Author's Note: Hey guys, so this was meant to be a one-shot but I got carried away & wrote loads so I split it in to three parts! This wasn't meant to have any couplings but I got carried away with Alex & Addie hehe sorry! Mostly centers around Addison. FYI I LOVE Addie & Pete, they're cute!! And also George & Izzie never happened according to this so O'Callie is happy!! Starts when Addie returns to SGH after her trip to L.A. Anyway, here's the first chapter, hope you enjoy, please read & review & I will love you forever:D

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or anything related to it

Stepping back into her hotel room was like stepping back in time. Addison had only been away a few days but it felt like much longer. Not that she was complaining, L.A had been great. Not all she had to do was decide whether to return for good. Naomi had made her an amazing offer & she was finding it difficult to turn down. But she was still on contract in Seattle & she knew Richard wouldn't be at all happy if she left. Besides, she wasn't sure about Pete. She hated that everything seemed to comes down to a man, or men, in one way or another, She couldn't deny how she'd felt when he'd kissed her, or the comfort she'd found around him. She just didn't want to decide.

After a decent sleep she got ready for work & left early, she had a few things to sort out. Walking through the entrance door she paused & looked at the chair where her expectations had been shattered by Alex. Sighing & shaking her head she carried on towards the elevator. Ales was definitely top on her list of people to fix things with, closely followed by Derek & Mark. She also wanted to sort things out with Meredith, though, as she thought it was finally time to show she was really over Derek for good. Stepping into the elevator, she felt a pang of jealously to L.A & their 'talking' elevator. She'd liked the L.A elevators. Sure, her first trip in one had been awkward with the 'horny elevator' speech she'd given Pete, but thinking back it was pretty funny. And the 'elevator God', as she'd put it. She missed Tilly too. It was going to be a long day!

The elevator came to a halt & the doors opened. She walked along to the nurse's station & saw Alex standing talking to Izzie. At first, Addison thought of going straight up to him & apologizing but she wasn't sure how much Izzie knew, so she carried on around to speak to Bailey.

"Hi, Miranda," she smiled.

Bailey looked up, "Addison returns! Now that's a surprise," she nodded.

"Yeah, well, we'll see," Addison turned away.

"You working today, yeah?" Bailey asked, scanning the room for her other three interns.

Addison nodded.

"Karev, Stevens, get over here," Bailey shouted alerting them their day had begun. "Where are the other three?"

Izzie shrugged.

"Well Mer is just there," Alex said pointing to the corridor where Meredith & Derek were walking.

"I'm here, Dr. Bailey, sorry," Meredith apologized. "Cristina & George are just coming up."

"Okay, well we'll start," Bailey paused & shouted, "Shepherd, here, now!"

Derek smiled at the nurse & walked to join them. "Dr. Bailey," he nodded & turned to Addison. "You're back."

"Everyone seems so surprised, or would you rather I didn't come back?" Addison asked.

"You just left to suddenly that-"

Bailey interrupted them, "please save the chatting for later."

Derek & Addison nodded.

"Good. Right then, Grey you go with Shepherd. Stevens you go with Burke when he gets here. I'll put Yang in the pit & O'Malley with Sloan. Wait, where the hell is Sloan?"

Everyone else shrugged.

"Fine, Karev, um" Bailey turned to Addison. "You need an intern?"

"Do I have a case?"

Bailey nodded & handed her a file. "Okay, well Karev you're with Montgomery."

At that moment, the elevator opened & George, Callie, Burke & Cristina walked out.

"You can all shut up you're late!" Bailey's voice silenced them. "Burke you've got Stevens, Yang you're in the pit & O'Malley you're with," Bailey paused & looked around. "Where's Sloan?"

Again everyone shrugged.

"I'm here," Mark yelled coming up from the stairs. "Elevator was broken so I had to take the stairs," he said panting slightly.

"Do I look like I care?" Bailey asked & continued when Mark shook his head. "You've got O'Malley now get to work," she spun around. "Everyone?"

The interns met the attendings & walked in different directions until only Alex & Addison were left. Addison was reading the file & Alex watched her.

"Everyone okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Addison closed the file & turned to face him. "This is Jane Doe's, or Ava's, or whatever her name is now, file."

"Okay," Alex said. "Is there anything more we can do before she goes into labor?"

Addison shook her head, "not really. Just make sure she's comfortable really," she took a deep breath. "I need to talk to you."

Alex nodded, "okay, well-"

"Not here, too many nurses," she looked around. "On-call room?"

Alex nodded again & followed her. Once he was in, she closed the door & turned to look at him.

"I just want to say I'm sorry for everything that happened the last day I was here. Can we just forget about it & carry on like normal?" she asked hopefully.

Alex thought for a moment. He'd been truthful when he'd said he didn't want to be another intern sleeping with his attending, but he didn't realise he'd hurt her so much, enough to leave for L.A, when he'd said she wasn't his girlfriend. Truthfully, he liked her, a lot, but now he didn't know how she'd react.

He stepped forwards, "is normal even possible for us any more?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, we were getting past it, I thought, until the last day. I don't even know what that was, probably a moment of weakness on both our parts but it wasn't a great idea I know that now but at least it showed us how we really felt & now maybe we can finally move on," she paused. "And now I'm rambling, great! Just ignore me & I'll-"

Alex stepped forwards again closing the small gap that remained between them & broke her sentence by kissing her gently. When he didn't stop, she move her hand up to push him away using all her strength.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"No, Alex, it's not, I can't do this," she sighed. "I'm out of time."

Leaving Alex was hard but she knew she'd done the right thing. She couldn't settle for someone who didn't want what she wanted right now. She was out of time. Her dreams had been shattered in L.A when Naomi had told her she couldn't have the baby she so desperately wanted. What hurt the most was that she'd had the baby, a chance for a family with Mark, but she'd let that go. She'd let go probably the only chance she'd ever have because it was Mark.

"Addie, you okay?" she heard & pushed herself off the wall she was leaning against.

"Hi, Mark, yeah I'm-" she paused. "Great, I'm great!" she said slightly sarcastically.

Mark nodded, unconvinced.

"Can we talk please?" Addison asked.

Mark nodded again & motioned towards a nearby supply closet. They walked in & shut the door.

They stood in silence for a moment, avoiding each others gaze, but soon they couldn't any longer.

Mark spoke first, his tone caring as it was Addison who he cared a lot about. "Why did you leave so suddenly?"

She thought for a moment. "I needed to get away."

"They why did you come back?"

"Because Richard would kill me if I left for good without any notice. I have to talk to him anyway. Naomi offered me an office in L.A & I'm seriously considering moving there. I need to get away from Seattle. It's too hard for me here now, too many bad memories," she said.

Mark's eyes never left her. "Addie, I'm sorry/ I really am. I just…" he sighed. "Don't leave. I'll be your good memory, whatever you need."

"It's not that easy. Believe me I wish it was but the one thing I want is the one thing I can't have," she looked away.

Mark, sensing her upset, stepped forwards & pulled her into his arms. The least he could do was be there for her, even if he didn't know why she was upset.

She wasn't sure if Mark hugging her was the best idea but she didn't resist. She wrapped her arms around his waist & buried her head in his chest.

His head rested gently on hers. Without the heels she fitted perfectly against him. He kissed the top of her head gently.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She didn't reply, but tears were slowly creeping down her face. She tried her best to keep contained but soon the tears turned into sobs & she clung around him tightly.

"Shh, Addie, it's okay," he soothed.

She moved away slightly & looked into his eyes. "No, it's not okay. It's not okay because I can't have what I want.

Mark looked at her confused. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" she almost yelled. "What is wrong is that I can't have my dream any more. I have two eggs left, two freaking eggs & I have no chance to have a baby. Any body else's dream is attainable but mine isn't anymore. I'm all dried up & I can't believe I have no hope left any more," her voice went from nearly shouting to whispering sobs. "And don't you dare say anything about what a mistake I made aborting out child because I swear I'll hurt you."

Mark smiled, "I won't," he said but then wiped the smile away. "I'm sorry, this isn't fair for you after everything you've been through. I know that doesn't make it any better but…" he drifted off.

"Thank you, Mark," Addison smiled weakly.

"Addison, I-" he hesitated. "I didn't break the deal. I didn't have sex with anybody else."

She stood rooted to the spot staring at him. "Then why did you tell me that you did?"

He sighed. "I saw you with Karev & I though there wasn't any point in continuing. I was going to come clean the next day but you'd left."

Addison nodded. "Well, okay. There's nothing going on between Karev & myself, just so you know."

"Okay, well he's missing a lot," Mark said, slightly relieved.

"Yeah, right," Addison said unconvinced. She was the one who put a stop to the end of the possibility of anything happening so he couldn't be blamed for missing out. "I should go now anyway, goodbye Mark, & thank you," she turned & walked to the door.

"That's okay, any time."

She smiled & opened the door. Part of her wanted to run back into his arms where she could feel like someone cared about her but she knew she had to move on. However much he seemed to have changed it wasn't enough to take back the pain he'd ever caused.

After facing both Mark & Alex, Addison felt she was almost to the point she could make her final choice. Bearing in mind all that had happened, she knew she was 99 sure she would move to L.A. She wanted to make peace in Seattle first, though, however difficult that was being. Turning the corner she saw Derek walking towards her & she began to prepare herself for the next confrontation.

"Hey, Addie, how are you?" Derek smiled.

"I'm okay thanks. Could we talk please?" Addison replied biting her lip.

Derek nodded & gestured towards a nearby on-call room. He walked towards it, checked it was empty & walked in with Addison behind. She walked to the wall & leaned against it while he closed the door.

Turning to face her, he said, "What's up?"

She took a deep breath. "If I could take back everything that happened between us in the last year, I wouldn't. I know that's extreme, but I think it showed us what we really needed. Yeah, we were good together, but we couldn't keep it up really & us being friends just makes so much more sense. And as much as I like Seattle, I just don't think I can be here any more, Derek. This has nothing to do with you & Meredith, because I am past that now & I'm happy for you. It's not even to do with Mark, it's the others," she smiled slightly. "I just want you to know that I never want to lose you as a friend."

Derek kept silent & listened carefully. He knew where she was coming from but to hear Addison talk about leaving Seattle shocked him.

"Are you serious about leaving?" he asked.

"Yeah, well I went to see Sam & Naomi in L.A. They days I was there were amazing, I felt like I really fitted it. And before I left she offered me a job there," Addison explained.

"And you're thinking of taking it," Derek said, more to himself than as an actual question.

Addison sighed. "Please don't hate me, Derek. Not that long ago you wanted me to leave. I know we've gotten past that now but things could still be, you know, awkward. Maybe," she said uncertainly.

Derek though for a moment. "If this is what you really want I'm not going to stop you because I know I have no right to. Yes, we are friends, & I hope that we never lose that. So if this will make you happy then I'm happy for you," Derek smiled & pulled her into his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered against him.

They stood for a moment before tearing apart. Addison was relieved that she'd spoken to all three men now, & they'd all taken it pretty well. She had a feeling Alex wasn't done but she'd stand her ground & not let him talk her into staying. Now there was just Richard who, if she was being truthful, she knew would be the hardest to convince. She knew he'd be disappointed she was running away but he couldn't make her stay. As much as she loved working at Seattle Grace is was time for her to more on & Richard wanting her to stay wasn't enough. She'd have to talk to Callie too, & would probably end up telling her everything about Alex & Mark, & all about L.A with Pete too. It would be good to get it out to someone.

Derek's pager beeped breaking into Addison's thoughts. He checked it & sighed.

"I have to go," he turned & opened the door but turned back before leaving. "Don't go without a proper goodbye Addie."

"I won't," she laughed.

Derek smiled, satisfied & walked out the door closing it behind his. She stepped back & sat down on the bed, now it was just a case of convincing Richard that she needed to get away. This was going to be the hardest part.

A/N: Yay, first chapter is done:D :D :D So what did you guys think? Please review!! Beth x