Disclaimer: I do not own ASOUE. If I did, I wouldn't be writing a fanfiction about it when I could make it canon.
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Announcer Guy: And now, presenting the one, the only, Esme Squalor!
-Audience Claps, as Esme enters wearing a party hat, a thick coat, a pair of blue geans, and no shoes
Esme: Welcome to the "In" Show, where I talk about what's "in"! Today, I shall discuss my lovely outfit. As you can see, I'm not wearing any shoes. Shoes are not "in" anymore. They're-
-Esme is interrupted by Olaf, who enters the room-
Olaf: Esme! We're supposed to be capturing the Bauldilaires!
Esme: Olaf, dear! I'm on Live-TV!
Olaf: I couldn't care less!
Esme: What you are wearing is very out! Try wearing what I am!
-Suddenly, the three Bauldilaire Orphans enter the room
Klaus: -Looking nervous and stressed- WEAR'S THE BATHROOM?!
Olaf: Quick, Esme, let's capture them!
Esme: But it's not in to capture orphans that have to go pee-pee.
Olaf: Wear do you-
Klaus: -Interrupting Olaf by grabbing his neck- WEAR IS THE BATHROOM?!
Olaf: A-HA! Now I can capture you!
Violet: No, don't do it! He owes me five bucks!
Sunny: Dumpot (Let him go to the bathroom first)
Klaus: It's OK, I don't have to go anymore.
Olaf: AH! -Jumps away from Klaus
Esme: Oh, and Klaus, those glasses are so out! You need more "In" glasses, like what Triangle Eyes is wearing.
Klaus: Triangle Eyes? You mean that hot older girl I met in the submarine who totally digs me?
Esme: Yes, her.
-Fiona enters the room-
Fiona: Hey, Klaus!
Klaus: FIONA! I MISSED YOU! I mean, er... Hey, babe. 'Sup? -Whispers to Violet- I'm playing hard to get.
Violet: That never works with girls.
Klaus: How would you know about girls?
Olaf: LET'S CAPTURE THEM ALREADY!
Esme: But this isn't my villain hours! It's my Fashion-Show hours!
Sunny: Poo-Poo. (I'm hungry)
Klaus: Me, too. I- -Klaus can't finish, because Fiona runs up and starts making out with him-
Violet: Oh, sure... The nerd can get a date, and I can't.
Sunny: Quigley.
Violet: HE DID NOT REJECT ME!
Esme: Back to my show... If we order food, we must order something "In".
Olaf: What about McDonalds?
Esme: No... Fast-Food isn't in. Spicy Beef-Sticks are. -Throws spicy beef sticks at everyone-
Klaus: -Stops making out to eat, and takes a small bite- WOW! THESE THINGS ARE HOT! WATER!
Sunny: -After eating a whole beef stink- Wimp.
Violet: He is, isn't he? -Takes a bite- AAAAAHHHH! WATER!
Fiona: I got some vault.
Esme: NO! Vault's not in! -Burns all the Vault-
Fiona: MY BABIES! -Takes a bite of her beef stick, and fire comes out of her mouth- AAAAHHH!!!!
-Olaf and Esme eat theirs, and starts running around, screaming for water-
Sunny: Phhaw. (Older people are such wimps!) -Gets out a fake cigar, and starts reading a large book-
Announcer: This has been it for today's episode of Esme's "In"- DANG, THESE BEEF STICKS ARE SPICY! WATER!
