Mathew's Ordeal

Disclaimer I do not own the characters in this story. I wish the people who did would use them and create new series. I have just borrowed the characters.

Chapter 1

Matthew had not been able to move on from the greatest loss of his young life. Ingrid had been his world. He'd have done anything for her. People had said they were too young to have such feelings, but he shared with Ingrid his life, they were to grow old together. Suddenly trying to be normal had been too great a burden for him. He needed to get away from acting normally. He was consumed with such anger at her, at the family, and especially at God. Nobody knew that they had married just before she took her last breath. He kept that bottled up inside. He was still trying to comprehend how she could have surfaced from those nightmarish convulsions to being her normal self and then just to slip away like that.

Firstly was the shock of Pup attacking Ingrid. Hadn't they taken all precautions, Sully making it clear no one, and he meant no body, was to go near the wolf? Then the fact that Ma had to cut so much muscle from her arm, in the hopeful attempt at saving Ingrid's life. He had denied that she would die, pinning all his hopes that Ma could perform a miracle. Even Ingrid's being so brave, she had insisted they set the date for their marriage, had convinced him she'd be okay.

Indescribable shock at walking into the recovery room at the clinic and seeing her thrash around, spit gushing from her mouth and her eyes looking like she was possessed by the devil himself had continually haunted him.

Brian had taken the burden of his loss hard and had tried so hard taking responsibility for Pup biting Ingrid. He had even gone after Pup to shoot him although he was Brian's companion since that first Christmas.

It had been a terrible accident but that didn't make it easier to bear. Colleen and Brian had tried. Ma as well; she had been there comforting him. The person that he felt had shared his loss was Pa. He could see it in his eyes when he stopped him going back to the old homestead on his own. Sully had recognised in Matthew that he'd run from the pain, as he had done so many years before. Sully's anguish had shown in his eyes as he'd held him back from leaving. Sully had to physically restrain him, yelling at him trying to get him calm enough to listen. Matthew had finally succumbed to Sully's pressure to remain with the family at the homestead, for the time being at least.

He'd not been able to talk to them. The family now focused on a new baby coming. He was happy but this was only making his grief worse. It should have been his… Ingrid's happiness, their dreamed baby.

He was questioning himself whether he was being a coward, skulking away in the night leaving just a note on the clinic door for Ma to discover in the morning. But he just couldn't pretend to be moving on when all he wanted to do was to die, remove the incredible pain that was engulfing him all his waking moments.

After finding the note Dr Mike and Sully had rushed to the old homestead and found it abandoned. He had left just after sun set.

Dr Mike was saying, "It's not like him to leave without telling us where he's going."

She looked distressed and Sully was saddened.

He replied, "Must'a been brewin' for a while." He realized that Matthew hadn't been doing as well as they thought. Matthew had hidden it so well from them.

Continuing Dr Mike was puzzled, "I don't understand... He's been doing so well since Ingrid died."

Sully retorted, "Maybe not as good as we thought."

He remembered how it was for him all those years ago and realized that his fear on the day of the funeral of Matthew taking off had eventuated. He knew that this wasn't going to be easy for any of them.

Two weeks had gone by and the family had not heard a word. They all were anxious to hear something, anything of Matthews's whereabouts. Each day was torture for his brother and sister.

After Colleen and Brian for the seventh consecutive night asked if there had been any mail

Sully said, "Maybe he's not near a place where he can mail a letter."

In order to distract the siblings Dr Mike requested, "Brian would you like to say grace please?"

Silently Brian commenced, "Thank you, Lord, for...for the gifts you bring us. And... Could ya please watch over Matthew? Please bring him home soon."

"Amen," chorused the others seated at the table.

...

Matthew in the mean time had wandered aimlessly, only stopping to rest his horse. At nights sitting out in the open plains without a fire for warmth, also with no concern for his safety, he just rocked himself arms wrapped around his chest thinking tortured thoughts. Yelling and cursing at the heavens, blaming everyone for his pain. He was past eating, and shutting his eyes only brought images of Ingrid wildly thrashing around the bed in pain. Not even recognising him. He'd have swapped places with her in an instant just to have her with him one last time, thinking of all the things he'd never said now wanting to.

One morning early as the sun rose in the pastel sky he rode into the railroad camp. The men were up readying themselves for work and headed to the mess tent.

The smell of the food reached him and he knew he'd have to eat soon. Looking up he saw someone he recognised, someone who was a friend of the family.

Peter at that precise moment looked towards the lone rider coming into the camp. It was Matthew, Colleen's brother.

Peter instantly became concerned as Matthew looked over after he called his name. It was obvious that he was not taking care of himself; his cheeks were drawn. His eyes were sunken and had large dark circles under them. His clothes were in a state of disrepair as well. He was slumped in the saddle and looked tired.

"Mornin Peter," Matthew acknowledged as he tiredly dismounted.

Peter knew that something was wrong yet decided to let Matthew tell him when he was ready.

"Have you eaten? Come and have some breakfast with me as I'm headed over there," he said gently, taking Matthew's elbow and guiding him towards the tent.

They sat away from the usual throng of men hungrily scoffing down the first meal of the day. The Chinese men were eating bowls of congee and drinking green tea while all the other migrant workers had bowls of thick porridge and mugs of coffee. A general buzz of noisy conversation emanated from each group seated at the various trestle tables.

Peter guided Matthew to the end of a long table and went and retrieved two large bowls of porridge and two mugs of coffee. As he brought them back and placed one in front of Matthew he eyed him with concern.

"Heading anywhere in particular?" Peter enquired, trying to sound normal.

"No. Nowhere, don't know really," Matthew responded taking a small spoonful of the oats, then a large gulp of hot coffee. "What's happenin' here?" he asked looking around as if he was suddenly aware of his surroundings.

"We're still heading to Denver and the progress is slow due to rolling stock," Peter volunteered.

Matthew understood the term rolling stock as equipment and supplies being transported on the already completed rail. Peter and he'd spent quite a lot of time together fixing that old mule at Robert E's just a short time ago. They had cemented their mutual friendship sharing a lot at that time.

Suddenly Matthew became more interested, "Any jobs offering?" he asked looking at Peter expectantly.

"Yes a few, you'd have to talk to Mr Riggs, the boss," Peter replied. "I'll take you to him after we've eaten, though I think you should rest up a bit first. You look tired, how is everyone?" Peter tried to offer Matthew an opening to say what it was that was bothering him.

"All right, I guess. Haven't been around much and the cattle kept me busy ya know? Been gone a coupla days," Matthew ventured not looking at Peter while he replied, keeping his eyes on his breakfast.

Peter astutely gauged not to push him for the time being, acutely aware that his friend was holding something back. "Right when you're finished we'll find Mr Riggs," he concluded.

After locating Mr Riggs in the office tent and introducing Matthew, Peter took his leave. He gave a guarantee to the overseer that Matthew was a friend and good worker, having assisted in the repairs to the mule some months back at Colorado Springs.

As he left the two men, Peter said that he'd catch up with Matthew at dinner in the mess, looking back and giving Matthew a nod, concerned as something was not right with his friend.

That evening Peter found Matthew in the tent he'd been assigned and they wandered off to dinner together. Matthew still did not look rested, and Peter decided still to bide his time and wait till Matthew told him the problem.

"Got a job tending the bar," Matthew volunteered. "Thanks for the good word to Mr Riggs, Peter," Matthew continued, offering his hand to his friend.

"No problem (May Wen Tee)," Peter replied. "Bar can be a rough place, Matthew," he ventured.

"I can handle it if need be, know about the cards and can pour a beer. I'll be okay," he responded, adding, "Thanks again."

Over the next couple of weeks the two friends didn't see too much of each other with Matthew's hours taking him well into the night and waking after the labourers had left for work. Matthew did hear that there was some type of illness in the camp, yet as it didn't affect him he just left it.