Chapter One
Riley Matthews had never thought much about dating. If she were being completely honest she had always thought the only people she would ever need in her life were Auggie, her parents, Maya, and Farkle with the occasional relative and odd friend to balance it all out. Riley figured the best kind of people in her life was meant to be shared. She shared Maya with everyone including her father and the same went for Farkle. She and Maya also shared Farkle's love and neither battled to be the sole love interest of the genius. But when Lucas came into her life, or more precisely when Maya made Riley tumble and fall onto Lucas's lap, she began to doubt that everything in her life had to be shared. Even when Zay, Charlie, and Isadora came into the picture she couldn't help shaking the idea that maybe there was such a thing as not wanting or needing to share someone with the rest of her family and friends.
Feelings were new and at first Riley depended on Maya for guidance but after what happened in Texas – after Maya admitted that she liked Lucas and Riley fought to convince herself that she could let Maya be happy with Lucas – she didn't know if she should tell anyone about how she felt. Farkle had ruined everything when he decided to open his mouth and tell everyone at her New Year's party that she still loved Lucas.
This is why she'd been holed up in her room for the last week trying to find the best way to fix everything and crying over how heartbroken Lucas and Maya looked. This is exactly why she had wanted to keep everything under wraps. She knew that if everyone knew how she felt there would be so many questions and torn relationships that things would always be a little less than perfect.
A knock at her door drew Riley out of her thoughts and she watched with swollen eyes as her mom came into the room and sat at the edge of her bed.
"Hi sweetheart," Topanga looked at her daughter and gave an empathetic smile, "how're you holding up?"
"I'm fine," Riley choked out by reflex trying to quickly dash a stray tear out of her mother's eagle eyes, "I'm just…" Riley made a gurgling noise at the back of her throat and covered her face with her hair as she tried not to burst into tears.
"Oh Riley," Topanga whispered as she reached out and gently squeezed her daughter's trembling hands. "Talk to me. Your father is worried sick and Auggie has cancelled at least four dates with Ava because he's worried you ate snow again like when you were ten. Remember how you almost got pneumonia because you were shoveling snow into your mouth and then making snow angels in your tutu?" Topanga smiled earnestly as she heard Riley giggle from behind her hair. "You can talk to me about anything Riley. I'm your mother but I was also a confused fourteen year old too."
"Mom," Riley sniffled as she looked up and at her mother, "how's Maya?" Her voice broke as she mentioned her best friend and shame made her tears fall in a torrent down her face.
"She's been just as bad as you," Topanga paused as she thought through her next words, "I admire the fact that you care about her so much that she's the first thing that you ask about but Riley, honey," she moved closer and cupped her daughter's face in her hands, "there's nothing wrong about thinking about yourself first. You give so much of yourself to everyone around you that you forget that the girl in the mirror is the most important. Now tell me," she settled into the spot next to Riley, "what exactly happened?"
"I messed it up," Riley yelped as she looked at the door, "it wasn't supposed to be like this. I had it all planned out. I was going to date Charlie and Maya was going to be with Lucas and even if I wasn't so happy with Charlie I would be okay with her being with him. Because she doesn't have what I grew up with I wanted to give her whatever the universe hadn't and more. But Farkle saw through it and he gave me until midnight to tell Lucas I still liked him and when I didn't he did."
Topanga nodded – Farkle had already told her this, he had also mentioned what happened in Texas and the whole brother situation – and sighed. "I'm going to tell you some stories that were edited when you were younger to keep you believing that fairytales happen at the blink of an eye." So Riley listened as her mother recanted Eric, Jack, and Rachel's story along with her own parents' love story. Everything wasn't as cookie-cutter straight as she had thought and she grew quiet. "Riley you were very brave and so sweet for stepping back for Maya but did you ever think about asking Lucas?"
"What do you mean? He cares about Maya," Riley immediately replied pulling her brows together.
"Yes he does and Farkle cares about you, Maya, and Smackle but not in the same way. Have you ever considered the idea that maybe Lucas doesn't care about Maya the same way he cares about you?" Topanga watched Riley as she slowly let the words sink in.
"No," Riley whispered quietly, "but he called Maya a blonde haired beauty and almost kissed her in Texas. They have gone on more dates than we ever did! They were voted best couple in the yearbook and when we tried to date we couldn't even act normal around each other…and…and…and….and"
"And what?" Topanga nearly yelled as Riley kept stuttering and choking.
"And he never said he didn't want to date her." And there it was. The real reason why Riley was so hesitant in believing anyone when they said that Lucas liked her and not Maya. It wasn't so much that Maya was blonde and blue eyed with a feisty rebellious attitude and a petite figure. It wasn't that she teased Lucas and was more mature and able to handle dating without acting like an utter goofball. It was the fact that Riley didn't think it would be so easy to make Lucas believe that she didn't like him. She hadn't expected him to put up so little resistance and go along with dating Maya. She hadn't expected it to hurt so much.
"Riley, oh Riley," Topanga kissed her daughter's head.
"Is it my turn?" Cory's voice was heard from the door and Topanga nodded as she left without a word. "Hi honey," he smiled at Riley carefully.
"Hi dad," Riley tried to smile but all she could do was give a tight grin that faded away faster than the sun does in a sudden thunderstorm. "Is it your turn for what? I really don't want another lesson. I get it bad things happen when you act on your feelings. I know I should have been thinking with my head. I know that I was right in putting Maya before myself and I also know that I was right in thinking that Lucas and her made a better couple than he and I ever could. The only thing that hurts me is that he didn't say anything!" Riley suddenly screamed and she began to visibly shake, "He didn't fight for me! He never told Maya he liked me more or that he liked her more. He didn't tell me how he felt. He's not how you were with mom. You always knew that you loved her and that she was the one for you. I don't know if that's true for me and Lucas. We are so young and we are so much alike and it's so hard to know what's real and what's not. I don't want to break up and not talk to him ever again. I always want him in my life and if us being friends - just being friends - is the only way to do it then we should just stay friends. Is it so bad that I don't want to lose him? Is it so bad that I can't see myself not talking to him years from now? How did you know mom was the one? Isn't friendship more important than anything else?" Riley was all out of tears at this point and she looked at her father the way a child did when the tooth fairy forgot to take their tooth but gave them money. The same guilt and desperation was in her eyes.
"Honey, Riley, you didn't give him the chance to fight for you. Every time he tried to confront you about it you always acted as if it wasn't that big of a deal. You were so focused on making sure that Maya was happy and was with him that you never gave Lucas a chance to figure out who he liked and which one he wanted to date. You confused him and Maya. Riley you know that I hate admitting that I like him but honestly he's been fighting for you all along. He asked me permission to take you on your first date. He gave you your first kiss. He got angry when you didn't automatically know that you were going to a dance together. I was there when you all played the couple's game and I could see the anger and jealousy just coming off him in waves. And Riley nobody will ever be your mom and I because we are our own people and we all have our own stories to tell. Take a chance Riley. Friendship is important but the possibility of something more shouldn't scare you."
Riley was silent as she contemplated the what her father had said. "What about Maya?"
"I think it would be smart to first talk it out with Lucas and then Maya. She might be your friend but you have both said your feelings and Lucas should have that too. But Riley if Lucas does say he likes you I suggest following your heart. Your head is what brought you into this mess."
Riley nodded and hugged Cory as she attempted to think it through. She had a long day of contemplation ahead of her.
