I woke with a start from the familiar nightmare that had been haunting me for the past few months glad that in this body no one could hear my screams of panic and pain.

Christ, it's getting worse... I thought as I stood a shook of the frost that had formed on my coat.

That's right, I said coat, you see after the episode that caused the nightmares (I call this D-Day) I had been stuck in the body of a large grey wolf. Hard to believe, yes I know. But if you had grown up with the stories that my father had told me then you would know that it's not impossible. My father, now there's a thought that's hard to swallow. I never really got along with my father, even though he is the only family that I have ever known. I used to think that he was cold, hard even, but now I think it was his way of trying to keep me safe.

My upbringing was not ideal, but it wasn't terrible. My parents had moved east to the town of Poplar in the Fort Peck Indian Reservation shortly before my birth, moving away from their disapproving families on the west cost of Washington State. You see my father was a member of the Quileute tribe, and not just any member, the younger brother of the chief and my mother was – well there is no way of saying this nicely, but white trailer trash. She died of a drug overdose shortly after my first birthday, she had managed to stay clean during her pregnancy with me and my first year of life, but the temptation was too much.

After her death dad could hardly stand to look at me, yet alone care for me properly, but he did ok. He made sure I went to school and that I knew my heritage, but he too had a drug history and it wasn't long before debts stated stacking up and dad got involved with some of the violence around town. They don't call Poplar "Stab City" for no reason. I guess one day all the bad things that dad had done caught up with him, and unfortunately I got caught in the crossfire.

I remember it clearly like it was yesterday. It was two days after my 15th birthday – Labor Day. Dad had gotten me a new set of runners, stolen I'm sure, but still it was the thought that count. I was going to go for a run before getting ready for bed, it was still light outside, so I want too worried. I had made it down the end of the road before I noticed them. Some of dad's old friends, and by the look of them high as a kite and by the smell drunk to boot. I crossed the road and started heading back home, but they followed. I'll skip the gory details but that night I my dad ended up dead and I ended up being a wolf.

As I got up and started walking towards the nearby creek I thought back to the last words my father had spoken before he bled out, he told me to find his people. And that's what I've been trying to do. But it's a lot harder than you would think when you're a giant wolf. In the past three months that I had been a wolf I had only been able to change back once. When that happened I realised that I was a 15 year old girl running around the wilderness stark naked and didn't think that was a very good idea and somehow promptly turned wold again.

I was starting to get used to my wolf body now, and with the help of the starts was making my way west, well I hope it was west – my wolf body just seemed to know which way to go. But I was getting tired and weaker and weaker. While I suppose that I could hunt down something to eat the thought just wasn't appetising and when I had eaten I would vomit it all back up. I had managed to keep down a few fish that I had caught in the creek, but it wasn't enough to sustain me for long. I took a long drink for the cool creek, hoping that by filling my stomach with water I might hold off the gnawing feeling of hunger for a bit longer.

A few days later I made it to Lewiston Idaho, so I knew I was going in the right direction and I let my wolf side take over. As I got closer to the west coast I could occasionally hear the voices of others in my head.

Great, not only am I a wolf, I'm hearing things as well.

The further west I went the louder the voices got. I tried to ignore them as much as I could, hearing voices was never a good sign. By the time I made it to Seattle, four months post D-Day I knew that I had to change back into a girl. The voices were starting to talk to me now and asking all sorts of questions, I hadn't responded yet as only crazy people talk to the voices in their heads right? I made it to one of the suburban areas of Seattle and stole some clothes off of a line before creeping back into the outskirts.

I lay down next to the largest pine tree I had ever seen trying to draw strength from it and using it to ground me as I tried to transform back. I eventually managed it and was glad that I had grabbed larger men's clothing when I did. I was huge, easily six foot one, maybe six foot two. And whilst I was skinny as from the lack of diet you could see the muscle definition there. I was always athletic but now I was built. I stretched out my muscles and surveyed my new body. My eyes travelled from my toes up my toned legs to my abdomen where they stopped abruptly. There showing between my protruding hip bones was an unmistakable consequence of the happenings on D-day. I was pregnant.

"Oh shit." I moaned before crumpling to the ground. I could live through my shitty childhood, the smell of the gun powder and burning flesh as I watch my father die. I could survive what happened to me that day and the fact that I now spent most of my time as a giant grey wolf, but why in the name of the god did this have to happen as well!

I don't know how long I was lying under that massive pine tree but just before sunset I felt a sudden warmth and calmness consume me and I knew that it would be ok. I would do what my dad told me and I would find my people and they would know what to do. I watched the sunset before getting to my feet and headed back towards the centre of Seattle, freshening up in a nearby pond on my way.

It was slower walking as a human, but at least in this body I could use some of the skills that my father had taught me. By the time I made it to the bus station I had filled my stomach with much needed illegally gotten sustenance and had a new wallet full of cash in my pocket. The man at the bus station didn't even ask me for ID before selling me a one way ticket to Port Angeles and onto Forks. I guess with the added height and muscle I no longer looked my 15 years. He did however mention my lack of winter jacket and I made a mental note to pick one up when the bus stopped.

The bus to Port Angeles was pretty empty; I got a window seat with no one sat next to me which suited me just fine. It took just over three hours and I spent the time getting some much needed sleep. Again I woke with a start from the nightmares covered in sweat and whimpering. The older lady in the seat behind gave me a reassuring look before exiting the bus. I looked around me a found I was the only one left on the bus, so I too worked my way down the aisle and exited onto the street.

Winter was in full swing now and people were rushing off to waiting cars. I looked at my bus ticket and discovered that I had six hours to kill before my next bus. What was I going to do for six hours in the middle of the night in Port Angeles? Walking down the road a bit to what looked like the centre of town I found a map of the local area; I was only about an hour's drive from La Push, an hour and a half from La Push. I could run there in less time I decided. So for the third time in my life I changed into a giant wolf.

As I did I was bombarded with several male voices in my head and this time I was sure that I wasn't crazy, these were real people, not my imagination. They didn't seem to notice that I was there but continued a conversation about someone called Jake, there alpha. My ears pricked up at that.

Alpha isn't that what a leader wolf is called… maybe they're wolves too…

With that thought the noise from the three males broke off suddenly.

Hey guys, did you hear that? One of them asked

Yeah, you'd better go tell Seth. One of the other responded before the first one seemed to disappear from all existence.

I didn't know if these wolves were friendly or not, I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out so I concentrated hard on shutting them out and continuing on my cold and lonely trek towards my father's birth place.