to speak, but before he could talk…

There rang out the noisiest ear-splitting squeaks
From the gal he'd been lovin' for fifty-one weeks!
And jumping and squeeing and shining tears flowing!

"My egg!" shouted Cuddy. "My egg! WHY, IT'S GROWING!"
"Are you sure?" questioned Wilson, as Cuddy she clapped.
Now it was done, oh how should he act?
"Yes I'm sure," Cuddy said. "These tests are mine."
She handed him tests with a positive sign.

And Wilson sat down
Without making a sound …

But at that very instant, the news was spread 'round!
Out of the shadows where tall, cane-users dwell
House emerged slowly, he'd heard everything well.
Cuddy and Wilson to be mom and dad!
HAPPIEST NEWS
PPTH
EVER HAD!

And the staff all came shouting, "What's all this about?"
House told! And they stared with their eyes popping out!
Then they cheered and they cheered and they CHEERED more and more.
They'd never heard anything so good before!
"My goodness! My gracious!" they shouted. "CONGRATS!"
"Oh god, Wuddy babies," House whined. "Little brats!"

And it should be, it should be, it SHOULD be like that!
Because Wilson was faithful, despite House's crap!
Cuddy heard what he said
Wilson said what he meant…

…And the two went home
Happy,
One hundred percent!