It's 2 am and I was inspired... I guess. Enjoy!
Fear. Your entire being was being consumed by the darkness of terror, arms and legs shaking helplessly as you pushed your steed even further along the plain. The entire right wing was being massacred by titans right in front of your eyes; human beings, torn to shreds by monsters with no morals. And who would remember them? Who would cry for them? They will die trying to protect humanity, they will die as heroes but none will ever care. In the end, only the survey corps would have to carry this burden. In the end, it would all rest on the shoulders of the man whom commanded this expedition. In the end, it would be all on him…
Not you. You couldn't do this to him. You wouldn't. Thus you pushed forward, endlessly hoping no titan would catch glance of you, hoping their feast on your friends would be enough to them for the time being. You felt terrible, tears falling from your eyes. Was it the fear, or the idea of sacrificing other living beings to save yourself? Yet you knew it was already over. 'Once a titan catches glance of you, it's all over,' you tried to convince yourself as you heard screams echoing behind you. You galloped in the opposite direction. You had to make it long enough to regain the walls, to catch up with the rest of the troops. You had seen the smoke signals. You could make it… you could make it… you could…
You almost fell off your horse as a large foot was placed next to you, making the whole earth tremble. You glanced up, staring into the eyes of the 14-meter titan that clouded over you. Your breath hitched in your throat and your entire body froze. The giant lowered himself to latch onto you, but Marigold, your trusty stead reacted as she should and made a quick step to the side as she picked up the pace. You almost screamed in fear and surprised but seeing your horse act in such a matter almost made it seem like she was trying to tell you something: 'Survive!'
'Don't die,' you told yourself, grabbing onto the reigns harder. You squeezed your left a little harder making Marigold pick up the pace. If you used the few seconds it would take for the monster to stand back up, you might gain some ground and keep him behind you at safe distance. However you knew you needed to find the troops, for this fight would be impossible alone.
It seemed like forever before you spotted anything that was remotely living. Each second was filled with fear and suspense. Would you catch up to safety, or would the titan catch up to you? 'Don't die, you kept repeating in your head. Again and again, as if saying it a thousand times would make it real. Luckily other titans had joined the first one, bumping repeatedly into each other as they ran behind you, making your escape slightly more probable. And finally you saw them, the troops, the men, the women, and the fighters… bloody and bruised, tired and helpless, just as you were.
'No…' you whispered. You saw them turn to you, each individual, carrying fear and sorrow in their eyes. You couldn't join them, you couldn't inflict the danger of three titans onto them; they weren't combat ready, none of them… In the distance, you saw two men trying to fight of a titan that was following the group, and then you saw blood splatter onto the ground. You searched helplessly for him, for his reassuring gaze, for his smile… but you never saw it. Instead, only tears.
You cried as well, helpless and tired. All the muscles in your body were slowly giving up, just as Marigold's were. She was breathing heavily; slowing the pace every second… and you knew it was over.
"You work too hard you know that?" you smiled towards your commander as you placed a cup of tea onto his desk. He pushed his chair back and hummed in response, thanking you with a nod. You stepped behind him and rested your hands onto his shoulders before slowly massaging them. He sighed contently.
"So much to do, so little time," he said slowly.
"Make time," you simply replied. He turned his chair towards you and pulled you into his lap. Out of pure habit, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your forehead against his.
"Maybe I should?" he wondered before pressing his lips to yours. You smiled into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his lips onto yours, your body molding perfectly into his. He broke the kiss before it got any deeper, knowing that if it did he'd get too far into it and lost the precious time he had left. "I need to talk to you."
"Well that sounds bad" you chuckled and removed yourself from his lap.
"I need someone of trust on this expedition to assure command over the right wing during the expedition. Can I trust you to do this for me?" he asked solemnly. He knew asking you this was a difficult decision but you understood. He needed Levi and Hanji with him, and you were one of the best fighters out there. He was asking you to put your life in his hands, to trust him. And you would.
"You know I'd do anything for you. If you think this is the right call, I shall assume this task with pride," you answered and saluted. He stood up and grabbed your wrist, pulling you into another kiss. Your relationship was a secret of course, you didn't need the entire army talking, so privacy was hard to get.
"Out there, I can't protect you," he said suddenly. You sighed and continued his sentence for him.
"Out there, we are nothing; neither friends nor lovers, simply a commander and his lieutenant." It was a tough thing to say perhaps, but it was a way of dealing with the pressure of losing one another. No relationship meant no sorrow, although you both knew that was a lie.
"Don't die, that's an order," he said suddenly.
"Tsk, like that would ever happen," he smiled and kissed your forehead.
"Out here we are nothing, neither friends nor lovers. Only a commander and his lieutenant," you repeated slowly. With tears filling your eyes and your breath getting heavier, your grabbed your smoke gun and shot a flare in the sky. Blue smoke emanated from your position and all knew what it meant: Goodbye.
You turned your horse and galloped right between on if the titan's legs, wondering how you managed to do this without dying on the spot. You needed to get these things away from the troops. 'You know I'd do anything for you Erwin, and if sacrificing myself means saving a couple lives including yours, I'd do it any day.'
A large hand grabbed your entire form and pulled you up into the air, crushing yours bones one by one as it applied more and more force on your small figure. You couldn't even scream. You could only hope your commander would not see you like this. 'Sorry I couldn't obey the orders sir…'
That day, Erwin had to bear the pain of many souls, but the it was nothing in comparison to having lost you.
